Here is the beginning to my next book…please tell me what you think in the comment section, or email me through my website, www.bethgineris.com in love and light, bg
The Path to Grace, my life from 30 thousand feet: “Like the walls of my neighborhood seen from a thousand feet height, my life experiences create a path on the map to my life destiny.”
Chapter One: Who Knew
My last night with Robbie is seared into my heart and mind.
I was feeling bold, invincible; flirting with his friend and ignoring how it might feel to him; feeling free and without a care.
He seemed to take it all in stride. Standing there, his head tilted to one side, leaning on one foot, with that silly Cheshire-cat grin, but I could tell he was hurt underneath that unassuming demeanor.
That was my last image of him: my last verbal exchange, the defining last action in our relationship.
Later that evening, I called his home phone but the line just rang and rang.
The next morning I drove from LA to Phoenix.
He’s okay. We’ll get over it, once I get back. He knows it wasn’t real. He loves me more than anyone ever has…he will forgive me. The thoughts circled in my mind over the long drive.
During that weekend with my best friend I kept seeing his face. It started to bother me, even with all those previous reassuring thoughts on the drive. I had acted out of character for myself, so hurtful and uncaring. It nagged at the back of my brain.
He was a delightful confluence of opposites, brash and thoughtful, overly serious and disarmingly easygoing. He lived hidden in plain sight. His demeanor conveyed no trappings of materialism while his name connected him to a household name trust fund.
The nagging feeling dissolved into a powerful realization: I was avoiding stepping into the role of becoming an adult. It was obvious that we were meant to be together and now I had to take the next step, as he had long ago asked me to do. Finally, I was ready to marry him.
As I drove back, I was so happy. Everything just felt right. With beautiful images of his smiling face, and our future floating through my mind, I knew he would be ecstatic that I had come to my senses.
He is going to be so happy. It was all I could think about the whole way back to Claremont. I felt at peace with my decision to allow the strength of his love to pull me forward toward my destiny.
At my dorm suite I was met with an onslaught of paper messages posted onto my room door requesting me to report directly to the Dean of Student’s Office. My quirky suitemate who never talked with me, stopped what she was doing, looked up, and smiled at me.
How odd! I thought. Reflexively, I smiled back.
“You should go to the Dean’s office before you go to class.”
She just kept standing there staring at me. It was a little unnerving.
I brushed the back of my neck with my hand to smooth out my hair. “Yeah, okay”… I said absentmindedly, wishing she would return to not talking to me. I turned back to my door, barely stepping into my room. I dropped off my bag inside and looked around my room. It felt like something was out of place, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing. I grabbed my notebook for class and started out the door.
All I really wanted to do was find Robbie and tell him my decision. I felt so happy and complete.
“No really, you should go right now.” She was weirdly insistent.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” I quickly walked out of the suite relieved to be away from her.
Inside her office my dean gently ushered me into a private room. I had never been in this part of the office before. It was nice, quiet almost, peaceful. I wonder what they use this space for, I thought.
My memory of what followed is more like a set of snapshots then a flowing movie.
She looked sad. She was wearing a fuzzy, white sweater. She invited me to sit on her couch. And then she sat down next to me. Her entire continence was warm and sweet.
Weird… I thought. She is never this nice.
I looked out the window distractedly; it was sunny, the tree leaves were gently swaying as if they were in a dance with the wind.
When I turned my attention back to the Dean, she seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was taking forever for her to say what she wanted from me. I remember feeling irritated with her.
Okay Dean, Let’s get on with it. I am kind of in a hurry here…My mind kept thinking of Robbie and how happy he was going to be. I kept visualizing the image of his face, his Cheshire-cat smile with his head cocked to one side.
Robbie is going to be so happy.
I flashed back to the first time he asked me out. It was just after my boyfriend, Chuck, had broken up with me. There he was at my door.
“Hey, you want to go out.” He smiled that smile, leaning against the door, his shoulder length hair lightly bobbing.
“I thought you were dating Nancy.”
“Not anymore, we just broke up.”
“Oh…um, okay, sure.” I was less than enthusiastic. But it didn’t seem to bother him at all.
Later, that evening I ran into Nancy and she was superbly angry. “Hey Nance, what’s up?” I spoke to her as I passed her on the catwalk.
“Are you going out with Rob?”
“Yeah, he asked me to go to the club. He said you two were broken-up.”
“Oh yeah, we are. As soon as he heard you and Chuck weren’t together he came over to me, and broke-up with me. Turns out he’s been waiting to date you the whole time. I really should be mad at you. I liked him.” She stood there staring at me, trying to look angry, but mostly just looking depressed and a little bored. “I guess that’s just the way it is.”
“Nancy, I’m sorry,” she interrupted me, “Whatever Beth. It figures. I’ll see you later.”
I smiled to myself as I came out of the memory. Robbie always knew we were meant to be together. And as soon as I finish here, I can tell him he was right.
My mind came back to the room and the Dean. I started wishing that I hadn’t listened to my quirky suitemate.
For a moment I started to think I was in trouble.
And then, I felt a little mad. Why is everyone trying to ruin my good feeling about telling Robbie about my decision? What is she doing? I want to get to Robbie’s place before class.
Bits of thoughts swirled in my head as I waited quietly for her to speak. I tried to focus. There is definitely something off about this whole thing. I really wish I had just gone straight to Robbie’s.
I notice the Dean’s lips are moving, but I can’t quite make out what she is saying.
Oh good. Finally she is talking.
Involuntarily, I shivered. She was sitting right next to me, but I couldn’t really understand what she was saying; the words were coming in like an out of tune radio station, they just didn’t make any sense. And then I heard her, sharp and clear…
“Robbie is dead.” “His car went off the road Saturday morning. The police think he was killed instantly.”
The thoughts inside my head blew about me …
What if you knew the act you were taking, the words you were saying was/were going to be the defining action or statement in a situation…would you want to change the story?
There’s more to come and I will share it over the next three months…Hopefully the book will be available in 2016. It’s a great resource to understand how and why to live mindfully. in love and light, bg