InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Turning Me to WE, understanding the Me-style of partnership

Dear Friends Welcome!

A friend requested elucidation of how the Me-style works if you are the one who gives yourself away by not holding or setting boundaries, especially when you are in partnership with a person who tends toward narcissism.

The me style is the concept ‘two halves make a whole’  perspective.  If in your situation you are the one who can’t say no, you have difficulty setting the boundary. If you are partnered with a narcissist, your partner has no capacity for empathy, no ability to actually see your point of view.  In psychological terms a person who is narcissistic is not specifically selfish – you can be selfish and not be narcissistic. To be diagnosed as a narcissist you have to lack empathy. The other diagnosis that has no capacity for empathy is a sociopath. What the two have in common is this lack of empathy.

Typically people who are caught in relationships with either sociopaths or narcissists have poor boundaries and lack self esteem (undeveloped inner security) and so don’t say no. They lose their sense of me, giving it away to their partner in hopes to feel/be loved.

The question where is the me is an apt one. The set of parameters for the me-style is dependency, diffuse or no boundary, lacks empathy, inner insecurity.   Remember it’s a style of partnering – so the driving focus is the driving me-need (for the giver away of self – the me-need that is driving is a need to be loved by an other – so although it looks like there is no me on her/his part, s/he is being driven by an insecurity me-need).

YOU can strengthen yourself by developing a healthy set of boundaries (defining and living through a set of boundaries of what is reasonable to give and take in relationship) and a healthy style of saying no ( identifying when you feel taken for granted by developing your awareness of your senses) as well as developing your inner security (discovering what you want and not accepting less than that- this includes recognizing your strengths and your limitations, and how these play into what you want in relationship).

Setting up these boundaries, increasing your sense of inner security, and developing compassion for yourself and your partner will get you ready for an independent, I-style relationship.

You may either grow together into a clearer more bounded relationship OR you may release each other to develop the next style of relating:  Two circles 00 walking side-by-side independently with firm, clear boundaries.  In this, the I-style, you may have to deal with stiffer boundaries as you develop your capacity to say no.  You may even find you are less flexible because you are defining those lines that you do not want crossed.

Once you feel comfortable in that kind of relationship you can develop flexibility with your boundaries and your paradigm recognition, shifting, and integration…. Thus allowing you to easily Move Into interdependence, through focus on connection and collaboration where both parties matter and a we-style of relationship.

Development through the different styles is a process.  Once you know where you are in the series of Me, dependent (co-dependent, driven by a set of inner insecurities), diffuse boundaries; I, independent (rigid boundaries, unable to say yes, due to a fear of losing self); We, interdependent, flexible boundaries focused on what you want rather than what you fear; then you can use that knowledge to develop qualities of empathy, boundaries, and inner security to get unstuck and achieve a more mutually satisfying relationship.

You can find out more in  Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, (Gineris 2011); Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, (Gineris 2013).front cover.me2we

and discover where you are in the MAAPS section.  This will help you to manage your insecurities and understand how and why you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure). in love and light, bg


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finding your way home

Hello and Welcome!

Your personal sensory guidance system is built within your automated central nervous system.  It uses your five plus one senses:  sight, smell hearing, taste and touch plus your integrated intuition.

You may think, “I don’t have a sensory guidance system” “I feel like I am always directed down the same wrong path”...fair enough…here’s why, you may be caught in a feedback loop that just keeps replaying the same scene, with you taking the same action, over and over.  This is usually a result of some trauma, loss, or injury.bad attitude, flat tire

Once you know that, you create your way out, your free will choice:  you can shift out of that feedback loop by changing your perspective and healing your spirit.

  • A simple shift in focus, release of the weight of trauma or loss, and you can find your way home.
  • The first step to changing your life is to stop doing your habit.

From that centered space you can then make a choice to release… to let go of the habitual way of seeing and doing so that you can connect to your true inner source, your truth.

Once you have released, you can reset how and who you want to be in your balanced state.

Your way home is following a path to graceAllowing your heart to lead, guided by your internal sensory guidance system.

From that interior space all of your movements will be holistically in your best interests and support you and your community shifting from Me to WE.

Change your attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life

front cover.me2we

To find out more about how to Shift away from habits that harm Toward habits that heal you can look into Beth’s groundbreaking book on relationship styles and the insecurity drivers, MAAPS,  at the foundation of ineffective, narcissistic relationships. Find out more about Beth at www.bethgineris.com  You can purchase the Me to We book there at a 30%discount…see the buy beth’s books page.  offered in love and light, bg


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mindfulness and parenting revisited

Hello and Welcome

Negotiating the treacherous waters of parenting can be anxiety provoking and discouraging.

This results from both internal insecurity and external unpredictability.

Three steps will keep you in the flow and having fun as you reclaim the role of mama/papa/leader.

Step 1.  Strengthen your connection to your personal sensory guidance system.  This is the connection to the information freeway  from your five senses and your intuition.  This is information about your environment, your child, and others that assists you in making thoughtful decisions. Step 2. Trust your knowing of your child. Listen to him or her – listen with your ears, your heart, and your sensory guidance system. Step 3. Guide with strength and lovingkindness. Be self-confident and go with the flow. Be patient, kind, and firm.  Say I am sorry, and make efforts to shift your responses to best meet you child’s needs.  Model respect and trust by being respectful and trustworthy.  In all your disciplinary responses focus on learning and loving; be loving and sensitive to the multi-level issues involved, respond quickly and clearly, and use the opportunity to teach joy and strength in being a responsible person; an individual connected to a community.

To help you embrace the three steps, understanding the nature of the parenting is key.

  • Parenting is modeled.
  • This means that you learn how to parent from your interpretation of your own parenting.  This concept of learning social interactions through your group associations is a function of how the human brain develops over the first 24 years of life; and a part of what happens whenever you enter a new social group, environment.
  • What you see done is what you incorporate into doing to others and to yourself; as you age the internalized reflection of yourself becomes solidified.  Once you are into middle age the malleability of your reflection, your internalized sel-persona/picture requires a release of the accepted self and a reevaluation of ‘who you are’… due to the solidified nature of your introjected self, often this requires a traumatic event to shift your internal accepted picture of self.
  • There is a strong desire to be accepted and approved of by your significant others (beginning with moms and dads, and then moving on to peers).
  • You know who you are and how you should be treated, what you perceive as your role in relationship, from what is reflected to you by your parents, your primary caregivers, and your first social groups –> your siblings and cousins, and then your peers, friends.
  • So, if there is dysfunction or trauma or damage in those early relationships you have deficits in your ability to navigate the waters of parenting your children.

Cognitive/behavioral therapy, meditation, yoga, and mindfulness development uplevel your consciousness so that you can shift and rebalance your inner self perception and your outer actions.

Trust, be trustworthy, act with strength and kindness, be forgiving and persevering.

As you guide, be willing to incorporate new information about your child or your beliefs and make adjustments to your course to align your actions, beliefs/values, and your parenting.

Parenting is a dynamic, organic (as in living and responsive to environmental changes) process.

  • Be confident, proactive, reflective, flexible, and trustworthy in your actions and intentions.
  • Be willing to adjust your response and be flexible as you see the need to do so and be firm when you perceive this is important.
  • Respond with seriousness to serious problems, and playfulness with problems which are not serious; stay responsive and discern the difference.  in love and light, bg


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4 simple phrases return you to balance, help you remain in recovery

Hello and Welcome

Recovery is a journey rather than a destination.

Step one is to find your way to balance.

Step two is returning to balance.

The Path to Grace is a journey that cycles between these two steps.

These 4 simple phrases assist you in this recovery path, which I call the Path to Grace.

Stop, look, and listen. It is the perfect mantra to create the neutral, present moment, open-minded perspective required for moving through roadblocks. Stop the harmful behavior; look at your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions, to discern what may be underneath your resistance; listen to you heart, tone, whole language to comprehend an underlying covert message.

The attitude of gratitude. Identify the gifts of your history, your drama, and your shift into recovery. Reaffirm your choice for health.  Focus on your strengths, reframe your limitations. The attitude of gratitude creates an inner structure of resilient positive self-esteem rooted in a solid foundation.

Focus on what you want rather than what you fear. This mindful mantra directs your attention to precisely where you have power. Things feared tend to be things unknown that are out of your control. An inner locus of control puts the resilience, power to create, and basic capacity to respond to whatever comes your way into your own hands, so that you believe, have faith and have evidence that you can create what you want.

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World. This is a phrase made famous by M. Gandhi. He was interested in major social change, but this phrase is just as useful in small social worlds. Act mindfully, show respect, be loving, and compassionate as a style of being in the world.  Live your change in every cell of your being, allowing breath, faith, forgiveness, and lovingkindness direct your actions and personal relationships, beginning with your relationship with yourself.  Covey called this change Have to Be, which is to say focus on being what you want to have (Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, 1989).

Keeping these simple mantras close to your heart and mind will increase your capacity for mindfulness.  This will increase your experience of compassion, harmony, and balance in living, and keep you on the recovery Path to Grace.  Namaste, in love and light, bg


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seeing miracles, creating healing

If you want to find the secrets of the universe think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration – Nikola Tesla

Hello friends

The miracle of healing is at your fingertips.  It is simply a matter of seeing, listening and responding to your senses, energy, frequency and vibration.

I see immediate and complete transformation in my practice, relationships, and life every day!

The corresponding elements that allow for this are a matter of knowing, belief, and sight.  It is through this knowing belief and seeing that the miracle presents itself.  It is greater than a course in miracles.  It is an instantaneous truth seen through your eyes when you are completely connected to your sensory guidance system and the healing knowledge of sight and action.

Your sight must be aligned with the frequency, energy, and vibration of health, light, and spiritual knowing.  From this wavelength and universe all things are possible.

This allows for the immediate perception of a miracle.

Three steps will help you to see the miracle.

  • First, use your inner sight connected to your inner knowing.  So that you are open to how the fabric of your life can shift to create, offer the miracle – this results in seeing the miracle.
  • Second, accept that choice is the ultimate foundation for each soul on the planet.  And you do not have the power to change another person’s choice for his or her life.
  • Third, see the miracle in each event…even when your first reaction is to say that no miracle exists.  Pay attention to the energy of the event and within you the intensity of your reaction.  Vibration and frequency are also useful in assisting you to discern the message therein… once you have aligned yourself with the miracle you can bring forth a healing either in spirit, cognition/thinking or the body/physically.

The universe is always offering a gift to move you toward your soul’s path.  How –  that is true is the tricky part.  Seeing the miracle requires integrating spirit, mind, and body knowings as well as energy, frequency, and vibration.  Use paradigm shifting through compassionate sight and inversions to see the balance in the universe.  Use a long, broad view to understand what the universe is presenting as a miracle.

A fourth step helps to align with the miracle and integrate the lesson.

  • Embrace even those events that are painful and look for the healing lesson within – you will know when you have found that lesson when you find yourself, smiling, looking lovingly on another or a new perception of the event, and feeling a release of anger and fear.

Miracles are the norm in your life…. as you train your internal dialogue and sight to attend to your sensory guidance system you will experience them in every step of your life.  The natural outcome to this state is love, peace, upleveling consciousness, collaboration, acceptance, and success in all of your endeavors.

This is a quantum shift in experience and knowing; a quantum shift in energy, frequency and vibration.  Once you allow yourself to see differently you will act and be different, immediately, in a quantum and whole way.  Paradigm recognition, shifting,integration and creation in the moment.  in love and light, bg


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when I look into my daughter’s eyes I see the change

Hello and welcome!

Parenting offers the chance to rewrite history.  It gives you the chance to choose which aspect of your childhood you want to model for your children and which aspect you want to change.

Be –ing the change you wish to see in the world requires an understanding of what interferes with your own joy and what limits your consciousness.

You can use this knowledge as your guide toward mindfulness.  An awareness of differing perspectives creates the space to embrace paradigm shifting to increase awareness and find connecting points.

As you practice this you will discover that you are drawn to connecting and solving problems devoid of hate and anger, proof and defensiveness.

This can be applied to every aspect of your life including from how you consume, to how your model relationships and partnerships,  to how you parent.

The inner and outward congruence of joy, forgiveness, compassion, and real interest or curiosity in the other leads to real power to change not only your world and sphere of influence but the world.

Happiness is a state of mind – it reflects your inner capacity to be the best you can be.

I am grateful at this time in my life to see this gentle, mindful, compassionate, strength, and sense of empowerment in both my son and my daughter.  I feel joy in my own release from the prison of proof and defensiveness that separates humans, and gratefulness in the path chosen by my children.

Look into your children’s eyes see that joy and empowerment.  This is how you can change the world, by modeling your commitment to practice mindfulness and compassion in your interactions and parenting.

Just as water through its persevering flow along a crevice can create a canyon, so too can you transform your environment through this gentle, persevering pressure of mindfulness, compassion and non-violence.

First you must see it in your mind’s eye then you can create it and see it reflected all around you.

To increase your capacity for mindfulness, compassion, forgiveness, and non-violence practice Yoga, prayer, meditation, internal paradigm shifting, listening to understand before speaking to prove, through these practices, in time, your will shift your perspective and through this your words and actions.  Namaste, in love and light, beth


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Soul guidance – 5 easy steps

Hi, Welcome and thanks for your interest!

Soul guidance is a set of 5 easy steps to shift your focus so that you can have your heart center guide your path.

Anxiety and guilt wreak havoc on the human spirit and lead to breath-holding, inflexibility, and burning off of true soul guidance.

To see your way through these two habitual ways of letting fear separate you from your true self and true path –

  • 1st.  begin with a simple review of your breath,your senses, your emotions, and your muscles.  What ever you find notice it – tension, flexibility an inner grimace, tightness –
  • 2nd connect these  – emotion to breath holding, and tightness or rigidity in movement
  • 3rd Discern which aspects of your inner sensory guidance system reveals intuition and which reveal fear -here are the most common: Fear:  pit of stomach tightness-fear, anxiety in chest breath holding-fear, inflexibility in hips-fear (trauma), inability to think clearly and utilize mindfulness-fear      Intuition:  quiet light voice in the center of your being-intuition – may be in you heart or your mind, this has a sense of ringing clear through your spiritual, emotional physical field – it allows openness, neutrality, space, and mindfulness.
  • 4th Now feed the intuition
  • 5th release the fear.

Breath is the key.  Breathing through to trust and have faith in your knowing requires deep full breathing drawing into you the power of the knowing.  Breathing through as you release the fear, allowing it to disconnect from you, letting go as you release the lack of power.

Simple and easy

If you shift your energy slightly, you can change your life in a big way!  Try it with something small first to practice your skills of letting go – then increase your intention and focus until each day you simply adjust and release and follow your inner guidance

Love the simplicity?  It’s all within you, pay attention when something seems to go in crooked or doesn’t feel right or causes you to withdraw – this is a message from your sensory guidance system.  Respond accordingly.  Engage your critical thinking and your mindfulness, and respond to what you discover.  When you feel stuck, unworthy, anxiety or fear, breathe, and go through these steps to release the fear and embrace your inner knowing.

Listen to your true voice – the sound will be sure and firm, loving and compassionate, light and quiet.

Ignore the loud fear-filled, guilt-filled, anxiety voice.  Avoid defensiveness deciding your course of action.

Choose the sweet loving inner smile of love and joy – live there and everything you desire will be at your fingertips to create.

This honors you and creates an opportunity for your inner being to guide your life and results in resilient, flexible powerful action.in love and light, beth


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Each new paradigm births through its predecessor

Hello and Welcome!

Habits and paradigms are tricky.  A habit can be defined as something that guides you toward success or shifts you into a rut out of which you are always struggling to evolve.  Paradigms give you your first structure of morality, right/wrong stories, and modes to interpret the world.  Habits and paradigms work right up to the point they become obsolete.  When you feel stuck or clinging to a habit or paradigm that feeling may be a sign that you need to birth through to the next way.

Challenging your paradigmatic perspective including your habitual reaction patterns allows you to discover a deeper and fuller experience in your relationships and work environment.

Not long ago I encountered a dead-end on my path.  At least I thought that was what it was at the time.

I had gone as far as I could in the pursuit of something.  I had reached a stopping point but not reached the goal.  At least that stopping point didn’t look like my picture of the goal.  I felt discouraged.  I didn’t want to turn around and go back, but I could go no further.

So I sat down where I was.  I stopped pushing.  I looked around.  I looked within.  I began breathing and focusing on what I felt as well as what I saw.  With my breath and focus the energy around me shifted.  It was as if I was vibrating into a new level of consciousness.

As I sat there I felt inconsolable.  I had become attached to the goal I was pursuing.  At first my attitude didn’t allow for me to see anything positive.  I could only see through the eyes of my disillusionment.  Then I began to see through an attitude of gratitude.  I began to notice some wondrous things around me:  extraordinary relationships and family;  time and freedom to pursue my dreams; support; love; space; an inner awareness.  This awareness, breath, gratitude, and peacefulness filled me and opened up an inner imaginal world filled with plausible creations.

I realized the dead-end was a logical conclusion of my limited thinking and perception – an inner shifting of paradigms and habits.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t reached the goal, it was that my goal had transformed.  I had shifted from pursuing an independent, proving, route to experiencing and developing a collaborative, integrative, holistic, path.  This required me to shift my perspective, my habits, and my capacity to take in what was around me, to see through a different lens.

At once, with this realization, I noticed a beautiful path that veered off  just to edge from my sitting place.  It was a slightly elevated pathway that was not immediately noticeable, hidden from view when looking straight ahead or downward.  It was light and airy, covered in a material that was vastly different from the path on which I had been walking.  I could only see the way, through my new perspective of present moment now and receiving joy.

The hard work, perseverance, and hard choices, the trauma and difficulties of my youth had created a primary paradigm that anything of worth required this set of behaviors.  And that I had to prove who I was, a doing, rather than being style of living.  What I had endured to get to this point could only bring me this far on my path.

Only via these new lessons of ease, joy, laughter, love – that lovely concept of flow could I see the way through.  An evolution of consciousness was the action required to take my next step.  And this evolution comes from a releasing, a relaxing, and a letting go rather than a persevering, pushing attitude.  The shift in consciousness creates the new paradigm in a quantum-style movement, rather than a linear movement.  Each new paradigm births through its predecessor through a natural shifting of perspective.

If you are feeling stuck or clinging intensely to your habitual style of behaving, thinking, or believing; if you are feeling defensiveness, anger, anxiety or discouraged stop where you are, both metaphorically and physically.  Take the time to feel into your ideas, your habits, your goals, and beliefs.  Open yourself to the attitude of gratitude, notice everything that is working in your life, environment, relationships, and work.  Through this space you will find an evolution in your consciousness so that you can shift your perspective and birth yourself into a new paradigm of living and being.  in love and light, beth


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Listen without attachment, Hear truth

Hello and Welcome!

Listening is an active process.  It is active in that it requires focused attention and neutral or accurate interpretation.

Hearing is a function of this process of focused, unattached listening.  Meaning is the by-product – it is what you hear.

When you listen fresh, and without attachment, you free yourself to hear the meaning sent versus your internal negative dialogue or grandiose spin on either the speaker or your self perceptions.

What you hear reveals information about yourself when you hear through the filter of this inner dialogue.

In addition when information is heard through this inner dialogue filter, what another hears you say has more to do with him than with you.

There are levels of information sent in communication.  This can be clarified and understood in context when your own filter is removed.

Knowledge is not an inaccurate filter.  So that placing the message sent within the context of the sender allows you to accurately interpret the sender’s meaning.

The personal filter through which you hear can interfere with your capacity to do this, your capacity to be neutral.

Fears, misperceptions about yourself such as insecurities or historical relationship information that do not apply to the current relationship are all filters which will interfere with accurate hearing, and will result in inefficient meaning making.

Follow these steps to create clarity and move yourself into a neutral posture for active listening.

  1. Be open to clarity. Clarify what you heard – Repeat what you heard including the hidden message, and request if that was the message sent.
  2. Be neutral – face your inner fears, inner insecurities, and inner mis-perceived paradigms or pictures by questioning yourself about their veracity.
  3. Utilize an integrated listening and hearing system – integrated spirit, mind, and body.  Do this by paying attention to what you feel, sense, and experience when listening to the message.  Does the information feel right in your heart, does it cognitively go in straight, do you have a physical catch or block to the information?.

Your spirit, mind, and body sensory guidance system guides you to the truth – it cuts through the internal negative or grandiose dialogue and allows truth to be revealed instantly when you are willing to actively listen and remain mindful and present.  This is a type of listening with your third or inner ear.  It is a hearing, feeling, knowing experience.  It is multidimensional in that you know it in your mindfulness or unattached cognitions (understanding), feel it in your body (a sense of flow and ease) and hear it in your heart (a sense of ringing true).

Being present, connecting to listening, and the information, in a present-moment way that incorporates what you know (but discards insecurities, historical patterning in your relationships,  and what you fear) is listening without attachment.

This uplevels your consciousness, truth is revealed and you may take action from an enlightening and powerful place to create relationships and environments that are prosperous. in love and light, beth


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Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness preview

Hello and Welcome!

Thank you to the sweet and loyal followers to this blog!  You are each a treasure in my life!  It has been such a lovely collaboration, to write and create a space for support and learning regarding self-development, mindfulness, paradigm shifting, mindful parenting, and an evolution of consciousness.

A number of people have asked for a book on relationship/partnering that offers useful, insightful guidance.  So it is almost here.

Here is a preview:  Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with MindfulnessShifting competition and narcissism (ME) to collaboration and connection (WE).  It delineates quick and easy tools for developing profoundly successful relationships in work, home, and love.

Intertwined within these strategies are ways of re-setting, re-focusing and re-aligning your internal compass to create a new space for collaboration and connection while allowing  space for your personal self to grow along with your relationship/partnership.  It focuses on an integrated spirit, mind, body approach dealing with communication, context, paradigmatic beliefs, and form.  And, it offers ways to shift out of various forms of thinking/seeing/communicating and contexts that are unhelpful, do a disservice to you in relationship, or interfere with connecting and collaboration.

When you look at the letters M and W you can see that within their form you find a closing off (M) or an opening up, connecting (W) quality.  This is a synchronous image.   The general characteristic feeling of the words ME and WE and the behaviors of dependence, independence and interdependence are represented in this synchronous view of the letters.  This offers an imprint image to show you how to shift your perspective.  Me is singular, self-oriented, and individualistic, even narcissistic or competitive (consider the statement standing on my own two feet); while, We is plural, inclusive of other’s needs, open to information, and collaborative (consider the statement We can get through this together, each pitching in).

ME is an important developmental station in development.  It is a required station.  You can’t get to WE without developing ME, first.  In childhood, your first developmental relationship is Dependent in nature.  Then in young adulthood you develop a sense of Independence.  Partnering requires that you have developed a sense of Interdependence.

Unfortunately some people get stuck at ME unable to continue their development to incorporate a sense of WE, or interdependence.  This requires a wholly formed sense of Me that is not rigid or intractable but rather is solid and firm with an openness and flexibility.  Negotiation is a WE interaction.  Compromise is a ME interaction.  There are different forms of how WE can relate in groups and some of these do not fit outside of certain developmental stages or are related to habits that don’t serve you.  Co-dependence is a skewed perspective of WE, it is not a true WE experience.  This is a situation where the core ME has not efficiently developed – so it’s really two incomplete MEs with a tenuous thread between them.

Shifting ME to WE is a paradigm shift like an inversion in Yoga, a head stand that allows an evolution of consciousness development.

This book has a lot of innovative, new information not previously published.  Although there are a few expansions on blogs previously seen on this site, the majority of the information is a new vision about relationship incorporating information on how we view and look at partnering in relation to security, belief systems, support, connection, exchange patterns, and paradigmatic belief structures (like romantic love).

It is a lovely companion to my first book, Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness.  For those of you who have read that book, thank you for all of your supportive comments.  A few of you have left comments on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com  about that book, thanks, these are great support for others to see the benefits of the book.  Anyone who has read the book can leave a comment and the site appreciates them, as do I.  Another way you can show support is to like my page for the book on Facebook.

So the arrival date for Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness is just around the corner.  Thanks for your support and I hope this new book meets your needs and offers the information you desire – I think it will.  in love and light, beth