Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.

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Resilience is the key to strength

Mental toughness is more of an inner flexibility than an external rigidity. It is adaptability with push through.

I just finished my first half Ironman. It was an extraordinary experience.  Running across the finish line took grace and grit.  I think my experience there is a metaphor for life.  Each event has its own challenges and rewards.  Life is no different: Work, play, relationship, friendship, education/training, personal growth, parenting…these are all events in the landscape of life. The common factors of success in these utilize the tools of mental toughness.

When I’m working with a coaching client I focus on resilience, the ability to bounce back to push through undeclared, unexpected circumstances; ones capacity for adaptability creates the highest level of happiness and success in life.  Adaptability can cause troubles when there’s a lack of inner stability or core strength then the flexibility results in being pushed over.

This link applies mental fitness to triathlon:

Here are the ten tips:  the italicized information offers key ideas for developing resilience, adaptability, and mental toughness in life…mindfulness.

1. Approach new situations with a flexible mind and recognition of your own preconceptions. You know you don’t know everything, so you can’t really be surprised.  Paradigms are key here.  It’s not only what you think you know, it’s also what you have locked perceptions about. Allowing yourself to have a foundation that is flexible open and responsive to change makes all the difference.

2. Roll with the unexpected. If you’re giving a presentation and the lights go out, you move the party to the local restaurant and continue onward. Stuff happens; everyone knows it. But how you react to it is what counts. If you’re racing a triathlon and get a flat tire, you don’t throw a fit and break your bike in half. You change it — even if it takes you 30 minutes. Don’t give up. Perseverance, ease of transition, responsiveness… I call this respons- a- bility.  The ability to calmly and quickly assess, decide and act (respond) is the key.

3. Remain centered and focused. Other competitive types may try to throw you off with gamesmanship. It’s part of the competitive world, and you may do it too, consciously or not. Don’t let a competitor bait you into unwise moves ruled by emotion. As far as mental toughness within competition goes, you need to know your strengths and play to them, not to someone else’s tune. Stay on task with your goal whenever anything or anyone tries to interfere. Run your own race.  This applies to competition, and applies to life at every level.  Your skills are best exhibited in your own pacing, timing, and paradigm.

4. Defeat isn’t the end for you. You have lost before. You’ll lose again. Your ability to absorb these and move onwards with your race, career and life is what counts. Michael Jordan has a quote about missing 9,000 free throws or something like that. You get the point. Efficient learning happens after mistakes are made and corrected. Find your way through the labyrinth to the center.  Leave that there and move to the next event with a fresh face and clear mind.  This will keep you centered, mindful, and give you the best chance at success.

5. Believe in yourself. Recognize your talents with a realistic assessment of your skills. Really knowing that you’re good at something is empowering and will generally help you become even better as you believe in your ability and that skill. No one is good at everything, but we’re all great at something. Recognize this. Confidence creates strength and courage; draws success to you. Insecurity creates loss and deflation; pushes success away.  The key is to know yourself; having a healthy recognition of your assets and limitations.

6. Deal with the discomfort. Almost everyone is in pain the last few miles of a marathon or gets tired at some point in an IRONMAN. The front of the pack often separates not on their physical ability but their mental ability to deal with temporary physical states (like pain or fatigue). With a strong mind you can overcome. Mental toughness is knowing when the pain is something that requires immediate attention and when it is not.  This is what allows for push through and breakthrough in strength training and physical fitness.  Your mind can interfere with your physical fitness by stoping too early or going to long and creating injury. This is paramount in relationship and emotional development.

7. Channel your inner Wolverine. He’s angry, he’s got claws and he heals very, very quickly. Sometimes you have just got to break out a little Wolvie. I like to encourage your inner goddess or your inner warrior.  Focus, focus, focus.  Know your skills and use them to meet your goals.

8. Crap rolls downhill. It also rolls over you. Anyone in the business world knows that one. As an athlete, you will also experience your share of crap. Crappy workouts. Crappy days. Crappy equipment. Crappy training partners. Crappy races. My goodness, the world is full of crap. But you’re Teflon, baby. Let it roll on down. Move on to that hill over yonder.  Shake it off, shake it off.. reset.

9. When things go wrong, keep moving on. “Don’t give up” is a powerful and simple statement. What other options do you have? Is there another way? Is there any way? What do you have to do to make things go your way? Find it. Do it. This is the mental toughness that carries people through situations where weaker minds crumble. Commitment, perseverance…accept the situation respond to it with grace and grit, and a little bit of anger and a little bit of joy..that mixture gives you the strength and the mindfulness to persevere.

10. Things aren’t always your fault. Mentally tough people also tend to be drivers and doers with a predisposition to strong internal locus of control. That’s a funny way of saying that it’s easy to start to think you can make things happen by just doing your best. Some things are just out of your control, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Sometimes there is a competitor out there with a better idea, a higher V02 max or slightly better taper coming into his A-race. See the two rules above and move on. Channel your inner goddess, your inner warrior, your inner magician…recognize with focus you can bend time, break barriers go where no one has gone before…I can do it. The best mantra to get you to the finish line.

Mindfulness is a type of mental fitness. Thinks that will completely stop you are misbeliefs. This bog can help :

Keep developing your mindfulness and you will finish and possible win whatever race you enter in life. in love and light, bg

Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2016 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Discover your path, set an intention for what you want to create in your life: It’s difficult to get where you’re going without a map. 

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The Art of Partnering with mindfulness: How to get there in 2 easy steps.

The most challenging aspect of relationship is connecting…not when you feel all gooey and lovey, but when you feel hurt, disconnected, or angry…of course that is one of the most important times to connect..

Try these two steps when you are faced with that kind to unkind people, they need it most

  • Do a cognitive head stand:
    Think of everything you like about that person, whether you feel angry because of something they did or didn’t do or say OR hurt by them in some way,
  • This focuses you on why you want to work out the disconnect and how much you care about him or her… once you do that, you free yourself up from the defensive, fight posture and open yourself up to the connection posture…
  • Hold an image of the person in your mind in that loving space when you begin to discuss the problem…every time you feel his or her negativity, reorient yourself internally – look at that image,
  • That will help you communicate from your heart, you will have to say what is bugging you, but HOW you say it will be what is communicated – the love and connection.

Do these two things and you have a far better chance for success.

It’s not about being right it’s about be with (connecting)…that’s the glue of relationship.

Relationships are dynamic and multi-level.  You come in and out of being in the same space.  Sometimes you are completely in sync and when that happens you flow.  When you feel the stickiness, the flow not flowing, but sticking, then you have to check your perspective and reorient yourself.

It helps to remember what brought you to the relationship in the first place.

This requires you shift out of a right/wrong, defensive perspective and into a clarity of connection.  It requires you disperse and shift defensiveness in to connection.

Defensiveness is a product of feeling attacked.  In most relationships defensiveness is the way in which the fight continues…so if you feel defensive, you can shift out of it through the above two step process.  Defensiveness and competition go hand in hand.

Competition is a wonderful thing.  It is a great way to discern who is the best athlete or competitor of the people who showed up to the event…but in relationship competition can be divisive, and create distance, and resentment.  In relationship individuals are looking to be seen, accepted, and co-create.  There can be a sharing of leadership, and knowledge and teaching.

Collaboration offers the best style of interaction in relationship.  You cannot collaborate when you are vying for proof of rightness.  Collaboration is a byproduct of mindful paradigm shifting.  It allows both parties to share personal perspectives while discovering a centered place where both perspectives meet.

Family and love relationships are the kind of relationships where this is most paramount.

Often it is a phrase, feeling, or style of interacting that creates the defensiveness.

Left over resentments, and injuries must be resolved.  Partners and family members must let go, forgive, reset, if they are going to continue in the relationship.  This is the only way to disperse the defensiveness.  If an injury or resentment is too big to release then you may have come to the end of the line with that relationship.  Release it with love and forgiveness. Discern what is your part and make a lesson of the loss to assist you in future relationships.  Don’t hold on.  Let go.

When you are bound to the injury and resentment and also unwilling to let go of the relationship, you can create a difficult and unpleasant relationship.reflection

Whenever you feel defensive, look to see what is underneath…is it connected to a historical relationship?  Is it connected to an unresolved injury or resentment?  Clarify what is underneath, unearth it and bring it to the surface.  Then use the above two step process to try to resolve the problem with your partner.  If it is unresolvable, allow yourself to release the unforgiveness.  Forgive your partner and yourself; this may result in the dissolution of the relationship but it will create a freeing within you to honestly connect in your future relationships without holding the next person accountable for an unresolved injury. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg

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the space between mindful-breathing and will…staying within the threshold of calm strength

Most of you recognize that the integration of spirit, mind, and body is a multi-level, multi-phase experience. It is dynamic, changing responsively to your inner and outer environment.

Recent events have further elucidated for me the subtleties of this dynamic process.

Participating in a fifty mile race after three weeks on the bike. To my surprise while participating in the long ride, I began to feel unable to continue…my friends encouraged me to use my yogic breath and my experience of inner peace to press on… Ultimately I noticed it was my will that gave me the strength to continue. 

Re-training myself for a distance swim for my first triathlon sprint. During the swim training, I discovered an underlying degree of anxiety that was exacerbated by loss of breath — it projected me right back to an earlier event of almost being choked when I was raped as a teenager.  It was shocking and almost uncontrollable to keep swimming – my body was fighting for life while I could clarify that it was not actually happening, my heartrate ramped up my breath became flat and labored…I couldn’t swim properly…Ultimately in the swim training it was my inner breath and my yogic training that assisted me in calming my fear and re-integrating myself into the now, to release the energy of the rape experience connected to ‘air-hunger’.

Having  endured significant sexual harassment throughout my life, I have made significant efforts, with success, to clear the vestiges of effect from this trauma, and to eradicate the insecurities that could have colored how I interacted in relationship and partnership. This information is further explained in the section on  MAAPS insecurity drivers in my book* Turning Me to We: the Art of Partnering with mindfulness.

These recent events focused how the trauma vestiges can effect your relationship with yourself.

As could be expected, the rape was the most problematic to clear.  It was held within my psychic, emotional, and cognitive memory as well as my physical body.  To this day I have a holding in my upper body that is still reminiscent of the position in which I was pinned down. This is not unusual for individuals who have survived a rape to have these various types of physical changes. I have had success in clearing this to a fairly deep level physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

I have had the great fortune of applying mindfulness, psychotherapy, and forgiveness toward my history of harassment and the rape…as such I have created warm loving non-abusive relationships with my partner and friends.  It is for this reason that I spend so much time training, teaching, and modeling mindfulness and forgiveness as part of a healthy lifestyle individually and in relationships/partnerships.

With this being stated, I was quite surprised by the deep level of fear and anxiety that exhibited in myself during the ride and swim training.   It speaks to the depth of effect in the spirit, body, mind web that is within human consciousness; and how deeply trauma plumbs to the center of one’s being.

Humans are dynamic, multi-dimensional beings.  

The process of clearing trauma can take years and releases in layers.

Trauma for one being may not be traumatic for another.  

Spiritual trauma is the most debilitating, as spirit connects humans to the greater universe of energy.  When spiritual trauma is directly bound with physical trauma, thinking can skew off into a place that could be described as ‘hell on earth’.

Over the years I have noted that individuals who have intense anxiety suffer far more than those around them…because they do not have the peace that comes with centeredness…the peace you experience with centered mindful meditation and breath.

The lesson of this recent athletic training is that each challenge requires an integrated spirt, body, mind response.  And, that balance is affected by the vestiges of previous traumas or incorrect correlations of power.

Human beings are spiritually and willlfully driven.

  • It is your ego*/ will that can pull you through a difficult challenging task– that is where hard work and discipline are kings and queens.
  • And, it is your spiritual inner faith and knowing that is required in other challenges….
  • (ego as defined as the balanced mediator of your personality, mediator between id and superego – see Gineris, Turning Me to WE, The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, p 186, Rebalancing: Empathy, Ego and Spirit).

The space between mindful breathing and will is the ground where all battles are fought.  This is in a phrase then entirety of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War* * to know yourself, know your enemy, to know when to act and when to be quietly strong as you prepare to act….

  • Staying within the threshold of calm is an act of faith and will. Success requires both dynamically and rhythmically in play.
  • The practice of yoga can teach you this through your use of breath to move through challenges.
  • The practice of mindful meditation can teach you this as you breath yourself into neutrality, compassion and the now.
  • The practice of athletic training can teach you this if you understand the relationship between will and allowing, remaining centered in your integrated spirit, mind and body.

If you struggle with anxiety, use these practices to bring you into a more dynamic and flexible relationship with your will (discipline/Qi) and your faith (spirit/breath/Shen), you will find more peaceful and powerful successes in all you undertake to accomplish. Namaste, in love and light, bg



You can find out more at  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg



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Stress effects

Under stress people fall back to their comfort defenses...

be kind to unkind people, they need it most

Seems like a strange juxtaposition of terms comfort and defense…but the concept is that you have developed a set of defensive mechanisms that have protected you in life up to now.

These are a result of missed-connections in your parenting and missed-understandings and missed-communications in your social relationships…through family, friends, teachers, and supervisors…even your clergy can at times miss in their target of teaching.

The defensive position is ..the interpretation plus reaction… you developed as a result of those missed-interactions.

If you find yourself having the same fight — again, — shift your reaction by trying to understand what is stressing your partner, child, friend or colleague… then you may be able to help alleviate the stress and find a new and more secure way to connect.

Begin by aligning fully with yourself, while completely aligning with your friend, partner, child, or colleague… in that space of complete alignment you are standing in the center of both paradigms.

It requires empathy, boundaries, and inner security.

  • You must empathize with the other while you have compassion for yourself.
  • You have to understand where your responsibility for yourself begins and ends and your responsibility to the other person begins and ends.
  • And you have to have a sense of knowing (confidence rather than insecurity) or security.

The fall back position happens

  • when you lose your sense of security or trust in the relationship (or yourself),
  • or you confuse where you end and the other person begins (recognize the for/to responsibility issue),
  • or you interpret the other as attacking you, rather than having compassion and empathy.

drama and breathThis action (or reaction)where you fall back to comfort defenses is the way you reset in a war.

When a person is in a war he advances, when the attack is too strong the person falls back to a comfort defense, a place where he can reset and recuperate.  That’s what happens with stress.

Stress challenges individuals at a core level and causes each to feel the need to fall back and recuperate…the natural or rather knee jerk reaction is to become defensive and interpret the other person as attacking.

The best way to respond rather than react is to focus on your feelings, your sensory guidance system…what are you feel in your senses…then you align with your feeling BUT not with your historical interpretation of what that feeling means.  By unlinking your feeling, from your interpretation of what that feeling means about the other person, you are creating the space for empathy (compassion), boundaries (paradigm recognition and shifting), and inner security.

  • Catch yourself when you are in the fall back position.
  • Catch yourself when you have raised a shield of protection, defensiveness.
  • Catch yourself when you feel alone behind a rigid wall of your own creation.
  • Catch yourself when you feel yourself pulling back your heart from the situation.

Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • You can shift away from defensiveness through these steps:  Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire.  Remember, to release energy blockages, you need

  • cropped-yoga-11.jpgintention, I want to heal or uplevel my consciousness.
  • insight, I am projecting from a habit reaction pattern of reacting. 
  • gratitude, This conflict is a gift to assist me in righting an inner misbelief or loss of faith.
  • and forgiveness, I forgive myself for how I disowned my needs; I forgive you for the injury caused knowingly or unknowingly.

How these steps direct you is through the focused energy of your personal sensory guidance system and your heart led healing rather than psych (mind) or cognitive/behavioral led healing alone.  Spirit must be engaged and in the lead in order for a transcendence through thought-based, limiting beliefs.  You can find out more at

Your heart knowing is Always communicating to you about what you need and who you are through your personal sensory guidance system of senses.  Listen to your sense reactions, your instincts, your intuition.chakra mantras

Learn to interpret your feelings so that you can see what is your projection and what is universal… focus on intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness as an integrated system, informed by your sensory system (which includes intuition) and you will live in a different world.  This is a quantum shift in consciousness led by your heart spirit connection. In each interaction, perception, and action the world can be created anew.  Find your way home. from may 23,2014, energy blockages released.

These steps are outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).

front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg

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Attachment to Ideology versus Attachment in Bonding

You have mirror neurons in your brain that help you connect and feel empathy, uplevelling consciousness blog, 5.15.14.  These help you develop connections, feel connected, attached in the Bowlby-an sense (Attachment, John Bowlby, Basic Books, 1969) and belong to society.  This is a basic driving force in human development.

But how you develop your connections, how you discern what to do and how to do it is through modeling, through observing your environment so IF your environment is chaotic and skewed you will develop a skew in how you connect, what you perceive as normal, and what you attach to with respect to your group connections, beliefs and values (Bowlby, Holmes, Gineris).

This is how basic marketing, propaganda, and brain-washing work; especially when the information and presentation is intentionally meant to control thinking and actions.  The range of manipulation goes from benign to harmful.

With this in mind, the word attachment has two vastly different meanings depending on the context.

Attachment in bonding can free you, assist you in developing a stronger sense of esteem and resilience or strength

Attachment to ideology can numb you and skew your thinking patterns or actions so that you have limited freedom and control.

Understanding the positive effects of attachment in bonding is really important to use the mirror neurons and modeling to create a higher level of consciousness.  Bowlby’s work references that attachment is necessary for individualization and interdependence.  You move from a dependent relationship to  independence to the capacity for interdependence in relationship. (see more also in Turning No to On: The art of Partnering with Mindfulness, Gineris, 2013).  This cannot be accomplished without attachment.  There is actually a psychiatric behavioral problem called reactive attachment disorder, an excellent 2013 blog re: new DSM 5 criteria for RAD, specifically because being attached is the first step in evolving into an independent whole being able to make connections with others. Attachment in bonding occurs in the first few years of life and if the opportunity is missed, distorted, interrupted, neglectful or traumatic then the capacity for the child to develop a healthy attachment is dramatically affected (negatively).  This is similar to imprinting with ducks, there is a time period within the human brain to incorporate this experience of connection and bonding – when it is missed the child may not be able to efficiently develop empathy, and the capacity for connection.

Understanding the negative aspects of attachment in an entirely different contextBeing attached to an idea or a specific way in which something should look leads a person down a path of inflexibility, and a lack of a capacity to paradigm shift and collaborate; the person is unable to have an interdependent relationship. The person is actually driven to create this picture and therefore misses the opportunities in relationship and life. Here attachment refers to a perception attachment, attachment in perception or paradigm- an attachment to things looking a certain way or an ideology– rather than the concept of attachment to a significant other in bonding.

imagesBAttachment to an idea or perception is something that is cognitive in nature and can be undone. It requires insight.  It requires mindfulness and the capacity to paradigm shift.  When you look at the picture to the left you may see a duck – or a bunny.  What you see has something to do with your attachment to what a duck or bunny look like.  If you are strongly attached to one paradigm you may not be able to see the other.  This is a tangible example of how attachment to an idea can create conflict, battles, where the conflict doesn’t exist.  Both images are there, depending on your orientation.  Most arguments are about perception, orientation, and beliefs that are connected to context.  Once you can see the other side and see both sides then you can see your attachment and then choose to remain attached or find a middle space in the interaction. (Gineris, 2013)

In parenting the more you can develop a strong resilient healthful attachment with your child the better your child’s ability to create powerful, positive relationships throughout his or her life.  For more on how to do that check out the books at the end of this blog.

In relationship the more you can see though your identified attachment to things looking a specific way – which drives you to react habitually in relationships rather than to respond in real time in a mindful way- to mindfully interacting, the better and more fulfilling your relationships can and will be.

When talking about attachment, clarify the context.  Strengthen bonding through trustworthy responsiveness to your child.  Respond in the moment with an open, mindful mind and loving heart, and your relationships will broaden and strengthen. in love and light, bg

Bowlby, John. Attachment. Basic Books Inc, Publishers: New York, 1969.

Gineris, Beth, Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2011.

Gineris, Beth, Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2013.

Holmes, Jeremy, Attachment, Intimacy, Autonomy. Jason Aronson, Inc: Northvale, New Jersey, 1996.

(Gesell, Ames, and Ilg – any of their books on child development.)

You can find out more in  at cover.me2we

Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in our relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment,Power, Structure)in love and light, bg

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easy centering meditation for all ages

This is an easy way to teach kids how to meditate

Benefits of meditation Begin with breath.

Sit comfortably.

Close your eyes.

Imagine golden light coming in the top of your head and moving down along the interior of your body along your spine with your in-breath.

As you exhale imagine negative energy, stress, fears, or obstacles moving out your feet.

If you like you can think of how the sun feels on your back to get an image of warmth moving through you.

Breathe in so that your tummy gets big and breathe out so that your tummy gets smaller.
Breathe in for a count of 3 and out for a count of 5 (after a while you may want to breathe in for a count of 5 and out for 7 or even long but always have your out-breath be longer by two counts).

You can have you child teach a favorite stuffy to help learn the routine.

In medicine the best strategy to habituate yourself to a procedure is see 1, do 1, teach 1.  So use that strategy here to help inculcate for your child the meditation process.

After 10 to 20 breaths have a strong exhalation and open your eyes; you will feel refreshed.
You can lengthen the time you breathe to 3 – 5 minutes.

Encourage your child to practice in the morning and the evening.

3-5 minutes for younger children is an excellent practice.  As your child becomes more practiced you can increase to 15 minutes twice a day.  Long time meditators may meditate for 30 or more minutes.  Let your experience define what is best for you and your child.

Encourage your child to use this technique when faced with a stressful event.  After practice it will become a natural instinctive method in response to feeling out of balance, feeling fearful or stressed.

You can do this too and it will reinforce your child’s practice.

Enjoy!  in love and light, bg

beth's book No to ONOn April 5, 2014, I will be teaching a course on the use of mindfulness to treat anxiety for coaches, teachers and parents, at the Center for Instinctive Health Medicine…. Mindfulness techniques to reduce anxiety & stress, in children, excellent for counselor, caregivers, coaches, and teachers  tuition $120, April 5, 2014, 9-3, 6 hours of ceu for counselor and therapists— includes applications for children and adolescents for parent/teacher training. [this class can be purchased for training in classroom or counselor site training – modified to fit your needs – contact dr. gineris by email]….. These techniques are great for counselors and I offer CEUs for nm licensed counselors, you can sign up through my website,

front cover.me2wedr beth gineris is the author of Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (2011) and Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness (2013).  She endeavors to assist individuals in the process of upleveling their consciousness in everyday interactions to experience profound love, connection and care in their relationships and communities.  You can find her books on and through her website.

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sleep like a dog for a long life

Hello and Welcome!

This post offers excellent support to increase your healthy balanced living.

Li Ching-Yuen was purported to have lived 256 years in China dying in 1933.  When asked the secret to his long life he related his knowledge for longevity in this simple sentence: “Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog.”

retain a calm heart may also be translated to maintain a tranquil mind… this is a direct reference to meditation.  Over the years many studies have shown the deep and abiding benefits of meditation; showing that focused mindful meditation helps with maintaining healthy brain function and cardiovascular function.  Meditation increases resilience to stress.

...sit like a turtle is a reference to stillness, being still, allowing stillness without distraction and without multitasking…this allows for the fullness of each experience and allows for rejuvenation…there is significant evidence that the amount of stimuli requiring attention or the amount of multitasking required by americans leads to stress and allostatic overload.  Creating stillness increases space for rejuvenation and a return to balance.

walk like a pigeon, also translated as walking quickly or sprightly, this referenced moving rhythmically and frequently.  This seems to keep the body, heart and mind activated and attentive without a sense of hyperactivity.  Activity with rest is the most balanced style of physical development and health.

sleep like a dog…this is indeed my favorite as it references the importance of not aspen and romeo asleep 3-12holding onto anything that causes anxiety, releasing unforgiveness, allowing past to be past and being in the now…conserving energy and embracing the importance of deep and fulfilling sleep…healthy in-balanced dogs take frequent naps when there is a lull in activity and then awake refreshed ready to pounce on the day or evening.

When you focus on living in a healthful, balanced fashion you increase your lifespan and decrease the negative effects of aging.  Living out of balance shortens your lifespan.

In a time when there is debate about health insurance and the issue of accessibility it is important to see through the propaganda to truth.Health insurance doesn’t precisely increase accessibility.  Healthcare is not health insurance.  In order to increase accessibility, many shifts are required.

You can sidestep this problem, if you are currently healthy or moderately out of balance, by increasing your balanced practice in living.

Consider the issues of spirit, body, and mind.  (You may also read this series of articles on shifting your attitude, connecting to your spirit, and balancing your life, to develop your 4×4 Habits to Health.)

How are you increasing your risk for imbalance and need for health care?  Ask yourself these questions.

  • Do you have difficulty sleeping?  Do you awaken after a full nights sleep and feel unrested?
  • Do you feel sluggish?  Do you have an ongoing sense of fatigue?
  • Do you have trouble exercising either due to a lack of energy or pain?
  • Do you have chronic pain?
  • Do you have a pervasive sense of uneasiness or anxiety?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed with your tasks and responsibilities?
  • Do you feel you overeat, or drink alcohol, or use drugs to deal with your stress level?
  • Do you feel isolated?  Or do you feel too much responsibility for those for whom you care?
  • Do you eat food you know is not good for you because you are too busy to make good food? Or do you eat food that is not good for you because you have to eat quickly and on schedule?
  • Are you overweight and find you cannot seem to drop the weight even when you try?
  • Do you have unresolved anger or unforgiveness regarding earlier injuries, losses, or relationship issues?
  • Do you feel bereft spiritually?
  • Do you feel apathetic?
  • Do you feel angry, and short-tempered more than 30 % of your waking time?

If you get more than half answers in the positive, your life is out of balance.  This kind of imbalance can lead to heart disease, increased bad cholesterol, increased levels of glucose, increased levels of cortisol, decreased energy, difficulties with sleep and the overall regenerative processes built into your integrated spirit, mind and body processes, and a more rapid aging process.  To make the necessary shifts in your habits of living, begin with the above mantra.  You can start today!

Up to now, the western medical program in the US has been to enable Americans to behave in an unbalanced way and then get treatment for their bad behavior, calling this health care treatment.  Now that we are moving into a socialized medicine program, this will begin to diminish.  less and less will unbalanced, unhealthy behavior be supported through medical treatment.  This is because the cost to do so is very high.

As you look over the last 120 years there is an interesting observation of overindulgence, then abstinence with the pendulum swinging toward each end in succession.   Letting go and partying then pulling in and recuperating.  The ground for this warfare being your body.  When lifespans were closer to fifty years rather than one hundred years, this overindulgence only shortened a person’s life slightly.  Now, individuals who want to live longer will have to live healthier more balanced lifestyles to have their bodies be working efficiently at the end of their lives.

“Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog.”  OR

Change your attitude, Heal your spirit, Balance your life… if you want to find a deeper practice or just want support in finding your way to balance, you can contact me at my website for more intensive coaching or other great resource material, www.bethgineris.comin love and light, bg

photo of two dogs sleeping:  Lisa Aldon

front cover.me2we

Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.

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mindfulness and parenting revisited

Hello and Welcome

Negotiating the treacherous waters of parenting can be anxiety provoking and discouraging.

This results from both internal insecurity and external unpredictability.

Three steps will keep you in the flow and having fun as you reclaim the role of mama/papa/leader.

Step 1.  Strengthen your connection to your personal sensory guidance system.  This is the connection to the information freeway  from your five senses and your intuition.  This is information about your environment, your child, and others that assists you in making thoughtful decisions. Step 2. Trust your knowing of your child. Listen to him or her – listen with your ears, your heart, and your sensory guidance system. Step 3. Guide with strength and lovingkindness. Be self-confident and go with the flow. Be patient, kind, and firm.  Say I am sorry, and make efforts to shift your responses to best meet you child’s needs.  Model respect and trust by being respectful and trustworthy.  In all your disciplinary responses focus on learning and loving; be loving and sensitive to the multi-level issues involved, respond quickly and clearly, and use the opportunity to teach joy and strength in being a responsible person; an individual connected to a community.

To help you embrace the three steps, understanding the nature of the parenting is key.

  • Parenting is modeled.
  • This means that you learn how to parent from your interpretation of your own parenting.  This concept of learning social interactions through your group associations is a function of how the human brain develops over the first 24 years of life; and a part of what happens whenever you enter a new social group, environment.
  • What you see done is what you incorporate into doing to others and to yourself; as you age the internalized reflection of yourself becomes solidified.  Once you are into middle age the malleability of your reflection, your internalized sel-persona/picture requires a release of the accepted self and a reevaluation of ‘who you are’… due to the solidified nature of your introjected self, often this requires a traumatic event to shift your internal accepted picture of self.
  • There is a strong desire to be accepted and approved of by your significant others (beginning with moms and dads, and then moving on to peers).
  • You know who you are and how you should be treated, what you perceive as your role in relationship, from what is reflected to you by your parents, your primary caregivers, and your first social groups –> your siblings and cousins, and then your peers, friends.
  • So, if there is dysfunction or trauma or damage in those early relationships you have deficits in your ability to navigate the waters of parenting your children.

Cognitive/behavioral therapy, meditation, yoga, and mindfulness development uplevel your consciousness so that you can shift and rebalance your inner self perception and your outer actions.

Trust, be trustworthy, act with strength and kindness, be forgiving and persevering.

As you guide, be willing to incorporate new information about your child or your beliefs and make adjustments to your course to align your actions, beliefs/values, and your parenting.

Parenting is a dynamic, organic (as in living and responsive to environmental changes) process.

  • Be confident, proactive, reflective, flexible, and trustworthy in your actions and intentions.
  • Be willing to adjust your response and be flexible as you see the need to do so and be firm when you perceive this is important.
  • Respond with seriousness to serious problems, and playfulness with problems which are not serious; stay responsive and discern the difference.  in love and light, bg


12 step program applied to parenting

Hello and Welcome!

When you feel like a failure as a parent, or have a challenging parenting situation,

apply the 12 step program 

To shift your defeat, or discouragement to courage and healing:

1.  admit you are not perfect.

2.  recognize you are powerless to be perfect at all times with every child

3.  connect with a higher power and engage that sense of spirituality to support you.

4.  honestly reflect and identify the mistakes and flaws you bring to parenting.

5.  humbly admit to your spiritual support, partner, loyal friend – your imperfection and reaffirm your commitment to do your best.

6./7.  Reaffirm your trust in yourself and your team; Be willing and ready to shift out of the habits that do not serve you and embrace more effective styles of parenting.

8/9/10.  identify injuries or mistakes you have made; say you are sorry to your kids for these mistakes; make a commitment to not do it again; stay connected, and repeat when necessary.

11.  practice compassion, meditation, prayer and lovingkindness toward yourself and your kids.

12.  be a helper to your peer parents rather than a competitor or bully; share your positive experiences with love.


How to help kids do better on tests.

 Prepare:  talk about what testing is and what it really means.  Testing can help you know what you are good at and where you have limitations; allow the truth to be neutralized so it doesn’t get blown out of proportion.

Discuss (in communication, parents sometimes think that what they have to say is the most important thing – it matters, but what your child thinks/feel/and wants to say matters equally).  Listen as much as you talk when discussing.  Actively listen with your third ear to what is underneath, the meaning in the content and the energy of the words.

Deflect:  shift energy away from competition, being best, pushing ahead,  and any anxiety provoking thinking equation regarding the outcome of the test.  From what you discussed in the above section you will have identified what may be causing fears or anxieties for your child – accept this, and neutralize it, sometimes neutralization means acknowledging that the thing feared may happen; talk about that and help your child understand that he or she has the ability to respond to that situation if it happens.  This teaches empowerment and response – ability; this allows your child to accentuate his strengths and deemphasize his limitations.

Define  – clarify what is involved in testing.  Try to not say it doesn’t matter and try to not act like it is the most important thing; find a balance in how you encourage your child to do his best and be proud of what that best is.  If your child really does have a learning special need – help with that.  If she’s too revved up – teach her skills to bring to neutral or move into the next gear, which means to use the extra energy efficiently:  Teach her now that it is her responsibility to manage her special character so she can use you to help learn how to do this.  If he’s spacey and distracted – teach him to develop ways to get himself focused, or more revved up for the task:  Teach him it is his responsibility to manage his special character, so that he can find a way to embrace the whole of who he is.  He may find that special character and his solution to it, is what makes him unique and this will empower him.

Know your child.  Use your knowing to help him or her be the best he or she can be.  Don’t worry about arena or group-mind.  Trust yourself and your authentic knowing of your child to be the best judge for him or her.

Here are some simple biofeedback tricks:  stare at your hand.  Tense relax.  Mantras. Song tunes for memory training.

Importance of sleep, eating, no stress, acceptance, and esteem:  these are biological, emotional, and physical needs that when off interfere with your child doing his or her best.  Do what you can to keep these in balance.

Hope this is really helpful.  in love and light, bg

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trust yourself, or If you meet the buddha on the road kill him!

Hello and welcome

Trusting yourself is not only believing in yourself it is also listening to your intuition and sense impressions and acting with a sense of internal power.  A common way you diminish self-trust is when you dismiss your inner knowing and listen to another’s interpretation to get approval.  This is a risk in any student role.

In therapy, there is a saying that if you say I already worked that out or I already resolved that conflict you are possibly tricking yourself.  It’s a sign of resistance, especially when said adamantly or defensively.

The key is to discern if your resistance to an interpretation is due to a true inner sense of truth or a deflection of the truth.

  • pay attention to your own  charge (degree of intensity) regarding the issue, and level of repulsion to the idea
  • –> if you speak reactively, in an adamant, dismissive style it is likely that you are hiding the truth
  • –> if you are responding in a neutral style regarding how it just doesn’t feel right and you evaluate the information, then the other may be projecting onto you something through her interpretation.
  • listen in an interested, curious, unattached, mindful way to your teacher’s guidance
  • pay attention to his or her congruence in speech, action, and countenance
  • Be careful to not give away your power due to the other’s reputation or standing in a group – in other words don’t make your teacher into a guru – we are all walking through life with lessons to learn – when you give your power away to a guru, you interrupt your own energy flow toward your own lessons, gifts and path

I wrote a bit about this last year in this post  I was reminded of this thesis over the weekend while attending an intensive Yoga workshop.  Many of the participants were my teachers, whom I respect deeply.  I love Yoga, and although I am a Yoga-neophite, I had decided the best way to learn was to stretch-myself  (no pun intended) and do my best.  The focus of the first day was to work on inversions and transitions between poses; focusing on the importance of transitioning into a pose not just the pose itself.  I loved the idea behind it as it allowed for seeing the divine in the space between, something I am drawn to experience daily.  I was grateful to pair up with my favorite teachers and found that my willingness to let go, play with the work, and surrender led me to a powerful shift in my practice.

On the second day, the focus of the work was to elucidate how, when, and where you feel blocked in a yoga pose, to surrender to the block, and allow a break-through. The poses that were being utilized to enlighten each of us were bent inversions so that arching, opening the heart chakra and pelvic space and lengthening the spine were paramount.  Flexibility in your hips and shoulders are  important to get a good back-bend; they are also the spaces in your body where you collect and hold hidden trauma both physical and emotional.  This style of workshop offered a perfect opportunity to work-through an energy-holding leftover from earlier traumas, as long as the guest teacher could also provide a set of tools and a trusting space fo release.

Our guest teacher identified at the beginning of the workshop that she had not previously taught this particular workshop and stated in her opening mantra that it was important to not interfere with another’s lesson by showing them how to work through their blocks.  Her remarks were incongruent with the presentation she provided on her website and the description of the class goals.  As I sat preparing to risk and surrender to the lesson, two things stood out in my sense impressions: one, she was in a position of guide, yet identified at the onset that she was against guiding through blocks; and two, although she had an excellent reputation, this class was unexplored territory.

We worked through many different exercises to open shoulders and hips – paramount for backbends.  The pace was quick and often we broke up into dyad partners to work on our assignments.  This increased the opportunity for intimacy yet reduced a chance for clarification and guidance from the guest teacher.  We felt at times like the blind leading the blind.

After much headstand and handstand practice, the guest teacher decided to use me as an example of how to assist your partner through what my gymnast-daughter calls a ticktock, and in Yoga is called Scorpion Vchikasana.  For non-yogis it’s a handstand and then with great control you bend your legs over your head so your feet touch your crown.  scorpion pose, silhouette

This is a pretty awesome and advanced Yoga position.

I was excited to experience what it felt like to get into the position; I knew that once there I could create a body memory so that when I practiced on my own I could correct it with clarity.  I enthusiastically kicked up into a bent arm handstand, anticipating her to catch my leg and move me over into the bent inversion.  Instead I heard a laugh among the participants as she grabbed it forcefully and rotated it inward, this jarring maneuver caused me to lose my focus and I fell right back down.  My enthusiasm dropped.  She said kick up again. I did, albeit more cautiously this time.  Hopefully, I waited for her to gently move me over into a backbend, she did not, I held until I couldn’t any longer, fell down and kicked up again, waited, kicked up again, attempting on my own to shift the weight of my hips over my chest, and  feeling a bit confused I fell back down.  She said kick up again, come on.  I stopped and looked up at her.  I was confused as to why she was not demonstrating moving me over into the backbend.  She looked at me and said what’s ging on?  What are you feeling?  I said I feel weak.  She said well you are stopping yourself and referenced the cause as my inner negative dialogue.  She said do it again.  I dutifully reset myself and I slowly and perseveringly moved my leg up into a handstand: first one leg and then drawing my other leg to the handstand trying to stack my hips over my ribcage, still expecting her to assist moving me into position, I kept waiting for her to gently move me up into position and then stand in front to move me into the scorpion position….but nothing….dead space, my arms and legs over-worked…I came back down onto my mat, flat.

She moved away to the front of class, never having actually demonstrated moving me into position, and then looked back at me sideways and said, you are strong enough to do it, you are fighting yourself, you need to change your inner dialogue.

I felt a familiar conglomeration of disappointment, vulnerability, defeat, and confusion.  Somehow I had been triggered.  I felt a combination of having been tricked by her and an inability to stand up for myself and realign internally with my strength. How had I given my power to this guest teacher? I felt shamed by her in front of the class.

This was a powerful moment for me to deduce the etiology of my holding and my fear.

I had not heard any negative self-talk. I searched inside myself, what am I hiding from myself? What I noticed was a defense mechanism of holding and protection that increased the more I interacted with this guest teacher.  What was that about? .  In my head I was trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do next.  Was she doing this on purpose to help me move through my block or was her action more sadistic and so recreating an earlier trauma that my personal intention for the class posed as an opportunity for release?

After reflection, and discussion with other students in the class, some of whom were new to me,  my concerns about the negativity of the situation from the guest teacher were corroborated.  Their observations were consistent with what I observed and felt.  Her actions exacerbated my hold and blocking rather than assisted me to move through the physical block.  This is the opposite of how the workshop was billed.  I had a funny feeling from her, as if she was not really there, not really centered on the role of being a facilitator but rather focused on being an exhibitionist. Although some of my teacher-friends really liked her others later identified a similar set of concerns.

My holding was indeed an aspect of my trusting myself; my body clearly ‘heard’ that this teacher was not trustworthy, so surrender was unsafe at that time -> this was the me fighting myself –> I was trying and I was stopping myself.  My mind was directing the trying and my body was directing the stopping.  My ‘block’ or resistance was a holding within my body in response to her passive hostility.  This holding did not develop in response to her.  It pre-dated the workshop as a survival mechanism from previous trauma; it was indeed the thing I took to the workshop to work-through.

This guest yoga teacher had designed a class to learn how to work-through holding and physical blocks without understanding a fundamental component needed to complete the task; to surrender and allow – Trust is required. In order for a teacher to encourage a shift in holding within her student her presentation has to include a lack of aggressivity, and a consciousness of beneficence; she need not be a cheerleader but rather have an unattached spirit of generosity. This renowned guest yoga teacher gave mixed messages though her words and actions which created a lack of trust needed, thus she had set up a class wherein re-traumatization could and would occur.

The choice to shift and uplevel lies solely in the power of the individual.  Trusting yourself, surrendering to your truth includes paying attention to when resistance is beneficial and a positive communication from your personal sensory guidance system.  Timing to uplevel matters, allow it to be guided from within(yourself), rather than without (another).

Sheldon Kopp wrote:  No meaning that comes from outside of ourselves is real.  The Buddhahood of each of us has already been obtained.  We need only recognize it – Thus the Zen Master warns his disciple:  – If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill him! (Kopp, 1976).

Creating a guru of another limits your and his power so that neither of you are allowed to uplevel into your most conscious selves.  Namaste, in love and light, bg

Kopp, Sheldon, If you meet the Buddha on the Road,Kill Him. Bantam Books:  New york, New York:  1976.