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12 step program applied to parenting

Hello and Welcome!

When you feel like a failure as a parent, or have a challenging parenting situation,

apply the 12 step program 

To shift your defeat, or discouragement to courage and healing:

1.  admit you are not perfect.

2.  recognize you are powerless to be perfect at all times with every child

3.  connect with a higher power and engage that sense of spirituality to support you.

4.  honestly reflect and identify the mistakes and flaws you bring to parenting.

5.  humbly admit to your spiritual support, partner, loyal friend – your imperfection and reaffirm your commitment to do your best.

6./7.  Reaffirm your trust in yourself and your team; Be willing and ready to shift out of the habits that do not serve you and embrace more effective styles of parenting.

8/9/10.  identify injuries or mistakes you have made; say you are sorry to your kids for these mistakes; make a commitment to not do it again; stay connected, and repeat when necessary.

11.  practice compassion, meditation, prayer and lovingkindness toward yourself and your kids.

12.  be a helper to your peer parents rather than a competitor or bully; share your positive experiences with love.

  

How to help kids do better on tests.

 Prepare:  talk about what testing is and what it really means.  Testing can help you know what you are good at and where you have limitations; allow the truth to be neutralized so it doesn’t get blown out of proportion.

Discuss (in communication, parents sometimes think that what they have to say is the most important thing – it matters, but what your child thinks/feel/and wants to say matters equally).  Listen as much as you talk when discussing.  Actively listen with your third ear to what is underneath, the meaning in the content and the energy of the words.

Deflect:  shift energy away from competition, being best, pushing ahead,  and any anxiety provoking thinking equation regarding the outcome of the test.  From what you discussed in the above section you will have identified what may be causing fears or anxieties for your child – accept this, and neutralize it, sometimes neutralization means acknowledging that the thing feared may happen; talk about that and help your child understand that he or she has the ability to respond to that situation if it happens.  This teaches empowerment and response – ability; this allows your child to accentuate his strengths and deemphasize his limitations.

Define  – clarify what is involved in testing.  Try to not say it doesn’t matter and try to not act like it is the most important thing; find a balance in how you encourage your child to do his best and be proud of what that best is.  If your child really does have a learning special need – help with that.  If she’s too revved up – teach her skills to bring to neutral or move into the next gear, which means to use the extra energy efficiently:  Teach her now that it is her responsibility to manage her special character so she can use you to help learn how to do this.  If he’s spacey and distracted – teach him to develop ways to get himself focused, or more revved up for the task:  Teach him it is his responsibility to manage his special character, so that he can find a way to embrace the whole of who he is.  He may find that special character and his solution to it, is what makes him unique and this will empower him.

Know your child.  Use your knowing to help him or her be the best he or she can be.  Don’t worry about arena or group-mind.  Trust yourself and your authentic knowing of your child to be the best judge for him or her.

Here are some simple biofeedback tricks:  stare at your hand.  Tense relax.  Mantras. Song tunes for memory training.

Importance of sleep, eating, no stress, acceptance, and esteem:  these are biological, emotional, and physical needs that when off interfere with your child doing his or her best.  Do what you can to keep these in balance.

Hope this is really helpful.  in love and light, bg


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Creating boundaries opens space for connection

Hello and Welcome!

Relationship change and growth are adventures into your heart and soul.

Relationship styles follow a developmental process from Me-style through I-style to We-style.  The Me-style of relating has diffuse and enmeshed boundaries.  Which mean the boundaries between Me and You in relationship get blurred.  The way in which a participant in a Me-style relationship makes decisions is through a need to agree with, or merge into the other to feel the connection.  This is how the co-dependence begins.  The individual in a Me-style of relating has difficulty saying No when asked to act or be in a way that is inauthentic, because the driving force is to connect at all costs including loss of self.  The picture of this kind of relationship is two halves coming together to make a whole.  So there is a lack of boundaries between the two participants.   (  )

To move into an I-style of relationship requires closing off the boundaries around yourself.  Developing a sense of yourself that is defined from within so that you can guide yourself toward your own goals.  You need to develop ways to meet your own needs and to depend on yourself.  This is both exhilarating and frightening.  Once you do this you are freer to develop into a fuller picture of yourself.  Rather than two halves making one whole you are developing a whole picture of yourself so that you can move into and I-style of relationship, two Is walking side-by-side without integration.  Connection is through a tally sheet of exchanges.  Here competition, defensiveness, and independence drive the relationship so that an individual in an I-style of relating has difficulty saying Yes when asked to create dependence or interdependence.  The fear for an individual in an I-style of relating is to become engulfed into the other and lose himself.  As with the Me-style of relationship this is a result of an insecure sense of self.  Unlike the Me-style of relationship, where the drive to be connected causes enmeshed or a lack of boundaries, in the I-style of relating the fear of enmeshment results in overly rigid boundaries.  The picture of this kind of relationship is two Is walking side-by-side, solitary selves walking next to each other without integration.  0 0

You have to develop a solid sense of yourself, deal with adversity against your picture of yourself , and create a personal relationship with yourself, to live in an I-style of relationship.  After solidifying this experience and developing a sense of trust that you will not sell yourself out, you can begin to move into a We-style of relationship.  An I-style of relationship is a stepping-stone to get to a We-style of relationship.  This is because you have to develop boundaries first (I-style) before you can be flexible with your boundaries in a dynamic way (We-style).

The interdependence of a We-style of relationship allows for strength of self and connection to other, simultaneously.  The We-style of relationship incorporates support of the individual and collective goals and needs with a dynamic, flux movement between the resources of the relationship toward whatever of these needs attention at any given time.  This requires strong boundaries and flexibility in the interdependence of the two individuals and the third aspect, the relationship or partnership.  So that rather than ½ + ½ = 1 (me-style) or 1,1 (I-style) you create a situation where 1+1 = 3, or more than the sum of its parts (we-style).  The picture of the We-style of relationship includes two wholes and a third aspect, which is the area the two individuals overlap to create the relationship vortex, o()o (view this symbol as two circles overlapping each other to create an inner vortex).

Fear can really be a block to change, embracing the attitude of adventure can reframe your fear into excitement, offering an energy or anticipation to help you to flow with the change rather than block or freeze when faced with change.

This is how boundaries work.  Boundaries create a definition.  They clarify this is me, and this is you, through defining where you end and another begins.  This clarification creates a deeper understanding of each individual and also how couples, partners or groups coexist and share goals.  From the defined individual space, the boundary, you can create the space for a sense of oneness and togetherness.

Flowing through the process of change begins with gentleness.  Boundaries assist in creating an internal container, so that you can move through a process of change more harmoniously.  Creating boundaries comes out of self-love, and love toward your partner.  The clearer you are about you and other the better you are about defining what you want and what you can give in relationship.  Boundaries increase connection.

See if you can discover in a self-affirming, authentic way the edges of you and how you integrate with your partner this will give you space to discern an interdependency that support you both and your relationship. in love and light, beth


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trust yourself, or If you meet the buddha on the road kill him!

Hello and welcome

Trusting yourself is not only believing in yourself it is also listening to your intuition and sense impressions and acting with a sense of internal power.  A common way you diminish self-trust is when you dismiss your inner knowing and listen to another’s interpretation to get approval.  This is a risk in any student role.

In therapy, there is a saying that if you say I already worked that out or I already resolved that conflict you are possibly tricking yourself.  It’s a sign of resistance, especially when said adamantly or defensively.

The key is to discern if your resistance to an interpretation is due to a true inner sense of truth or a deflection of the truth.

  • pay attention to your own  charge (degree of intensity) regarding the issue, and level of repulsion to the idea
  • –> if you speak reactively, in an adamant, dismissive style it is likely that you are hiding the truth
  • –> if you are responding in a neutral style regarding how it just doesn’t feel right and you evaluate the information, then the other may be projecting onto you something through her interpretation.
  • listen in an interested, curious, unattached, mindful way to your teacher’s guidance
  • pay attention to his or her congruence in speech, action, and countenance
  • Be careful to not give away your power due to the other’s reputation or standing in a group – in other words don’t make your teacher into a guru – we are all walking through life with lessons to learn – when you give your power away to a guru, you interrupt your own energy flow toward your own lessons, gifts and path

I wrote a bit about this last year in this post https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2012/04/09/truth-within-inner-guidance-i/.  I was reminded of this thesis over the weekend while attending an intensive Yoga workshop.  Many of the participants were my teachers, whom I respect deeply.  I love Yoga, and although I am a Yoga-neophite, I had decided the best way to learn was to stretch-myself  (no pun intended) and do my best.  The focus of the first day was to work on inversions and transitions between poses; focusing on the importance of transitioning into a pose not just the pose itself.  I loved the idea behind it as it allowed for seeing the divine in the space between, something I am drawn to experience daily.  I was grateful to pair up with my favorite teachers and found that my willingness to let go, play with the work, and surrender led me to a powerful shift in my practice.

On the second day, the focus of the work was to elucidate how, when, and where you feel blocked in a yoga pose, to surrender to the block, and allow a break-through. The poses that were being utilized to enlighten each of us were bent inversions so that arching, opening the heart chakra and pelvic space and lengthening the spine were paramount.  Flexibility in your hips and shoulders are  important to get a good back-bend; they are also the spaces in your body where you collect and hold hidden trauma both physical and emotional.  This style of workshop offered a perfect opportunity to work-through an energy-holding leftover from earlier traumas, as long as the guest teacher could also provide a set of tools and a trusting space fo release.

Our guest teacher identified at the beginning of the workshop that she had not previously taught this particular workshop and stated in her opening mantra that it was important to not interfere with another’s lesson by showing them how to work through their blocks.  Her remarks were incongruent with the presentation she provided on her website and the description of the class goals.  As I sat preparing to risk and surrender to the lesson, two things stood out in my sense impressions: one, she was in a position of guide, yet identified at the onset that she was against guiding through blocks; and two, although she had an excellent reputation, this class was unexplored territory.

We worked through many different exercises to open shoulders and hips – paramount for backbends.  The pace was quick and often we broke up into dyad partners to work on our assignments.  This increased the opportunity for intimacy yet reduced a chance for clarification and guidance from the guest teacher.  We felt at times like the blind leading the blind.

After much headstand and handstand practice, the guest teacher decided to use me as an example of how to assist your partner through what my gymnast-daughter calls a ticktock, and in Yoga is called Scorpion Vchikasana.  For non-yogis it’s a handstand and then with great control you bend your legs over your head so your feet touch your crown.  scorpion pose, silhouette

This is a pretty awesome and advanced Yoga position.

I was excited to experience what it felt like to get into the position; I knew that once there I could create a body memory so that when I practiced on my own I could correct it with clarity.  I enthusiastically kicked up into a bent arm handstand, anticipating her to catch my leg and move me over into the bent inversion.  Instead I heard a laugh among the participants as she grabbed it forcefully and rotated it inward, this jarring maneuver caused me to lose my focus and I fell right back down.  My enthusiasm dropped.  She said kick up again. I did, albeit more cautiously this time.  Hopefully, I waited for her to gently move me over into a backbend, she did not, I held until I couldn’t any longer, fell down and kicked up again, waited, kicked up again, attempting on my own to shift the weight of my hips over my chest, and  feeling a bit confused I fell back down.  She said kick up again, come on.  I stopped and looked up at her.  I was confused as to why she was not demonstrating moving me over into the backbend.  She looked at me and said what’s ging on?  What are you feeling?  I said I feel weak.  She said well you are stopping yourself and referenced the cause as my inner negative dialogue.  She said do it again.  I dutifully reset myself and I slowly and perseveringly moved my leg up into a handstand: first one leg and then drawing my other leg to the handstand trying to stack my hips over my ribcage, still expecting her to assist moving me into position, I kept waiting for her to gently move me up into position and then stand in front to move me into the scorpion position….but nothing….dead space, my arms and legs over-worked…I came back down onto my mat, flat.

She moved away to the front of class, never having actually demonstrated moving me into position, and then looked back at me sideways and said, you are strong enough to do it, you are fighting yourself, you need to change your inner dialogue.

I felt a familiar conglomeration of disappointment, vulnerability, defeat, and confusion.  Somehow I had been triggered.  I felt a combination of having been tricked by her and an inability to stand up for myself and realign internally with my strength. How had I given my power to this guest teacher? I felt shamed by her in front of the class.

This was a powerful moment for me to deduce the etiology of my holding and my fear.

I had not heard any negative self-talk. I searched inside myself, what am I hiding from myself? What I noticed was a defense mechanism of holding and protection that increased the more I interacted with this guest teacher.  What was that about? .  In my head I was trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do next.  Was she doing this on purpose to help me move through my block or was her action more sadistic and so recreating an earlier trauma that my personal intention for the class posed as an opportunity for release?

After reflection, and discussion with other students in the class, some of whom were new to me,  my concerns about the negativity of the situation from the guest teacher were corroborated.  Their observations were consistent with what I observed and felt.  Her actions exacerbated my hold and blocking rather than assisted me to move through the physical block.  This is the opposite of how the workshop was billed.  I had a funny feeling from her, as if she was not really there, not really centered on the role of being a facilitator but rather focused on being an exhibitionist. Although some of my teacher-friends really liked her others later identified a similar set of concerns.

My holding was indeed an aspect of my trusting myself; my body clearly ‘heard’ that this teacher was not trustworthy, so surrender was unsafe at that time -> this was the me fighting myself –> I was trying and I was stopping myself.  My mind was directing the trying and my body was directing the stopping.  My ‘block’ or resistance was a holding within my body in response to her passive hostility.  This holding did not develop in response to her.  It pre-dated the workshop as a survival mechanism from previous trauma; it was indeed the thing I took to the workshop to work-through.

This guest yoga teacher had designed a class to learn how to work-through holding and physical blocks without understanding a fundamental component needed to complete the task; to surrender and allow – Trust is required. In order for a teacher to encourage a shift in holding within her student her presentation has to include a lack of aggressivity, and a consciousness of beneficence; she need not be a cheerleader but rather have an unattached spirit of generosity. This renowned guest yoga teacher gave mixed messages though her words and actions which created a lack of trust needed, thus she had set up a class wherein re-traumatization could and would occur.

The choice to shift and uplevel lies solely in the power of the individual.  Trusting yourself, surrendering to your truth includes paying attention to when resistance is beneficial and a positive communication from your personal sensory guidance system.  Timing to uplevel matters, allow it to be guided from within(yourself), rather than without (another).

Sheldon Kopp wrote:  No meaning that comes from outside of ourselves is real.  The Buddhahood of each of us has already been obtained.  We need only recognize it – Thus the Zen Master warns his disciple:  – If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill him! (Kopp, 1976).

Creating a guru of another limits your and his power so that neither of you are allowed to uplevel into your most conscious selves.  Namaste, in love and light, bg

Kopp, Sheldon, If you meet the Buddha on the Road,Kill Him. Bantam Books:  New york, New York:  1976.


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11. T’ai, Peace, I ching: as a Guiding Source of Turning Me to We

Peace comes from receptivity driving creativity – mind following heart:

11.T’ai. Peace, I Ching.

K’un(receptive) above, ch’ien creative) below

…Great approaches. Good fortune. Success.The image:  Heaven and earth unite:  the image of PEACE. Thus the ruler divides and completes the course of heaven and earth; he furthers and regulates the gifts of heaven and earth, and so aids the people.  Wilhelm/Baynes, 3rd edition (1959, 1967, 1971)

The concept of heart guiding focus is a part of mindfulness, Taoism, Buddhism, and Christianity.  The implication of the treatise to do the right thing as guided by god is a part of the Jewish, Islamic and Hindu traditions.  The threads of rightness as proclaimed from the unification of earth and heaven, human and spirit, with the guidance of rightness from ones heart (spirit) rather than ones mind allows for ‘peace on earth as it is in heaven’.

Cues to the many threads of agreement are found throughout religious and spiritual texts if your willingness to look for agreement (collaboration and connection) overrides your desire to be right (competition and narcissism).

In order for Peace to be the defining force among humans, the consciousness of rightness must shift out of an adversarial Alpha-style of civilization to a Beta-style of collaboration.  This is the effect of Turning Me (driven by competition and narcissism) to We (focused through collaboration and connection); rightness from a dualistic perspective, Kohlberg shifting to rightness from a holistic perspective of inclusion and care, Gilligan.

It is predicted throughout time by philosophers of various beliefs and in varied social-spiritual texts that to unite human and spirit, have the mind create what is known as truth in the heart.  Mindful partnering is the way of upleveling consciousness and living in the light of universal spirit on the earth-plane so that all beings are upleveled together.  The resultant style of interaction among spirit-humans is Peace.

This heart focused style of relating comes out of connecting and unifying rather than dissecting and dividing. The means of how you get to Peace matters; a means that follows mind without heart, leads to destruction rather than unification of heaven and earth, even if the intent of the actor is that of Peace.  This mind separated from heart style is human thinking separated from spiritual truth.  Non-violent actions and words lead to the opportunity to create unity, connection and put heart (spirit) in the driving seat.  Violent words and actions, even toward an idealized goal or belief system, separate heart and mind and put mind in the driver’s seat.

The way  to higher consciousness-living now, follows the I Ching hexagram 11. T’ai – Peace, receptive above and creative below.  In every action let your heart lead; let your mind create what your heart (spirit) desires and knows as truth; see the other as yourself and your heart will be your guiding light in action. in love and light, beth


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The magic of seeing your life from a bird’s eye view.

Hello dear friends,

A new year of posts in a new time.

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Lao Tzu

I have been working with the energy of time and dimension through my channeling processes and what I have discovered is that everything seen is created by the seer.  This is an energetic concept not a concrete one.  I see this as a way to assist you in the direction of how you want to be in the world.

Here is my example;

A woman goes into the store.  While she is inside a second woman hits her car by accident, but she leaves the scene without leaving a note.  A third woman observes the event and makes a decision to report the information to the owner of the car – the woman in the store.  The woman exits from the store and finds the person parked behind her waiting.  

The first woman goes to the driver and asks – may I help you are you okay?  She is endeavoring to assist.  The driver who had the information about the hit and run says “no I am here to help you – someone just hit your car and left the scene, I took down her license, make, and model of her car.  Here is my information and I will be your witness – please go to the police and report it so that you don’t have to pay for something that is not your fault.”  The third woman then leaves.

The owner of the car has a choice in response to her situation A:  she can be angry and feel sorry for herself and wonder why is the world so against me, “why does this keep happening to me”  in response to the car accident, which would deplete her energy and have it be vibrating at a very low frequency; or B:  she can see the way in which she is protected and cared for through the experience of the help from the driver who observed and stopped to help her, “the universe is looking out for me”, which would raise her energy and uplevel it, moving it to be vibrating at a much higher frequency.

Which perception you choose, A or B in this above example, A:  anger and negativity or B:  gratefulness and positivity, defines for you the world in which you live.

The more you feel that the world is against you the more you feel negative, defeated, lonely, and lost; and the more you feel that light and goodness is all around you, the more you feel the gratefulness and the joy.

Seeing your life from a bird’s eye view is not just seeing the big picture and how things are related, it is also the idea of looking at it with the concept of positivity and spirit, wisdom and an integrated spirit-mind-body knowing.

Eagles and Hawks bring messages from spirit in the Native American traditions. Doves are a sign of Peace  and are also considered to carry the presence of the Holy Spirit to a situation.  Athena had an owl on her shoulder so that she could see what others were hiding which allowed her to see true wisdom, in the Greek and Roman (Diana) traditions.  Birds are connected to spirit.

Seeing from a bird’s eye view offers you a broader and fuller perspective so that you can choose to see the gift being presented to you in your situation.

The world you live in is based in the how you perceive events.  And you perceive events based on your paradigm.

Connect to and choose the paradigm that love, peace, joy, gratefulness, and compassion are everywhere and that you are intimately connected to the universe in a powerfully spiritual way.  Do this and you will see and experience a real change and uplevel in consciousness everywhere you look.  Just like when you learn a new word and all of a sudden you see and hear it being used everywhere.

Shift your perspective to a bird’s eye view and sees through spirit’s eyes.  You, me,  and the world are truly beautiful from that perspective.  in love and light, beth


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3 steps to forgiveness

Hello and welcome

Forgiveness is required to release anger and move through any difficult situation.  The energy of forgiveness comes from a balanced mindful perspective that is  heart centered.  Practicing mindfulness increases your openness and your awareness allowing your mind to hear the calling of your heart.

When you are stuck in your thinking process you may find that you get into a loop about the different aspects of a problem or conflict.  This loop is driven by the left brain analytical aspect of your brain.  The right brain aspect of your brain receives information in wholes, it gets imprints of information – spirit mind and body integrated.

Both aspects of your brain are beneficial in sorting through problems.  The left brain, verbal and analytical aspect that separates and evaluates in a more tangible fashion is necessary for movement through complex problems and conflicts.  It gets to the figure issue of the problem.  The Right brain, image, whole, and energy evaluator is necessary for getting to the background and interconnections that can allow for transition or transformation.

The key is to allow for your understanding, empathy, and big picture connection to inform your analytical specificity evaluator.  This directs you to see through a mindful,  compassionate, integrated perspective so that you can release the  dualistic right/wrong style of consciousness.  This shifts the power of the injury or anger and helps you align with your internal sensory guidance system.

Three steps move you through to forgiveness.

  1. Allow the fullness of the pain and injury, anger and trauma to be experienced.  Do not skip to forgiveness, feel the pain.  Do not stuff down the pain or the shock.  This release is important and necessary.   Make this a finite thing, not something that goes on and on or becomes a way of life.  Utilize writing, talking, and creative artistic measures to get to the injury and clarify your experience.  Note what verbal and cognitive equations that begin to develop, ie:  a sense that you will never trust again, never love again, never have another child, never go through this again.  This will give you a clue as to what habit reaction pattern you may be setting up and a direction about what you need to forgive.  the issue is usually very subtle, not the whole injury just some piece that shocked your system.
  2. Create a space to dialogue (if this is possible) with the injurer.  Identify how you participated in the conflict so that you can shift yourself and your action in the future.  Look at the situation from a larger view and from the perspective of the other person – notice if he was operating under a different paradigm than you and if you can shift the misunderstanding through dialogue or negotiation.  If the injury is without another side or perspective look for what good, light, beautiful outcomes came out of the situation; this is most difficult when there is a loss of someone you love through no fault of your own or his.  Still focus on the light will help to move you through to forgiveness and the uplevel your consciousness.  This is where allowing your heart to lead and connecting with your right brain imprint, memories, and wholes to help you to have access to the light.  you can do this through creative maneuvers, painting, drawing, music, building – these are all powerful tools to get to your inner healing and inner knowing.
  3. Set a time to let go of the injury.  Also use this third step to identify a holistic,. balanced picture of you without the injury and moving joyously through life.  Do this is a concrete way.  You can use writing or a picture.  Take the information in a tangible form and release it through burning it.  Do this in a safe and contained way.  Then allow yourself to take the created future that you identified and burn that into existence.  You may find you want to create a structure or an image of what you are releasing and what you are bringing in to remind you to remain in forgiveness.  You can use these a cues to remind you to live in the now and the light.

Forgiveness is essential for health.  Holding onto an injury distorts your perspective, skews the energy in your integrated spirit, mind, body field and can over time create stagnation, disruption and disease.  Letting go, releasing the injury or anger and incorporating a higher consciousness understanding regarding the situation heals and rights your imbalance.  This can reset your energy field so that you promote health rather than stagnation and misdirection.

Joy.  Light. Love.  These are the tools of your heart and lead the way to uplevel your consciousness, integrate you spirit, mind, and body and through these tools you can change the world around you through changing the world within you. in love and light, bg


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Heart centered listening

Hello and Welcome!

One of my dear friends has been teaching channeling for over 25 years, Betsy-Morgan at askbetsymorgan.com.  She is remarkable in her focus and lovingkindness.  Channeling is a challenging concept.  My friend Elene Gusch, DOM has been writing about her powerful experiences in this arena for many years, elenedom.wordpress.com.  What is challenging about the idea of channeling is that it requires a fourth or fifth dimensional consciousness to fully embrace and conceptualize but we live in a three-dimensional world.  Seeing in 4-D.  This makes it so that you must have faith in what you experience if you are receiving a channeling and you must have faith in the channel if you are a listener or reader of this information.  Fourth dimensional understanding incorporates the idea that time is a relative or transitional concept this is further extended in fifth dimensional understanding.  My favorite popularization of fifth dimensional seeing is in the Men in Black 3 movie, MIB 3, 2012, in it there is a character Griffin who is a fifth dimensional being and he has the ability to see the multitude of possibilities of lifetimes that are in existence at any moment.  It is well written and does a nice job of exemplifying the fifth dimensional concept of choice, interconnections, and phenomenology.  And he focuses on truth being of the utmost importance, inner truth including intent and connection. Perception of Time and Mindfulness.

When an individual channels or receives a channeled interpretation that information is a truth, it is a possible outcome to a set of circumstances with which the person is dealing.  It is not the only outcome although there is a statistic component to how the information is interpreted.

The way through is through love and your internal centeredness in your heart.  This fits perfectly with all the various spiritual traditions that love is the way to truth, and access to this is through your heart.  Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.  Joseph Campbell.

Returning again and again to your intuition, your heart center, your breath with serve you superbly well to find you way in the world.  Even if you do not begin to receive channeled information from another spiritual source you will be guided by your heart knowing as to your best action.

just listen, by beth gineris

We are given these senses, Which we ignore.

We cringe upon meeting another, Feeling something negative in their field,

Rather than listening, We become friends,  Only to be deceived, and hurt.

We have these senses, Instinctive,

To assist us on our journey through life, Cueing and guiding us.

Yet we ignore, Using override, our analytical emotional Mind, to direct us.

Our mind errs, tricked by stories, Through habit and automation,

Through the lens of our historical experiences, our indoctrination.

Our senses are true,  Instinctive.

These six senses,  Our earliest tools, before language,Guide us through sensations that are connected to knowings.

Denying their guidance

Blocks our capacity, Blocks our ease in movement, through the minefield of life.

Listen – Feel – Be – Know.

Allow your internal sensory system to guide you,  and you, will know bliss.

Mind is always looking for the conflict, the argument,

The proof.  The condemnation.

Our senses just report,

Neutral, real, unsullied information, Guidance, go here not there, turn left, look.

It’s all right there, At the beginning,   In the first meeting,

The first, interaction.  The first blink of your eye, The entire story presented,  Moral, and all.

Don’t look for proof

Accept and act. Let your heart lead.  Your heart knows. Return to your inner guide. Your heart knows, hears the notes, Perfect and true.

Let your mind follow your heart-knowing.  The instinct that aligns us to spirit  Connects us to the symphony of life.

Use your mind to create what your heart wants.

You will hear your song melodious.  Toning in perfect pitch,

Humming through you,  Vibrating pure joy.  copyright, all rights reserved, no copy without permission from bgineris, 2012

Inner Sight Revealed, by beth gineris

Signposts of solace, Within the massive chaos of inner sight. Bombarding visions and feel-knowings at once.

Self lost, Understanding short-circuited, Caught like a doe in the headlights of an oncoming car,  Frozen,  Fear rising, interrupting discernment.

Distant image of streams layered,  Streams of knowings,  Streams of consciousness.  Layers at once, jam the transmission,   The information garbled and incoherent.

Focus on the flow,  Ocean currents in opposite directions,  Layered but distinct,  Distinguishing tenor, energy, quality.   Each descriptive system whole,  Connected within space-time,  Separated but Equal.

Breath and allowing are the friends to sight.  Fear, and holding, inner sight’s enemy.  Swimming through,  Balancing,  Viewing from within.  Clarifying with subtle refinement.  Perception of distinct boundaries in each layer,  Each stream of consciousness.

Discernment, clear sight revealed,  Requires subtleness,  Light handedness.  Rising sheers define the boundaries.  Lightly drilling in to each,  Gathering definition, and information.  Seeing many at once,  Gently bringing into the fore, one stream,  Allowing it to recede, while another advances.  Lightly Receiving.  Accepting the shift without a need to name or push it.

Inner sight is instinctive,  Whole,  Available to anyone, who allows.  Bounded between each stream,  And between the seer and the stream,  Centered source illumination.  copyright, all rights reserved, no copy without permission from bgineris, 2012

Go into your heart, feel love, apply love to whatever situation with which you are struggling and your truth, your answer, will present itself in a quiet clear voice, listen with your heart and then apply your mind to create what your heart hears… Namaste, bg


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Practice the art of verbal Aikido

Hello

When I was a young Psychiatric Aide on a Locked Psychiatric unit in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I had a very good friend, also a Psychiatric Aide, who was a master at the practice of the Japanese Martial Art of Aikido.  He was superb at handling any physical attack, without injury to himself and with the least degree of injury to others.

Here is an example:

A young man who had stopped taking his antipsychotic medicine began to lose control of his thinking and behavior, his touch with reality was slipping away and he thought he was being attacked.  My friend asked him to go into the quiet room (a padded room that protects the individual from hurting himself and others when out of control).  The patient felt attacked by my gentle friend’s request, he became enraged and began to throw at my friend any thing that his hand touched – chairs, tables, lamps – my friend simply and easily shifted the energy of each piece of furniture and dropped it beside him, protecting the other patients and deflecting the negative energy, lightly and firmly moving toward the out of control young man.  His movements were gentle, clarified, and precise – lightly deflecting the energy while deftly responding to the needs of the entire room.  Once he entered the physical space of the out of control young man he quickly and without harm immobilized his flailing arms, and with kindness and gentleness he walked him to the quiet room.

His precision at shifting the energy of the flying furniture had the effect of de-escalating the damage in the situation to himself, the out of control patient, and the other patients.  It created a sense of calm and control that was soothing.  It brought everything to a neutral space so that injury was avoided.

The art of verbal Aikido is a metaphor for utilizing the same strategies in handling verbal attack.  The majority of miscommunication and arguments are a result of charged interpretation of other’s dialogue, where another person interprets your statements as barbs thrown and so reacts defensively, or vice versa.

Responding to another’s attack via mindfulness increases your neutrality and clarity in what underlies the negative communication.  Simply deflecting the negative statement and deflating the negative energy to shift the interaction.

Practicing the Art of Verbal Aikido has three steps:

  • First, deflect the negative tone, and tenor, by simply responding to the actual content with neutral responsive content.
  • Second, deflate the negativity by reiterating your intended meaning through clarification and compassionate interest in how your communication was interpreted.  Then clarify the intended meaning and take responsibility for not being more clear in your first communication.
  • Third, if the communication escalates, continue with steps 2, and 3, with a gentle, kind, precise and light manner – avoid sarcasm, condescension and a down-putting tone.

Then you are free to find a solution or agree to disagree without malice or charge.

You only have power over your own actions.  You cannot change another person’s attitude, position or behavior, you can only offer a space for another to shift his perspective on his own.  You have control over your own actions, behaviors and attitudes, responses.  If the other person chooses to find you offensive and react defensively, you have power to maintain your mindfulness.

The most mindful and loving response in a situation where another is angry is to not take on his anger, not react to it and join-in, on the negative interpretation, the fighting back or proving argumentative tone or attitude.

Create a visual image of yourself lightly deflecting the flying furniture and placing it on the ground; or an image of another’s charged words as sufficiently solid that you can observe yourself deflecting them or moving your energy so you are not hit by the negative barb in the words.  Think of a Jackie Chan movie, see yourself in slow motion deftly avoiding what is thrown your way, while simultaneously smiling and gently reaching out an olive branch toward connection and understanding.

This is the practice of verbal Aikido and it will increase the level of peace you experience in your relationships.

It is the most healing response to conflicting perspectives and offers a direct pathway to uplevel consciousness. in love and light,bg


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seeing miracles, creating healing

If you want to find the secrets of the universe think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration – Nikola Tesla

Hello friends

The miracle of healing is at your fingertips.  It is simply a matter of seeing, listening and responding to your senses, energy, frequency and vibration.

I see immediate and complete transformation in my practice, relationships, and life every day!

The corresponding elements that allow for this are a matter of knowing, belief, and sight.  It is through this knowing belief and seeing that the miracle presents itself.  It is greater than a course in miracles.  It is an instantaneous truth seen through your eyes when you are completely connected to your sensory guidance system and the healing knowledge of sight and action.

Your sight must be aligned with the frequency, energy, and vibration of health, light, and spiritual knowing.  From this wavelength and universe all things are possible.

This allows for the immediate perception of a miracle.

Three steps will help you to see the miracle.

  • First, use your inner sight connected to your inner knowing.  So that you are open to how the fabric of your life can shift to create, offer the miracle – this results in seeing the miracle.
  • Second, accept that choice is the ultimate foundation for each soul on the planet.  And you do not have the power to change another person’s choice for his or her life.
  • Third, see the miracle in each event…even when your first reaction is to say that no miracle exists.  Pay attention to the energy of the event and within you the intensity of your reaction.  Vibration and frequency are also useful in assisting you to discern the message therein… once you have aligned yourself with the miracle you can bring forth a healing either in spirit, cognition/thinking or the body/physically.

The universe is always offering a gift to move you toward your soul’s path.  How –  that is true is the tricky part.  Seeing the miracle requires integrating spirit, mind, and body knowings as well as energy, frequency, and vibration.  Use paradigm shifting through compassionate sight and inversions to see the balance in the universe.  Use a long, broad view to understand what the universe is presenting as a miracle.

A fourth step helps to align with the miracle and integrate the lesson.

  • Embrace even those events that are painful and look for the healing lesson within – you will know when you have found that lesson when you find yourself, smiling, looking lovingly on another or a new perception of the event, and feeling a release of anger and fear.

Miracles are the norm in your life…. as you train your internal dialogue and sight to attend to your sensory guidance system you will experience them in every step of your life.  The natural outcome to this state is love, peace, upleveling consciousness, collaboration, acceptance, and success in all of your endeavors.

This is a quantum shift in experience and knowing; a quantum shift in energy, frequency and vibration.  Once you allow yourself to see differently you will act and be different, immediately, in a quantum and whole way.  Paradigm recognition, shifting,integration and creation in the moment.  in love and light, bg


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moving from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection

Hello

When working with relationships one of the first necessary steps is to look at how the parties relate.

  •  Are they defensive and competitive?
  • Do they maintain a balance sheet of exchange patterns?
  • Do they spend time and energy listening to their partners point of view seeking to understand or waiting to find the flaw in the argument?

How parties relate gives you information about what is driving each person and what is the underlying foundation of the relationship.  Once you have a sense of this you can identify the underlying needs.  Evaluation of what is driving each individual results in n integrated picture of needs, exchange patterns, belief systems, paradigmatic structures, connections and relationship and security structures.

Narcissism and Competition in relationship are forms of relating that disallow inter-action and interdependence.  These are styles of relating that are part of a singular, need-focused structure.

Narcissism tends to be a ME form of relating and often results in a co-dependent relationship structure.  In this structure  the parties utilize an exchange pattern and the paradigmatic structure is you take care of me and me take care of you; each exchange is noted and weighted, and the parties require an equal exchange for each action of care.  Need underlies the tie to each other and there is a lack of independent action or thinking.  It may appear collaborative but in actuality the giving is highly conditional.  The insecurity in this type of relationship is that the other completes him and so abandonment is feared; there is a high degree of separation anxiety.  These partnerships require intense agreement on everything and do not respond well to independent thinking.  Intensity can be the marker of intimacy rather than a sense of trust and security.  From a financial perspective one party may have all the financial responsibility and the other party may have all the emotional responsibility.  The exchange is money for support.  In this style of relationship the two persons are halves to the one whole, there is no individuality, only couple.

Competition tends to be an I form of relating and often results in a pairing that is independent without inter-action or interdependence.  Each party is in a wholly enveloped structure.  There is no dependence or co-dependence, as you might see with a ME structure, but there is no inter-dependence either.  Each party stands on his or her own two feet.  It is as if the two people are walking side-by-side.  There is no integration or mixing of the two beings.  Fairness and rigid boundaries are the characteristics of this type of relationship.  There can be an exchange pattern balance sheet but this has more to do with winners of the competition and proof of being right rather than what each brings to the partnership.  The financial structure of this relationship is independent as well; each person pays his or her way and if there is a need for a money exchange it is set up via a contract or with some set of conditions and plan for pay back.  The emotional structure is equally self-contained.  In this style of relationship the two persons are two persons, there is no sense of we-ness or group only the two selves walking side by side.  Here the insecurity centers around avoiding dependence and connection as this is seen as a way to stay free from bondage.

Collaboration and connection are a third wave of partnership.  In this style of partnership the two parties have an interdependence and integration without a loss of individual selves.  In this style of relationship the two persons maintain a sense of self and have individual beliefs and experiences AND the two have an integrated participation with each other which is we.  In this style of partnering there is space for two Is and a We, interaction incorporates a tapestry of flexibility, a weaving that results in a rich experience of collaboration, connection and a sense of increase.  This WE style of relating offers enhancement of each party, without a loss of freedom. It is flexible, accepting, and inter-dependent.  The security is derived through a sense of support and connection without a loss individuality.  Conflict in this style of relating offers a way to work through issues to come to a higher level of understanding and connection to each other that incorporates each person’s core desires, needs and beliefs.  It is a function of negotiation rather than a compromise.  Financial and emotional structures are interrelated and integrated so that both parties are flexibly participatory, flowing easily in a responsive, dynamic fashion.

Once you have found your style you can begin to shift your attention in the relationship.  Embrace your fears and your insecurities and embark on a journey to move from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection.

These styles of relating are developmental in nature, you are able to move through these various styles or structures through loving, attention to your own security and individual fear-based patterns.  Mindfulness is a useful focus of thinking to assist you and your partner to evaluate and transcend  your personal blockages in relationships.

Development of your personal sensory guidance system will be highly valuable in this process.

You can use these models to determine what kind of relationship structure you are in and then use mindfulness to uplevel your style of relating.

  • If you discover that you are in a Me oriented relationship turn your love toward yourself so that you can be the best partner to yourself first, this is a beginning step to moving to independence.
  • If you find you are in an I oriented relationship trust yourself and your partner to risk giving and receiving in an unconditional way.  Create a belief that being connected can be fulfilling rather than disheartening, this will open your heart to create a path of connection with your partner.

Mindful, loving, attention toward yourself and your partner opens the door for a shift in how you relate.  Namaste, beth