Hello and Welcome!
When you feel like a failure as a parent, or have a challenging parenting situation,
apply the 12 step program
To shift your defeat, or discouragement to courage and healing:
1. admit you are not perfect.
2. recognize you are powerless to be perfect at all times with every child
3. connect with a higher power and engage that sense of spirituality to support you.
4. honestly reflect and identify the mistakes and flaws you bring to parenting.
5. humbly admit to your spiritual support, partner, loyal friend – your imperfection and reaffirm your commitment to do your best.
6./7. Reaffirm your trust in yourself and your team; Be willing and ready to shift out of the habits that do not serve you and embrace more effective styles of parenting.
8/9/10. identify injuries or mistakes you have made; say you are sorry to your kids for these mistakes; make a commitment to not do it again; stay connected, and repeat when necessary.
11. practice compassion, meditation, prayer and lovingkindness toward yourself and your kids.
12. be a helper to your peer parents rather than a competitor or bully; share your positive experiences with love.
How to help kids do better on tests.
Prepare: talk about what testing is and what it really means. Testing can help you know what you are good at and where you have limitations; allow the truth to be neutralized so it doesn’t get blown out of proportion.
Discuss (in communication, parents sometimes think that what they have to say is the most important thing – it matters, but what your child thinks/feel/and wants to say matters equally). Listen as much as you talk when discussing. Actively listen with your third ear to what is underneath, the meaning in the content and the energy of the words.
Deflect: shift energy away from competition, being best, pushing ahead, and any anxiety provoking thinking equation regarding the outcome of the test. From what you discussed in the above section you will have identified what may be causing fears or anxieties for your child – accept this, and neutralize it, sometimes neutralization means acknowledging that the thing feared may happen; talk about that and help your child understand that he or she has the ability to respond to that situation if it happens. This teaches empowerment and response – ability; this allows your child to accentuate his strengths and deemphasize his limitations.
Define – clarify what is involved in testing. Try to not say it doesn’t matter and try to not act like it is the most important thing; find a balance in how you encourage your child to do his best and be proud of what that best is. If your child really does have a learning special need – help with that. If she’s too revved up – teach her skills to bring to neutral or move into the next gear, which means to use the extra energy efficiently: Teach her now that it is her responsibility to manage her special character so she can use you to help learn how to do this. If he’s spacey and distracted – teach him to develop ways to get himself focused, or more revved up for the task: Teach him it is his responsibility to manage his special character, so that he can find a way to embrace the whole of who he is. He may find that special character and his solution to it, is what makes him unique and this will empower him.
Know your child. Use your knowing to help him or her be the best he or she can be. Don’t worry about arena or group-mind. Trust yourself and your authentic knowing of your child to be the best judge for him or her.
Here are some simple biofeedback tricks: stare at your hand. Tense relax. Mantras. Song tunes for memory training.
Importance of sleep, eating, no stress, acceptance, and esteem: these are biological, emotional, and physical needs that when off interfere with your child doing his or her best. Do what you can to keep these in balance.
Hope this is really helpful. in love and light, bg
April 2, 2013 at 1:17 am
i love instinctivehealthmedecine4u’s blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 2, 2013 at 1:48 am
Thank you Kate – I am doing a lecture at Sunset Mesa about this blog tomorrow – I am glad you like it!bg
October 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm
Reblogged this on InstinctiveHealthParenting4U and commented:
The semester is coming into midterm –> to help your kids get through tests and test anxiety check out these tips…
And by the way these are super efficient at helping those of us adults that are facing project deadlines and evaluations… check it out! It’s concise and pithy! in love and light, bg