To help you change your attitude and behavior in disciplining your child, Shift your perspective of discipline from punishment to guidance..it will help you focus your energy to model the kind of behavior you want for your child and help you turn your child’s NO to yes and off to ON.
- Use this mnemonic (group of letters) to help you: GUIDE, 5 simple steps.
Get in sync with your child, pay attention to the cues that s/he is starting to have trouble so that you can avert a problem before it happens. Use the stop, look, and listen method to discern what may be causing the aggressivity, or defiance. Is your child hungry, tired, stressed, having difficulty with transitions, in daycare or school?
Understand, use compassion and mindfulness – especially in recognizing child development stages and temperament issues and how defiance and resistance are specific ways that children communicate with behavior what they don’t have words for. You can find out more though Ames and Ilg’s books on various developmental stages or through my book (addresses creating resilience, inner security, and self-control, power through the developmental stages, will and willfulness, how to reset once things have gone awry..)
Identify, intervene, invert: use your cognitive skills to determine what is contributing to your child’s defiant and negative behavior – then you can determine the best way to respond to teach your child about societal rules while helping develop inner strength, empowerment, and security.
Discipline: use discernment, logical and natural consequences to help your child regain internal control…focus on developing a link between behavior and consequences so that your child can develop an internal locus of control rather than an external boundary. Remember if you can’t control your behavior and have to hit out of anger then you are actually modeling reactivity, aggressivity and a lack of inner control.
Energy release: especially with aggressive and hyperactive children, children need to have a way to release energy rather than hit, act-out or hurt others out of reactivity.
You can find out more through my book, Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (Gineris, 2011). For more about the negative effects of physical discipline read this reblog, as always in love and light, bg
There has been a lot of research regarding the effects of disciplining children with physical punishment and spanking. These studies have been conducted since 1990 and have consistently indicated negative results for this style of discipline especially an increase in aggressive and antisocial behavior on the part of the spanked child, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012).
Proponents of spanking as a form of discipline argue against this relationship indicating that the children who need to be spanked or physically punished are already more aggressive and so this explains the connection between increased aggression in children who are spanked.
This recent study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal spanning over twenty years controlled for this issue precisely and addressed the issue of causality. The study followed children who were physically punished as a form of discipline and children who were not.
The study shows that children who are physically punished…
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