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3 steps to forgiveness


Hello and welcome

Forgiveness is required to release anger and move through any difficult situation.  The energy of forgiveness comes from a balanced mindful perspective that is  heart centered.  Practicing mindfulness increases your openness and your awareness allowing your mind to hear the calling of your heart.

When you are stuck in your thinking process you may find that you get into a loop about the different aspects of a problem or conflict.  This loop is driven by the left brain analytical aspect of your brain.  The right brain aspect of your brain receives information in wholes, it gets imprints of information – spirit mind and body integrated.

Both aspects of your brain are beneficial in sorting through problems.  The left brain, verbal and analytical aspect that separates and evaluates in a more tangible fashion is necessary for movement through complex problems and conflicts.  It gets to the figure issue of the problem.  The Right brain, image, whole, and energy evaluator is necessary for getting to the background and interconnections that can allow for transition or transformation.

The key is to allow for your understanding, empathy, and big picture connection to inform your analytical specificity evaluator.  This directs you to see through a mindful,  compassionate, integrated perspective so that you can release the  dualistic right/wrong style of consciousness.  This shifts the power of the injury or anger and helps you align with your internal sensory guidance system.

Three steps move you through to forgiveness.

  1. Allow the fullness of the pain and injury, anger and trauma to be experienced.  Do not skip to forgiveness, feel the pain.  Do not stuff down the pain or the shock.  This release is important and necessary.   Make this a finite thing, not something that goes on and on or becomes a way of life.  Utilize writing, talking, and creative artistic measures to get to the injury and clarify your experience.  Note what verbal and cognitive equations that begin to develop, ie:  a sense that you will never trust again, never love again, never have another child, never go through this again.  This will give you a clue as to what habit reaction pattern you may be setting up and a direction about what you need to forgive.  the issue is usually very subtle, not the whole injury just some piece that shocked your system.
  2. Create a space to dialogue (if this is possible) with the injurer.  Identify how you participated in the conflict so that you can shift yourself and your action in the future.  Look at the situation from a larger view and from the perspective of the other person – notice if he was operating under a different paradigm than you and if you can shift the misunderstanding through dialogue or negotiation.  If the injury is without another side or perspective look for what good, light, beautiful outcomes came out of the situation; this is most difficult when there is a loss of someone you love through no fault of your own or his.  Still focus on the light will help to move you through to forgiveness and the uplevel your consciousness.  This is where allowing your heart to lead and connecting with your right brain imprint, memories, and wholes to help you to have access to the light.  you can do this through creative maneuvers, painting, drawing, music, building – these are all powerful tools to get to your inner healing and inner knowing.
  3. Set a time to let go of the injury.  Also use this third step to identify a holistic,. balanced picture of you without the injury and moving joyously through life.  Do this is a concrete way.  You can use writing or a picture.  Take the information in a tangible form and release it through burning it.  Do this in a safe and contained way.  Then allow yourself to take the created future that you identified and burn that into existence.  You may find you want to create a structure or an image of what you are releasing and what you are bringing in to remind you to remain in forgiveness.  You can use these a cues to remind you to live in the now and the light.

Forgiveness is essential for health.  Holding onto an injury distorts your perspective, skews the energy in your integrated spirit, mind, body field and can over time create stagnation, disruption and disease.  Letting go, releasing the injury or anger and incorporating a higher consciousness understanding regarding the situation heals and rights your imbalance.  This can reset your energy field so that you promote health rather than stagnation and misdirection.

Joy.  Light. Love.  These are the tools of your heart and lead the way to uplevel your consciousness, integrate you spirit, mind, and body and through these tools you can change the world around you through changing the world within you. in love and light, bg

Author: instinctivehealthparenting4u

Author, Integrative medicine practitioner, psychotherapist. Albuquerque, NM practice, focus on return to balance and the integration of spirit, mind, and body through meditation and mindfulness. Monthly trainings, & professional and personal development coaching. Find more on my website Read my books, Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness (, for increased internal wellness and alignment with your spiritual purpose, and to activate joyous love and light, bg

2 thoughts on “3 steps to forgiveness

  1. Great post!
    Three thoughts here:
    (1) Is forgiveness synonymous with letting go of the injury and anger, or does it imply a continued relationship and dialog with the individual that injured you? Is it possible to have one without the other? Is it sometime necessary to have one without the other to be healthy? If so, how does that impact step 2?
    (2) With respect to step 3: Is it truly possible to set a time limit on letting go? What effect does missing the deadline have, and how do you avoid thinking “I haven’t let go by my deadline, so I never will”? Assuming you can set a time at all, is it possible to set a reasonable one while the pain is still fresh, and possible unique among your previous experiences?
    (3) I have always thought of forgiveness as similar to partnership in the respect that it is not a single decision point, but instead a vow that has to be revisited and renewed on an ongoing basis. With grave transgressions, you can’t choose to forgive at a singular point in time, and move on. Where serious injury has occurred, one will often be unable to assess the impact of the damage without the benefit of perspective. New events and experiences can aggravate the initial pain – or trigger powerful memories of the wrong. More importantly, higher consciousness understanding relies on a perspective with distance from the initial pain. As life goes on, it offers a fresh perspective on prior transgressions, frequently offering greater opportunities for understanding and forgiveness. For example, as children we find it often hold transgressions against our parents that are easy to forgive once we are adults, or have children of our own. Forgiveness is a decision we make over and over, each time we feel renewed pain or recall previous memories with a fresh perspective.

    Thanks for the great posts. Happy New Year.

    • Chris, great points. Letting go is the ultimate form of forgiveness. As you point out it can take on levels and for some take on a need for time to release the power of the injury. Choosing a time to let go increases your commitment to do so – not doing it in the perfect time is simply part of the process and so will result in a recommitment decision. Applying a linear form to an unlinear pattern has the precise troubles you identify. It is a spiral or a quantum step in it’s purest form. However, when dwelling in third dimension it works in this linear imperfect way. I love your concept of forgiveness and relationship requiring a recommitment – lovely! Beth

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