InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.

Monthly Archives: November 2012


by 5 Comments

Practice the art of verbal Aikido

Hello

When I was a young Psychiatric Aide on a Locked Psychiatric unit in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I had a very good friend, also a Psychiatric Aide, who was a master at the practice of the Japanese Martial Art of Aikido.  He was superb at handling any physical attack, without injury to himself and with the least degree of injury to others.

Here is an example:

A young man who had stopped taking his antipsychotic medicine began to lose control of his thinking and behavior, his touch with reality was slipping away and he thought he was being attacked.  My friend asked him to go into the quiet room (a padded room that protects the individual from hurting himself and others when out of control).  The patient felt attacked by my gentle friend’s request, he became enraged and began to throw at my friend any thing that his hand touched – chairs, tables, lamps – my friend simply and easily shifted the energy of each piece of furniture and dropped it beside him, protecting the other patients and deflecting the negative energy, lightly and firmly moving toward the out of control young man.  His movements were gentle, clarified, and precise – lightly deflecting the energy while deftly responding to the needs of the entire room.  Once he entered the physical space of the out of control young man he quickly and without harm immobilized his flailing arms, and with kindness and gentleness he walked him to the quiet room.

His precision at shifting the energy of the flying furniture had the effect of de-escalating the damage in the situation to himself, the out of control patient, and the other patients.  It created a sense of calm and control that was soothing.  It brought everything to a neutral space so that injury was avoided.

The art of verbal Aikido is a metaphor for utilizing the same strategies in handling verbal attack.  The majority of miscommunication and arguments are a result of charged interpretation of other’s dialogue, where another person interprets your statements as barbs thrown and so reacts defensively, or vice versa.

Responding to another’s attack via mindfulness increases your neutrality and clarity in what underlies the negative communication.  Simply deflecting the negative statement and deflating the negative energy to shift the interaction.

Practicing the Art of Verbal Aikido has three steps:

  • First, deflect the negative tone, and tenor, by simply responding to the actual content with neutral responsive content.
  • Second, deflate the negativity by reiterating your intended meaning through clarification and compassionate interest in how your communication was interpreted.  Then clarify the intended meaning and take responsibility for not being more clear in your first communication.
  • Third, if the communication escalates, continue with steps 2, and 3, with a gentle, kind, precise and light manner – avoid sarcasm, condescension and a down-putting tone.

Then you are free to find a solution or agree to disagree without malice or charge.

You only have power over your own actions.  You cannot change another person’s attitude, position or behavior, you can only offer a space for another to shift his perspective on his own.  You have control over your own actions, behaviors and attitudes, responses.  If the other person chooses to find you offensive and react defensively, you have power to maintain your mindfulness.

The most mindful and loving response in a situation where another is angry is to not take on his anger, not react to it and join-in, on the negative interpretation, the fighting back or proving argumentative tone or attitude.

Create a visual image of yourself lightly deflecting the flying furniture and placing it on the ground; or an image of another’s charged words as sufficiently solid that you can observe yourself deflecting them or moving your energy so you are not hit by the negative barb in the words.  Think of a Jackie Chan movie, see yourself in slow motion deftly avoiding what is thrown your way, while simultaneously smiling and gently reaching out an olive branch toward connection and understanding.

This is the practice of verbal Aikido and it will increase the level of peace you experience in your relationships.

It is the most healing response to conflicting perspectives and offers a direct pathway to uplevel consciousness. in love and light,bg


by Leave a comment

This is a reblog of an earlier post, March, 16, 2010 – It felt like a nice remembrance.
Remembering the attitude of gratitude graces your every step. Take a day and be grateful for everything that happens and everyone you meet, even the things that look unpleasant at first…the attitude of gratitude heals and shows you the gifts of the universe just waiting to be embraced.in love and light, bg

InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Hello

Have you ever walked around all day in the attitude of gratitude?

It’s kind of a weird thing to do.  I have done this to increase my mindfulness.  For me it looked like this – something frustrating would happen and then I would try to be grateful for that thing.   I had to look at how the frustrating thing was a gift.

It was stilted and foreign but I made it through the day.  The interesting thing I got out of it was to focus on how negative things can be beneficial.  Which is paradigm shifting.  Sometimes it was an issue of increasing my understanding of another person or myself, and sometimes it really increased my availability to patience.

It definitely allowed for me to re-frame situations and choose to respond to the situation and people differently.

The most revealing aspect of this was in my relationship to myself…

View original post 440 more words


by Leave a comment

seeing miracles, creating healing

If you want to find the secrets of the universe think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration – Nikola Tesla

Hello friends

The miracle of healing is at your fingertips.  It is simply a matter of seeing, listening and responding to your senses, energy, frequency and vibration.

I see immediate and complete transformation in my practice, relationships, and life every day!

The corresponding elements that allow for this are a matter of knowing, belief, and sight.  It is through this knowing belief and seeing that the miracle presents itself.  It is greater than a course in miracles.  It is an instantaneous truth seen through your eyes when you are completely connected to your sensory guidance system and the healing knowledge of sight and action.

Your sight must be aligned with the frequency, energy, and vibration of health, light, and spiritual knowing.  From this wavelength and universe all things are possible.

This allows for the immediate perception of a miracle.

Three steps will help you to see the miracle.

  • First, use your inner sight connected to your inner knowing.  So that you are open to how the fabric of your life can shift to create, offer the miracle – this results in seeing the miracle.
  • Second, accept that choice is the ultimate foundation for each soul on the planet.  And you do not have the power to change another person’s choice for his or her life.
  • Third, see the miracle in each event…even when your first reaction is to say that no miracle exists.  Pay attention to the energy of the event and within you the intensity of your reaction.  Vibration and frequency are also useful in assisting you to discern the message therein… once you have aligned yourself with the miracle you can bring forth a healing either in spirit, cognition/thinking or the body/physically.

The universe is always offering a gift to move you toward your soul’s path.  How –  that is true is the tricky part.  Seeing the miracle requires integrating spirit, mind, and body knowings as well as energy, frequency, and vibration.  Use paradigm shifting through compassionate sight and inversions to see the balance in the universe.  Use a long, broad view to understand what the universe is presenting as a miracle.

A fourth step helps to align with the miracle and integrate the lesson.

  • Embrace even those events that are painful and look for the healing lesson within – you will know when you have found that lesson when you find yourself, smiling, looking lovingly on another or a new perception of the event, and feeling a release of anger and fear.

Miracles are the norm in your life…. as you train your internal dialogue and sight to attend to your sensory guidance system you will experience them in every step of your life.  The natural outcome to this state is love, peace, upleveling consciousness, collaboration, acceptance, and success in all of your endeavors.

This is a quantum shift in experience and knowing; a quantum shift in energy, frequency and vibration.  Once you allow yourself to see differently you will act and be different, immediately, in a quantum and whole way.  Paradigm recognition, shifting,integration and creation in the moment.  in love and light, bg


by Leave a comment

moving from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection

Hello

When working with relationships one of the first necessary steps is to look at how the parties relate.

  •  Are they defensive and competitive?
  • Do they maintain a balance sheet of exchange patterns?
  • Do they spend time and energy listening to their partners point of view seeking to understand or waiting to find the flaw in the argument?

How parties relate gives you information about what is driving each person and what is the underlying foundation of the relationship.  Once you have a sense of this you can identify the underlying needs.  Evaluation of what is driving each individual results in n integrated picture of needs, exchange patterns, belief systems, paradigmatic structures, connections and relationship and security structures.

Narcissism and Competition in relationship are forms of relating that disallow inter-action and interdependence.  These are styles of relating that are part of a singular, need-focused structure.

Narcissism tends to be a ME form of relating and often results in a co-dependent relationship structure.  In this structure  the parties utilize an exchange pattern and the paradigmatic structure is you take care of me and me take care of you; each exchange is noted and weighted, and the parties require an equal exchange for each action of care.  Need underlies the tie to each other and there is a lack of independent action or thinking.  It may appear collaborative but in actuality the giving is highly conditional.  The insecurity in this type of relationship is that the other completes him and so abandonment is feared; there is a high degree of separation anxiety.  These partnerships require intense agreement on everything and do not respond well to independent thinking.  Intensity can be the marker of intimacy rather than a sense of trust and security.  From a financial perspective one party may have all the financial responsibility and the other party may have all the emotional responsibility.  The exchange is money for support.  In this style of relationship the two persons are halves to the one whole, there is no individuality, only couple.

Competition tends to be an I form of relating and often results in a pairing that is independent without inter-action or interdependence.  Each party is in a wholly enveloped structure.  There is no dependence or co-dependence, as you might see with a ME structure, but there is no inter-dependence either.  Each party stands on his or her own two feet.  It is as if the two people are walking side-by-side.  There is no integration or mixing of the two beings.  Fairness and rigid boundaries are the characteristics of this type of relationship.  There can be an exchange pattern balance sheet but this has more to do with winners of the competition and proof of being right rather than what each brings to the partnership.  The financial structure of this relationship is independent as well; each person pays his or her way and if there is a need for a money exchange it is set up via a contract or with some set of conditions and plan for pay back.  The emotional structure is equally self-contained.  In this style of relationship the two persons are two persons, there is no sense of we-ness or group only the two selves walking side by side.  Here the insecurity centers around avoiding dependence and connection as this is seen as a way to stay free from bondage.

Collaboration and connection are a third wave of partnership.  In this style of partnership the two parties have an interdependence and integration without a loss of individual selves.  In this style of relationship the two persons maintain a sense of self and have individual beliefs and experiences AND the two have an integrated participation with each other which is we.  In this style of partnering there is space for two Is and a We, interaction incorporates a tapestry of flexibility, a weaving that results in a rich experience of collaboration, connection and a sense of increase.  This WE style of relating offers enhancement of each party, without a loss of freedom. It is flexible, accepting, and inter-dependent.  The security is derived through a sense of support and connection without a loss individuality.  Conflict in this style of relating offers a way to work through issues to come to a higher level of understanding and connection to each other that incorporates each person’s core desires, needs and beliefs.  It is a function of negotiation rather than a compromise.  Financial and emotional structures are interrelated and integrated so that both parties are flexibly participatory, flowing easily in a responsive, dynamic fashion.

Once you have found your style you can begin to shift your attention in the relationship.  Embrace your fears and your insecurities and embark on a journey to move from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection.

These styles of relating are developmental in nature, you are able to move through these various styles or structures through loving, attention to your own security and individual fear-based patterns.  Mindfulness is a useful focus of thinking to assist you and your partner to evaluate and transcend  your personal blockages in relationships.

Development of your personal sensory guidance system will be highly valuable in this process.

You can use these models to determine what kind of relationship structure you are in and then use mindfulness to uplevel your style of relating.

  • If you discover that you are in a Me oriented relationship turn your love toward yourself so that you can be the best partner to yourself first, this is a beginning step to moving to independence.
  • If you find you are in an I oriented relationship trust yourself and your partner to risk giving and receiving in an unconditional way.  Create a belief that being connected can be fulfilling rather than disheartening, this will open your heart to create a path of connection with your partner.

Mindful, loving, attention toward yourself and your partner opens the door for a shift in how you relate.  Namaste, beth


by Leave a comment

Your personal sensory guidance system, reveals truth.

Hello

The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days – Lao Tzu

You have within you a perfectly fine-tuned personal sensory guidance system.  It includes your five senses of hearing, touching, seeing, tasting, and smelling plus your intuition.  This integrated system of intuitive understanding combines to inform you about your environment and your actions.  Use of this system guides you on a path that is in your best interest and away from that which is not.

To develop this system pay attention to your senses.

  • Do things feel off or right on?
  • Do they look clear or askew?
  • Does the information go in with veracity or in a sticky fashion?
  • Do you have a bad taste in your mouth or does something not smell right?
  • Is there congruence or incongruence in another’s statements and behaviors?

These questions orient you to listen, feel, see, know through your personal guidance system.

It is in the quiet, light, notions and intuitions that you can feel and know.  These represent the direct and ever vigilant guidance of your personal guidance system.

Truth is revealed from within, from your integrated sensory guidance system.  When you get information from an outside source translate it through your personal guidance system.

Pay attention.

Apply mindfulness.

Focus your compassion and lovingkindness toward the whole of the situation and pay attention to the messages you receive from within from your sensory guidance system.  The presented messages can guide your actions thoughtfully,  mindfully and with compassion.

Delay immediate, reactive-responses to loud, forceful, manipulative messages from without, especially when your receive contradictory information from your personal guidance system or you experience these as out of sync.  Efficient responsive action comes from your personal guidance system.

To develop your relationship to your sensory guidance system.

  • Incorporate a daily breath and meditation practice.
  • Use your third ear to listen.
  • Listen, pay attention, hear with your whole being, to the content and the non-verbal aspects of what is said.
  • Practice daily Yoga, even a 10 minute focus on breath or the sun salutation to bring you into your integrated spirit, mind, body vehicle.
  • Question from a mindful space the basis of other’s beliefs while listening with your sensory guidance system.
  • Treat yourself with the same love and kindness you use to treat others; pay attention to the whole of how others treat you.

These actions allow for increased understanding of both other and yourself. Namaste,beth