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Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Resilience is the key to strength

Mental toughness is more of an inner flexibility than an external rigidity. It is adaptability with push through.

I just finished my first half Ironman. It was an extraordinary experience.  Running across the finish line took grace and grit.  I think my experience there is a metaphor for life.  Each event has its own challenges and rewards.  Life is no different: Work, play, relationship, friendship, education/training, personal growth, parenting…these are all events in the landscape of life. The common factors of success in these utilize the tools of mental toughness.

When I’m working with a coaching client I focus on resilience, the ability to bounce back to push through undeclared, unexpected circumstances; ones capacity for adaptability creates the highest level of happiness and success in life.  Adaptability can cause troubles when there’s a lack of inner stability or core strength then the flexibility results in being pushed over.

This link applies mental fitness to triathlon:

https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Triathlon/News/Blogs/Multisport-Lab/2016/June/07/Mental-Toughness

Here are the ten tips:  the italicized information offers key ideas for developing resilience, adaptability, and mental toughness in life…mindfulness.

1. Approach new situations with a flexible mind and recognition of your own preconceptions. You know you don’t know everything, so you can’t really be surprised.  Paradigms are key here.  It’s not only what you think you know, it’s also what you have locked perceptions about. Allowing yourself to have a foundation that is flexible open and responsive to change makes all the difference.

2. Roll with the unexpected. If you’re giving a presentation and the lights go out, you move the party to the local restaurant and continue onward. Stuff happens; everyone knows it. But how you react to it is what counts. If you’re racing a triathlon and get a flat tire, you don’t throw a fit and break your bike in half. You change it — even if it takes you 30 minutes. Don’t give up. Perseverance, ease of transition, responsiveness… I call this respons- a- bility.  The ability to calmly and quickly assess, decide and act (respond) is the key.

3. Remain centered and focused. Other competitive types may try to throw you off with gamesmanship. It’s part of the competitive world, and you may do it too, consciously or not. Don’t let a competitor bait you into unwise moves ruled by emotion. As far as mental toughness within competition goes, you need to know your strengths and play to them, not to someone else’s tune. Stay on task with your goal whenever anything or anyone tries to interfere. Run your own race.  This applies to competition, and applies to life at every level.  Your skills are best exhibited in your own pacing, timing, and paradigm.

4. Defeat isn’t the end for you. You have lost before. You’ll lose again. Your ability to absorb these and move onwards with your race, career and life is what counts. Michael Jordan has a quote about missing 9,000 free throws or something like that. You get the point. Efficient learning happens after mistakes are made and corrected. Find your way through the labyrinth to the center.  Leave that there and move to the next event with a fresh face and clear mind.  This will keep you centered, mindful, and give you the best chance at success.

5. Believe in yourself. Recognize your talents with a realistic assessment of your skills. Really knowing that you’re good at something is empowering and will generally help you become even better as you believe in your ability and that skill. No one is good at everything, but we’re all great at something. Recognize this. Confidence creates strength and courage; draws success to you. Insecurity creates loss and deflation; pushes success away.  The key is to know yourself; having a healthy recognition of your assets and limitations.

6. Deal with the discomfort. Almost everyone is in pain the last few miles of a marathon or gets tired at some point in an IRONMAN. The front of the pack often separates not on their physical ability but their mental ability to deal with temporary physical states (like pain or fatigue). With a strong mind you can overcome. Mental toughness is knowing when the pain is something that requires immediate attention and when it is not.  This is what allows for push through and breakthrough in strength training and physical fitness.  Your mind can interfere with your physical fitness by stoping too early or going to long and creating injury. This is paramount in relationship and emotional development.

7. Channel your inner Wolverine. He’s angry, he’s got claws and he heals very, very quickly. Sometimes you have just got to break out a little Wolvie. I like to encourage your inner goddess or your inner warrior.  Focus, focus, focus.  Know your skills and use them to meet your goals.

8. Crap rolls downhill. It also rolls over you. Anyone in the business world knows that one. As an athlete, you will also experience your share of crap. Crappy workouts. Crappy days. Crappy equipment. Crappy training partners. Crappy races. My goodness, the world is full of crap. But you’re Teflon, baby. Let it roll on down. Move on to that hill over yonder.  Shake it off, shake it off.. reset.

9. When things go wrong, keep moving on. “Don’t give up” is a powerful and simple statement. What other options do you have? Is there another way? Is there any way? What do you have to do to make things go your way? Find it. Do it. This is the mental toughness that carries people through situations where weaker minds crumble. Commitment, perseverance…accept the situation respond to it with grace and grit, and a little bit of anger and a little bit of joy..that mixture gives you the strength and the mindfulness to persevere.

10. Things aren’t always your fault. Mentally tough people also tend to be drivers and doers with a predisposition to strong internal locus of control. That’s a funny way of saying that it’s easy to start to think you can make things happen by just doing your best. Some things are just out of your control, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Sometimes there is a competitor out there with a better idea, a higher V02 max or slightly better taper coming into his A-race. See the two rules above and move on. Channel your inner goddess, your inner warrior, your inner magician…recognize with focus you can bend time, break barriers go where no one has gone before…I can do it. The best mantra to get you to the finish line.

Mindfulness is a type of mental fitness. Thinks that will completely stop you are misbeliefs. This bog can help :

https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2016/05/17/healing-core-misbeliefs/

Keep developing your mindfulness and you will finish and possible win whatever race you enter in life. in love and light, bg

Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2016 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Discover your path, set an intention for what you want to create in your life: It’s difficult to get where you’re going without a map. 


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Healing core misbeliefs

I went to a conference recently that focused on healing core beliefs.  The idea behind the conference is

“What you believe you perceive, and what you perceive you experience”

Each of us fashions our life on misbeliefs.

Beliefs we developed in response to injuries, loss, and difficult situations.

The mind puts together an equation that reads: if this then thatif there is a contest then I will not win..the belief being I never win anything.  Or I never get picked first.  Or even deeper I am not Worthy or Loved.

When you build your life on a core misbelief such as I am not worthy or I am not lovable. Your experiences lead you to this conclusion.  

Let’s check out how one might create a structure that teaches her that message over and over again.

  • With a core belief I am not worthy: You might choose lovers or partners that either don’t have the communication skills to share with you your worth; You would experience always feeling taken for granted or unimportant.
  • Or you might choose people who are so self-focused they can’t see you (such as a neurotic or narcissistic personality); You would experience that nothing you ever did was good enough so that you mattered.
  • Or you might choose people who need you to take care of them and they can’t focus their energy on you…in that instance you would have to give and give without experiencing receiving love.
  • You might choose overwhelming tasks that you could not accomplish.  Or you might accomplish many things and still feel empty after completing them

The tendency is to think the problem is with the other person.

Catch yourself, notice if there is a pattern.  Is it in all your partners, close friends, lovers?  If it is, it may be more about you and your core belief.

This isn’t to say that the other person might not have the issue you think he does.

It’s just that if you want to change you experiences you have to change your core beliefs.

It’s harder to do than you think.  It takes real courage to see how you are holding yourself back from having the love or life you want.

Usually these core beliefs are set up from a standpoint of necessity.  They are a result of injury, trauma, something that has gone wrong in your original psychosocial development.  They may have been true about that one event, but not generalizable to all of life.  Once in place they are like shorthand, if this then that.  I have to give and give, no one will ever love me just for myselfhow do I know because that’s how (fill in the blank important caregiver) treated me.  And, it’s not that person’s fault either.  

It’s a belief.

It isn’t solid or real.  It drives the mind, but it doesn’t have to drive the heart.

Go into your heart feel your beauty, your lovableness, your worth.  Love yourself first then you will experience the love from those around you …and no that isn’t narcissism, that’s the flow of life.

It comes from within first.  Then it touches on everything else. in love and light, bg

Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2016 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Discover your path, set an intention for what you want to create in your life: It’s difficult to get where you’re going without a map. 

 


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What if…part 2. Working through loss.

There was such a positive and powerful response to the first section of chapter one, I thought I would offer the second section to the chapter…please let me know your sense about it… in love and light, bg

I notice the Dean’s lips are moving, but I can’t quite make out what she is saying.
Oh good. Finally she is talking.

Involuntarily, I shivered. She was sitting right next to me, but I couldn’t really understand what she was saying; the words were coming in like an out of tune radio station, they just didn’t make any sense. And then I heard her, sharp and clear…
“Robbie is dead.” “His car went off the road Saturday morning. The police think he was killed instantly.”
The thoughts inside my head blew about me …
No!
No, he isn’t dead; he can’t be dead. I have to tell him…
I have to see him.
I have to tell him how sorry I am.
I have to tell him I’m ready to marry him.
His face flashed across my inner vision. The feelings from our last meeting crashed in my heart.

Flash. Crash!

No! I have to set this right.
I heard my words reverberate back to me. “No! No, he isn’t dead.” “No you mean he’s in the hospital. He’s just hurt; he’ll be okay,” as if I was giving her the corrected line. I couldn’t accept what she was saying.
My urgency must have been unbearable for her. Her eyes blinked with tears. Gently, her head shook no.
She reached across the space on the couch to comfort me, patting my leg rhythmically. I felt faint. The room began to spin. I fell into her chest as she continued to now rhythmically pat my shoulder. She supported me as I broke down.
Her voice unwavering, “No Beth, he is not in the hospital. He’s gone.”
He was gone?
He left me without knowing that I had changed my mind?

Our last interaction, me being such a jerk, was now unforgivable.
It hit me like a one, two punch to my stomach. He was gone, my beautiful future stolen from me. My uncaring and inflated behavior was our last interaction. It stood like a headstone marker on his grave.
Her words and my memories pierced through my consciousness like a knife through my heart. The pain was debilitating. I couldn’t breathe.
I felt at the edge of nothingness, completely powerless. I sat there deflated, like a pierced party balloon. I don’t know how long I remained in this state. When I looked up, the sun was no longer shining and the trees outside mirrored my inner storm.

I finally composed myself enough to walk out of her office.
Her secretary smiled at me weakly as I passed down the hall.
It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other; I could barely walk. I found myself at my dorm room. Thankfully, my suitemate returned to her previous muteness.

That was the only thing that returned to normal. Everything and everyone else was different. Night came and left. Day came and turned to night. Life continued around me but I was not a part of it. I felt robotic, disconnected, remote and out of sync with the whole of life around me. I couldn’t tolerate the birds singing or my friends laughing, wherever joy presented itself I turned away. Happiness grated on me like nails on a chalkboard.
I recoiled from life. Spiritless on the inside, I couldn’t even find the energy to fake it on the outside.

The image of her sweater with black marked stains stuck with me for a long time.

I numbly completed my last semester of college, in a fog, unable to concentrate on anything. Everything changed. I couldn’t bear to listen to music, people laughing, or see my friends. And it seemed they avoided me too. I was flat and lifeless; there wasn’t much there for connection.

Entire days went by without me seeing anyone.
I felt desolate, angry with myself, angry with Robbie, lonely and lost.

In the days that passed, I discovered how in his last moments of his precious life Robbie reoriented the direction of the car to save his passenger’s life. A stranger to our community, this sweet young man began to wish he had died instead of Robbie. To his face I said “no, no…don’t think that.” But in my heart I screamed, yes, yes, why do you get to live; why not Robbie. I hated myself for thinking and feeling that way. I couldn’t stop my heart pain. Life was so difficult and challenging. I was walking though water without a regulator, drowning with every breath.
That heroism was so consistently Rob’s character; he was always there at the right time, loyal and dependable when it really mattered.
Why didn’t he save himself? I was coming back for him.

Inconsolable, time passed in starts and spurts, and then it seemed to trickle by. So much of my energy went to managing my grief that little was left to relate to friends or complete my studies.

“Beth, I’m giving you this A grade because of your work here-to-for, not for the work in this paper.” The words written in red ink across the front of my final paper stung, but I was grateful for the understanding of my dearest sociology professor.
“This is sub-par work Beth, but I know this has been a difficult time so I’m giving you an A in the class anyway.” Another painful note in red from my psychology professor, I vacillated between painful prickling and numbness. I was grateful for their understanding. There was nothing inside to pull on for my studies; I was bereft of passion. There was just enough life in me to robotically go through the motions.

For the next six weeks, my senses were in a state of paresthesia; over and over my professors forgave my distracted, poor work.

Working at 20 percent, I limped into graduation.
Two months after Robbie’s death I graduated, said goodbye to my friends and school, and shut the door to my previous life.

Spiritless, I walked into my barren future. I was the skin you see from a cicada, perfectly formed with no life inside.
I filled the space with work.
Astonishingly, my logical, solution-focused father was the dearest comfort to me during that time.
Notes arrived. They slowly filled the empty space in my apartment and heart.
“Hi honey, thinking of you! Dad” staring at me as I brushed my teeth.
“Remember to get out and see friends. Dad” taped to my steering wheel. I taped them to my mirror, and used them as bookmarks. They marked my path back to life.
He had an unerring capacity to simply be present with me in my grief.
“Here’s a picture of Robbie from when he was at the house. Love, Dad” That picture became my velveteen rabbit.

One day on the phone he told me that Robbie (unbeknownst to me) arrived in my hometown earlier in the year that Robbie had died; he asked my father’s blessing to marry me.
The pictures of them together at my house simultaneously felt stabbing and comforting.
He knew I would come around. He knew I loved him.
He had to have known to fly from New York City to Albuquerque, just to see my Dad.

I kept seeing his face at that last meeting, and feeling how out of sync my actions were. It was shocking and triggered intense discomfort. Steadily though, my unconscious kept driving me toward forgiveness. Like a river pushes and pulls fragments down the current, my thoughts drove me toward forgiveness of him, forgiveness of me, forgiveness of God.

My Dad and I shared this deep love for Robbie.
“He was a good man honey. He loved you so much. I’m glad I got to know him. Keep working it will help you stay strong. You can come home any time you want to honey. Love, Dad.”
He loved you so much, stay strong, those words reverberated in my mind. It was one of the best notes I received from my Dad. I kept it in my favorite journal.

I worked by day as a law firm runner in LA and by evening as a residential counselor with developmentally delayed adolescents, teaching them independent-living skills.
I loved running by moonlight through downtown LA.
I savored my time alone. I don’t know if it was punishment or protective but it was healing. It gave me time to think, forgive, and distance myself from the intensity of what had happened. Although I did most things alone, I shared my apartment with my best friend from college. She was mostly gone working on political campaigns. I was mostly gone working. It was a perfect arrangement for healing.

I loved her so much because I didn’t have to explain what was going on with me. She knew. She loved me anyway. Other than Trish, I can’t remember making any friends.
My memories of that time are like snippets of fabric sewn together with travel along the Southern California freeways.
After fourteen months my senses came back.
Trish had to move to another state to follow an important campaign. I decided to move back to Albuquerque.
It seemed that light began to come back into my daily life.
I heard the birds singing and it didn’t make me want to yell stop. Music was inviting. I danced.
Somewhere, I found the space within me to have faith again in the fabric of Life.

Robbie’s death became a defining experience in my life. The importance of love, honesty, forgiveness, and acting in congruence with my true character became the boundaries required for health and freedom in relationship.
Ultimately, I felt my deliverance from my inner prison. Salvation lit me slowly with the realization that he knew I loved him. He saw through everything from beginning to end. I was the last to see the truth and it was too late to enjoy the love waiting for me.

I forgave myself for being immature and unthinking.
I developed an urgent need to be authentic in all my communications, a left over compulsion from that fateful night. It made me a bit intense and probably too serious.

Overtime, I befriended the ebb and flow of life and death.
I came to accept that there was a tapestry of life that I could tap into and flow with but that I had to remain sincere and accept the consequences of my actions.
If I had married Robbie, I may not have become the person I am today, leaving a hole in the fabric of the lives of those whom I have offered healing counsel. That’s how I think about it now. I walk in a state of grace, with a sense of gratefulness for the gifts I developed out of my devastating loss; grateful to have positively affected so many through that loss.

And it was from that knowing I spent my last weeks with my father as he got chemotherapy for end stage pancreatic cancer.

 

And so here is the first chapter of the book…Working through loss offers deep awareness of the tapestry of life…, how have your traumas elevated your consciousness?  Send me a comment or write one in the space below…in love and light, bg


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American ideals, Independence Day, and the Elevation of Consciousness

Seemingly it is the sixties again…from the alternative world to the mainstream news, the children of the sixties, who are now in their sixties are interpreting events to fit their agenda. It doesn’t matter if you read your astrology: the writers want to bring back the sixties, or if you watch the news: there are riots in the streets because of racism… it’s as if the children of the sixties have only one style of interpreting the events around them. Their view of the world has overtaken that of those that were in power before them (the fifties generation)…. it’s not that strange for social groups to want to create the world in their image…it’s the rhetoric which is problematic for me.  I can see their point, I see where they are coming from, the problem is that it  is out of sync out of the timespace of thinking, it limits the opportunity for true consciousness elevation. Collaboration, unity, and the understanding, true belief that we are all one world. requires ascension, it requires seeing in a higher dimension, not dualistic but multidimensionally to work toward creating that unity.

I was raised in the same set of beliefs.  I challenged my parent’s worldview.  I learned to think in a liberal environment and questioned authority. I was a strong Kennedy Liberal.

Now that the liberal perspective is the authority, the question authority challenge has to come from the libertarian or conservative perspective.

It’s a neutral theme about how to think critically.

I understand that politics is full of propaganda, but propaganda doesn’t serve the alternative community.

The alternative community is where innovation, and really holding the middle space should be coming from. Unfortunately, I see propaganda coming through in astrology readings, channelings, and fringe prediction on a daily basis.

This is my litmus test.  Once I hear or read a push toward propaganda I know that person is pushing their ego perspective not channeling from a high source.  When I channel information I am continually surprised by the level of love and neutrality and elevated information I receive and hear.  Consistently I experience the beauty of the higher dimensional systems; I may feel a negative sense toward someone in my personhood, but then when I channel from source, I hear source saying that person is light just like me…Source is not in good/bad or third dimension, source in in a dimension beyond fifth.

This may sound a little weird to my readers who are not part of the alternative world.  That’s cool, let’s look at it from a more cognitive perspective.

My world view is not that of the hippie, partly because I am just too young to have that part of my cellular structure (although I have lots of peers that have gripped that belief system), partly because I am driven toward congruence.  Which is to say if I am challenging another to be loving and kind I strive to treat that person the way I am entreating them to treat others.  That is not what is happening in the community at large from the mainstream perspective.  More often than not I observe hatefulness, superiority, righteousness, and a demeanor of superiority in my fiercely liberal friends toward their political opposites or those whom they propagandize as against their beliefs.  That feels deeply incongruent with the liberal agenda of being compassionate toward others. Whenever acting in a way outside of what you are requesting to be the action toward yourself, then you are not living in an integrated spirit self mindful space.

I was raised by a person whose life-breath was integrated compassion and mindfulness derived from his amazing intellect. This integrated spiritual/cognitive mindfulness became my natural way in the world; it became my life-breath.  In addition, I was lucky enough to not push down my sensory guidance system that results in a sensefulness knowing that connects me to other humans, animals, plants, nature and spirit in an inexplicable way,  and assists me in knowing that we are one world, one planet, one group – all.

I am an immigrant’s daughter. My people left a difficult place to make a better life. They worked hard to make that a truth. No handouts, nothing for free. Those hard life stories that aren’t a myth but reality for my people.  My father was the baby of 13 children.  His father died when he was a teenager.  He won a scholarship to university in Chicago, due to his amazing intellect, and had to forego it to work full time to support his mother.  His mother had to mortgage her home to send him to night school, which he completed in 3 years while still working.  He took care of his sisters, his mother, and his family, whenever asked.  He was the first of his generation to get a college degree. He worked hard, started five businesses, each successful, and then sent all of his children to college.  We went on to get graduate degrees, and for one of us from Ivy league Universities.  I am the child of a man who moved five social class positions in his short lifetime and then raised me with principles that used to be considered ‘American principles’.

I went to a very liberal, liberal arts college where I was taught HOW to think, not what to think, all perspectives were offered and supported, it was my job to develop critical thinking and decode for myself what mattered.  And I came back home challenging my parents’ belief systems, looking at how my country was making mistakes and believing we could make the whole world better through mindfulness, communication, compassion and care. I traveled to Europe and my continent neighbors, and I saw how countries, like people, were not all cut from the same cloth.  Different things worked successfully for different countries just as they do for different personalities.  I studied Sociology and breathed-in the understanding that culture defines and creates thinking in a way that sometimes shifts a person out of critical, mindful thinking.  I learned that you have to challenge the belief systems that ‘seem’ natural and like breathing, because those are ideas that were introjected, swallowed whole, rather than a function of critical thinking. (gestalt therapy, theory, peeling the onion,  how to create mini-cultural revolutions) I worked in the chronic mental health community and helped people caught in that community to interact more efficiently in a world that didn’t quite make sense. I interacted with and helped people in the fringe of our society, always with compassion and care.  I learned a lot about how culture, experience and dualistic thinking created the problems surrounding the American culture.

Now, I write about mindfulness and sensfulness, ecopsychology, multidimensional interaction and the elevation of consciousness.  The answer is not in either the liberal or conservative perspective, it is in transcending and including BOTH.  The answer is in integrating the diverse belief systems so that they are interacting in a positive, caring, accepting collaborative way.

How is this related to Independence day? The people who strove to change the nation were like my father, integrated spiritual people.  They made an effort to transcend the rebellious pull, to create a thoughtful design to maintain a space in the middle, to help those who show up in the nation to create a real change in how people were treated.  They were imperfect, they couldn’t change some of the beliefs that were against their spiritual knowing, so they wrote the Declaration of Independence to include what they knew to be true that all people were created equal, all had the right to life and liberty. As the years go by we create the fullness of that truth with all people, and for my mind all sentient beings on the planet and the planet herself.  There is still more work to go to elevate the consciousness of the planet.  But those men then created an avenue through the declaration of independence to offer a way to create a higher level of consciousness right here. For that reason I am proud to be an American, and through that care and love for this experiment, I am dragging in the entire human race, the animals and plants and stars, hoping that soon, very soon all can see how we are one people, one world. how wolves change rivers

From my experience with Sociology, with helping people in many different communities and cultures, we aren’t going to get there by demeaning groups through propaganda. We can do it through a real dialogue, sincerely using sensefulness and mindfulness in a multidimensional way to create a healing and an elevation of consciousness on the planet. The empathic civilization, Jeremy Rifkin

With each step you can step onto the Path to Grace.

  • It requires internally challenging your knee-jerk reactions, belief systems, and those things that trigger you to anger and hatefulness.healing survivor scenarios
  • Act from a compassionate understanding place with an ernest desire to understand your fellow and sister perspective so that you can learn and grow and clarify your own perspective.
  • Act toward others with the loving care you desire from them.  Use the golden and silver rule to guide you and the elevation of consciousness is at hand.

Not all will survive this powerful time.  Each of you can maintain your integrated mindfulness and sensefulness, and while you are learning from others, they are learning from you.  This will create the space for an elevation in consciousness. five element cleanse

Gather support from the natural environment.

internal guidance systemMeditate, create art, work in the garden, exercise, walk through nature, in reconnecting with the tapestry of life you can see the support there as you offer shift in consciousness to your human community.

Shed your skin, Trust your heart-centered, inner guidance IV system.  Live your life fully and allow your full, big self to be present in the tapestry of life.  You may experience a new Alignment within you, around you and between you and source. in love and light, bg

Find out more in my new book,Instinctive Health Medicine, Finding Your  Path to Grace, due out in July 2016.

Check out these videos on Krqe.com in April 2014 and November 2014

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Aligning with your true path, your true self in your multidimensional self allows for healing. 


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Stress effects

Under stress people fall back to their comfort defenses...

be kind to unkind people, they need it most

Seems like a strange juxtaposition of terms comfort and defense…but the concept is that you have developed a set of defensive mechanisms that have protected you in life up to now.

These are a result of missed-connections in your parenting and missed-understandings and missed-communications in your social relationships…through family, friends, teachers, and supervisors…even your clergy can at times miss in their target of teaching.

The defensive position is ..the interpretation plus reaction… you developed as a result of those missed-interactions.

If you find yourself having the same fight — again, — shift your reaction by trying to understand what is stressing your partner, child, friend or colleague… then you may be able to help alleviate the stress and find a new and more secure way to connect.

Begin by aligning fully with yourself, while completely aligning with your friend, partner, child, or colleague… in that space of complete alignment you are standing in the center of both paradigms.

It requires empathy, boundaries, and inner security.

  • You must empathize with the other while you have compassion for yourself.
  • You have to understand where your responsibility for yourself begins and ends and your responsibility to the other person begins and ends.
  • And you have to have a sense of knowing (confidence rather than insecurity) or security.

The fall back position happens

  • when you lose your sense of security or trust in the relationship (or yourself),
  • or you confuse where you end and the other person begins (recognize the for/to responsibility issue),
  • or you interpret the other as attacking you, rather than having compassion and empathy.

drama and breathThis action (or reaction)where you fall back to comfort defenses is the way you reset in a war.

When a person is in a war he advances, when the attack is too strong the person falls back to a comfort defense, a place where he can reset and recuperate.  That’s what happens with stress.

Stress challenges individuals at a core level and causes each to feel the need to fall back and recuperate…the natural or rather knee jerk reaction is to become defensive and interpret the other person as attacking.

The best way to respond rather than react is to focus on your feelings, your sensory guidance system…what are you feel in your senses…then you align with your feeling BUT not with your historical interpretation of what that feeling means.  By unlinking your feeling, from your interpretation of what that feeling means about the other person, you are creating the space for empathy (compassion), boundaries (paradigm recognition and shifting), and inner security.

  • Catch yourself when you are in the fall back position.
  • Catch yourself when you have raised a shield of protection, defensiveness.
  • Catch yourself when you feel alone behind a rigid wall of your own creation.
  • Catch yourself when you feel yourself pulling back your heart from the situation.

Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • You can shift away from defensiveness through these steps:  Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire.  Remember, to release energy blockages, you need

  • cropped-yoga-11.jpgintention, I want to heal or uplevel my consciousness.
  • insight, I am projecting from a habit reaction pattern of reacting. 
  • gratitude, This conflict is a gift to assist me in righting an inner misbelief or loss of faith.
  • and forgiveness, I forgive myself for how I disowned my needs; I forgive you for the injury caused knowingly or unknowingly.

How these steps direct you is through the focused energy of your personal sensory guidance system and your heart led healing rather than psych (mind) or cognitive/behavioral led healing alone.  Spirit must be engaged and in the lead in order for a transcendence through thought-based, limiting beliefs.  You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.

Your heart knowing is Always communicating to you about what you need and who you are through your personal sensory guidance system of senses.  Listen to your sense reactions, your instincts, your intuition.chakra mantras

Learn to interpret your feelings so that you can see what is your projection and what is universal… focus on intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness as an integrated system, informed by your sensory system (which includes intuition) and you will live in a different world.  This is a quantum shift in consciousness led by your heart spirit connection. In each interaction, perception, and action the world can be created anew.  Find your way home. from may 23,2014, energy blockages released.

These steps are outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).

front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Inner and Outer Reflection, Paradigm shifting

Outer Reflection is how you see.  You make determinations about your self, others, what you have created and what you can create via a mirror–>through what you perceive reflected back to you.  The work in development is to establish an inner picture that can take in new information as it is reflected but can also deflect distorted information. choose Outer Reflection is how you decipher how others see you. What you like in another is often about what you are striving for in yourselves.  Sometimes it works against you, via a thing called projection:

What we dislike in another may also be about something we dislike within ourselves that we don’t want to accept. (this was first identified as a psychological ego defense mechanism by Freud).

reflection Defensiveness is a notable component of projection.  It is also an inner clue to let you know that you are being triggered and reacting from a habit reaction pattern, or in past-tense, rather than in present time.  You can use the feeling of defensiveness to gently nudge you to use Inner reflection to mindfully determine how to respond to a situation.   We are all one unit.  The universe, the plant, animal and human species are one dynamic, interactive organism. The universe is constantly responding to you and you are constantly responding to the universe.  This is the nature of things; it is a kind of ebb and flow. When you get stuck in a habit of reacting, or an attachment to how things should be or look,  then you get caught in a feedback loop wherein you perceive specific things being mirrored back to you that are more about your history than the present moment.  You lose the benefit of the dynamic reflection of the universe, and relationships. Turning No to ON works with this element of reflection…using the mirror reflection of ON from no, to get you to use your inner reflective tools. Inner reflection is mindfulness.  It is an active process of recognizing, perceiving the mirror reflection and then using paradigm shifting to determine the voracity of the outer reflection.  It gives you space, slows time, so that you can actually create broader and deeper connections to your environment, and your community.  It increases understanding, clarifies your place in the world and transcends fear-based reactivity. Turning Me to We in relationships uses inner reflection to include a vision of the world as interdependent rather than narcissistic or defensive.  Narcissistic reactions are all about me, me, me.  They are fear-based and one-dimensional.  Defensive reactions are both me and I, I, I, they are fear-based and two-dimensional.  YOU can Use this reflective aspect of the universe to reset your self and get to neutral, so you can create interdependent, non-fear-based, multi-dimensional relationships that encourage connection and collaboration.

I chose these reflective, mirroring titles to telegraph the importance of transcending reactive, defensive, fear-based interaction. I wanted to encourage at the start this focus on the reflections, not just the meaning of these words, to get you to understand and engage in the internal shift required for health.  You only have power over yourself.  The world within which you live is your creation.  When you own that, you free yourself to make the necessary changes within yourself to create the world you truly desire from your integrated, non-fear reactive, multi-dimensional spirit, mind, body self.

Turning No to ON is moving from No to Yes and Off to On.  It is dynamically and mindfully working with the entire situation within which the No is happening to understand what is being reflected by the child, so that you can shift him or her to an On position ready to participate, interact and learn. When no is turning into ON it has to shift focus, see from a different perspective: see the reflection of the NO so that you can understand the Yes and be ON. When me is turning to we it uses an inversion, a shift in perspective, so that the needs of me shift into the needs and receptivity of we.  You can think of using an inversion to shift the M into a W.

In order to get from Me to WE you have to develop empathy, boundaries and inner security. Me is dependent, needy and insecure. An individual who is relating in a Me style of relationship has loose boundaries, difficulty saying no, and often feels s/he must give up self needs to meet the needs of the other.

I is defensive, competitive and fearful of being engulfed. An individual who is relating in an I style of relationship has rigid boundaries, difficulty saying yes, and fear of being subsumed into the other and lose internal strength. In order to move out of Me and I styles of relating you need to use both the power of reflection from others and a sense of inner security to establish a path through Me and I styles of relating into a We style of relating with mutuality and flexible boundaries. Finally, remember that paradigms are a part of how we interpret these reflections.  Practice inversions and this will assist you in developing a way through the Me and I to the WE or through the No to ON. Paradigm shifting is visual and language.  An example of a visual paradigm shift is the traditional duck/ bunny.imagesB An example of a language paradigm shift is that the name for the Tibetan word for sun is the Hopi word for moon and the Hopi word for Sun is the Tibetan word for Moon.  If you make a straight line from the Hopi land through the earth you come out on the other side in Tibet. http://www.ahastories.com/hopiprophecy.html. Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through the Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Attachment to Ideology versus Attachment in Bonding

You have mirror neurons in your brain that help you connect and feel empathy, uplevelling consciousness blog, 5.15.14.  These help you develop connections, feel connected, attached in the Bowlby-an sense (Attachment, John Bowlby, Basic Books, 1969) and belong to society.  This is a basic driving force in human development.

But how you develop your connections, how you discern what to do and how to do it is through modeling, through observing your environment so IF your environment is chaotic and skewed you will develop a skew in how you connect, what you perceive as normal, and what you attach to with respect to your group connections, beliefs and values (Bowlby, Holmes, Gineris).

This is how basic marketing, propaganda, and brain-washing work; especially when the information and presentation is intentionally meant to control thinking and actions.  The range of manipulation goes from benign to harmful.

With this in mind, the word attachment has two vastly different meanings depending on the context.

Attachment in bonding can free you, assist you in developing a stronger sense of esteem and resilience or strength

Attachment to ideology can numb you and skew your thinking patterns or actions so that you have limited freedom and control.

Understanding the positive effects of attachment in bonding is really important to use the mirror neurons and modeling to create a higher level of consciousness.  Bowlby’s work references that attachment is necessary for individualization and interdependence.  You move from a dependent relationship to  independence to the capacity for interdependence in relationship. (see more also in Turning No to On: The art of Partnering with Mindfulness, Gineris, 2013).  This cannot be accomplished without attachment.  There is actually a psychiatric behavioral problem called reactive attachment disorder, an excellent 2013 blog re: new DSM 5 criteria for RAD, specifically because being attached is the first step in evolving into an independent whole being able to make connections with others. Attachment in bonding occurs in the first few years of life and if the opportunity is missed, distorted, interrupted, neglectful or traumatic then the capacity for the child to develop a healthy attachment is dramatically affected (negatively).  This is similar to imprinting with ducks, there is a time period within the human brain to incorporate this experience of connection and bonding – when it is missed the child may not be able to efficiently develop empathy, and the capacity for connection.

Understanding the negative aspects of attachment in an entirely different contextBeing attached to an idea or a specific way in which something should look leads a person down a path of inflexibility, and a lack of a capacity to paradigm shift and collaborate; the person is unable to have an interdependent relationship. The person is actually driven to create this picture and therefore misses the opportunities in relationship and life. Here attachment refers to a perception attachment, attachment in perception or paradigm- an attachment to things looking a certain way or an ideology– rather than the concept of attachment to a significant other in bonding.

imagesBAttachment to an idea or perception is something that is cognitive in nature and can be undone. It requires insight.  It requires mindfulness and the capacity to paradigm shift.  When you look at the picture to the left you may see a duck – or a bunny.  What you see has something to do with your attachment to what a duck or bunny look like.  If you are strongly attached to one paradigm you may not be able to see the other.  This is a tangible example of how attachment to an idea can create conflict, battles, where the conflict doesn’t exist.  Both images are there, depending on your orientation.  Most arguments are about perception, orientation, and beliefs that are connected to context.  Once you can see the other side and see both sides then you can see your attachment and then choose to remain attached or find a middle space in the interaction. (Gineris, 2013)

In parenting the more you can develop a strong resilient healthful attachment with your child the better your child’s ability to create powerful, positive relationships throughout his or her life.  For more on how to do that check out the books at the end of this blog.

In relationship the more you can see though your identified attachment to things looking a specific way – which drives you to react habitually in relationships rather than to respond in real time in a mindful way- to mindfully interacting, the better and more fulfilling your relationships can and will be.

When talking about attachment, clarify the context.  Strengthen bonding through trustworthy responsiveness to your child.  Respond in the moment with an open, mindful mind and loving heart, and your relationships will broaden and strengthen. in love and light, bg

Bowlby, John. Attachment. Basic Books Inc, Publishers: New York, 1969.

Gineris, Beth, Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2011.

Gineris, Beth, Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2013.

Holmes, Jeremy, Attachment, Intimacy, Autonomy. Jason Aronson, Inc: Northvale, New Jersey, 1996.

(Gesell, Ames, and Ilg – any of their books on child development.)

You can find out more in  at http://www.bethgineris.com.front cover.me2we

Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in our relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment,Power, Structure)in love and light, bg