I went to a conference recently that focused on healing core beliefs. The idea behind the conference is
“What you believe you perceive, and what you perceive you experience”
Each of us fashions our life on misbeliefs.
Beliefs we developed in response to injuries, loss, and difficult situations.
The mind puts together an equation that reads: if this then that… if there is a contest then I will not win..the belief being I never win anything. Or I never get picked first. Or even deeper I am not Worthy or Loved.
When you build your life on a core misbelief such as I am not worthy or I am not lovable. Your experiences lead you to this conclusion.
Let’s check out how one might create a structure that teaches her that message over and over again.
With a core belief I am not worthy: You might choose lovers or partners that either don’t have the communication skills to share with you your worth; You would experience always feeling taken for granted or unimportant.
Or you might choose people who are so self-focused they can’t see you (such as a neurotic or narcissistic personality); You would experience that nothing you ever did was good enough so that you mattered.
Or you might choose people who need you to take care of them and they can’t focus their energy on you…in that instance you would have to give and give without experiencing receiving love.
You might choose overwhelming tasks that you could not accomplish. Or you might accomplish many things and still feel empty after completing them
The tendency is to think the problem is with the other person.
Catch yourself, notice if there is a pattern. Is it in all your partners, close friends, lovers? If it is, it may be more about you and your core belief.
This isn’t to say that the other person might not have the issue you think he does.
It’s just that if you want to change you experiences you have to change your core beliefs.
It’s harder to do than you think. It takes real courage to see how you are holding yourself back from having the love or life you want.
Usually these core beliefs are set up from a standpoint of necessity. They are a result of injury, trauma, something that has gone wrong in your original psychosocial development. They may have been true about that one event, but not generalizable to all of life. Once in place they are like shorthand, if this then that. I have to give and give, no one will ever love me just for myself…how do I know because that’s how (fill in the blank important caregiver) treated me. And, it’s not that person’s fault either.
It’s a belief.
It isn’t solid or real. It drives the mind, but it doesn’t have to drive the heart.
Go into your heart feel your beauty, your lovableness, your worth. Love yourself first then you will experience the love from those around you …and no that isn’t narcissism, that’s the flow of life.
It comes from within first. Then it touches on everything else. in love and light, bg
Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2016 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
Discover your path, set an intention for what you want to create in your life: It’s difficult to get where you’re going without a map.
When you want to feel a shift in your relationship I suggest you shift your perspective. Rather then focusing on what isn’t working, focus on what is truly positive about the relationship.
When you are upset with your partner and you feel hurt or angry, your mind starts to produce examples of what a horrible person your partner has been. Pretty soon you are feeling like you are in a truly terrible relationship.
To create the space to have a better more mutually satisfying relationship you can try these few steps.
You do not have to ignore the negative thing that happened but you can shift your attention to the whole.
place your concern or displeasure aside and focus on the whole of the relationship
look at what is working,observe the ways your partner is there for you
Pay attention to what creates the negativity and see if you can shift your energy, positively.
Often the result is that you can feel happier, more secure, and then go to your partner and kindly, compassionately discuss the event and really find some solutions.
Energy flows through attention and intention.
Mindfulness can assist you in shifting the flow of energy from negative to positive.
It’s like a feedback loop of energy, if you feel bad and you focus on negativity, you actually feel worse rather than better.
One of the fastest ways to see what is working in your life and really uplevel your personal consciousness is to identify things for which you feel grateful.
This attitude of gratitude shifts your inner sense of security, from insecurity to secure. It allows you to make choices from a centered, holistic place. It aligns your sense of empowerment, courage, strength, and spiritual openness.
It actually creates the space for you to shift negative situations into positive ones because you will feel more empowered and you can actually see the problem within the context of the greater whole.
You operate more easily, honestly and more in your best interests from a secure, happy, compassionate place.
Any time you are faced with a difficult situation,
take an inner review of how you feel in the now, without going into the drama or trauma you are experiencing…
Consider how you feel toward yourself, your life, your relationships..From 1-10, 1 being joyful and secure and 10 being fearful, depressed, or in despair.
Okay, now write down where you are on that scale and put an emotionally descriptive word by it.
Great.
Now, write down 5 things for which you are grateful.
These can be five things about that person with whom you may be experiencing a sense of displeasure,
OR just five things,
include people or personal qualities that buoy your sense of peace and strength.
Once you have written down your 5 things do a review of how you feel.
Did it change? For most people it does change in a positive way. If you feel better but not completely in your center write down five more. Do this until you feel yourself shift into center. this feeling will feel balanced. Solid internally and yet flexible without. Usually it will take twenty points of gratitude to get you to your centered space, compassionate and whole.
It isn’t that the things that may not be working in your life start working, it’s that you have refocused your energy on the positive so that you can feel strengthened to change the things you can and accept the things you cannot change. It is a mindfulness reset.
This is a great exercise to employ any time you start to feel down and just can’t get out of the rut of negativity.
You can practice this daily, even when you aren’t feeling down but just as a prevention tool to keep you centered.
Practice this daily. Simply identifying what you are grateful for in your life, in your relationships, in your work, and the environment around you. You are developing your mindfulness muscle; you are developing your capacity to see from an integrated and centered perspective. This practice increases your capacity for empathy and forgiveness.
Also, as a habit don’t focus on what isn’t working first. Identify everything that is working in each of your relationships and then you can place the problem within the context of gratitude. It will help you to be solution focused. You will have greater compassion for those with whom you feel conflict and be able to own your own part of any negative situation.
And for those of you who may feel that this practice might make you accept situations that are not good for you, let me assuage your concerns. This practice allows you to actually get out of truly negative situations as well as increase the positivity of those situations that are mutually empowering and good for you. It is a practice in clarity and wholeness.
Note: If you sit down to attempt this practice and you just can’t feel positive about yourself, or your partner, or your situation.. try reseting through toning (sound), and smells. Energy has a lightly substantial quality to it – so if you just had a fight or just had the same fight for the hundredth time you may need to clear the air.
You can do this with sound, ring a bell, or chime a toning bowl to clear your physical environment. Or simply tone with your voice the vowel sounds, eh, ee, ah, O, oo, several times over with increasing breath. This will center you. sound healing shifts the vibration, elevates consciousness May 6, 2014
For a shift through smell you may use essential oil sprays of any citrus for anger and depression. Or rose geranium for apathy or despair. Or clove, lavender, or pine to create a sense of serenity and forgiveness.
Salt has the capacity to suck up negative energy, so you may throw a little salt on the ground to help get the space to neutral. And if you feel that the negative energy is still on you, try washing your hands with a little grapefruit wash or a dab of baking soda.
Once you feel that sense of calm, resume the practice of focusing on what is working in your relationship first, before you put your attention to solving the problem.
Cleansing is the most important habit for health. It helps to keep your homes, environment, bodies, thoughts, and spirit free of toxins. It helps to unclog stagnation and release the garbage that holds you back from living happy, mutually satisfying constantly elevating lives. You can think of the attitude of gratitude as a way to recycle your habitual thinking into new thinking that derives from that centered space within you to give life to your relationships, your evolving self and your environment. in love and light, bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011).
If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg
The most challenging aspect of relationship is connecting…not when you feel all gooey and lovey, but when you feel hurt, disconnected, or angry…of course that is one of the most important times to connect..
Try these two steps when you are faced with that situation..
Do a cognitive head stand:
Think of everything you like about that person, whether you feel angry because of something they did or didn’t do or say OR hurt by them in some way,
This focuses you on why you want to work out the disconnect and how much you care about him or her… once you do that, you free yourself up from the defensive, fight posture and open yourself up to the connection posture…
Hold an image of the person in your mind in that loving space when you begin to discuss the problem…every time you feel his or her negativity, reorient yourself internally – look at that image,
That will help you communicate from your heart, you will have to say what is bugging you, but HOW you say it will be what is communicated – the love and connection.
Do these two things and you have a far better chance for success.
It’s not about being right it’s about be with (connecting)…that’s the glue of relationship.
Relationships are dynamic and multi-level. You come in and out of being in the same space. Sometimes you are completely in sync and when that happens you flow. When you feel the stickiness, the flow not flowing, but sticking, then you have to check your perspective and reorient yourself.
It helps to remember what brought you to the relationship in the first place.
This requires you shift out of a right/wrong, defensive perspective and into a clarity of connection. It requires you disperse and shift defensiveness in to connection.
Defensiveness is a product of feeling attacked. In most relationships defensiveness is the way in which the fight continues…so if you feel defensive, you can shift out of it through the above two step process. Defensiveness and competition go hand in hand.
Competition is a wonderful thing. It is a great way to discern who is the best athlete or competitor of the people who showed up to the event…but in relationship competition can be divisive, and create distance, and resentment. In relationship individuals are looking to be seen, accepted, and co-create. There can be a sharing of leadership, and knowledge and teaching.
Collaboration offers the best style of interaction in relationship. You cannot collaborate when you are vying for proof of rightness. Collaboration is a byproduct of mindful paradigm shifting. It allows both parties to share personal perspectives while discovering a centered place where both perspectives meet.
Family and love relationships are the kind of relationships where this is most paramount.
Often it is a phrase, feeling, or style of interacting that creates the defensiveness.
Left over resentments, and injuries must be resolved. Partners and family members must let go, forgive, reset, if they are going to continue in the relationship. This is the only way to disperse the defensiveness. If an injury or resentment is too big to release then you may have come to the end of the line with that relationship. Release it with love and forgiveness. Discern what is your part and make a lesson of the loss to assist you in future relationships. Don’t hold on. Let go.
When you are bound to the injury and resentment and also unwilling to let go of the relationship, you can create a difficult and unpleasant relationship.
Whenever you feel defensive, look to see what is underneath…is it connected to a historical relationship? Is it connected to an unresolved injury or resentment? Clarify what is underneath, unearth it and bring it to the surface. Then use the above two step process to try to resolve the problem with your partner. If it is unresolvable, allow yourself to release the unforgiveness. Forgive your partner and yourself; this may result in the dissolution of the relationship but it will create a freeing within you to honestly connect in your future relationships without holding the next person accountable for an unresolved injury. Namaste, in love and light, bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011).If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg
There are a variety of ways in which energy can get blocked. It can be a blockage in cognition through rigid limiting belief systems, it can be a blockage within the body through muscle and breath holding over time, it can be a blockage in your chakras or energy field through a disconnection from spirit OR it can be a combination of all three.
In order to release the blockage humans require intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness.
It is an active process. It can be begun with voice and communication but breath and at least one other sense must be employed (sound, smell, color, healing touch/acupuncture, or taste (food, nutrition).
Over the next few blogs I will share with you steps to heal yourself and release your internal blockages. Additionally, I will offer ways to heal your relationships applying these specific techniques and the information available in the Me to WE book (see the link below for the book and other blogs on this site.)
To get a fuller picture of how sound heals you may want to review this blog, or get the iBOOK developed by me with several friends through the TALON CLAW HEALING CIRCLE…this is downloadable to iphone and ipod.
Remember, to release energy blockages, you need
intention, I want to heal or uplevel my consciousness.
insight, I am projecting from a habit reaction pattern of reacting.
gratitude, This conflict is a gift to assist me in righting an inner misbelief or loss of faith.
and forgiveness, I forgive myself for how I disowned my needs; I forgive you for the injury caused knowingly or unknowingly.
How these steps direct you is through the focused energy of your personal sensory guidance system and your heart led healing rather than psych (mind) or cognitive/behavioral led healing alone.
Spirit must be engaged and in the lead in order for a transcendence through thought-based, limiting beliefs.
This allows for real negotiation, movement into the WE style of partnering/ relating, (feb 2013 blog, i ching Tai (peace) guiding Me to WE) and the elevation of consciousness: transcending third dimensional interactions of right/wrong, good/bad, persecutor/victim, blame.
Your heart knowing is Always communicating to you about what you need and who you are through your personal sensory guidance system of senses. Listen to your sense reactions, your instincts, your intuition.
Learn to interpret your feelings so that you can see what is your projection and what is universal… focus on intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness as an integrated system, informed by your sensory system (which includes intuition) and you will live in a different world. This is a quantum shift in consciousness led by your heart spirit connection. In each interaction, perception, and action the world can be created anew. Find your way home. Namaste, in love and light, bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. The steps above are outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014. You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website. This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).
Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can discover how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships. One being at a time, you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg
Finding forgiveness is one of the single most difficult aspects of human interaction and personal growth.
It’s a search that takes us inside and out, around, and through so many aspects of our lives, our experiences and relationships.
In the Jewish tradition the time between Rosh Hashonah the New Year and Yom Kippur the day of Atonement, is a transition time to go within and search your soul. It’s not just atoning for transgressions, it’s also and firstly atoning with each other, and I think this is the genius of the transition time.
It’s like a time-cocoon to discover if there are events for which you need to ask forgiveness or people of whom you need to ask forgiveness and the most difficult task I think, to find your own forgiveness.
Ten days to review your last year and in some cases the years before that. To avail yourself of the acts of letting go and forgiveness and transformation. Ten days while working, playing, and living to find your way into the underworld and back. It’s a large task.
In my experience there is a perfunctory approach to this, by many participating in the high holy-days in the jewish tradition, not because they do not take it seriously but rather because they are unable or unwilling to delve into those deep areas.
This is the most spiritual and enlightened aspect of this tradition – to make peace. To actually create the world anew every year through this process of forgiveness. It is mindfulness at it’s best.
A common style of dealing with hurts is to cut yourself off from the profound feelings that are attached to the pain you have endured. This has its price too, it keeps you stuck in the past.
Unforgiveness leads to a diminishing of your personal power, a rigid world view and a truncated personality in relationship. It leads to the opposite of mindfulness.
In order to forgive, that pain must be felt and then a resolution, an understanding, a paradigm shift needs to take place. This action of forgiveness and shifting releases or unlinks the pain of the event, from the event and the actor. With this new understanding, the outcome of the event, actor and experience can be put into proper perspective and into your past, freeing you to move on into the present moment of your life -> as if it is a new world. Forgiveness releases you from a historical habit reaction pattern, especially in how you relate to another or others. It allows you to engage in mindful present moment behavior, action and understanding.
To forgive another a deeply painful act, betrayal, or action is difficult.
To see, and accept responsibility for, how you have hurt another is also difficult.
These two actions are the intention of the Day of Atonement in the Jewish high holy day tradition, sometimes due to the difficulty in the task some simply state the words and make an internal promise to do better in the future.
For a real shift to take place, the spirituality behind the inner search is paramount and can result in transforming events.
How do you forgive someone for that act which in your mind changed you forever? Or even for betrayal of your trust or your sense of innocence?
Finding forgiveness requires grace.
It requires a willingness to let go of the thing that may define your stance in the world. It is fraught with deep feeling and an inner journey to your center.
Certainly paradigm shifting, figure/ground perspective, and the attitude of gratitude are helpful activities. Mindfulness allows you to see a way to unlink the act and the person, the act and the circumstances surrounding the act, and the intention and the act.
But even with these unlinkings and increased awareness and perspective there are difficult betrayals and experiences to transcend in order to get to forgiveness.
This is especially true when the betrayal continues. When the action requiring forgiveness continues. For this kind of betrayal or transgression it is best to forgive the past and make an effort to change how and in what ways you continue the relationship in the now or the future.
Forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance are partners in this atonement procedure. Some people you must forgive and accept that they may betray you again, due to their internal character. Therefore you simply change how you relate to him or her in the future. This releases the power of the betrayal and builds your resilience and compassion muscles.
This is part of the intended process, you make peace at this time the best you can and then move into the new world with as much faith as possible that the new world will remain.
It is an interesting and deeply educational process about yourself, others, and your humanity. It increases your capacity for love, understanding, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and grace. It may be that this is the gift to be given, the opportunity to develop these qualities within yourself to practice seeing others as self so that you can extend your empathy muscles
I keep finding forgiveness. And this transition time allows for an opportunity to create peace and create the world anew.
You may want to create a structure for developing a formalized transition time to incorporate elements of this tradition to view and re-view your past year and develop the qualities of compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness.
Attach it to a structure that is already part of your life. Consider doing this on each new moon, or each full moon. You can also attach it to the solstice or equinox periods. You may have such a tradition in a spiritual practice you already follow. However you choose to create a structure, the practice of reviewing your own acts or how you are holding onto unforgiveness will increase you capacity for living mindfully in the moment and experiencing healing in your relationships.
It may seem tedious and difficult at first, but the rewards are great and for the most part this ritual increases intimacy, connection and a sense of strength in ourselves and our relationships. It is mindfulness at it’s best with a sense of grace that all things pass and move into well – being. Namaste, L’Shana Tova, in love and light, bg
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
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