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What if…part 2. Working through loss.

There was such a positive and powerful response to the first section of chapter one, I thought I would offer the second section to the chapter…please let me know your sense about it… in love and light, bg

I notice the Dean’s lips are moving, but I can’t quite make out what she is saying.
Oh good. Finally she is talking.

Involuntarily, I shivered. She was sitting right next to me, but I couldn’t really understand what she was saying; the words were coming in like an out of tune radio station, they just didn’t make any sense. And then I heard her, sharp and clear…
“Robbie is dead.” “His car went off the road Saturday morning. The police think he was killed instantly.”
The thoughts inside my head blew about me …
No, he isn’t dead; he can’t be dead. I have to tell him…
I have to see him.
I have to tell him how sorry I am.
I have to tell him I’m ready to marry him.
His face flashed across my inner vision. The feelings from our last meeting crashed in my heart.

Flash. Crash!

No! I have to set this right.
I heard my words reverberate back to me. “No! No, he isn’t dead.” “No you mean he’s in the hospital. He’s just hurt; he’ll be okay,” as if I was giving her the corrected line. I couldn’t accept what she was saying.
My urgency must have been unbearable for her. Her eyes blinked with tears. Gently, her head shook no.
She reached across the space on the couch to comfort me, patting my leg rhythmically. I felt faint. The room began to spin. I fell into her chest as she continued to now rhythmically pat my shoulder. She supported me as I broke down.
Her voice unwavering, “No Beth, he is not in the hospital. He’s gone.”
He was gone?
He left me without knowing that I had changed my mind?

Our last interaction, me being such a jerk, was now unforgivable.
It hit me like a one, two punch to my stomach. He was gone, my beautiful future stolen from me. My uncaring and inflated behavior was our last interaction. It stood like a headstone marker on his grave.
Her words and my memories pierced through my consciousness like a knife through my heart. The pain was debilitating. I couldn’t breathe.
I felt at the edge of nothingness, completely powerless. I sat there deflated, like a pierced party balloon. I don’t know how long I remained in this state. When I looked up, the sun was no longer shining and the trees outside mirrored my inner storm.

I finally composed myself enough to walk out of her office.
Her secretary smiled at me weakly as I passed down the hall.
It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other; I could barely walk. I found myself at my dorm room. Thankfully, my suitemate returned to her previous muteness.

That was the only thing that returned to normal. Everything and everyone else was different. Night came and left. Day came and turned to night. Life continued around me but I was not a part of it. I felt robotic, disconnected, remote and out of sync with the whole of life around me. I couldn’t tolerate the birds singing or my friends laughing, wherever joy presented itself I turned away. Happiness grated on me like nails on a chalkboard.
I recoiled from life. Spiritless on the inside, I couldn’t even find the energy to fake it on the outside.

The image of her sweater with black marked stains stuck with me for a long time.

I numbly completed my last semester of college, in a fog, unable to concentrate on anything. Everything changed. I couldn’t bear to listen to music, people laughing, or see my friends. And it seemed they avoided me too. I was flat and lifeless; there wasn’t much there for connection.

Entire days went by without me seeing anyone.
I felt desolate, angry with myself, angry with Robbie, lonely and lost.

In the days that passed, I discovered how in his last moments of his precious life Robbie reoriented the direction of the car to save his passenger’s life. A stranger to our community, this sweet young man began to wish he had died instead of Robbie. To his face I said “no, no…don’t think that.” But in my heart I screamed, yes, yes, why do you get to live; why not Robbie. I hated myself for thinking and feeling that way. I couldn’t stop my heart pain. Life was so difficult and challenging. I was walking though water without a regulator, drowning with every breath.
That heroism was so consistently Rob’s character; he was always there at the right time, loyal and dependable when it really mattered.
Why didn’t he save himself? I was coming back for him.

Inconsolable, time passed in starts and spurts, and then it seemed to trickle by. So much of my energy went to managing my grief that little was left to relate to friends or complete my studies.

“Beth, I’m giving you this A grade because of your work here-to-for, not for the work in this paper.” The words written in red ink across the front of my final paper stung, but I was grateful for the understanding of my dearest sociology professor.
“This is sub-par work Beth, but I know this has been a difficult time so I’m giving you an A in the class anyway.” Another painful note in red from my psychology professor, I vacillated between painful prickling and numbness. I was grateful for their understanding. There was nothing inside to pull on for my studies; I was bereft of passion. There was just enough life in me to robotically go through the motions.

For the next six weeks, my senses were in a state of paresthesia; over and over my professors forgave my distracted, poor work.

Working at 20 percent, I limped into graduation.
Two months after Robbie’s death I graduated, said goodbye to my friends and school, and shut the door to my previous life.

Spiritless, I walked into my barren future. I was the skin you see from a cicada, perfectly formed with no life inside.
I filled the space with work.
Astonishingly, my logical, solution-focused father was the dearest comfort to me during that time.
Notes arrived. They slowly filled the empty space in my apartment and heart.
“Hi honey, thinking of you! Dad” staring at me as I brushed my teeth.
“Remember to get out and see friends. Dad” taped to my steering wheel. I taped them to my mirror, and used them as bookmarks. They marked my path back to life.
He had an unerring capacity to simply be present with me in my grief.
“Here’s a picture of Robbie from when he was at the house. Love, Dad” That picture became my velveteen rabbit.

One day on the phone he told me that Robbie (unbeknownst to me) arrived in my hometown earlier in the year that Robbie had died; he asked my father’s blessing to marry me.
The pictures of them together at my house simultaneously felt stabbing and comforting.
He knew I would come around. He knew I loved him.
He had to have known to fly from New York City to Albuquerque, just to see my Dad.

I kept seeing his face at that last meeting, and feeling how out of sync my actions were. It was shocking and triggered intense discomfort. Steadily though, my unconscious kept driving me toward forgiveness. Like a river pushes and pulls fragments down the current, my thoughts drove me toward forgiveness of him, forgiveness of me, forgiveness of God.

My Dad and I shared this deep love for Robbie.
“He was a good man honey. He loved you so much. I’m glad I got to know him. Keep working it will help you stay strong. You can come home any time you want to honey. Love, Dad.”
He loved you so much, stay strong, those words reverberated in my mind. It was one of the best notes I received from my Dad. I kept it in my favorite journal.

I worked by day as a law firm runner in LA and by evening as a residential counselor with developmentally delayed adolescents, teaching them independent-living skills.
I loved running by moonlight through downtown LA.
I savored my time alone. I don’t know if it was punishment or protective but it was healing. It gave me time to think, forgive, and distance myself from the intensity of what had happened. Although I did most things alone, I shared my apartment with my best friend from college. She was mostly gone working on political campaigns. I was mostly gone working. It was a perfect arrangement for healing.

I loved her so much because I didn’t have to explain what was going on with me. She knew. She loved me anyway. Other than Trish, I can’t remember making any friends.
My memories of that time are like snippets of fabric sewn together with travel along the Southern California freeways.
After fourteen months my senses came back.
Trish had to move to another state to follow an important campaign. I decided to move back to Albuquerque.
It seemed that light began to come back into my daily life.
I heard the birds singing and it didn’t make me want to yell stop. Music was inviting. I danced.
Somewhere, I found the space within me to have faith again in the fabric of Life.

Robbie’s death became a defining experience in my life. The importance of love, honesty, forgiveness, and acting in congruence with my true character became the boundaries required for health and freedom in relationship.
Ultimately, I felt my deliverance from my inner prison. Salvation lit me slowly with the realization that he knew I loved him. He saw through everything from beginning to end. I was the last to see the truth and it was too late to enjoy the love waiting for me.

I forgave myself for being immature and unthinking.
I developed an urgent need to be authentic in all my communications, a left over compulsion from that fateful night. It made me a bit intense and probably too serious.

Overtime, I befriended the ebb and flow of life and death.
I came to accept that there was a tapestry of life that I could tap into and flow with but that I had to remain sincere and accept the consequences of my actions.
If I had married Robbie, I may not have become the person I am today, leaving a hole in the fabric of the lives of those whom I have offered healing counsel. That’s how I think about it now. I walk in a state of grace, with a sense of gratefulness for the gifts I developed out of my devastating loss; grateful to have positively affected so many through that loss.

And it was from that knowing I spent my last weeks with my father as he got chemotherapy for end stage pancreatic cancer.


And so here is the first chapter of the book…Working through loss offers deep awareness of the tapestry of life…, how have your traumas elevated your consciousness?  Send me a comment or write one in the space below…in love and light, bg


What if you knew this was your last day, would you change your story?

Here is the beginning to my next book…please tell me what you think in the comment section, or email me through my website,  in love and light, bg

The Path to Grace, my life from 30 thousand feet: “Like the walls of my neighborhood seen from a thousand feet height, my life experiences create a path on the map to my life destiny.”

Chapter One: Who Knew
My last night with Robbie is seared into my heart and mind.
I was feeling bold, invincible; flirting with his friend and ignoring how it might feel to him; feeling free and without a care.
He seemed to take it all in stride. Standing there, his head tilted to one side, leaning on one foot, with that silly Cheshire-cat grin, but I could tell he was hurt underneath that unassuming demeanor.
That was my last image of him: my last verbal exchange, the defining last action in our relationship.
Later that evening, I called his home phone but the line just rang and rang.
The next morning I drove from LA to Phoenix.
He’s okay. We’ll get over it, once I get back. He knows it wasn’t real. He loves me more than anyone ever has…he will forgive me. The thoughts circled in my mind over the long drive.
During that weekend with my best friend I kept seeing his face. It started to bother me, even with all those previous reassuring thoughts on the drive. I had acted out of character for myself, so hurtful and uncaring. It nagged at the back of my brain.
He was a delightful confluence of opposites, brash and thoughtful, overly serious and disarmingly easygoing. He lived hidden in plain sight. His demeanor conveyed no trappings of materialism while his name connected him to a household name trust fund.
The nagging feeling dissolved into a powerful realization: I was avoiding stepping into the role of becoming an adult. It was obvious that we were meant to be together and now I had to take the next step, as he had long ago asked me to do. Finally, I was ready to marry him.
As I drove back, I was so happy. Everything just felt right. With beautiful images of his smiling face, and our future floating through my mind, I knew he would be ecstatic that I had come to my senses.
He is going to be so happy. It was all I could think about the whole way back to Claremont. I felt at peace with my decision to allow the strength of his love to pull me forward toward my destiny.

At my dorm suite I was met with an onslaught of paper messages posted onto my room door requesting me to report directly to the Dean of Student’s Office. My quirky suitemate who never talked with me, stopped what she was doing, looked up, and smiled at me.
How odd! I thought. Reflexively, I smiled back.
“You should go to the Dean’s office before you go to class.”
She just kept standing there staring at me. It was a little unnerving.
I brushed the back of my neck with my hand to smooth out my hair. “Yeah, okay”… I said absentmindedly, wishing she would return to not talking to me. I turned back to my door, barely stepping into my room. I dropped off my bag inside and looked around my room. It felt like something was out of place, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing. I grabbed my notebook for class and started out the door.
All I really wanted to do was find Robbie and tell him my decision. I felt so happy and complete.
“No really, you should go right now.” She was weirdly insistent.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” I quickly walked out of the suite relieved to be away from her.

Inside her office my dean gently ushered me into a private room. I had never been in this part of the office before. It was nice, quiet almost, peaceful. I wonder what they use this space for, I thought.

My memory of what followed is more like a set of snapshots then a flowing movie.
She looked sad. She was wearing a fuzzy, white sweater. She invited me to sit on her couch. And then she sat down next to me. Her entire continence was warm and sweet.
Weird… I thought. She is never this nice.
I looked out the window distractedly; it was sunny, the tree leaves were gently swaying as if they were in a dance with the wind.

When I turned my attention back to the Dean, she seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was taking forever for her to say what she wanted from me. I remember feeling irritated with her.
Okay Dean, Let’s get on with it. I am kind of in a hurry here…My mind kept thinking of Robbie and how happy he was going to be. I kept visualizing the image of his face, his Cheshire-cat smile with his head cocked to one side.
Robbie is going to be so happy.
I flashed back to the first time he asked me out. It was just after my boyfriend, Chuck, had broken up with me. There he was at my door.
“Hey, you want to go out.” He smiled that smile, leaning against the door, his shoulder length hair lightly bobbing.
“I thought you were dating Nancy.”
“Not anymore, we just broke up.”
“Oh…um, okay, sure.” I was less than enthusiastic. But it didn’t seem to bother him at all.
Later, that evening I ran into Nancy and she was superbly angry. “Hey Nance, what’s up?” I spoke to her as I passed her on the catwalk.
“Are you going out with Rob?”
“Yeah, he asked me to go to the club. He said you two were broken-up.”
“Oh yeah, we are. As soon as he heard you and Chuck weren’t together he came over to me, and broke-up with me. Turns out he’s been waiting to date you the whole time. I really should be mad at you. I liked him.” She stood there staring at me, trying to look angry, but mostly just looking depressed and a little bored. “I guess that’s just the way it is.”
“Nancy, I’m sorry,” she interrupted me, “Whatever Beth. It figures. I’ll see you later.”

I smiled to myself as I came out of the memory. Robbie always knew we were meant to be together. And as soon as I finish here, I can tell him he was right.
My mind came back to the room and the Dean. I started wishing that I hadn’t listened to my quirky suitemate.
For a moment I started to think I was in trouble.
And then, I felt a little mad. Why is everyone trying to ruin my good feeling about telling Robbie about my decision? What is she doing? I want to get to Robbie’s place before class.
Bits of thoughts swirled in my head as I waited quietly for her to speak. I tried to focus. There is definitely something off about this whole thing. I really wish I had just gone straight to Robbie’s.
I notice the Dean’s lips are moving, but I can’t quite make out what she is saying.
Oh good. Finally she is talking.
Involuntarily, I shivered. She was sitting right next to me, but I couldn’t really understand what she was saying; the words were coming in like an out of tune radio station, they just didn’t make any sense. And then I heard her, sharp and clear…
“Robbie is dead.” “His car went off the road Saturday morning. The police think he was killed instantly.”
The thoughts inside my head blew about me …


What if you knew the act you were taking, the words you were saying was/were going to be the defining action or statement in a situation…would you want to change the story?

There’s more to come and I will share it over the next three months…Hopefully the book will be available in 2016.  It’s a great resource to understand how and why to live mindfully. in love and light, bg


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American ideals, Independence Day, and the Elevation of Consciousness

Seemingly it is the sixties again…from the alternative world to the mainstream news, the children of the sixties, who are now in their sixties are interpreting events to fit their agenda. It doesn’t matter if you read your astrology: the writers want to bring back the sixties, or if you watch the news: there are riots in the streets because of racism… it’s as if the children of the sixties have only one style of interpreting the events around them. Their view of the world has overtaken that of those that were in power before them (the fifties generation)…. it’s not that strange for social groups to want to create the world in their image…it’s the rhetoric which is problematic for me.  I can see their point, I see where they are coming from, the problem is that it  is out of sync out of the timespace of thinking, it limits the opportunity for true consciousness elevation. Collaboration, unity, and the understanding, true belief that we are all one world. requires ascension, it requires seeing in a higher dimension, not dualistic but multidimensionally to work toward creating that unity.

I was raised in the same set of beliefs.  I challenged my parent’s worldview.  I learned to think in a liberal environment and questioned authority. I was a strong Kennedy Liberal.

Now that the liberal perspective is the authority, the question authority challenge has to come from the libertarian or conservative perspective.

It’s a neutral theme about how to think critically.

I understand that politics is full of propaganda, but propaganda doesn’t serve the alternative community.

The alternative community is where innovation, and really holding the middle space should be coming from. Unfortunately, I see propaganda coming through in astrology readings, channelings, and fringe prediction on a daily basis.

This is my litmus test.  Once I hear or read a push toward propaganda I know that person is pushing their ego perspective not channeling from a high source.  When I channel information I am continually surprised by the level of love and neutrality and elevated information I receive and hear.  Consistently I experience the beauty of the higher dimensional systems; I may feel a negative sense toward someone in my personhood, but then when I channel from source, I hear source saying that person is light just like me…Source is not in good/bad or third dimension, source in in a dimension beyond fifth.

This may sound a little weird to my readers who are not part of the alternative world.  That’s cool, let’s look at it from a more cognitive perspective.

My world view is not that of the hippie, partly because I am just too young to have that part of my cellular structure (although I have lots of peers that have gripped that belief system), partly because I am driven toward congruence.  Which is to say if I am challenging another to be loving and kind I strive to treat that person the way I am entreating them to treat others.  That is not what is happening in the community at large from the mainstream perspective.  More often than not I observe hatefulness, superiority, righteousness, and a demeanor of superiority in my fiercely liberal friends toward their political opposites or those whom they propagandize as against their beliefs.  That feels deeply incongruent with the liberal agenda of being compassionate toward others. Whenever acting in a way outside of what you are requesting to be the action toward yourself, then you are not living in an integrated spirit self mindful space.

I was raised by a person whose life-breath was integrated compassion and mindfulness derived from his amazing intellect. This integrated spiritual/cognitive mindfulness became my natural way in the world; it became my life-breath.  In addition, I was lucky enough to not push down my sensory guidance system that results in a sensefulness knowing that connects me to other humans, animals, plants, nature and spirit in an inexplicable way,  and assists me in knowing that we are one world, one planet, one group – all.

I am an immigrant’s daughter. My people left a difficult place to make a better life. They worked hard to make that a truth. No handouts, nothing for free. Those hard life stories that aren’t a myth but reality for my people.  My father was the baby of 13 children.  His father died when he was a teenager.  He won a scholarship to university in Chicago, due to his amazing intellect, and had to forego it to work full time to support his mother.  His mother had to mortgage her home to send him to night school, which he completed in 3 years while still working.  He took care of his sisters, his mother, and his family, whenever asked.  He was the first of his generation to get a college degree. He worked hard, started five businesses, each successful, and then sent all of his children to college.  We went on to get graduate degrees, and for one of us from Ivy league Universities.  I am the child of a man who moved five social class positions in his short lifetime and then raised me with principles that used to be considered ‘American principles’.

I went to a very liberal, liberal arts college where I was taught HOW to think, not what to think, all perspectives were offered and supported, it was my job to develop critical thinking and decode for myself what mattered.  And I came back home challenging my parents’ belief systems, looking at how my country was making mistakes and believing we could make the whole world better through mindfulness, communication, compassion and care. I traveled to Europe and my continent neighbors, and I saw how countries, like people, were not all cut from the same cloth.  Different things worked successfully for different countries just as they do for different personalities.  I studied Sociology and breathed-in the understanding that culture defines and creates thinking in a way that sometimes shifts a person out of critical, mindful thinking.  I learned that you have to challenge the belief systems that ‘seem’ natural and like breathing, because those are ideas that were introjected, swallowed whole, rather than a function of critical thinking. (gestalt therapy, theory, peeling the onion,  how to create mini-cultural revolutions) I worked in the chronic mental health community and helped people caught in that community to interact more efficiently in a world that didn’t quite make sense. I interacted with and helped people in the fringe of our society, always with compassion and care.  I learned a lot about how culture, experience and dualistic thinking created the problems surrounding the American culture.

Now, I write about mindfulness and sensfulness, ecopsychology, multidimensional interaction and the elevation of consciousness.  The answer is not in either the liberal or conservative perspective, it is in transcending and including BOTH.  The answer is in integrating the diverse belief systems so that they are interacting in a positive, caring, accepting collaborative way.

How is this related to Independence day? The people who strove to change the nation were like my father, integrated spiritual people.  They made an effort to transcend the rebellious pull, to create a thoughtful design to maintain a space in the middle, to help those who show up in the nation to create a real change in how people were treated.  They were imperfect, they couldn’t change some of the beliefs that were against their spiritual knowing, so they wrote the Declaration of Independence to include what they knew to be true that all people were created equal, all had the right to life and liberty. As the years go by we create the fullness of that truth with all people, and for my mind all sentient beings on the planet and the planet herself.  There is still more work to go to elevate the consciousness of the planet.  But those men then created an avenue through the declaration of independence to offer a way to create a higher level of consciousness right here. For that reason I am proud to be an American, and through that care and love for this experiment, I am dragging in the entire human race, the animals and plants and stars, hoping that soon, very soon all can see how we are one people, one world. how wolves change rivers

From my experience with Sociology, with helping people in many different communities and cultures, we aren’t going to get there by demeaning groups through propaganda. We can do it through a real dialogue, sincerely using sensefulness and mindfulness in a multidimensional way to create a healing and an elevation of consciousness on the planet. The empathic civilization, Jeremy Rifkin

With each step you can step onto the Path to Grace.

  • It requires internally challenging your knee-jerk reactions, belief systems, and those things that trigger you to anger and hatefulness.healing survivor scenarios
  • Act from a compassionate understanding place with an ernest desire to understand your fellow and sister perspective so that you can learn and grow and clarify your own perspective.
  • Act toward others with the loving care you desire from them.  Use the golden and silver rule to guide you and the elevation of consciousness is at hand.

Not all will survive this powerful time.  Each of you can maintain your integrated mindfulness and sensefulness, and while you are learning from others, they are learning from you.  This will create the space for an elevation in consciousness. five element cleanse

Gather support from the natural environment.

internal guidance systemMeditate, create art, work in the garden, exercise, walk through nature, in reconnecting with the tapestry of life you can see the support there as you offer shift in consciousness to your human community.

Shed your skin, Trust your heart-centered, inner guidance IV system.  Live your life fully and allow your full, big self to be present in the tapestry of life.  You may experience a new Alignment within you, around you and between you and source. in love and light, bg

Find out more in my new book,Instinctive Health Medicine, Finding Your  Path to Grace, due out in July 2016.

Check out these videos on in April 2014 and November 2014

You can find out more at Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

Aligning with your true path, your true self in your multidimensional self allows for healing. 


Social policy, unintended consequences, and how wolves create rivers

In Sociology there is a term that is used to discuss the problem with social change policies, unintended consequences.

There has been a longstanding debate in the field of Sociology, regarding what to do with the information gathered through observation, even participant-observation, by sociologists.  Should sociologists use the information to create social policy, social change OR should sociologists remain observers and educators about what they learn so that humans can be more fully educated and then free to make the best choice for themselves in small groups and individually. Currently we are in a time-continuum where the social change aspect of sociology is winning that debate.

Bias is the biggest problem in the practice of sociology.  Since bias is imbedded into each sociologist’s consciousness through her upbringing and social group connections it becomes difficult to see personal bias.  Therefore, sociologists are at risk for introducing bias into the equation of truth without consciously knowing it. The process of paradigm shifting, critical thinking and mindfulness greatly assists sociologists in recognizing their bias, but it is a constant challenge.

In science the practice of the double-blind study is meant to resolve these issues.  However, for sociologists the type of study is observation and cataloguing, even in participant-observation an investigator ‘joins’ the group, simply to observe.  You can think of this as an undercover officer without any intention of actually stopping tragedies that are observed.  This is how the original focus was on identifying and reporting observations; you can think of this like the Prime Directive of no interference in Star Trek.  Education was the way to create change rather than directly participating in social ‘justice’ change policy.  Recognizing that society is dynamic, living the sociologist observes but avoids interfering with the process due to the risk of unintended consequences…what western biological medicine might call bad side effects of specific pharmaceuticals.

Let’s look at a few changes that have come through this action of social change policy.

Unintended consequences of No-fault divorce.

Prior to 1985, in order to get divorced fault had to be proved by one of the married parties.  The thinking in the eighties was that this resulted in high incidence of suicide by wives and high incidence of domestic violence against women.  So the passage of no-fault divorce was thought to assist women to feel more free and empowered.  Unfortunately, it resulted in the ‘feminization of poverty’ and more children living in poverty.

From Wikipedia:  A paper published in The Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy, written by Douglas Allen, on the economics of same-sex marriage, argues that the introduction of no-fault divorce led to a six-fold increase in just two years after a century of rather stable divorce rates. Also, the law increased the rate at which women entered the workforce, increased the number of hours worked in a week, increased the feminization of poverty, and increased the age at which people married. ( Allen, Douglas (June 22, 2006). “An economic assessment of same-sex marriage laws.”Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy 29.)

A more useful action would be to educate children about choosing partners, the MAAPS concept developed by Gineris, 2013, and being mindful in marriage choices.  The debate to allow same-sex couples to marry has missed out on this aspect of importance in creating positive, powerful partnerships regardless of gender combination.

The ACA has already led to unintended consequences.

The focus by the ACA was on creating more insurance.  Coming from a perspective within the healthcare system as a provider and a receiver it is noticeable already that, unfortunately, at least so far ACA has resulted in less access to healthcare. In the last six months the number of individuals covered with insurance has dropped, due to actions resulting from the ACA.  Few individuals were able to get coverage who were not previously covered in 2008.    The intended outcome target has been missed and the trend is downward.  (For those individuals reading this that tend toward cynicism,  this may be a private intended consequence of those who put the ACA it into place because they are interested in a different form of insurance…however it is an unintended consequence from the historical statements of the intention to create a source for better access to healthcare at a lower price.)

A more powerful effect of sociological data about lifespan and lifestyle would have been to educate individuals on the benefits of caring for their physical vehicle, emotions and consciousness.  Education on how to live healthfully to avoid the need for healthcare. This creates an opportunity for individuals to take ownership in creating their own health and managing their choice in this regard.  Education increases understanding and therefore power to create personal change.  This is the dynamic aspect of society. Change from within based on many individuals making similar choices due to knowledge and experience.

if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, if you teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime….’

Day-care, having your child be raised by the community rather than your personal family social system has resulted in unintended consequences.

Parents have less say in the care of their children.  Due to the nature of human beings learning about how to be in a community from their caregivers in early childhood, the influence of the parent has greatly reduced and the influence of the state has greatly increased.  Parents chose daycare to increase their freedom to work – often a necessity, however they were unaware of the consequence of losing influence in the beliefs, personality, and behavior of their own children.

In addition the psychological makeup of the child raised in daycare is to be cared for by the a group or community, thus the seedling idea that the government owes a person certain positive rights.

A more effective use of the sociological knowledge of how children develop beliefs, their MAAPS for relationship, and values is to educate parents and children as they develop, about these concepts so that individuals can be more empowered and free to make these choices in parenting and care.

Making pot legal will result in unintended consequences.

This is controversial for me to say.  I know.  Many alternative healers feel that marijuana is positive.  Often I hear my colleagues espousing its benefits.  My experience both as a psychotherapist and as an energy field healer belies this.  Pot mucks up the electromagnetic field so that the person over time is cut off from his or her direct sensory system connection to spirit.  Yes some individuals may describe feeling more connected to spirit when they are under the influence of pot, but they have lost their direct connection through their electromagnetic field and have diminished their effectiveness of their sensory  guidance system.  The effects of this remains even after the person stops using marijuana and can only be healed through energetic clearing tf the person’s electromagnetic-field by an energy worker.  So the unintended consequence is to diminish the person’s connection to spirit and to make the person dependent upon the drug to have the inspirational experience.  Additionally, long-term, excessive use diminishes a person’s sense of innovation and will, resulting in a constant state of being slightly like a zombie.

Education openly about issues that underly pot use would be more fruitful than simply saying it is harmless, no more harmful than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol.  This would allow for each individual to make an evaluation from a more holistic perspective.

The hypocrisy of professors, like Bill Ayes, who makes over 100K a year and teaches anti-Americanism: “I pray every day that I can change America and get rid of Capitalism”…he isn’t off the grid he is living through Capitalism.  He argues against financial inequality while actually creating it with his behavior. The challenge of being in a position of expert is to unintentionally miss out on the opportunity to actual teach the positive effects of thinking through a problem personally using mindfulness and critical thinking.  Using the position of teacher or professor to speak the truth without teaching the importance of dialogue and critical thinking to continuing to evaluate the veracity of that truth, is wholly unethical and creates the unintended consequence of creating ignorance rather than increasing the skills for decision-making and upleveling consciousness.

A more useful application of the sociological information about power and community is to create a space wherein the participant can sort through the answer though mindfulness and critical thinking.  Educating students on how to think, how to use their brains to think through a problem, deduction rather than just come up with the answer the professor determines true, in a Sherlock Holmsian style of clarity and mindfulness would allow for continued consciousness elevation for the entire community of human beings, and ultimately the planet.

The Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 and the Child Abuse Act of 1974,2010 seem to have fared better than the above examples.

The Indian Child Welfare Act (1978) was originally set in place in response to several things, the high incidence of children leaving the reservations and being raised in non-Indian homes which led to a high incidence of depression and suicide as the children reached adolescence (far greater than those children adopted who were from non-indian families).  This appeared to be a cultural issue as well as a psychosocial developmental issue.  In addition, there was concern from the Native American community that the Native American culture was being decimated by the loss of their children to carry it onward.

There were problems in dealing with how a child was identified as Indian, in that various tribes had different percentages of Native blood or connection to a tribal roll as ways to identify a being as Native American. As time went on it also became an issue if the child had never been a part of the Native Community (1982) especially if the parents had not actually lived in the Native Community in their own upbringing.  However, the intended consequences were met positively, due to this act the incidence of suicide by Native American children in early adolescence decreased dramatically, and far more Native American children were endowed with their cultural heritage.

The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act  (1974, 2010) has had a positive effect on the increasing recognition and identification of child abuse by parents and communities, and the general understanding of the societal culture.  There have been difficulties with managing the regulation of foster parents and managing how to respond to these kinds of problems with families either through criminal cases or education through various state agencies developed to protect children removed from unsafe homes.

These Mantras clarify how to proceed as a sociologist.  Those who don’t study history tend to repeat it.  Because there are cycles in the sociological development of human communities. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  This is based in the problem of a legislative, bureaucracy making decisions that require the fineness of individuality.  An agency moves too slowly and cumbersomely to make adjustments that are personal and individualized.  Regulation and individual freedom work against each other unless the regulation is set up to protect negative rights versus positive rights, ie: the basis of the US Constitution.    And finally, the strongest ethical position for all sociologists: know your biases, act from a neutral non-biased perspective.

Counselors who are in the business of change are constantly working to maintain a watchful eye on their own biases in how they assist their clients and patients to change.

Mindfulness, Compassionate understanding, Critical thinking by drilling down as well as expanding the knowledge of whatever you are attempting to resolve increases your opportunity create change that elevates the consciousness of the planet. As you take care in your own assumption about what is true, pay attention to an inner pressure to make another do what you feel is right. Stop, Look and Listen to yourself and the other person, stop acting… take a break, and go within to observe yourself and the underlying assumptions you hold, return to center.

And if you are being pressured against your own inner sense of knowing, that is free of bias but truly instinctive, then you can use your critical thinking and mindfulness to take the best action for your self. When pulled in to create policy, actually discern for yourself what you believe, pay attention to the dynamic aspect of society, listen thoroughly and investigate fully before you proceed with a proposal to avoid social policy change that results in unintended consequences. in love and light, bg

dr beth gineris is an integrative medicine practitioner in albuquerque, new mexico. she offers compassionate, mindful guidance to online coaching clients and clinic patients daily using her medical intuitive, clinical counseling, energetic rebalancing, and oriental medicine skills.  a great class on MAAPS and how to have more positive and empowering relationships is happening in Albuquerque, NM at the center March 15, 2014. Reserve your place at  

Spiritual consciousness evolution happens through transcending and connecting to the place where spirit and human are best, not one better than the other. bg

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Facing Fears, Disarming bullies

Heart pounding in your chest when you look at or think about someone?  It might be love..

or it might be fear.  How you interpret that pounding is context.

To face your fears and disarm the power of bullies you have to shift your interpretation of that pounding from fear requiring flight…..

  • to acknowledgement requiring mindful action…
  • and then to love seeking an opportunity for recognition.

Facing fears is knowing your self and then seeing, understanding, and clarifying how you fit into the situation you are facing.

This is best done, gently and quietly, allowing your heart to guide your actions.

Fears derive from  a lack of knowing…

  • a habit-reaction to another experience that feels similar…
  • control or mis-allocation of energy toward protection…
  •  mis-understandings.. of yourself and expectations, or  of another and expectations (or both)
  • an inappropriate paradigm that doesn’t take into account the whole picture of ‘what is’.

Love is indeed the best treatment for fear.

But getting from the fear to love can be blocked or feel impossible if you haven’t developed your internal path to grace.

To a lesser degree getting from anger or insecurity to forgiveness and gratitude is also difficult.

These steps can help.

  • Set aside time to discover who you are through breath, meditation, journaling. yoga, and other creative pursuits.
  • Practice using the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, to reset your placement of power august 15, 2012 post four agreements plus one (this strongly diminishes your sense of fear).
  • Set your internal personal goals as paramount for your energy and behavior so that you are not spending oodles of time meeting others expectations but rather directly focusing your energy and resources on what brings you joy.  This returns you to empowerment rather than a sense of smallness and disempowerment. It moves you out of reactivity and into proactivity.
  • Accept that your path to ‘greatness’ doesn’t follow the same path as others and embrace your friends’ successes with the sense that this increases your chance of greatness too (rather than experiencing the sense of competition or limited chances to greatness).
  • Focus love and compassion toward yourself and others.
  • Release the need to prove your point.

Be willing to adjust your position as you receive new information.  Be free to grow, change, and uplevel your understanding and consciousness.

  • Receive criticism from others as if it is coming from someone who deeply and truly loves you, this shifts your receptiveness, because it disallows a sense of defensiveness  – then you can ascertain if there is a grain of truth in it or of no value.

The idea of someone trying to overpower you is co-created.  You and she co-create the drama.  You can disarm the overpowering fear by following these steps.  In most circumstances this will free you to create a different more equally empowering situation.  If it doesn’t, if the other person really wants control, just remember you have free will in how you want to participate.

You cannot engage your free-will when you are in a reactive mode.  Pay attention to what causes reactivity in you. Heal that and you can remove the target from your back for those who are consciously and unconsciously engaging in this fear promoting behavior.

This will free up a huge amount of energy for you to create precisely what your heart desires.

Make real efforts to not act as if you are somehow more evolved than another, that actually is a provocative/bullying tactic. in love and light, bg

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Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.

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Living in the Light…be a rebel

merkabah portalLiving in the Light is more than being positive.

Living in the Light is knowing that you are loved, knowing that you are protected, knowing that you are in sync with your higher self and higher power goals.

The power to change your world, and by transitive property the world around you, is in your mindset.  Your perception of yourself at the center of your world.  This is not a narcissistic centeredness, it is a grounded and upleveled understanding that what you experience as truth is what you see.

So if you experience as truth the world is against you and you are a victim, this will be what you identify in all your interactions and therefore, what you will reinforce as truth.  You will enhance the energy of lack and being invisible or unappreciated.

However, if you stand in the center of your life, and expect good things to be your experience you will observe miracles all around you.  This requires a willingness to eschew fear, ‘what if’, ‘if only’, and anxiety as your experience of the world.  It requires an unbounded  willingness to see how the world is working on your behalf and have faith in the spiritually upleveled aspects of the world around you.  This requires compassion, lovingkindness, and a focus on connection rather than competition.  So, when you hear hatefulness spewing from another rather than reacting in hatefulness, you send to that person love and compassion; you allow yourself to hear the pain, fear, or misunderstanding underneath that hate so that you can assist in his or her elevation by simply responding with love and compassion.  Remember, a fight can only continue when you punch back.  If you do not engage in the fight with reactive hatred or anger, you open the space for understanding, peace, forgiveness and light to enter.

In the animal world, the alpha male and alpha female exert power over the group through competition for limited resources.  Often physical strength and creation of alignments push out others and create a space where the alpha exerts control.  Today we simultaneously label this bullying and reinforce it with the according of power — this mixed message of  it being labeled bad when a little boy or girl is mean but give power to the winner of a very negative political race — makes it so that the societal message is that playing dirty, winning at all costs and bullying is wholly and completely acceptable in fact honored, so that living in the light is actually going against the norm in this current alpha society.

Our political world has used this style of power to control how the population makes decisions about who is to be in power – using whether something is ‘cool’ as a standard of what to follow.  The political world, the publicist, the hollywood environment, uses this to market the buying population and focuses on pre-teens, teenagers, young adults, and those who want to be perceived as hip like these youngsters to control power positions, and make money, even controlling the population to make decisions that are not in their individual best interests.  Even the world of spirit, and spiritual health has been overrun with this idea of cool, propaganda for profit.  Unfortunately this has made it so there are many groups that use this combination of alpha group power and spiritual upleveling in cohesion so that it is cool to be part of some religions but not others rather than encouraging an overall elevation of spiritual interaction and action on the planet.  You can see this in how the political arena tries to scapegoat and denigrate certain people for their religious beliefs and uplevel others that will increase their level of cool.

Living in the light is applying a standard of true spirituality, sincere faithful attention with compassion and lovingkindness toward all beings, as each struggles to find his or her place in the world.  So that an enlightened approach, to those who see the world differently from yourself, is to have a willingness to understand their paradigm and then look for ways that you and she agree, so that a true and real conversation can be had rather than a power struggle for power in the marketplace.

Love is the great balancer and neutralizer.  Lovingkindness and compassion allow you to live in the light in your approach to all human beings, animals, and plants.  It is through this method that the earth shall survive.  It is though this method that balance can be reset in the natural earth, because it is the beta mentality that is what is needed for the global society and earth balance to happen.  The Beta and the Omega look to balance the Alpha, but our political environment has gone too far with the alpha power structure.  This hierarchical style cannot contain the global needs of the earth.  The beta-mentality looks for connections, is inclusive and accepting.  The omega-mentality is playful, diffuses negativity, and creates an environment for letting off steam without reprisal.  The alpha-mentality is most useful in third-dimensional thinking of right/wrong, good/bad, and limited resources, when there is danger from without and there is a need for absolute power, however the dependence on this style of leading, solely, has allowed for oppression, divisiveness, out-grouping, and propaganda to the detriment of global societies.  This is not to say that the way forward is through the social-democratic, progressive beliefs of socialism or an over-dependence on governments,  Unfortunately these policies enhance the use of propaganda and alpha-style mentality; they create a different style of hierarchy, not centered in the light or spirit.  Rather than increase the use of true cohesiveness, connectedness, and mindfulness they diminish even further the importance of elevating all and create a different societal structure that will ultimately create an even smaller degree of peace.

Much of my writing is about paradigm shifting and mindfulness as a way of dealing with not only individual, but also small group and large group interactions.  These ideas are infused in many religions, many philosophies both east and west and many successful groups.  Not one belief system holds the patent on the idea of mindfulness; it part of Taoist, Judeo-Christian, Hindu, Native American and many other religious and philosophical tenets.

To live in the light is to be continually bringing yourself back to neutral and to discover within yourself a positive bent in all that you do so that you are actually shining light onto others and yourself to bring in the beta-mentality of connection and uplevel capacity of the whole group.

Be a rebel.  Make a decision today to lighten your perspective,

  • move into the light in all our perceptions
  • eschew competition, fear, limitations, and division,
  • look beneath the powerful emotional arguments of the propaganda and publicity around you, look at what is considered cool, and see if it fits with what actutally uplevels your world, and the society at large
  • look for, and allow yourself to see, the underlying goal, of the denigration of specific groups, to acqurie political power
  • use mindfulness, lovingkindness, compassion and the beta or omega mentality in all of your interactions

In this way you will create peace within yourself and experience connection and understanding in your world.  Love is the answer.  Love is the way.

in love and light, namaste, bg

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Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.

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sleep like a dog for a long life

Hello and Welcome!

This post offers excellent support to increase your healthy balanced living.

Li Ching-Yuen was purported to have lived 256 years in China dying in 1933.  When asked the secret to his long life he related his knowledge for longevity in this simple sentence: “Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog.”

retain a calm heart may also be translated to maintain a tranquil mind… this is a direct reference to meditation.  Over the years many studies have shown the deep and abiding benefits of meditation; showing that focused mindful meditation helps with maintaining healthy brain function and cardiovascular function.  Meditation increases resilience to stress.

...sit like a turtle is a reference to stillness, being still, allowing stillness without distraction and without multitasking…this allows for the fullness of each experience and allows for rejuvenation…there is significant evidence that the amount of stimuli requiring attention or the amount of multitasking required by americans leads to stress and allostatic overload.  Creating stillness increases space for rejuvenation and a return to balance.

walk like a pigeon, also translated as walking quickly or sprightly, this referenced moving rhythmically and frequently.  This seems to keep the body, heart and mind activated and attentive without a sense of hyperactivity.  Activity with rest is the most balanced style of physical development and health.

sleep like a dog…this is indeed my favorite as it references the importance of not aspen and romeo asleep 3-12holding onto anything that causes anxiety, releasing unforgiveness, allowing past to be past and being in the now…conserving energy and embracing the importance of deep and fulfilling sleep…healthy in-balanced dogs take frequent naps when there is a lull in activity and then awake refreshed ready to pounce on the day or evening.

When you focus on living in a healthful, balanced fashion you increase your lifespan and decrease the negative effects of aging.  Living out of balance shortens your lifespan.

In a time when there is debate about health insurance and the issue of accessibility it is important to see through the propaganda to truth.Health insurance doesn’t precisely increase accessibility.  Healthcare is not health insurance.  In order to increase accessibility, many shifts are required.

You can sidestep this problem, if you are currently healthy or moderately out of balance, by increasing your balanced practice in living.

Consider the issues of spirit, body, and mind.  (You may also read this series of articles on shifting your attitude, connecting to your spirit, and balancing your life, to develop your 4×4 Habits to Health.)

How are you increasing your risk for imbalance and need for health care?  Ask yourself these questions.

  • Do you have difficulty sleeping?  Do you awaken after a full nights sleep and feel unrested?
  • Do you feel sluggish?  Do you have an ongoing sense of fatigue?
  • Do you have trouble exercising either due to a lack of energy or pain?
  • Do you have chronic pain?
  • Do you have a pervasive sense of uneasiness or anxiety?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed with your tasks and responsibilities?
  • Do you feel you overeat, or drink alcohol, or use drugs to deal with your stress level?
  • Do you feel isolated?  Or do you feel too much responsibility for those for whom you care?
  • Do you eat food you know is not good for you because you are too busy to make good food? Or do you eat food that is not good for you because you have to eat quickly and on schedule?
  • Are you overweight and find you cannot seem to drop the weight even when you try?
  • Do you have unresolved anger or unforgiveness regarding earlier injuries, losses, or relationship issues?
  • Do you feel bereft spiritually?
  • Do you feel apathetic?
  • Do you feel angry, and short-tempered more than 30 % of your waking time?

If you get more than half answers in the positive, your life is out of balance.  This kind of imbalance can lead to heart disease, increased bad cholesterol, increased levels of glucose, increased levels of cortisol, decreased energy, difficulties with sleep and the overall regenerative processes built into your integrated spirit, mind and body processes, and a more rapid aging process.  To make the necessary shifts in your habits of living, begin with the above mantra.  You can start today!

Up to now, the western medical program in the US has been to enable Americans to behave in an unbalanced way and then get treatment for their bad behavior, calling this health care treatment.  Now that we are moving into a socialized medicine program, this will begin to diminish.  less and less will unbalanced, unhealthy behavior be supported through medical treatment.  This is because the cost to do so is very high.

As you look over the last 120 years there is an interesting observation of overindulgence, then abstinence with the pendulum swinging toward each end in succession.   Letting go and partying then pulling in and recuperating.  The ground for this warfare being your body.  When lifespans were closer to fifty years rather than one hundred years, this overindulgence only shortened a person’s life slightly.  Now, individuals who want to live longer will have to live healthier more balanced lifestyles to have their bodies be working efficiently at the end of their lives.

“Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog.”  OR

Change your attitude, Heal your spirit, Balance your life… if you want to find a deeper practice or just want support in finding your way to balance, you can contact me at my website for more intensive coaching or other great resource material, www.bethgineris.comin love and light, bg

photo of two dogs sleeping:  Lisa Aldon

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Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.

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III: Balance your life, Nourish your Body, Connect to your Community

Hello and Welcome!  This is third in a series of articles.  III:  Balance your Life, Nourish your Body and Connect to Community.

I:  Change your Attitude, II: Heal your Soul, III: Balance your Life

III: Balance your Life, nourish your BODY through mindful habits: Eat, drink, sleep, exercise

Eat whole foods 

  • grown or cared for in a humane loving way,
  • primarily prepared by you or someone you love,
  • and look like a rainbow to support your physical health.
  • To promote brain health and increase immunity as well as maintain a healthy memory eat nuts, legumes, and foods that ‘look like a brain”… pecans, walnuts, eggs, cauliflower, cacao, and coffee beans to name a few.  check out this post in my other wordpress blog, IntegrativeMedicineStrategiesNow, Brain Food Really.

Drink 3 liters of water a day, more if you exercise or live in a dry climate.  

  • Water, not tea, or coke, or coffee etc…H2O positively helps with your cellular health.
  • It positively affects your cognition, heart, electrical gastroenterological, kidney-urinary, and immune system – WOW, right?!
  • Water is profoundly necessary for your body systems and mind to work efficiently,
  • Your hydration needs are affected by your exercise habits, the altitude at which you live, whether you are menstruating, and your personal system imbalances ( ie: slow digestion, toxicity, meds etc).

Exercise 1 hour a day for maximum health 

  • if you are not currently doing this, move up to it slowly to build your muscles and systems in a healthful way. Begin with 20 minutes every other day then move to 15 minutes daily, then 30 minutes every other day and them 20 minutes daily, until you make it to 60 minutes a day.
  • Choose an exercise regime that suits you, holds your interest, brings in fun.
  • Positive Benefits of Yoga -> reducing depressive symptoms, and inducing remission in mild to severe depression in depressive disorders – WOW! (Current Psychiatry Vol.8,No10,p39-47).

7 benefits of exercise:

  1. Controls weight,
  2. combats health conditions/diseases heart, cholesterol, breath capacity, strength, cognition,
  3. improves mood,
  4. boosts energy,
  5. promotes sleep,
  6. increases interest and capacity for sex,
  7. fun –> creativity, healthy competition, focus, endurance, social, widens interest.

Sleep 6-8 hours a day.  Sleep is the most powerful health promoter!

  • It balances your brain, blood, spirit, reduces pain and inflammation.  Don’t ignore it!

photoSleep is the great neutralizer and reformer.

Sleep plays an important role in learning and memory consolidation.

  • Sleep deprivation can result in memory loss and diminished fine motor and cognitive skills;
  • can impede response time in crisis situations and increase psycho-emotional problems.
  • Lack of sleep can increase pain experience.

Sleep 7-9 hours each night/get to sleep by 11pm.  School-age children need 9-10, Babies/Toddlers require 12-14 hours of sleep; Teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep. For kids sleep debt can lead to an increase of restlessness, attentional, oppositionality issues

Sleep affects Cognition, learning, health, experience of pain & stress; it benefits your Spirit, Mind, and Body.

Consider the power of community, rejuvenation, and networking

Connecting, collaborating, networking, and groups offer a special kind of balance.  

collage inspirationFinding a space to belong, share struggles and get support increases your power in maintaining the balance in your life.

  • Studies show that women respond to stress with tend and befriend.
  • Connecting in ways that help with self growth and rejuvenation, work interests and social endeavors through focusing on learning or maintaining knowledge helps keep your mind healthy.
  • Focusing on groups that sustain your body like exercise groups or training or cooking and nutrition groups.
  • And connecting with spiritual outlets will keep you centered and grounded.

Some of this information is from an earlier InstinctiveHealthMedicine blog entitled  focusing on mindful living leads to spirit, mind, body health, July 24, 2013.

See how you can institute these shifts today, re-read all the articles to remain in balance.  i: Change your Attitude, II: Heal your soul, III:Balance your life.  Enjoy, enlighten, and inspire your self, and your life in every aspect of it,  Namaste., () in love and light, bg

back cover.me2weGineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.

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mindfulness and parenting revisited

Hello and Welcome

Negotiating the treacherous waters of parenting can be anxiety provoking and discouraging.

This results from both internal insecurity and external unpredictability.

Three steps will keep you in the flow and having fun as you reclaim the role of mama/papa/leader.

Step 1.  Strengthen your connection to your personal sensory guidance system.  This is the connection to the information freeway  from your five senses and your intuition.  This is information about your environment, your child, and others that assists you in making thoughtful decisions. Step 2. Trust your knowing of your child. Listen to him or her – listen with your ears, your heart, and your sensory guidance system. Step 3. Guide with strength and lovingkindness. Be self-confident and go with the flow. Be patient, kind, and firm.  Say I am sorry, and make efforts to shift your responses to best meet you child’s needs.  Model respect and trust by being respectful and trustworthy.  In all your disciplinary responses focus on learning and loving; be loving and sensitive to the multi-level issues involved, respond quickly and clearly, and use the opportunity to teach joy and strength in being a responsible person; an individual connected to a community.

To help you embrace the three steps, understanding the nature of the parenting is key.

  • Parenting is modeled.
  • This means that you learn how to parent from your interpretation of your own parenting.  This concept of learning social interactions through your group associations is a function of how the human brain develops over the first 24 years of life; and a part of what happens whenever you enter a new social group, environment.
  • What you see done is what you incorporate into doing to others and to yourself; as you age the internalized reflection of yourself becomes solidified.  Once you are into middle age the malleability of your reflection, your internalized sel-persona/picture requires a release of the accepted self and a reevaluation of ‘who you are’… due to the solidified nature of your introjected self, often this requires a traumatic event to shift your internal accepted picture of self.
  • There is a strong desire to be accepted and approved of by your significant others (beginning with moms and dads, and then moving on to peers).
  • You know who you are and how you should be treated, what you perceive as your role in relationship, from what is reflected to you by your parents, your primary caregivers, and your first social groups –> your siblings and cousins, and then your peers, friends.
  • So, if there is dysfunction or trauma or damage in those early relationships you have deficits in your ability to navigate the waters of parenting your children.

Cognitive/behavioral therapy, meditation, yoga, and mindfulness development uplevel your consciousness so that you can shift and rebalance your inner self perception and your outer actions.

Trust, be trustworthy, act with strength and kindness, be forgiving and persevering.

As you guide, be willing to incorporate new information about your child or your beliefs and make adjustments to your course to align your actions, beliefs/values, and your parenting.

Parenting is a dynamic, organic (as in living and responsive to environmental changes) process.

  • Be confident, proactive, reflective, flexible, and trustworthy in your actions and intentions.
  • Be willing to adjust your response and be flexible as you see the need to do so and be firm when you perceive this is important.
  • Respond with seriousness to serious problems, and playfulness with problems which are not serious; stay responsive and discern the difference.  in love and light, bg

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4 simple phrases return you to balance, help you remain in recovery

Hello and Welcome

Recovery is a journey rather than a destination.

Step one is to find your way to balance.

Step two is returning to balance.

The Path to Grace is a journey that cycles between these two steps.

These 4 simple phrases assist you in this recovery path, which I call the Path to Grace.

Stop, look, and listen. It is the perfect mantra to create the neutral, present moment, open-minded perspective required for moving through roadblocks. Stop the harmful behavior; look at your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions, to discern what may be underneath your resistance; listen to you heart, tone, whole language to comprehend an underlying covert message.

The attitude of gratitude. Identify the gifts of your history, your drama, and your shift into recovery. Reaffirm your choice for health.  Focus on your strengths, reframe your limitations. The attitude of gratitude creates an inner structure of resilient positive self-esteem rooted in a solid foundation.

Focus on what you want rather than what you fear. This mindful mantra directs your attention to precisely where you have power. Things feared tend to be things unknown that are out of your control. An inner locus of control puts the resilience, power to create, and basic capacity to respond to whatever comes your way into your own hands, so that you believe, have faith and have evidence that you can create what you want.

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World. This is a phrase made famous by M. Gandhi. He was interested in major social change, but this phrase is just as useful in small social worlds. Act mindfully, show respect, be loving, and compassionate as a style of being in the world.  Live your change in every cell of your being, allowing breath, faith, forgiveness, and lovingkindness direct your actions and personal relationships, beginning with your relationship with yourself.  Covey called this change Have to Be, which is to say focus on being what you want to have (Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, 1989).

Keeping these simple mantras close to your heart and mind will increase your capacity for mindfulness.  This will increase your experience of compassion, harmony, and balance in living, and keep you on the recovery Path to Grace.  Namaste, in love and light, bg