InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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When What You Believe Matters!

Hello and Welcome!

I am excited to share about a new book out there called I Believe:  When What you Believe Matters! by Eldon Taylor.  What I like about it is that it offers lots of studies and examples of how your beliefs drive what you create.  It has a lot of the great tools found in Esther Hicks’ books but with a scientific component that really brings substance to the material.

Everyone is extolling praises for this book, including famous personalities such as Lindsay Wagner, John Gray, Ph.D., James Van Praagh, Larry Dossey, M.D., and Stanely Krippner, Ph.D.  I know you will find this book valuable, both personally and for your own business.

The information in this book is consistent with the information you find in my writings about the importance of congruence in your thinking and actions and mindfulness.

I Believe: When What You Believe Matters! reveals the importance of choosing your every life belief and the effects these choices have on the quality of your life—, impacting areas that may surprise you in ways you have not thought of. Eldon Taylor even shows how these belief choicepoints can influence how long you will live and how your DNA expresses itself.  Your belief paradigms affect what you will allow yourself to see and hear; each belief effecting many consequences.

He talks about it like  a spider web that continually builds upon itself often trapping us where we don’t want to be.

I hope you get a chance to check out this new book.  It’s got a lot of great stuff in it about how your thinking defines your being. It’s like a type of spiritual sociology.  Enjoy, bg


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12 step program applied to parenting

Hello and Welcome!

When you feel like a failure as a parent, or have a challenging parenting situation,

apply the 12 step program 

To shift your defeat, or discouragement to courage and healing:

1.  admit you are not perfect.

2.  recognize you are powerless to be perfect at all times with every child

3.  connect with a higher power and engage that sense of spirituality to support you.

4.  honestly reflect and identify the mistakes and flaws you bring to parenting.

5.  humbly admit to your spiritual support, partner, loyal friend – your imperfection and reaffirm your commitment to do your best.

6./7.  Reaffirm your trust in yourself and your team; Be willing and ready to shift out of the habits that do not serve you and embrace more effective styles of parenting.

8/9/10.  identify injuries or mistakes you have made; say you are sorry to your kids for these mistakes; make a commitment to not do it again; stay connected, and repeat when necessary.

11.  practice compassion, meditation, prayer and lovingkindness toward yourself and your kids.

12.  be a helper to your peer parents rather than a competitor or bully; share your positive experiences with love.

  

How to help kids do better on tests.

 Prepare:  talk about what testing is and what it really means.  Testing can help you know what you are good at and where you have limitations; allow the truth to be neutralized so it doesn’t get blown out of proportion.

Discuss (in communication, parents sometimes think that what they have to say is the most important thing – it matters, but what your child thinks/feel/and wants to say matters equally).  Listen as much as you talk when discussing.  Actively listen with your third ear to what is underneath, the meaning in the content and the energy of the words.

Deflect:  shift energy away from competition, being best, pushing ahead,  and any anxiety provoking thinking equation regarding the outcome of the test.  From what you discussed in the above section you will have identified what may be causing fears or anxieties for your child – accept this, and neutralize it, sometimes neutralization means acknowledging that the thing feared may happen; talk about that and help your child understand that he or she has the ability to respond to that situation if it happens.  This teaches empowerment and response – ability; this allows your child to accentuate his strengths and deemphasize his limitations.

Define  – clarify what is involved in testing.  Try to not say it doesn’t matter and try to not act like it is the most important thing; find a balance in how you encourage your child to do his best and be proud of what that best is.  If your child really does have a learning special need – help with that.  If she’s too revved up – teach her skills to bring to neutral or move into the next gear, which means to use the extra energy efficiently:  Teach her now that it is her responsibility to manage her special character so she can use you to help learn how to do this.  If he’s spacey and distracted – teach him to develop ways to get himself focused, or more revved up for the task:  Teach him it is his responsibility to manage his special character, so that he can find a way to embrace the whole of who he is.  He may find that special character and his solution to it, is what makes him unique and this will empower him.

Know your child.  Use your knowing to help him or her be the best he or she can be.  Don’t worry about arena or group-mind.  Trust yourself and your authentic knowing of your child to be the best judge for him or her.

Here are some simple biofeedback tricks:  stare at your hand.  Tense relax.  Mantras. Song tunes for memory training.

Importance of sleep, eating, no stress, acceptance, and esteem:  these are biological, emotional, and physical needs that when off interfere with your child doing his or her best.  Do what you can to keep these in balance.

Hope this is really helpful.  in love and light, bg


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Soul guidance – 5 easy steps

Hi, Welcome and thanks for your interest!

Soul guidance is a set of 5 easy steps to shift your focus so that you can have your heart center guide your path.

Anxiety and guilt wreak havoc on the human spirit and lead to breath-holding, inflexibility, and burning off of true soul guidance.

To see your way through these two habitual ways of letting fear separate you from your true self and true path –

  • 1st.  begin with a simple review of your breath,your senses, your emotions, and your muscles.  What ever you find notice it – tension, flexibility an inner grimace, tightness –
  • 2nd connect these  – emotion to breath holding, and tightness or rigidity in movement
  • 3rd Discern which aspects of your inner sensory guidance system reveals intuition and which reveal fear -here are the most common: Fear:  pit of stomach tightness-fear, anxiety in chest breath holding-fear, inflexibility in hips-fear (trauma), inability to think clearly and utilize mindfulness-fear      Intuition:  quiet light voice in the center of your being-intuition – may be in you heart or your mind, this has a sense of ringing clear through your spiritual, emotional physical field – it allows openness, neutrality, space, and mindfulness.
  • 4th Now feed the intuition
  • 5th release the fear.

Breath is the key.  Breathing through to trust and have faith in your knowing requires deep full breathing drawing into you the power of the knowing.  Breathing through as you release the fear, allowing it to disconnect from you, letting go as you release the lack of power.

Simple and easy

If you shift your energy slightly, you can change your life in a big way!  Try it with something small first to practice your skills of letting go – then increase your intention and focus until each day you simply adjust and release and follow your inner guidance

Love the simplicity?  It’s all within you, pay attention when something seems to go in crooked or doesn’t feel right or causes you to withdraw – this is a message from your sensory guidance system.  Respond accordingly.  Engage your critical thinking and your mindfulness, and respond to what you discover.  When you feel stuck, unworthy, anxiety or fear, breathe, and go through these steps to release the fear and embrace your inner knowing.

Listen to your true voice – the sound will be sure and firm, loving and compassionate, light and quiet.

Ignore the loud fear-filled, guilt-filled, anxiety voice.  Avoid defensiveness deciding your course of action.

Choose the sweet loving inner smile of love and joy – live there and everything you desire will be at your fingertips to create.

This honors you and creates an opportunity for your inner being to guide your life and results in resilient, flexible powerful action.in love and light, beth


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Each new paradigm births through its predecessor

Hello and Welcome!

Habits and paradigms are tricky.  A habit can be defined as something that guides you toward success or shifts you into a rut out of which you are always struggling to evolve.  Paradigms give you your first structure of morality, right/wrong stories, and modes to interpret the world.  Habits and paradigms work right up to the point they become obsolete.  When you feel stuck or clinging to a habit or paradigm that feeling may be a sign that you need to birth through to the next way.

Challenging your paradigmatic perspective including your habitual reaction patterns allows you to discover a deeper and fuller experience in your relationships and work environment.

Not long ago I encountered a dead-end on my path.  At least I thought that was what it was at the time.

I had gone as far as I could in the pursuit of something.  I had reached a stopping point but not reached the goal.  At least that stopping point didn’t look like my picture of the goal.  I felt discouraged.  I didn’t want to turn around and go back, but I could go no further.

So I sat down where I was.  I stopped pushing.  I looked around.  I looked within.  I began breathing and focusing on what I felt as well as what I saw.  With my breath and focus the energy around me shifted.  It was as if I was vibrating into a new level of consciousness.

As I sat there I felt inconsolable.  I had become attached to the goal I was pursuing.  At first my attitude didn’t allow for me to see anything positive.  I could only see through the eyes of my disillusionment.  Then I began to see through an attitude of gratitude.  I began to notice some wondrous things around me:  extraordinary relationships and family;  time and freedom to pursue my dreams; support; love; space; an inner awareness.  This awareness, breath, gratitude, and peacefulness filled me and opened up an inner imaginal world filled with plausible creations.

I realized the dead-end was a logical conclusion of my limited thinking and perception – an inner shifting of paradigms and habits.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t reached the goal, it was that my goal had transformed.  I had shifted from pursuing an independent, proving, route to experiencing and developing a collaborative, integrative, holistic, path.  This required me to shift my perspective, my habits, and my capacity to take in what was around me, to see through a different lens.

At once, with this realization, I noticed a beautiful path that veered off  just to edge from my sitting place.  It was a slightly elevated pathway that was not immediately noticeable, hidden from view when looking straight ahead or downward.  It was light and airy, covered in a material that was vastly different from the path on which I had been walking.  I could only see the way, through my new perspective of present moment now and receiving joy.

The hard work, perseverance, and hard choices, the trauma and difficulties of my youth had created a primary paradigm that anything of worth required this set of behaviors.  And that I had to prove who I was, a doing, rather than being style of living.  What I had endured to get to this point could only bring me this far on my path.

Only via these new lessons of ease, joy, laughter, love – that lovely concept of flow could I see the way through.  An evolution of consciousness was the action required to take my next step.  And this evolution comes from a releasing, a relaxing, and a letting go rather than a persevering, pushing attitude.  The shift in consciousness creates the new paradigm in a quantum-style movement, rather than a linear movement.  Each new paradigm births through its predecessor through a natural shifting of perspective.

If you are feeling stuck or clinging intensely to your habitual style of behaving, thinking, or believing; if you are feeling defensiveness, anger, anxiety or discouraged stop where you are, both metaphorically and physically.  Take the time to feel into your ideas, your habits, your goals, and beliefs.  Open yourself to the attitude of gratitude, notice everything that is working in your life, environment, relationships, and work.  Through this space you will find an evolution in your consciousness so that you can shift your perspective and birth yourself into a new paradigm of living and being.  in love and light, beth


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awareness and allowing give space to respond effectively and change your behavior

Hello and Welcome!

Following these steps to increase awareness and allowing creates space to respond effectively and change your behavior.

An easy way to begin is the  Stop, Look, and Listen method.

Stop multitasking or whatever action in which you are involved that may split your attention or where you feel you are being pulled along a track in an habitual thinking/behaving way; Look, or pay attention by bringing your attention to the situation at hand, pay attention to the actions of others and yourself and how relevant these are to the whole of the situation; Listen to your inner voice and the style, tone, timber of your and the other’s voice.  Stop look and listen is focus, see, and hear in the present moment, the now.  This is a simple unambiguous phrase that brings you into mindfulness.

It is a simple way to interrupt habit-reactive firing of behavior.  This method slows down your reactive-linking behavior. Through present moment refocusing of your attention you can gather information and then develop a response that meets the present moment situation.

This recovery process can be applied to any habit that has gone awry.  What’s really great about this set of actions and behaviors is how they help in every instance when a habit has simply overtaken your life as the driver of your behavior rather than the mechanism of your comfort or alleviation of difficulty.

Here’s how to decipher if you are dealing with a habit reaction pattern.

  • Check in with your senses and intuition.  If you feel that the experience is familiar or a pattern then you may be participating in  a habit reaction scenario.  If you feel that you have trouble trusting that things can/will go well for you, then your early history of having to survive is coloring your current day choices/actions.
  • If you have an immediate feeling of anger, like someone has crossed a boundary and your feeling is charged in that the level of emotion (intensity) doesn’t match the situation or boundary crossing, this is a sign that you have been triggered.

In this instance, proceed in your actions with thoughtfulness.  

  • Query yourself on whether your intense feeling is consistent with your overall experience of the person or the environment toward which you are feeling the intense reaction.
  • Stop, look, and listen – think caution in proceeding.
  • Invoke mindfulness and centered, present moment attention to the situation.
  • Work against the pull of the groove into the habit reaction pattern.

This is how you can engage the a more balanced attitude. Focus is the key.  If you are in danger, utilizing your reaction  skills to get out of the situation is paramount.  If you are not in danger but rather caught in a habit reaction pattern then focus your attention on what you want rather than what you fear as the best response.

Use mindfulness to re-view the circumstances in relation to your emotion.  This is the stop, look, and listen component, it will help you identify whether this is danger or not.  In example, if a stranger is doing something that feels dangerous allow your survivor reactions to move at lightning pace.  If however, the situation is with a loving partner, or friend – you need to view your emotion within the context of the relationship in present-time and with clarity and genuineness.

Awareness, Breathe, Wait it out, and Reveal.

  • The most difficult element of confronting a habit reaction pattern that is driving your behavior is the stopping part.
  • If your car is out of control, you need to stop its forward movement – this requires first, a recognition that you have lost control of the car, and then second, an action to gain control.
  • This awareness is key.  Once you are aware you can begin to take back control of your thinking and behaving/actions.

Stop look and listen focuses you on increasing your awareness.  Breathe, wait it out, and reveal focuses you on how and what to change.  It requires a shift in how, and on what, you focus.  It requires a re-view of yourself through a centered, mindful attention to yourself, your skills and limitations, what brings you joy and centers you in your best self.

Shifting perspective actually creates the power that you feel you have lost.  It is a relaxation of the struggle to survive or fight and a gentle movement into the mindful, balanced living of life.  Consider the simple action of relaxing in a hold, this action alone telegraphs to the holder to lighten his grip and causes laxity so that you can wiggle out of the stranglehold.

Lightening your grip, your need for habit reactive linking behavior allows you to move through situations and your environment in a mindful and relaxed way, still nimble in your attention and responses to act if necessary to a dangerous situation but not reactive, held or tight in your nature. in love and light, beth


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5 steps to Healing psychological Wounds

Hello and Welcome!

Injuries heal through a set of layers and this occurs most fully and rapidly through these five steps.  The most important step being cleaning out the deterrents to healing.

Here using a focus on physical wounds:

  1. Evaluation of severity, depth, breadth, need for sutures, casting and bandaging.
  2. Cleaning the wound of fragments, foreign objects, dirt, and deterrents to healing – debridement.
  3. Careful observation and compassionate tending to the healing progress of the wound.
  4. Re-evaluation of the development in healing, re-cleaning, debridement, re-dressing the wound.
  5. A loving compassionate reintroduction of the use of the wounded area to avoid re-injury or trauma

The course for wound healing seems to take one of two branches.  One branch leads to further, deeper injury through infection and invasion into deeper systems.  The other offers a fuller evaluation at the fore to prevent a deeper infestation.

It is seductive to follow the first branch described – it is less work at the beginning and looks as if healing happens more quickly.  However this route results in a quick fix.  The rapid scabbing process covers a deeper problem that can result in an underlying infection and a resulting scar that stares-out at each person who passes, almost calling the passers-by to comment, and in some cases re-injuring the person.

The second route is more intensive at the front-end, however, once through the difficult evaluation and debridement process, and with proper attention to the complete healing process, this route results in an almost imperceptible scar.

Wound healing takes this same branched course for physical and psychological scars.

For psychological wounds forgiveness is an intricate component of the healing process.  The forgiveness has to be sincere, real, felt deeply, and thoroughly experienced.  From that whole-space, forgiveness can create an inner healing that results in an imperceptible scar.

  1. and 2. are interrelated for psychological injuries.  This is to say the process of evaluation of the injury, and the debridement work together – debridement is the process of removing foreign material and dead tissue from a physical wound to prevent infection and promote healing – debridement, then, with respect to a psychological wound requires mindfully releasing anger, vengefulness, and hate – and utilizes compassion, lovingkindness, and forgiveness.

A short-cut through the forgiveness stage results in an incomplete healing, a superficial covering.  This is when an individual chooses to transect the process without looking mindfully at the wounding experience.  This is a false covering-over, which allows for infection – underneath a festering will develop at an unconscious or conscious level which will interfere with a full healing of the wound.  This may result in deeper injury to spirit, mind and body or ultimately burst open in rage, shame and vengefulness, creating a crater of a scar that is seen in all your relationships.

If you use the tangible concept of a physical wound to guide you,

  • you can see the first thing required is to clean the wound…get out the dirt, the left over shards so that the wound is ready to create a healing scab. This washing process can sting, be painful, sharp, or uncomfortable.

From a psychological wound perspective the first step is the same,

  • clean out the wound, remove shards, that are going to impede healing or increase a chance for infection – this requires compassionate understanding and forgiveness, mindfulness, and paradigm shifting.  Wounds are often a result of a lack of understanding, a lack of restraint, or a placement of trust toward an untrustworthy person.  Going within to do the inner work required for this can be hurtful, sharp, or uncomfortable just like washing out a cut stings.

Forgiveness is tricky when you perceive that forgiveness makes the action that was harmful “okay”.  The trick to forgiveness is shifting paradigmatic perceptions and righting your own power in a given situation.  Forgiveness is letting go of the power the wounding has over you while simultaneously identifying what was harmful and what to avoid in the future – including the relationship or event in which the wounding occurred.

A common style of dealing with hurts is to remove yourself from the profound feelings that are attached to the pain you endured.  This keeps you stuck in the past.  This disallows forgiveness or creates unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness leads to a diminishing of your personal power, a rigid world-view, and a truncated personality in relationship.  It leads to the opposite of mindfulness and the opposite of empowerment.

  • In order to forgive, that pain must be felt
  • and then a resolution, an understanding, a paradigm shift needs to take place to allow the unlinking of the pain of the event; the event and the actor;  and the outcome of the event
  • so that it can be put into proper perspective and into your past,
  • freeing you to move on into the present moment of your life – a new stance in the world, strengthened via the complete healing of the wound.

To forgive another a deeply painful act, betrayal, or action is difficult.  To see, and accept responsibility for, how you have hurt another is also difficult.

Choosing to face this difficult task will allow for a real shift to take place, a full and complete healing that leaves an imperceptible scar, the mindful/spirit-filled inner search (evaluation and debridement) is paramount.  This action can result in transforming events, healing your wound and transforming your relationships.

How do you forgive someone for that act which in your mind changed you forever, that betrayed your trust or your sense of innocence?

Finding forgiveness requires grace.  It requires a willingness to let go of the thing that may define your stance in the world. It is fraught with deep feeling and an inner journey to your center.  Certainly paradigm shifting, figure/ground perspective, and the attitude of gratitude are helpful activities.  This set of actions is required to fully heal a psychological wound.

Mindfulness allows you to see a way to unlink the act and the person; the act and the circumstances surrounding the act; and the intention and the action.  And from this space forgiveness is possible and profoundly healing.

Severe wounds are difficult betrayals and experiences to transcend,  difficult to get to forgiveness even with these unlinkings, increased awareness and increased perspective. The process of debridement is most useful in this situation.

Healing your psychological wounds requires loving attention and compassion first toward yourself and then toward the cause of the wound.  Not unlike the treatment of a physical wound what matters is the healing of the injury and then release of anger, and vengefulness toward the cause of the wound.

Healing is me-first.  Not narcissistic or selfish but inner directed, looking inward to promote inner healing and release of the power of the wound over your future life choices.  This is true for physical and psychological wounds.  Allowing an injury to define you sets power where it does not belong.  Set your empowerment within, release the material that interferes with your full and complete healing so that the injury itself becomes imperceptible.in love and light, beth


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The four agreements, plus one: life in balance

Hello and Welcome!  Many years ago a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz was released.  It spoke to me.  I thought it was a must-have for everyone I knew.  It had this simple message to live with integrity and to live in a way that centers internally, harmony with your inner knowing, speech and actions.  I felt the simplicity was perfect and that it was written with clarity to guide anyone who chose to read it toward a centered, existentially responsible style of living.

The agreements he wrote about are simply:

  1. Be Impeccable with your Word
  2. Don’t Take anything Personally
  3. Don’t Make Assumptions
  4. Always Do your Best

It was my holiday gift that year to every one of my family members, and all the people that mattered to me.  I wanted to share this truth with everyone, because I thought it would assist them in upleveling their consciousness.  I felt it held information that would unlock the prisons in which people lived.

I was a younger therapist then – enthusiastic, earnest, passionate – I really wanted to make a difference and change the world.   I gave this book in this way with heartfelt love, and a deep desire to help.  I thought it held a treasure worth more than a typical holiday gift because it offered freedom and a deep inner peace.

I am pretty sure none of these important people in my life read that book, at least not that year.  For whatever reason it wasn’t the time for that kind of transformation then.

This had been the story of my life, for many years; I could see the way but what spoke to me so clearly did not always speak to others.

Over the years I have had unusual success as a therapist through my neutral clarity, and compassionate communications.  Those who have chosen to seek my guidance have discovered a wealth of effective, compassionate, and life-changing counsel.  Recently, I have noticed that those in my inner circle are too experiencing the positive effect of my writing and guidance… this is a sweet gift to witness the positive growth and happiness of those I deeply love.

Reference to the four agreements are also on the rise in spiritual teachings,  in Yoga articles, and other pieces on spiritual growth.   Perhaps the time is now, for a more comprehensive alignment to take place.  I noticed in these references that there is a new book which identifies a new agreement:

5.  Be skeptical, but learn to listen.

So apt for the capping to the first four – it aligns the focus even further within, it allows for a deeper inner review and a consolidated expression of love, acceptance, mindfulness, and responsibility for knowledge, speech and action.

For me these simple statements refocus power and energy within; they are the opposite of projection and divisiveness.

These four agreements, plus one, are an easy way to center yourself and focus your energy where you actual have power, in the here and now and within yourself.  The energy behind these agreements is to shift your focus and awareness inward, with integrity in speech and action, while through self-love and compassionate action toward others you can increase your mindfulness.

Here is a lovely site about this work and more information about how to use these four agreements to guide your life, http://www.toltecspirit.com/.

And remember be skeptical – listen with your inner ear and through your internal sensory guidance system of five plus one senses, seeing in 4-D.  In this way you will be in the driver’s seat of your life and creating precisely what you want and consciously mean to create.  in love and light, beth


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Listen without attachment, Hear truth

Hello and Welcome!

Listening is an active process.  It is active in that it requires focused attention and neutral or accurate interpretation.

Hearing is a function of this process of focused, unattached listening.  Meaning is the by-product – it is what you hear.

When you listen fresh, and without attachment, you free yourself to hear the meaning sent versus your internal negative dialogue or grandiose spin on either the speaker or your self perceptions.

What you hear reveals information about yourself when you hear through the filter of this inner dialogue.

In addition when information is heard through this inner dialogue filter, what another hears you say has more to do with him than with you.

There are levels of information sent in communication.  This can be clarified and understood in context when your own filter is removed.

Knowledge is not an inaccurate filter.  So that placing the message sent within the context of the sender allows you to accurately interpret the sender’s meaning.

The personal filter through which you hear can interfere with your capacity to do this, your capacity to be neutral.

Fears, misperceptions about yourself such as insecurities or historical relationship information that do not apply to the current relationship are all filters which will interfere with accurate hearing, and will result in inefficient meaning making.

Follow these steps to create clarity and move yourself into a neutral posture for active listening.

  1. Be open to clarity. Clarify what you heard – Repeat what you heard including the hidden message, and request if that was the message sent.
  2. Be neutral – face your inner fears, inner insecurities, and inner mis-perceived paradigms or pictures by questioning yourself about their veracity.
  3. Utilize an integrated listening and hearing system – integrated spirit, mind, and body.  Do this by paying attention to what you feel, sense, and experience when listening to the message.  Does the information feel right in your heart, does it cognitively go in straight, do you have a physical catch or block to the information?.

Your spirit, mind, and body sensory guidance system guides you to the truth – it cuts through the internal negative or grandiose dialogue and allows truth to be revealed instantly when you are willing to actively listen and remain mindful and present.  This is a type of listening with your third or inner ear.  It is a hearing, feeling, knowing experience.  It is multidimensional in that you know it in your mindfulness or unattached cognitions (understanding), feel it in your body (a sense of flow and ease) and hear it in your heart (a sense of ringing true).

Being present, connecting to listening, and the information, in a present-moment way that incorporates what you know (but discards insecurities, historical patterning in your relationships,  and what you fear) is listening without attachment.

This uplevels your consciousness, truth is revealed and you may take action from an enlightening and powerful place to create relationships and environments that are prosperous. in love and light, beth


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Know thyself, know your partner, use mindfulness

Hello and Welcome!  Partnering is one of the most important and trickiest of ventures.  I have been watching partners break apart for years but recently I have been noticing an interesting pattern.

Agreements are set down in relationship, I’ll do this for you, you do this for me.  This is part and parcel to developing partnerships.  These can be explicit or implicit but they are there.

Pay attention to what you agree to implicitly.  When relationships break apart the more the agreements were implicit the more there is disagreement about the agreement.  The less spelled-out, clarified, identified the equation of exchange,  the more each party puts his or her own spin on the particular exchange components/expectations.  This is especially true in partnerships where one party gets a lot of recognition for what perhaps both parties are doing.

This is usually a power exchange.  I will do this to promote you and you do this to promote me.  The one who doesn’t get the recognition feels betrayed but it is difficult to really get to what the true exchange was.

These agreements may be spiritual, emotional, or physical.  Problems develop on both sides, if the individual who gets more recognition is truly depending on the less-recognized partner to make it happen, that person stops doing what is required or leaves and takes that work with him, then, the person who is getting the recognition is left unable to move forward and looks a bit like a fraud.

From the less recognized perspective if the person getting the recognition is able to use that to move into another position and doesn’t take the less recognized partner with him, then, the person who has actually been doing the work may be left with nothing.

The place where this is most painful is when someone is exchanging his hard work to simply receive love.  This is a more spiritual agreement that is broken and injures the person who sees the love leave with the partner.

Identify what you see, feel, hear, want to give and get out of the relationship.  When creating partnerships, avoid making assumptions that you and your partner have the same understanding about your participation and outcome.

Know yourself, know your partner, use mindfulness.

  • Be prepared to have a full and complete conversation about what you desire from and give to the partnership.
  • Look underneath the surface of what your partner is offering – pay attention to what you see has happened previously with that person, in relationship.  Do not presume that if he has historically abandoned his partner that he will be different with you – unless you are aware of a fundamental experience in that person’s life that supports a fundamental change in relating.
  • Personally evaluate your true intention and agenda in the partnership.
  • Be open to the fact that you and your partner are dynamic and therefore your, or your partner’s, needs, expectations, and capacities may change over time.
  • Keep the conversation going, check in on a quarterly basis and make adjustments.

These actions may not keep the partnership going, but you will have a dissolution when and under circumstances that promote your and your partner’s health rather than injury.  in love and light, beth


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your heart center links mediation and meditation

Hello.  I have been involved in a lot of mediation recently.  I think mediation is an art.  It requires an ability to listen and see with discernment.  It is part intellectual and part intuitive.  A funny equation of knowing, feeling, and being present with another to hear the subtle messages of tone, shifts in energy, and word choice.

I enjoy it as long as I can keep my right/wrong brain out of the equation.

It requires you stay in that mindful, open, compassionate place that seems often unavailable in contract negotiation, couples counseling, and problem solving.  The more I am willing to see everything, accept everything as truth to the speaker, and understand that in most situations all participants just want to be heard, cared for, treated with love, and be understood, the more I find healing, clarification, and solutions.

This place of being within requires you stand in your heart center.  From that space you can hear and see with mindful, compassionate, lovingkindness.

I find it an interesting spelling oddity that mediation and meditation have a single letter that shifts their meaning.  The letter t.  It’s like a clue about how to get where you need to go, because the letter t is a wonderful picture of the Yoga standing mountain pose, Tadasana – standing feet together, eyes lightly gazing, with your arms and hands held in a prayer position at your heart.

When mediation is done from this heart centered, focused, humbling place then the mediator is creating an opportunity for meditation.  Present moment acceptance and clarification of what each party wants from heart center, clarification of what each person means from heart center, and a centered present moment place from which to move forward.

A beautiful example of this image is represented in this picture by Rabbi Chava Bahle, her post at Yenyoga blog, Tadasana, mountain pose arriving in the present moment, gives a beautiful account of the simplicity and profound benefit of Tadasana, the mountain pose in Yoga.  See the t.  Perfect picture of light focus in the present moment from the heart.

Love, compassion, acceptance, allowing, and forgiveness are heart center emotions.  Centering your attention in the present moment, receiving information through the filter of your heart, increases harmony, understanding, and Soul-utions focused resolutions in mediation.

Mediation is not just an action in the law or business, not just an action in couples counseling, it is present in parent-child relationships, friendships, and work partnerships.  It is an action present in all interactive-relating between humans, even between species.  Our willingness to come from this centered place, this heart space increases our capacity to understand and act in ways that uplevel consciousness, increase our interconnectedness, and increase our overall harmony in living.

Since this is a daily part of living, you can begin to practice at any time.

Increase your awareness in interactions to the tone, quality, and word choice of others – pay attention to your own word choices, and tone.  Don’t just think but feel into these various qualities and practice a light attention.  Practice hearing intention not just content.  Shift yourself into a t, into Tadasana, standing mountain pose, allow yourself to hear, see, understand, through the filter of your heart.

Do this and you will find the most amazing gifts waiting for you.  Amazing threads of understanding, depths of connection, inner peace, and clarity you have been missing out on in your interactions and relationships.  The more you can be present in the now with open eyes and ears and centered in your heart, the more your life will evolve into fullness.

One letter difference, t, connects worlds exponentially….in love and light, Namaste, beth