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Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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focusing on mindful living leads to spirit, mind, body health

Hello and welcome:

I was asked last weekend to give a lecture at the ABWA, American Business Women’s Association, New Mexico Fiesta on Turning the Triple Play – Keeping Life in Balance.  Here are some of the important tidbits I shared with the 40 or so attendees.

If you want to be successful in the three arenas of your life, self, family, and business or work, then you will want to follow develop these 4 Habits:

Habit 1: SPIRIT meditation, Breath, prayer

Meditation, Prayer, Breath daily or twice daily to redirect and refocus your energy, attention, and intention.

This connects spirit, mind, and body, increases access to your balanced core self and increases your ability for critical thinking, flexibility, and quick responsiveness.

Belly breathing alone can reset your cells, mood, emotion, realign and center you.

Brain scans on long-term meditators show that regions associated with attention, self-awareness and sensory processing are thicker in meditators, and that this can offset age-related cortical thinning: “evidence for … cortical plasticity” (Lazar SW, Kerr CE, Wasserman RH, et al. Neuroreport. 2005;16(17):1893-1897).

“The regular practice of meditation may have neuroprotective effects and reduce the cognitive decline associated with normal aging.” (Pagnoni G. Cekic M. Neurobiology of Aging. 2007;28(10):1623-7).

Evidence found as a result of mindful meditation: Increase in cortical thickness in areas assoc. w/ attention, interoception, & sensory processing such as prefrontal cortex and right anterior insula, using this network to attune to internal senses via the social neural circuits involved in interpersonal attunement, including the middle prefrontal regions, insula, superior temporal complex, and the mirror neuron system – all from mindful meditation practice AND more positive Amygdala responses:  positive affect regulation by optimizing prefrontal cortex regulation of the amygdala. AND Left sided anterior activation: develop tendency toward positive emotional responses & approach /reward oriented behavior, (which aids in decreasing symptoms of depression and anxiety)(Applied Mindfulness Current Psychiatry Vol8.no12p40 2010).

Consider the power of the serenity prayer:  release what you cannot control, shift what you can control, discern the difference

Any of these activities can increase your spiritual meditative connection : Soothing/meditative music; Meditative walking,running;  hiking, dancing; yoga practice; Prayer; Gardening.  Any activity that brings mind/thinking to neutral and offers a spiritual connection with whatever feels spiritual to you

Habit 2: MIND release anger,reduce stress

Address anger and frustration early to extinguish them from your daily routine. Paradigm shift, Forgive, Be compassionate, Be Mindful

Understand Anger’s role: The Alarm aspect, your sensory guidance system: Alert, Respond, Clear

Step out of your Survivor scenarios and Habit reaction patterning – if you want more information about these and how to do that search this site with these phrases, I have written a lot about them – or you can read my two books on mindfulness in parenting and partnering see link below.

Befriend your Anger.  Discover what messages it is giving you, which boundary has been crossed and then see if you can reset your internal alarm system and let it go but releasing it and taking the required action.

Focus on the attitude of Gratitude.

Ways to reduce stress and release anger include: Inverting misbeliefs and focusing on what you want rather than what you fear.  Breathing through until you can reset yourself and be mindful.  Using mindful communication.  Practicing yoga. Journaling to investigate underlying issues or to dump worries.  Using a time-in or stop, look and listen method, thought stopping, and EFT.

Activate the power of gratitude and Forgiveness

Prolonged stress (and unresolved anger) leads to wear-and-tear on the body (allostatic load) Mediated through the Sympathetic Nervous System; Allostatic load leads to:  Impaired immunity, Accelerated atherosclerosis, Metabolic syndrome (hypertension, high cholesterol, type-2 diabetes, central obesity), Bone demineralization (osteoporosis), and Chronic stress can sensitize the brain for the later development of depression (McEwen BS. Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2004;1032:1-7).

Mindfulness practice increases:  Neural plasticity, Immune modulation, Anti-inflammatory, Enhancing immune function, positive Behavior/ lifestyle change, Improvements in sleep, Rumination reduction, and General wellbeing (Ivanovski B, Malhi G. Acta Neuropsychiatrica 2007;19:76-91).

Habit 3: BODY Eat, drink, sleep, exercise

Eat whole foods that are grown or cared for in a humane loving way, are primarily prepared by you or someone you love, and look like a rainbow to support your physical health.

Drink 3 liters of water a day, more if you exercise or live in a dry climate.  Water, not tea, or coke, or coffee etc…H2O positively helps with your cellular health. It positively affects your cognition, heart, electrical gastroenterological, kidney-urinary, and immune system – WOW, right?!

Water is profoundly necessary for your body systems and mind to work efficiently, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908954/

Your hydration needs are affected by your exercise habits, the altitude at which you live, whether you are menstruating, and your personal system imbalances ( ie: slow digestion, toxicity, meds etc)

Exercise 1 hour a day for maximum health if you are not currently doing this, move up to it slowly to build your muscles and systems in a healthful way. Begin with 20 minutes every other day then move to 15 minutes daily, then 30 minutes every other day and them 20 minutes daily, until you make it to 60 minutes a day.  Choose an exercise regime that suits you, holds your interest, brings in fun.  Positive Benefits of Yoga -> reducing depressive symptoms, and inducing remission in mild to severe depression in depressive disorders – WOW! (Current Psychiatry Vol.8,No10,p39-47).

7 benefits of exercise:  1/ Controls weight, 2/combats health conditions/diseases heart, cholesterol, breath capacity, strength, cognition, 3/improves mood, 4/boosts energy, 5/promotes sleep, 6/increases interest and capacity for sex, 7/ fun – creativity, healthy competition, focus, endurance, social, widens interest. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676 .

Sleep 6-8 hours a day.  Sleep is the most powerful health promoter! It balances your brain, blood, spirit, reduces pain and inflammation.  Don’t ignore it!  Sleep is the great neutralizer and reformer.

Sleep plays an important role in learning and memory consolidation.

Sleep deprivation can result in memory loss and diminished fine motor and cognitive skills; can impede response time in crisis situations and increase psycho-emotional problems.  Lack of sleep can increase pain experience.

sleep 7-9 hours each night/get to sleep by 11pm.  School-age children need 9-10, Babies/Toddlers require 12-14 hours of sleep; Teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep. For kids sleep debt can lead to an increase of restlessness, attentional, oppositionality issues

Sleep affects Cognition, learning, health, experience of pain & stress; it benefits your Spirit, Mind, and Body: http://www.mindfulparentingmag.com/2012/11/29/the-importance-of-sleep/

Habit 4: the power of community, rejuvenation, and networking

Connecting, collaborating, networking, and groups offer a special kind of balance.  Finding a space to belong, share struggles and get support increases your power in maintaining the balance in these four habits.

Studies show that women respond to stress with tend and befriend.  Connecting in ways that help with self growth and rejuvenation, work interests and social endeavors through focusing on learning or maintaining knowledge helps keep your mind healthy.

Focusing on groups that sustain your body like exercise groups or training or food.  And connecting with spiritual outlets will keep you centered and grounded.

See how you can institute these four habits today.  Enjoy, enlighten, and inspire your self, and your life in every aspect of it,  Namaste. in love and light, bg

Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.  www.bethgineris.com


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moving from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection

Hello

When working with relationships one of the first necessary steps is to look at how the parties relate.

  •  Are they defensive and competitive?
  • Do they maintain a balance sheet of exchange patterns?
  • Do they spend time and energy listening to their partners point of view seeking to understand or waiting to find the flaw in the argument?

How parties relate gives you information about what is driving each person and what is the underlying foundation of the relationship.  Once you have a sense of this you can identify the underlying needs.  Evaluation of what is driving each individual results in n integrated picture of needs, exchange patterns, belief systems, paradigmatic structures, connections and relationship and security structures.

Narcissism and Competition in relationship are forms of relating that disallow inter-action and interdependence.  These are styles of relating that are part of a singular, need-focused structure.

Narcissism tends to be a ME form of relating and often results in a co-dependent relationship structure.  In this structure  the parties utilize an exchange pattern and the paradigmatic structure is you take care of me and me take care of you; each exchange is noted and weighted, and the parties require an equal exchange for each action of care.  Need underlies the tie to each other and there is a lack of independent action or thinking.  It may appear collaborative but in actuality the giving is highly conditional.  The insecurity in this type of relationship is that the other completes him and so abandonment is feared; there is a high degree of separation anxiety.  These partnerships require intense agreement on everything and do not respond well to independent thinking.  Intensity can be the marker of intimacy rather than a sense of trust and security.  From a financial perspective one party may have all the financial responsibility and the other party may have all the emotional responsibility.  The exchange is money for support.  In this style of relationship the two persons are halves to the one whole, there is no individuality, only couple.

Competition tends to be an I form of relating and often results in a pairing that is independent without inter-action or interdependence.  Each party is in a wholly enveloped structure.  There is no dependence or co-dependence, as you might see with a ME structure, but there is no inter-dependence either.  Each party stands on his or her own two feet.  It is as if the two people are walking side-by-side.  There is no integration or mixing of the two beings.  Fairness and rigid boundaries are the characteristics of this type of relationship.  There can be an exchange pattern balance sheet but this has more to do with winners of the competition and proof of being right rather than what each brings to the partnership.  The financial structure of this relationship is independent as well; each person pays his or her way and if there is a need for a money exchange it is set up via a contract or with some set of conditions and plan for pay back.  The emotional structure is equally self-contained.  In this style of relationship the two persons are two persons, there is no sense of we-ness or group only the two selves walking side by side.  Here the insecurity centers around avoiding dependence and connection as this is seen as a way to stay free from bondage.

Collaboration and connection are a third wave of partnership.  In this style of partnership the two parties have an interdependence and integration without a loss of individual selves.  In this style of relationship the two persons maintain a sense of self and have individual beliefs and experiences AND the two have an integrated participation with each other which is we.  In this style of partnering there is space for two Is and a We, interaction incorporates a tapestry of flexibility, a weaving that results in a rich experience of collaboration, connection and a sense of increase.  This WE style of relating offers enhancement of each party, without a loss of freedom. It is flexible, accepting, and inter-dependent.  The security is derived through a sense of support and connection without a loss individuality.  Conflict in this style of relating offers a way to work through issues to come to a higher level of understanding and connection to each other that incorporates each person’s core desires, needs and beliefs.  It is a function of negotiation rather than a compromise.  Financial and emotional structures are interrelated and integrated so that both parties are flexibly participatory, flowing easily in a responsive, dynamic fashion.

Once you have found your style you can begin to shift your attention in the relationship.  Embrace your fears and your insecurities and embark on a journey to move from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection.

These styles of relating are developmental in nature, you are able to move through these various styles or structures through loving, attention to your own security and individual fear-based patterns.  Mindfulness is a useful focus of thinking to assist you and your partner to evaluate and transcend  your personal blockages in relationships.

Development of your personal sensory guidance system will be highly valuable in this process.

You can use these models to determine what kind of relationship structure you are in and then use mindfulness to uplevel your style of relating.

  • If you discover that you are in a Me oriented relationship turn your love toward yourself so that you can be the best partner to yourself first, this is a beginning step to moving to independence.
  • If you find you are in an I oriented relationship trust yourself and your partner to risk giving and receiving in an unconditional way.  Create a belief that being connected can be fulfilling rather than disheartening, this will open your heart to create a path of connection with your partner.

Mindful, loving, attention toward yourself and your partner opens the door for a shift in how you relate.  Namaste, beth


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Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness preview

Hello and Welcome!

Thank you to the sweet and loyal followers to this blog!  You are each a treasure in my life!  It has been such a lovely collaboration, to write and create a space for support and learning regarding self-development, mindfulness, paradigm shifting, mindful parenting, and an evolution of consciousness.

A number of people have asked for a book on relationship/partnering that offers useful, insightful guidance.  So it is almost here.

Here is a preview:  Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with MindfulnessShifting competition and narcissism (ME) to collaboration and connection (WE).  It delineates quick and easy tools for developing profoundly successful relationships in work, home, and love.

Intertwined within these strategies are ways of re-setting, re-focusing and re-aligning your internal compass to create a new space for collaboration and connection while allowing  space for your personal self to grow along with your relationship/partnership.  It focuses on an integrated spirit, mind, body approach dealing with communication, context, paradigmatic beliefs, and form.  And, it offers ways to shift out of various forms of thinking/seeing/communicating and contexts that are unhelpful, do a disservice to you in relationship, or interfere with connecting and collaboration.

When you look at the letters M and W you can see that within their form you find a closing off (M) or an opening up, connecting (W) quality.  This is a synchronous image.   The general characteristic feeling of the words ME and WE and the behaviors of dependence, independence and interdependence are represented in this synchronous view of the letters.  This offers an imprint image to show you how to shift your perspective.  Me is singular, self-oriented, and individualistic, even narcissistic or competitive (consider the statement standing on my own two feet); while, We is plural, inclusive of other’s needs, open to information, and collaborative (consider the statement We can get through this together, each pitching in).

ME is an important developmental station in development.  It is a required station.  You can’t get to WE without developing ME, first.  In childhood, your first developmental relationship is Dependent in nature.  Then in young adulthood you develop a sense of Independence.  Partnering requires that you have developed a sense of Interdependence.

Unfortunately some people get stuck at ME unable to continue their development to incorporate a sense of WE, or interdependence.  This requires a wholly formed sense of Me that is not rigid or intractable but rather is solid and firm with an openness and flexibility.  Negotiation is a WE interaction.  Compromise is a ME interaction.  There are different forms of how WE can relate in groups and some of these do not fit outside of certain developmental stages or are related to habits that don’t serve you.  Co-dependence is a skewed perspective of WE, it is not a true WE experience.  This is a situation where the core ME has not efficiently developed – so it’s really two incomplete MEs with a tenuous thread between them.

Shifting ME to WE is a paradigm shift like an inversion in Yoga, a head stand that allows an evolution of consciousness development.

This book has a lot of innovative, new information not previously published.  Although there are a few expansions on blogs previously seen on this site, the majority of the information is a new vision about relationship incorporating information on how we view and look at partnering in relation to security, belief systems, support, connection, exchange patterns, and paradigmatic belief structures (like romantic love).

It is a lovely companion to my first book, Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness.  For those of you who have read that book, thank you for all of your supportive comments.  A few of you have left comments on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com  about that book, thanks, these are great support for others to see the benefits of the book.  Anyone who has read the book can leave a comment and the site appreciates them, as do I.  Another way you can show support is to like my page for the book on Facebook.

So the arrival date for Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness is just around the corner.  Thanks for your support and I hope this new book meets your needs and offers the information you desire – I think it will.  in love and light, beth