Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.

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How insecurity interferes with getting what you want.

to realizeOne of the coolest aspects of the MAAPS guiding principles of relationship is how easily you can discern what is driving how you behave in relationship.

This is beneficial when HOW you are behaving is interfering with you getting what you want.

MAAPS is an easy way to remember the five guiding security principles of relationship: Money, Achievement, Attachment (Connection), Power, and Structure.

One or more of these are engaged when YOU are driven or compelled to act inauthentically in relationship to create a sense of safety in one of these areas.  And when you are acting under the influence of one or more of these drivers you create immature, and unfulfilling relationships.

In order to shift away from this you have to face your insecurity: You have to tolerate feeling insecure while asking for what you truly need or want in the relationship.

For example: if you fear, or have an insecurity around attachment or feeling connected, you might create yourself as less important than the other person; putting his needs ahead of yours and attempting to get your needs met on the side.

This is a reasonable solution in the short-term, however after a while this will feel as if the other person is taking advantage of you or that your needs are not as important; this can lead to resentment within you and create a crevasse in the foundation of the relationship that may ultimately tear the relationship apart.

An alternative action is to speak about what you are feeling as soon as you identify it is happening.  You may want to do some undercover work with your self to discern what may be underlying the insecurity.  You can look into what decisions you may have made about how you HAD to act to be loved or cared for or to feel SAFE in your early childhood or early relationships.sigmund freud

More often these drivers act under the surface.  You actually are not aware of the influence the insecurity has over your actions.

So here are some clues that you are under the influence of insecurity:

  • you have difficulty co-mingling funds
  • you have difficulty sharing title for achievements
  • you have difficulty being alone or you feel abandoned when you cannot immediately contact your partner
  • you have difficulty receiving assistance from others or you have difficulty when others don’t do what you tell them to do
  • you have difficulty when there is disorganization

Insecurity can be hidden. I know many individuals who on the surface appear strong and confident, yet the insecurity is lurking just beneath the surface.  When left undetected and unresolved, this insecurity can interfere with you getting what you truly want in your personal and career life.

If you notice that you have trouble maintaining healthful and meaningful relationships, investigate whether you have ann insecurity in one of the five guiding security principles in relationship.  Use your compassion, lovingkindness, forgiveness, and mindfulness tools to assist you in releasing the insecurity belief so that you can build inner security and engage in more mutually beneficial relationships.

You can learn more about this in earlier blogs on this site or through the following books.

Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg

You can find out more at  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


Your internal MAAPS of Relationship

Hello and Welcome!  This is a reblog of a September 30, 2013 post.

To have a powerful, positive, and mutually satisfying relationship you need to decipher the code to your map.  Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness (Gineris 2013) offers insight into how your create your inner map in relationship, what kind of relationship feels secure to you, and what drives that security.

It is like a mystery or a puzzle.  (more on puzzles and mysteries, Gladwell)

Relationships are complex.  We use a map to partner.  This map is designed from these intersecting coordinates

  • Your temperament,
  • Your social group connections,
  • The prevailing Cultural beliefs of Your location in time,
  • And, your security drivers from your psychosocial childhood development:  What I call MAAPS

The key to navigating relationship is to discover what drives YOU to partner, what a good partner LOOKS like to your heart, mind, and body blueprint.  And when that picture has some skews in it – this book offers soul-utions for how to shift that center and boundaries of your inner map.

So what are the map-keys  in relationship?

  • Your family structure, how you observed your family relate to each other & YOU
  • Your personal group ties, religion, ethnicity, part of USA or other country, and your socio-economic status:  READ your BELIEF systems,

These feel instinctive but are learned.

It delineates HOW you develop in relationship.  From a ME style through an I style to  WE.  This is from dependent through an independent to an interdependent style of interacting

To shift from ME or I into a WE-style of relationship requires moving your paradigm perspective from DUALITY to UNITY.  Use the MAAPS security driver system:  Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power or Structure,  to decipher the code of relationships by understanding your insecurity drivers.  By reviewing the test you can discern which of the security drivers drives, how, with whom, and under what conditions you partner.

Once you understand your personal map you can use meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork exercises and techniques to shift perspective, from a Me or I into a WE-style of relationship.  Using various exercises to Unlink survivor scenarios or Habitual Reaction Patterns in relationship you free yourself from the constraints of limiting beliefs, fears, and insecurities.

Additionally embracing your integrated spirit mind, and body connection opens the space for true  Inner Guidance.

3 key components differentiate how you can relate:  empathy, boundaries, and inner security.

  • Me-style, dependence, narcissism, incapacity of empathy, difficulty with boundaries, diffuse boundaries – can’t say NO, feels empty at core and needs completion.
  • I-style, independence, competition, chooses to not use empathy for fear of loss of self, difficulty with boundaries, rigid boundaries – can’t say YES, fears engulfment and needs distance, separation.
  • We-style, Interdependence, connection, and collaboration, openly empathic, flexible boundaries, feels solid, knows self so can say NO or YES as is appropriate for the relationship and situation.  Interdependent, maintains sense of self while also intimately and connected, chooses to focus on Unity and collaboration with a continued self-connection simultaneously.

These relationship styles’ different Boundaries:

TWO halves ( ) =1 co-dependence: ME

  • Me:  ( ) difficulty saying No; two halves make a whole

Two independent circles no overlap, I,  00= 2

  • I: 00 difficulty w/ Yes; walking side by side without integration

Two overlapping circles 1+1=3: WE, easy flexible boundaries, interdependent.

  • WE: o0o 1+1=3 interdependent, mutual, flexible, collaborative can say Yes and No.

Duality to Unity: Toward a Union of WE

  • Shifting Your Consciousness, Away from Defensive, competitive, narcissistic , Away from Balance sheet/ exchange patterns —>> Toward Listening fully, clarifying and receiving before speaking (for some this is a cultural snare), Toward Seeking understanding Rather than picking points to argue.  Toward connection rather than where you diverge, feel that first then balance divergence.

This groundbreaking book offers you insight, exercises, and reinforcing information so that you can incorporate into your style of relating the keys to a better, more fulfilled life through profoundly shifting how, with whom, and under what circumstances you partner.

You can find a deep sense of peace, joy, and strength through the understanding of what drives you and developing a centered, inner strength to shift your style of being in the world through neutralizing your insecurities and embracing your inner guidance.

You can find out more  love and light, bg

front cover.me2we
dr beth gineris is the author of Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (2011) and Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness (2013).  She endeavors to assist individuals in the process of upleveling their consciousness in everyday interactions to experience profound love, connection and care in their relationships and communities.  You can find her books on and through her website.