InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Resilience is the key to strength

Mental toughness is more of an inner flexibility than an external rigidity. It is adaptability with push through.

I just finished my first half Ironman. It was an extraordinary experience.  Running across the finish line took grace and grit.  I think my experience there is a metaphor for life.  Each event has its own challenges and rewards.  Life is no different: Work, play, relationship, friendship, education/training, personal growth, parenting…these are all events in the landscape of life. The common factors of success in these utilize the tools of mental toughness.

When I’m working with a coaching client I focus on resilience, the ability to bounce back to push through undeclared, unexpected circumstances; ones capacity for adaptability creates the highest level of happiness and success in life.  Adaptability can cause troubles when there’s a lack of inner stability or core strength then the flexibility results in being pushed over.

This link applies mental fitness to triathlon:

https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Triathlon/News/Blogs/Multisport-Lab/2016/June/07/Mental-Toughness

Here are the ten tips:  the italicized information offers key ideas for developing resilience, adaptability, and mental toughness in life…mindfulness.

1. Approach new situations with a flexible mind and recognition of your own preconceptions. You know you don’t know everything, so you can’t really be surprised.  Paradigms are key here.  It’s not only what you think you know, it’s also what you have locked perceptions about. Allowing yourself to have a foundation that is flexible open and responsive to change makes all the difference.

2. Roll with the unexpected. If you’re giving a presentation and the lights go out, you move the party to the local restaurant and continue onward. Stuff happens; everyone knows it. But how you react to it is what counts. If you’re racing a triathlon and get a flat tire, you don’t throw a fit and break your bike in half. You change it — even if it takes you 30 minutes. Don’t give up. Perseverance, ease of transition, responsiveness… I call this respons- a- bility.  The ability to calmly and quickly assess, decide and act (respond) is the key.

3. Remain centered and focused. Other competitive types may try to throw you off with gamesmanship. It’s part of the competitive world, and you may do it too, consciously or not. Don’t let a competitor bait you into unwise moves ruled by emotion. As far as mental toughness within competition goes, you need to know your strengths and play to them, not to someone else’s tune. Stay on task with your goal whenever anything or anyone tries to interfere. Run your own race.  This applies to competition, and applies to life at every level.  Your skills are best exhibited in your own pacing, timing, and paradigm.

4. Defeat isn’t the end for you. You have lost before. You’ll lose again. Your ability to absorb these and move onwards with your race, career and life is what counts. Michael Jordan has a quote about missing 9,000 free throws or something like that. You get the point. Efficient learning happens after mistakes are made and corrected. Find your way through the labyrinth to the center.  Leave that there and move to the next event with a fresh face and clear mind.  This will keep you centered, mindful, and give you the best chance at success.

5. Believe in yourself. Recognize your talents with a realistic assessment of your skills. Really knowing that you’re good at something is empowering and will generally help you become even better as you believe in your ability and that skill. No one is good at everything, but we’re all great at something. Recognize this. Confidence creates strength and courage; draws success to you. Insecurity creates loss and deflation; pushes success away.  The key is to know yourself; having a healthy recognition of your assets and limitations.

6. Deal with the discomfort. Almost everyone is in pain the last few miles of a marathon or gets tired at some point in an IRONMAN. The front of the pack often separates not on their physical ability but their mental ability to deal with temporary physical states (like pain or fatigue). With a strong mind you can overcome. Mental toughness is knowing when the pain is something that requires immediate attention and when it is not.  This is what allows for push through and breakthrough in strength training and physical fitness.  Your mind can interfere with your physical fitness by stoping too early or going to long and creating injury. This is paramount in relationship and emotional development.

7. Channel your inner Wolverine. He’s angry, he’s got claws and he heals very, very quickly. Sometimes you have just got to break out a little Wolvie. I like to encourage your inner goddess or your inner warrior.  Focus, focus, focus.  Know your skills and use them to meet your goals.

8. Crap rolls downhill. It also rolls over you. Anyone in the business world knows that one. As an athlete, you will also experience your share of crap. Crappy workouts. Crappy days. Crappy equipment. Crappy training partners. Crappy races. My goodness, the world is full of crap. But you’re Teflon, baby. Let it roll on down. Move on to that hill over yonder.  Shake it off, shake it off.. reset.

9. When things go wrong, keep moving on. “Don’t give up” is a powerful and simple statement. What other options do you have? Is there another way? Is there any way? What do you have to do to make things go your way? Find it. Do it. This is the mental toughness that carries people through situations where weaker minds crumble. Commitment, perseverance…accept the situation respond to it with grace and grit, and a little bit of anger and a little bit of joy..that mixture gives you the strength and the mindfulness to persevere.

10. Things aren’t always your fault. Mentally tough people also tend to be drivers and doers with a predisposition to strong internal locus of control. That’s a funny way of saying that it’s easy to start to think you can make things happen by just doing your best. Some things are just out of your control, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Sometimes there is a competitor out there with a better idea, a higher V02 max or slightly better taper coming into his A-race. See the two rules above and move on. Channel your inner goddess, your inner warrior, your inner magician…recognize with focus you can bend time, break barriers go where no one has gone before…I can do it. The best mantra to get you to the finish line.

Mindfulness is a type of mental fitness. Thinks that will completely stop you are misbeliefs. This bog can help :

https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2016/05/17/healing-core-misbeliefs/

Keep developing your mindfulness and you will finish and possible win whatever race you enter in life. in love and light, bg

Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2016 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Discover your path, set an intention for what you want to create in your life: It’s difficult to get where you’re going without a map. 


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4×4 Habits 2 Health, week 3 Create Space for Breath

Breathing in Breathing out..
Seems simple enough, right?
True we are all breathing in and out right now.
To Create Space for Breath has more to do with conscious breathingInspiration and Letting go of that which does not serve…not only from a physical point of view, spiritually, and emotionally, too.

Practice this right now.
Take a deep breath. What happened – did your chest expand? Great.
Now take a breath in and think about breathing deep into your lower lungs, so deep that your belly expands out… Great!
Now, what do you notice is different between your chest expanding breath and your belly expanding breath?
Write down the differences…describe whether you feel your heart rate increase or decrease; whether you feel more or less relaxed; whether you feel a deeper sense of calm or a readiness to react; describe which allows a focus on your external or internal environment.

Okay. Now that you have your own personal experience on paper you can consciously practice the type of breathing you feel brings you to your center, increases your awareness of your internal sensory guidance system, releases anxiety, and readies you to respond mindfully.

Mindful breathing can help you discern what is you and what belongs to another.  Check out this post for more detailed information about the power of discernment and conscious breathing,  https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2010/02/09/centering-and-breath-focus-on-connection/ .  Another post that really describes the flow of energy through breathing and ways to dispel left-over negative energy in your body is this blog, from March 2010 and reblogged last year, https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2010/03/11/energy-breath-and-balance/

Why focused breathing? Because it puts you back into the driver seat of your life.

Shallow, automatic breathing actually keeps you disconnected from the now.  Focused, conscious, mindful breathing brings you back into the center of your being; it allows you to choose How you want to Be in the world; How you want to respond in a given situation. By centering you in the now, you are able to discern what you want to keep in our life and what you want to release.  It cuts through anxiety and fear to a quiet inner locus of control that allows your personal sensory guidance system (your five senses and intuition) to guide you through any labyrinth.  You may look at this recent blog for even more information about the relationship between will and breath, https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2014/07/18/the-space-between-mindful-breathing-and-will-staying-within-the-threshold-of-calm-strength/ .

And for any of you healers out there, this is my favorite blog about the importance of stillness, breath, and being a healer,  https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2012/02/14/focus-your-energy-and-breathe/ .  Breath allows you to focus your energy and create the space for healing, yours as well as other’s.

As part of your 4×4 Habits 2 Health, Breath is one of the powerful keys to changing your world; to change you from the inside out.

Yoga can be a powerful tool to increasing your positive relationship with breath and your body.

Choosing to create space for breath includes creating the Habit of breathing through your fear, your anxiety,  your stress.

Begin each day with three deep relaxing, belly expanding breaths.  You may follow this with a more entailed breathing in and breathing out session for five minutes (if you do this remember to make your inhalation shorter than your exhalation, so breathing in for a count of 3 and breathing out for a count of 5)  Or 9 sets of Sun Salutation A, see this blog for how to do that: http://www.yogitimes.com/article/re-balance-healing-healer-life.

OR through a sound toning and breathing session, see this blog for how to do that: https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2014/05/06/sound-healing-2-feel-the-vibration-allow-the-shift-elevate-your-consciousness/ .

Create the space to breathe and you will notice a whole new way of being in your life. Apply this to the map you have already created to focus your energy even further and create healthy habits NOW. breathing in love and light, sending it your way, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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How insecurity interferes with getting what you want.

to realizeOne of the coolest aspects of the MAAPS guiding principles of relationship is how easily you can discern what is driving how you behave in relationship.

This is beneficial when HOW you are behaving is interfering with you getting what you want.

MAAPS is an easy way to remember the five guiding security principles of relationship: Money, Achievement, Attachment (Connection), Power, and Structure.

One or more of these are engaged when YOU are driven or compelled to act inauthentically in relationship to create a sense of safety in one of these areas.  And when you are acting under the influence of one or more of these drivers you create immature, and unfulfilling relationships.

In order to shift away from this you have to face your insecurity: You have to tolerate feeling insecure while asking for what you truly need or want in the relationship.

For example: if you fear, or have an insecurity around attachment or feeling connected, you might create yourself as less important than the other person; putting his needs ahead of yours and attempting to get your needs met on the side.

This is a reasonable solution in the short-term, however after a while this will feel as if the other person is taking advantage of you or that your needs are not as important; this can lead to resentment within you and create a crevasse in the foundation of the relationship that may ultimately tear the relationship apart.

An alternative action is to speak about what you are feeling as soon as you identify it is happening.  You may want to do some undercover work with your self to discern what may be underlying the insecurity.  You can look into what decisions you may have made about how you HAD to act to be loved or cared for or to feel SAFE in your early childhood or early relationships.sigmund freud

More often these drivers act under the surface.  You actually are not aware of the influence the insecurity has over your actions.

So here are some clues that you are under the influence of insecurity:

  • you have difficulty co-mingling funds
  • you have difficulty sharing title for achievements
  • you have difficulty being alone or you feel abandoned when you cannot immediately contact your partner
  • you have difficulty receiving assistance from others or you have difficulty when others don’t do what you tell them to do
  • you have difficulty when there is disorganization

Insecurity can be hidden. I know many individuals who on the surface appear strong and confident, yet the insecurity is lurking just beneath the surface.  When left undetected and unresolved, this insecurity can interfere with you getting what you truly want in your personal and career life.

If you notice that you have trouble maintaining healthful and meaningful relationships, investigate whether you have ann insecurity in one of the five guiding security principles in relationship.  Use your compassion, lovingkindness, forgiveness, and mindfulness tools to assist you in releasing the insecurity belief so that you can build inner security and engage in more mutually beneficial relationships.

You can learn more about this in earlier blogs on this site or through the following books.

Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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focusing on mindful living leads to spirit, mind, body health

Hello and welcome:

I was asked last weekend to give a lecture at the ABWA, American Business Women’s Association, New Mexico Fiesta on Turning the Triple Play – Keeping Life in Balance.  Here are some of the important tidbits I shared with the 40 or so attendees.

If you want to be successful in the three arenas of your life, self, family, and business or work, then you will want to follow develop these 4 Habits:

Habit 1: SPIRIT meditation, Breath, prayer

Meditation, Prayer, Breath daily or twice daily to redirect and refocus your energy, attention, and intention.

This connects spirit, mind, and body, increases access to your balanced core self and increases your ability for critical thinking, flexibility, and quick responsiveness.

Belly breathing alone can reset your cells, mood, emotion, realign and center you.

Brain scans on long-term meditators show that regions associated with attention, self-awareness and sensory processing are thicker in meditators, and that this can offset age-related cortical thinning: “evidence for … cortical plasticity” (Lazar SW, Kerr CE, Wasserman RH, et al. Neuroreport. 2005;16(17):1893-1897).

“The regular practice of meditation may have neuroprotective effects and reduce the cognitive decline associated with normal aging.” (Pagnoni G. Cekic M. Neurobiology of Aging. 2007;28(10):1623-7).

Evidence found as a result of mindful meditation: Increase in cortical thickness in areas assoc. w/ attention, interoception, & sensory processing such as prefrontal cortex and right anterior insula, using this network to attune to internal senses via the social neural circuits involved in interpersonal attunement, including the middle prefrontal regions, insula, superior temporal complex, and the mirror neuron system – all from mindful meditation practice AND more positive Amygdala responses:  positive affect regulation by optimizing prefrontal cortex regulation of the amygdala. AND Left sided anterior activation: develop tendency toward positive emotional responses & approach /reward oriented behavior, (which aids in decreasing symptoms of depression and anxiety)(Applied Mindfulness Current Psychiatry Vol8.no12p40 2010).

Consider the power of the serenity prayer:  release what you cannot control, shift what you can control, discern the difference

Any of these activities can increase your spiritual meditative connection : Soothing/meditative music; Meditative walking,running;  hiking, dancing; yoga practice; Prayer; Gardening.  Any activity that brings mind/thinking to neutral and offers a spiritual connection with whatever feels spiritual to you

Habit 2: MIND release anger,reduce stress

Address anger and frustration early to extinguish them from your daily routine. Paradigm shift, Forgive, Be compassionate, Be Mindful

Understand Anger’s role: The Alarm aspect, your sensory guidance system: Alert, Respond, Clear

Step out of your Survivor scenarios and Habit reaction patterning – if you want more information about these and how to do that search this site with these phrases, I have written a lot about them – or you can read my two books on mindfulness in parenting and partnering see link below.

Befriend your Anger.  Discover what messages it is giving you, which boundary has been crossed and then see if you can reset your internal alarm system and let it go but releasing it and taking the required action.

Focus on the attitude of Gratitude.

Ways to reduce stress and release anger include: Inverting misbeliefs and focusing on what you want rather than what you fear.  Breathing through until you can reset yourself and be mindful.  Using mindful communication.  Practicing yoga. Journaling to investigate underlying issues or to dump worries.  Using a time-in or stop, look and listen method, thought stopping, and EFT.

Activate the power of gratitude and Forgiveness

Prolonged stress (and unresolved anger) leads to wear-and-tear on the body (allostatic load) Mediated through the Sympathetic Nervous System; Allostatic load leads to:  Impaired immunity, Accelerated atherosclerosis, Metabolic syndrome (hypertension, high cholesterol, type-2 diabetes, central obesity), Bone demineralization (osteoporosis), and Chronic stress can sensitize the brain for the later development of depression (McEwen BS. Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2004;1032:1-7).

Mindfulness practice increases:  Neural plasticity, Immune modulation, Anti-inflammatory, Enhancing immune function, positive Behavior/ lifestyle change, Improvements in sleep, Rumination reduction, and General wellbeing (Ivanovski B, Malhi G. Acta Neuropsychiatrica 2007;19:76-91).

Habit 3: BODY Eat, drink, sleep, exercise

Eat whole foods that are grown or cared for in a humane loving way, are primarily prepared by you or someone you love, and look like a rainbow to support your physical health.

Drink 3 liters of water a day, more if you exercise or live in a dry climate.  Water, not tea, or coke, or coffee etc…H2O positively helps with your cellular health. It positively affects your cognition, heart, electrical gastroenterological, kidney-urinary, and immune system – WOW, right?!

Water is profoundly necessary for your body systems and mind to work efficiently, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908954/

Your hydration needs are affected by your exercise habits, the altitude at which you live, whether you are menstruating, and your personal system imbalances ( ie: slow digestion, toxicity, meds etc)

Exercise 1 hour a day for maximum health if you are not currently doing this, move up to it slowly to build your muscles and systems in a healthful way. Begin with 20 minutes every other day then move to 15 minutes daily, then 30 minutes every other day and them 20 minutes daily, until you make it to 60 minutes a day.  Choose an exercise regime that suits you, holds your interest, brings in fun.  Positive Benefits of Yoga -> reducing depressive symptoms, and inducing remission in mild to severe depression in depressive disorders – WOW! (Current Psychiatry Vol.8,No10,p39-47).

7 benefits of exercise:  1/ Controls weight, 2/combats health conditions/diseases heart, cholesterol, breath capacity, strength, cognition, 3/improves mood, 4/boosts energy, 5/promotes sleep, 6/increases interest and capacity for sex, 7/ fun – creativity, healthy competition, focus, endurance, social, widens interest. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676 .

Sleep 6-8 hours a day.  Sleep is the most powerful health promoter! It balances your brain, blood, spirit, reduces pain and inflammation.  Don’t ignore it!  Sleep is the great neutralizer and reformer.

Sleep plays an important role in learning and memory consolidation.

Sleep deprivation can result in memory loss and diminished fine motor and cognitive skills; can impede response time in crisis situations and increase psycho-emotional problems.  Lack of sleep can increase pain experience.

sleep 7-9 hours each night/get to sleep by 11pm.  School-age children need 9-10, Babies/Toddlers require 12-14 hours of sleep; Teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep. For kids sleep debt can lead to an increase of restlessness, attentional, oppositionality issues

Sleep affects Cognition, learning, health, experience of pain & stress; it benefits your Spirit, Mind, and Body: http://www.mindfulparentingmag.com/2012/11/29/the-importance-of-sleep/

Habit 4: the power of community, rejuvenation, and networking

Connecting, collaborating, networking, and groups offer a special kind of balance.  Finding a space to belong, share struggles and get support increases your power in maintaining the balance in these four habits.

Studies show that women respond to stress with tend and befriend.  Connecting in ways that help with self growth and rejuvenation, work interests and social endeavors through focusing on learning or maintaining knowledge helps keep your mind healthy.

Focusing on groups that sustain your body like exercise groups or training or food.  And connecting with spiritual outlets will keep you centered and grounded.

See how you can institute these four habits today.  Enjoy, enlighten, and inspire your self, and your life in every aspect of it,  Namaste. in love and light, bg

Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.  www.bethgineris.com


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4 simple phrases return you to balance, help you remain in recovery

Hello and Welcome

Recovery is a journey rather than a destination.

Step one is to find your way to balance.

Step two is returning to balance.

The Path to Grace is a journey that cycles between these two steps.

These 4 simple phrases assist you in this recovery path, which I call the Path to Grace.

Stop, look, and listen. It is the perfect mantra to create the neutral, present moment, open-minded perspective required for moving through roadblocks. Stop the harmful behavior; look at your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions, to discern what may be underneath your resistance; listen to you heart, tone, whole language to comprehend an underlying covert message.

The attitude of gratitude. Identify the gifts of your history, your drama, and your shift into recovery. Reaffirm your choice for health.  Focus on your strengths, reframe your limitations. The attitude of gratitude creates an inner structure of resilient positive self-esteem rooted in a solid foundation.

Focus on what you want rather than what you fear. This mindful mantra directs your attention to precisely where you have power. Things feared tend to be things unknown that are out of your control. An inner locus of control puts the resilience, power to create, and basic capacity to respond to whatever comes your way into your own hands, so that you believe, have faith and have evidence that you can create what you want.

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World. This is a phrase made famous by M. Gandhi. He was interested in major social change, but this phrase is just as useful in small social worlds. Act mindfully, show respect, be loving, and compassionate as a style of being in the world.  Live your change in every cell of your being, allowing breath, faith, forgiveness, and lovingkindness direct your actions and personal relationships, beginning with your relationship with yourself.  Covey called this change Have to Be, which is to say focus on being what you want to have (Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, 1989).

Keeping these simple mantras close to your heart and mind will increase your capacity for mindfulness.  This will increase your experience of compassion, harmony, and balance in living, and keep you on the recovery Path to Grace.  Namaste, in love and light, bg


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Anti-oxidant living: Choose a path that brings you joy, in every interaction

Hello and Welcome.

Anger, fear, discouragement, and insecurity have oxidative properties to your spirit, mind and body.  When you choose a path that brings you strength, empowerment, joy, and confidence you are creating anti-oxidant properties that regenerate your cells, your thinking power, and your spiritual health.

This is a natural outcome of mindfulness and mindful meditation, focused breathwork, and heart or breath-led yoga practice.

I have a neighbor who cannot let go of any perceived injury.  She plots and plans to get back at any individual who in her mind has ‘injured’ her.  These perceived injuries feel very painful to her.  Her face carries the look of a person who has been in battle for many years; deep furrows between her brows as if in a perpetual frown, loose skin that has deep furrows around her mouth make her look as if she is angry when she is at rest.  Strangely, or perhaps understandably because she is always looking for injury, she has difficulty with any service professional who comes into her home… either she feels they are cheating her or they overcharge her or they do not correctly complete every job assigned.  This spills off onto the constant negative, fearful energy of her constantly, fearfully barking tiny dog who seems to be in a constant panic attack.  This woman actually has a great deal of prosperity in her life which she appears to not receive any comfort from.  She owns her home and another rental (of course her tenants are always taking advantage of her from her perspective), has a good job and a nice retirement pension coming her way…. yet she is not happy – she is rich in things but poor in her sense of wealth and her style of relating in the world.

This is an example of how the oxidative energy of vengefulness, anger, and dissatisfaction are wearing away at her wellbeing.  She cannot experience the comfort she actually has, and her face and body show the signs of advanced aging so that she looks older than her years.  Even when she chooses to smile the anger and dissatisfaction comes through.

This kind of energy so close to my own home can be destabilizing.  It can spill off onto my space and my interactions.  The first step in dealing with such a being is to remember that defensiveness ties you into the negative path, so use the verbal aikido methods of deflection of the tone and negative behavior, deflation of the negative energy, and then definition of how you desire to act regardless of her actions.  This is choosing the path that brings you joy

Regardless of another’s choice you are free to choose your own way.  If another indeed is harming you or injuring you with his or her actions, taking a step to set it right is good.  Do so with a lack of vengefulness or anger in your ideation, intention, and action.  This will keep your cells vibrant, your face and voice and heart glowing and bring prosperity to you.  This is healthy living and results in vibrant health in your spirit,mind, and body.

If you have been drawn in to a difficult relationship.  Give yourself a chance to re-choose and to set your intention on this joyful path.

You can always choose a different path, a different response.
Consider this if you are feeling discouraged with previous choices which turned out less than well…
When are able to act in this loving responsible way, even saying you’re sorry when you make a mistake and resetting your plan, you teach your children to be resilient, flexible and truly responsible… and you build your own inner resilience.

Choose this anti-oxidant style of living in every interaction and you will see the positive results in your health and wealth… you may even be able to turn back the hands of time in how you are aging.  Namaste, in love and light, bg


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trust yourself, or If you meet the buddha on the road kill him!

Hello and welcome

Trusting yourself is not only believing in yourself it is also listening to your intuition and sense impressions and acting with a sense of internal power.  A common way you diminish self-trust is when you dismiss your inner knowing and listen to another’s interpretation to get approval.  This is a risk in any student role.

In therapy, there is a saying that if you say I already worked that out or I already resolved that conflict you are possibly tricking yourself.  It’s a sign of resistance, especially when said adamantly or defensively.

The key is to discern if your resistance to an interpretation is due to a true inner sense of truth or a deflection of the truth.

  • pay attention to your own  charge (degree of intensity) regarding the issue, and level of repulsion to the idea
  • –> if you speak reactively, in an adamant, dismissive style it is likely that you are hiding the truth
  • –> if you are responding in a neutral style regarding how it just doesn’t feel right and you evaluate the information, then the other may be projecting onto you something through her interpretation.
  • listen in an interested, curious, unattached, mindful way to your teacher’s guidance
  • pay attention to his or her congruence in speech, action, and countenance
  • Be careful to not give away your power due to the other’s reputation or standing in a group – in other words don’t make your teacher into a guru – we are all walking through life with lessons to learn – when you give your power away to a guru, you interrupt your own energy flow toward your own lessons, gifts and path

I wrote a bit about this last year in this post https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2012/04/09/truth-within-inner-guidance-i/.  I was reminded of this thesis over the weekend while attending an intensive Yoga workshop.  Many of the participants were my teachers, whom I respect deeply.  I love Yoga, and although I am a Yoga-neophite, I had decided the best way to learn was to stretch-myself  (no pun intended) and do my best.  The focus of the first day was to work on inversions and transitions between poses; focusing on the importance of transitioning into a pose not just the pose itself.  I loved the idea behind it as it allowed for seeing the divine in the space between, something I am drawn to experience daily.  I was grateful to pair up with my favorite teachers and found that my willingness to let go, play with the work, and surrender led me to a powerful shift in my practice.

On the second day, the focus of the work was to elucidate how, when, and where you feel blocked in a yoga pose, to surrender to the block, and allow a break-through. The poses that were being utilized to enlighten each of us were bent inversions so that arching, opening the heart chakra and pelvic space and lengthening the spine were paramount.  Flexibility in your hips and shoulders are  important to get a good back-bend; they are also the spaces in your body where you collect and hold hidden trauma both physical and emotional.  This style of workshop offered a perfect opportunity to work-through an energy-holding leftover from earlier traumas, as long as the guest teacher could also provide a set of tools and a trusting space fo release.

Our guest teacher identified at the beginning of the workshop that she had not previously taught this particular workshop and stated in her opening mantra that it was important to not interfere with another’s lesson by showing them how to work through their blocks.  Her remarks were incongruent with the presentation she provided on her website and the description of the class goals.  As I sat preparing to risk and surrender to the lesson, two things stood out in my sense impressions: one, she was in a position of guide, yet identified at the onset that she was against guiding through blocks; and two, although she had an excellent reputation, this class was unexplored territory.

We worked through many different exercises to open shoulders and hips – paramount for backbends.  The pace was quick and often we broke up into dyad partners to work on our assignments.  This increased the opportunity for intimacy yet reduced a chance for clarification and guidance from the guest teacher.  We felt at times like the blind leading the blind.

After much headstand and handstand practice, the guest teacher decided to use me as an example of how to assist your partner through what my gymnast-daughter calls a ticktock, and in Yoga is called Scorpion Vchikasana.  For non-yogis it’s a handstand and then with great control you bend your legs over your head so your feet touch your crown.  scorpion pose, silhouette

This is a pretty awesome and advanced Yoga position.

I was excited to experience what it felt like to get into the position; I knew that once there I could create a body memory so that when I practiced on my own I could correct it with clarity.  I enthusiastically kicked up into a bent arm handstand, anticipating her to catch my leg and move me over into the bent inversion.  Instead I heard a laugh among the participants as she grabbed it forcefully and rotated it inward, this jarring maneuver caused me to lose my focus and I fell right back down.  My enthusiasm dropped.  She said kick up again. I did, albeit more cautiously this time.  Hopefully, I waited for her to gently move me over into a backbend, she did not, I held until I couldn’t any longer, fell down and kicked up again, waited, kicked up again, attempting on my own to shift the weight of my hips over my chest, and  feeling a bit confused I fell back down.  She said kick up again, come on.  I stopped and looked up at her.  I was confused as to why she was not demonstrating moving me over into the backbend.  She looked at me and said what’s ging on?  What are you feeling?  I said I feel weak.  She said well you are stopping yourself and referenced the cause as my inner negative dialogue.  She said do it again.  I dutifully reset myself and I slowly and perseveringly moved my leg up into a handstand: first one leg and then drawing my other leg to the handstand trying to stack my hips over my ribcage, still expecting her to assist moving me into position, I kept waiting for her to gently move me up into position and then stand in front to move me into the scorpion position….but nothing….dead space, my arms and legs over-worked…I came back down onto my mat, flat.

She moved away to the front of class, never having actually demonstrated moving me into position, and then looked back at me sideways and said, you are strong enough to do it, you are fighting yourself, you need to change your inner dialogue.

I felt a familiar conglomeration of disappointment, vulnerability, defeat, and confusion.  Somehow I had been triggered.  I felt a combination of having been tricked by her and an inability to stand up for myself and realign internally with my strength. How had I given my power to this guest teacher? I felt shamed by her in front of the class.

This was a powerful moment for me to deduce the etiology of my holding and my fear.

I had not heard any negative self-talk. I searched inside myself, what am I hiding from myself? What I noticed was a defense mechanism of holding and protection that increased the more I interacted with this guest teacher.  What was that about? .  In my head I was trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do next.  Was she doing this on purpose to help me move through my block or was her action more sadistic and so recreating an earlier trauma that my personal intention for the class posed as an opportunity for release?

After reflection, and discussion with other students in the class, some of whom were new to me,  my concerns about the negativity of the situation from the guest teacher were corroborated.  Their observations were consistent with what I observed and felt.  Her actions exacerbated my hold and blocking rather than assisted me to move through the physical block.  This is the opposite of how the workshop was billed.  I had a funny feeling from her, as if she was not really there, not really centered on the role of being a facilitator but rather focused on being an exhibitionist. Although some of my teacher-friends really liked her others later identified a similar set of concerns.

My holding was indeed an aspect of my trusting myself; my body clearly ‘heard’ that this teacher was not trustworthy, so surrender was unsafe at that time -> this was the me fighting myself –> I was trying and I was stopping myself.  My mind was directing the trying and my body was directing the stopping.  My ‘block’ or resistance was a holding within my body in response to her passive hostility.  This holding did not develop in response to her.  It pre-dated the workshop as a survival mechanism from previous trauma; it was indeed the thing I took to the workshop to work-through.

This guest yoga teacher had designed a class to learn how to work-through holding and physical blocks without understanding a fundamental component needed to complete the task; to surrender and allow – Trust is required. In order for a teacher to encourage a shift in holding within her student her presentation has to include a lack of aggressivity, and a consciousness of beneficence; she need not be a cheerleader but rather have an unattached spirit of generosity. This renowned guest yoga teacher gave mixed messages though her words and actions which created a lack of trust needed, thus she had set up a class wherein re-traumatization could and would occur.

The choice to shift and uplevel lies solely in the power of the individual.  Trusting yourself, surrendering to your truth includes paying attention to when resistance is beneficial and a positive communication from your personal sensory guidance system.  Timing to uplevel matters, allow it to be guided from within(yourself), rather than without (another).

Sheldon Kopp wrote:  No meaning that comes from outside of ourselves is real.  The Buddhahood of each of us has already been obtained.  We need only recognize it – Thus the Zen Master warns his disciple:  – If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill him! (Kopp, 1976).

Creating a guru of another limits your and his power so that neither of you are allowed to uplevel into your most conscious selves.  Namaste, in love and light, bg

Kopp, Sheldon, If you meet the Buddha on the Road,Kill Him. Bantam Books:  New york, New York:  1976.