As you develop through your life you emphasize and de-emphasize different aspects of who you ARE – your multi-layer-self.
Your multi-layer-self is comprised of your spiritual, emotional/cognitive, physical self.
This is especially true as you move through the decades of your life and it follows a specific course. You get the opportunity to actually grow a new skin, and develop into a fuller more balanced personality or self every ten years or so…
Each decade offers you a new perspective and it gives you a chance to incorporate what you have learned in the past in a whole new way…I think of this as discarding your outgrown old skin and growing a new skin.
In the earliest aspect of your life 0-10 years you are developing the foundation of how you see yourself: what matters to you and how you want to be connected to those around you.
This is the beginning of your lifelong relationship with how you get what you want and how you make a place for yourself with others… this requires balance.
At first your neediness may be the focus and boundaries are set from an outside source. As you move through this decade you develop internalized boundaries that assist you in managing your needs and the expectations or wants of your group.
If you had injuries, abandonment, deficiencies in how your early environment responded to your needs then you will develop an over-developed dependence on yourself (so rigid boundaries) <the I-style of relationship in MAAPS*> or an over-dependence on others (so enmeshed boundaries) <the me-style of relationship in MAAPS*> .
When this occurs your development in the decades that follow will have a skew toward rigidity, difficulty connecting at a deep level or enmeshment (what some call co-dependence) which also results in a difficulty to connect at a deep level in relationship.
These difficulties look different in relationship but skew out from the same place…inner insecurity and imbalance.
If you had a balanced set of love and discipline in the first ten years of life you will have a basic flexibility in how you manage getting what you want and pleasing those whom you call family and friends.
This grows in depth and breadth throughout the next decades and you will find yourself having the internal strength to focus your life toward goals while simultaneously creating loving relationships.
The decade of 10 – 20 years offers a new level of managing your internal focus and boundaries. This is biologically a time when relationship outside your family of origin begins to have greater importance. You determine what aspects of your familial groups and group constructs are in alignment with your goals and perspectives of the world and yourself.
This is where you benefit from an early life that included a sense of freedom and boundaries in balance. When you have this in balance you are flexible in how you negotiate care of yourself and care of others. Additionally, you have a more grounded sense of your assets and limitations which supports you creating goals that are within your reach and goals that promote a sense of positivity and empowerment within you and your community.
If you have somehow skewed off into a me-style or I-style of relationship, then you have to develop inner security, empathy and boundaries. This is the work of the decades 20-30 and for those of you who are from the 90s and 2000 generation this may incorporate the decade of 30-40.
Here a sense of spirit is good to discuss.
A loss of faith has hit a lot of the millennium generation…loss of faith in elders, in the world at large, even in the purpose of living on the planet. This has resulted in a sense of being out of balance with the world around them.
In order to reconnect with yourself, in relationship or/and with your community you must reconnect with your sense of spirit.
Try to avoid the trap of hearing religion or god-practice for right now…
Think about the concept of Lovingkindness, embrace the true reality that we are all connected — all human communities, all life beings on the planet…even the planet itself to each of us…and the planets in our universe to our planet and us…
You can find this in reconnecting to your internal sensory guidance system..your 5 + 1 senses …your senses of seeing, tasting, feeling, smelling, hearing and intuition..these are your perfect guides to what path to take. These are your proof in this interconnectedness and your sense of spirit.
Once you allow your sensory guidance system to chart your course then your relationships become mutually empowering and your faith returns. By listening and responding to your 5 + 1 senses you create goals that fill you with strength, resilience and joy. You will naturally use empathy, inner security, and boundaries to map your life.
Here you will be emphasizing both your internal needs and goals and your external group requirements with a sense of unification and faith. in love and light, bg
Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg