Hello and Welcome! Allowing yourself to listen to the vast information available to you through your internal guidance system is essential for mindful, comprehensive communication and right action. Even though this is a natural, instinctual process – it can be eroded in early childhood due to a push to conform to group rules and beliefs – when you want to recapture your connection to this internal guidance you need to increase your awareness and practice paying attention and responding.
The words intention, attention, perspective, and perception increase your awareness and focus you onto the space in a multi-dimensional way. Each word embodies a specific energy or vibration that can wholly stand alone, but when the energy of each term is inked the whole of the process is multi-dimensional.
Feel into the meaning of each of these terms for yourself so that you can get an image of the vibration of the word interacting like an equation with the other words.
Give the internal image dimension through color or shape in how you experience the words interacting.
This will allow you to create your own picture of how to focus yourself onto your path through your inner guidance holding the multi-dimensional information from your senses together yet bounded in a way to see the various paradigms.
The interactions between and among the vibrations are as important as the word meanings and the whole equation.
You may see the words relating like a spear and a target, then a circling or something that encompasses and then finally something that shoots to a height and then grounds like an anchor. All directions and energies; not a blur of color that becomes murky but energy and color interacting and adjusting
Intention focuses you in on what you intend, what you want/desire or what the other intends, wants/desires.
Attention focuses you in on the tone, loudness, word choice, meaning and emotion as well as whether you and the other have the same meaning for words and/or actions – it pulls you into the present.
Perspective gets you into the figure/ground aspect of the interaction and allows for paradigm identification and paradigm shifting.
And perception has aspects of all of the other three. It allows for mindful understanding and mindful action.
It’s like looking at a situation, relationship, or problem from a 360 degree perspective, breadth as well as depth, multi-dimensionally.
So when you are thinking about a situation or a relationship start to use these words as guide posts to increase your mindfulness awareness of yourself and the other(s) involved and see if you don’t get some surprising answers about what may be going on in those situations. Pay attention to your internal guidance through your six senses to see if you can get a multidimensional picture and understanding of the situation or relationship.
You can use your intuitive sense, your observations, questioning skills, and willingness to listen and act in a mindful present moment way and this will have two effects: increase your personal degree of compassion and decrease your personalization of the information – personalization here meaning taking something personally with some sort of negative attachment rather than seeing the information more objectively or mindfully.
Paying attention to the quiet voice within and clarifying your intention – these will increase your understanding of your inner guidance and give you direction about what is your best right action.
It can also help you know when your best action is non-action, allowing or going with the flow. For some this is the most difficult “action” to take, but when it is connected to this inner knowing it feels active to be in a waiting, allowing space.
Also check out seeing in 3-D, 3.3.10 Being mindful opens the door to seeing in multiple dimensions and distinguishing different currents of information simultaneously, which creates a space to understand each separately and see how each affect the other.
Thank you for your continued interest and support. Gentle, kind, and warm blessings to you in your life and your endeavors. Beth
Hello and Welcome! There is a lot of reference of the negative of the “ego” among alternative healers and spiritual healers. These groups tend to perceive the ego as negative; this is a matter of not understanding the role of ego in self-development, and further of mis-connecting ego and narcissism.
The story of the ego to which I refer is its identification in the development of self, and each person’s interaction with self and other. The ego is that aspect of your personal self that can mediate between your personal wants disconnected from society and your belief systems swallowed whole from society. Ego basically is mediating between individual wants or needs and the needs or wants of the group. So from this perspective ego is a neutral more helpful aspect of your personality. It is the part of you that can be objective and see self and other on the same plane.
Narcissism is a more problematic aspect of personality. Narcissism is a skew in personality away from mindfulness and neutrality and objectivity. Narcissism is problematic in relationship as individuals who are narcissistic have little to no capacity for empathy.
Empathy is the shear act of paradigm shifting – putting yourself in another’s position and understanding that other’s perspective. Mindfulness, lovingkindness attitude and paradigm shifting require empathy. Lack of empathy disconnects you from society and others. Narcissism allows you to take actions without regard for how you may hurt another and focuses your actions on self alone without a connection to society as a whole.
Your cognitive mind has a way of tricking you. It is a thinking aspect – with cognitive firings and logic. It is that aspect that can get caught into a habit of relating, or be guided by indoctrination. You can think of mind as an aspect of the information available to you as part of your inner guidance but when it is disconnected from spirit it can skew perceptions and actions out of balance.
These groups that teach you their language and then have you act by that set of symbols and beliefs are having you work with your mind while simultaneously saying your ego (aka mind) is guiding you away from your true self – which from their specific perspectives is whatever they are teaching. Be aware. Allow yourself to trust yourself first.
Ego allows for the integration of mind and spirit as it allows for empathy and negotiated action that synthesizes individual and groups needs/wants.
The simple rule found in so many spiritual texts to not treat others as you would not desire to be treated incorporates ego, mind, spirit integrated and in balance – it requires empathic lovingkindness guide your action.
Guidance from without must be filtered through your inner guidance to experience its truth.
Truth is not an abstract concept to be discussed and proved through the cognitions of the mind in isolation, but rather it is something that is a trifold experience of knowing, feeling, and understanding.
You can feel when it is not truth. Something doesn’t ring true, look right, feel right. There is a catch in how the information goes on or a blip or bump – if you are paying attention you know it – you fully and completely know it.
The tricky part is the paying attention part.
If you are simply on automatic and going through life as a passive receiver then you may miss the information present in every interaction, in each dream, and story, and connection you make or have. This includes how you respond or react to the story of your politics, your family, your ethnic group, your partner, and your peers. The stereotypes you allow to guide you rather than the personal information you feel, hear, see, know from within.
Paying attention requires attentiveness, awareness, openness, and a willingness to follow the inner thread of inner guidance. To risk discovery of new information, change your opinions, and allow truth to be revealed.
Each person is unique when born. Each life has a unique path. Each being is special. Each of us is a child of source energy, of god or spirit. Each has access to source energy through the source guidance built into her cells, into her internal sensory system – her six senses.
These are always present within you and speaking to you all the time if you would just listen.
You actually are constantly being directed through your inner guidance through these messages; when you feel like something that someone says is off then that is a message from within. Paying attention to these messages through your intuition, your inner hearing, seeing, knowing, feeling. This is the fastest and most effective way to get onto your path and create your life fortune.
The truth will set you free and following your bliss will indeed bring you success.
So here’s an important message – if you are not doing what you want or living at your highest potential – go within reconnect through you internal guidance system with yourself. You can use prayer, meditation, Yoga, running, ice skating, walking, dancing, writing, journaling, dreaming, sound, toning, therapy, or anything that assists you in connecting with your inner truth – but the key is that whatever you use your guide is within, not without, and the answer is personal, empathic, and loving.
When you begin to listen, pay attention to the subtle, gentle messages in the background not the angry, emotional loud messages in the foreground.
Your personal inner guidance will generally not yell at you unless you are about to have a car accident. Otherwise it’s just a quiet, firm yet light message or vibration turn here, let go, trust, believe, and ooh that doesn’t feel, sound, look right.
And give your self/ego a break – your ego is trying to mediate all your inner wants and outer expectations – have a little empathy, love and kindness toward yourself while you begin to acquaint yourself with your inner guidance.
Thanks for your continued interest and support, please pass on this information as you are guided to do so – more joy for everyone, in love and light, Beth
Hello and Welcome! When I was in graduate school I discovered a book by Sheldon Kopp, although it had already been around for a while, for me it was transformative. The preface of the book is what is most relevant here: No meaning that comes from outside of ourselves is real. The Buddhahood of each of us has already been obtained. We need only recognize it – Thus the Zen Master warns his disciple: – If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill him! (Kopp, 1976).
The most effective and personal guidance is within.
Over the years I have noticed a number of programs “pop up” designed to assist you in becoming more successful and happy. Even a burgeoning interest in Yoga and meditation has developed as a means for spirituality and stress reduction.
The focus for what is your true path remains within. The promise of becoming more successful and happy is hollow when the center of the program is without a direct connection to your personal, spiritual center. Any program that assists you in becoming more in touch with source connection and energy is a profound gift. Many paths can provide guidance and direction along this path but the resultant information best serves the seeker when it is found within his own heart-center.
Some of these programs have a quality of indoctrination – indoctrination is actually the opposite of reaching a deeper connection within. If you use your inner sensory system and listen to your internal responses then you will know if you are being led away from or into your center. Indoctrination leads you away from your center and creates a layer between you and yourself.
Truth doesn’t belong to the guide or the giver of it – truth is. It is available to anyone who seeks it. If you have to learn someone else’s language to speak to yourself – you may be creating a connection that is not direct and there can be a skewing in the information you receive.
There is already a clear and direct communication available to you within. Truth is present within.
Your internal guidance system that is part of you – within the integration of your spirit, mind, and body, your 6 senses (sight, touch, sound, taste, smell – and intuition) – these are personal and wholly connect you and source energy. No need to learn someone else’s language. By paying attention to your subtle responses within yourself you can be effectively and perfectly guided. Just listen to what you hear, feel, know within yourself.
Your connection to source is direct.
Your truth is within you not outside of you and finding the truth of your path is found from going within and reacquainting yourself with your heart, your spirit-self communication.
You may use prayer, meditation, Yoga, personal journaling, dreaming, therapy, or any other method to acquaint yourself with your truth – but the language is personal, idiosyncratic, unique and the way in is available to you through any and all of these methods.
Your internal sensory guidance system is always showing you the way.
Just listen and respond with love and neutrality.
You may discover that you have some habits that cover over your personal truth. Some belief systems, or interpretations of truth that you may need to break through but the truth is already right there, within you waiting to be understood by you.
How you perceive the information presented to you through your internal guidance system is your path. Yes you may have to go under the habit reaction patterns you developed from your life experiences and the “should” and “should not” introjects swallowed whole by you from your primary socialization groups – these are elements of indoctrination. These may feel right on the surface but at a deeper level you may feel a quirk or dissonance within you. That is what you pay attention to – that aspect of knowing deep within.
Truth is something that rings clear through all your internal senses and your intuition when it touches one or all of them.
Just listen as you move through your life and all is revealed in your own heart-centered language.
thanks for your interest, pass it on as you are guided to do so, Beth
Kopp, Sheldon, If you meet the Buddha on the Road,Kill Him. Bantam Books: New york, New York: 1976.
Hello and Welcome! Mindfulness helps to discern how things are similar, relate, and where things agree. Currently there is a high degree of conflict in the world environment. Much of the discussion in politics and in the media is focused on how many ways to disconnect from each other – pitting groups against each other. Mindfulness is the best response to conflict because it shifts your perspective
Focus on disconnection reinforces separation and dissonance, and this leads to hostility. It is the wedge that allows for groups to dehumanize other groups due to their differences resulting in opportunities for increased strife and conflict. This behavior is the basis of bullying and victimization under the guise of power issues in children and adolescence; it is modeled in the way in which our political “leaders” and our various leadership communities relate to one another.
This is not the way for humans to increase their understanding of how we are all one; if your goal is harmony and collaboration, inclusion and acceptance, the way through to that is by seeking understanding, seeking common connections, and seeing the other as yourself. Our best political examples of change through non-violence and non-in-group out-group behavior are M. Gandhi and M. L. King.
In listening to politicians you can get a sense of righteousness and superiority. These lead to increased separation and a lack of unification. In order for us to treat each other as one we each must work within ourselves to eradicate this tendency for in-group out-group behavior.
This is the way through to an evolution of consciousness. It isn’t going to happen through force or superiority or though legislation of fairness. Unification happens when we see we are one and act from that inner knowing. Thus the concept of being the change we wish to see in the world. Creating differences begets differences and competition, looking for similarities begets collaboration.
What I have found is that many spiritual traditions stand on interestingly similar pillars. Using the connections or similarities as passageways or doorways can assist you to increase your understanding of groups that at first appear very different from you.
There is a thread of similarity present that is visible to those who are ready to see it.
You can see a figure-ground image once someone shows you the boundaries and perspectives of each picture like the two profile faces that face each other which create the interior picture of a vase.
I did a search in google for the three pillars of several world religions and this is what I got.
In viewing these general foundational concepts you can see the similarities among some of the world’s religions.
The three pillars of Judaism:
The Ethics of the Fathers, chapter one in the second Mishna, Simeon the righteous says that the world rests on three things: On Torah, on avodah (“service”, worship), and g’meelut chasadim–acts of loving kindness. Torah is the Jewish bible, Avodah is the concept of service and or worship, and g’meelut chasadim – represents acts of lovingkindness.
The Torah sets up what is moral – of note are the ten commandments handed down from God to Moses – so this is the basis of acting in a moral way; Avodah has to do with studying the Torah and then also practicing, acting within these moral ways – studying here includes the concept of thinking about, meditation on, and prayer for insightful understanding of the Torah; and acts of lovingkindness has to do with compassion, mindfulness and the silver rule – do not do unto others what you would not have done onto you .
Now view the concept of the Three Jewels of Buddhism:
The core of Buddhism is made up of the three pillars of the Buddha, the Dharma (his teachings) and the Sangha (monks and nuns). Simply explained, one could say that without the historical Buddha Shakyamuni there would have been no Buddhist Dharma, nor Sangha. Without his teachings, the Buddha would not have made much of a difference, and also the spiritual community would not have existed. Without the Sangha, the tradition would never have been transmitted through the ages. The Buddha would have been ‘just’ a historical figure and his teachings would have been ‘just’ books. general_symbols_buddhism.html#3j
The Buddha’s teachings are composed of three segments, Sila (morality),
Samadhi (mental concentration) and Panna (intuitive wisdom). Sila is the
foundation for Samadhi and Panna to build upon. Without the foundation of
morality the world would be in chaos and misery. The second pillar is Samadhi,
a mental state with no diffusion or dispersion. Panna is the third and final pillar of
the Buddha’s teachings. Understanding physical and mental phenomenon
correctly in its true nature is wisdom. The Buddhist’s goal is to attain intuitive
wisdom, also called awakened mind or enlightenment. ( Sattipatthana article, page 2)
The five precepts for the lay Buddhist are: refraining from killing,
stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and taking intoxicants. The Buddha does not
lay down these precepts as strict commandments, but as a framework to follow
for the welfare of oneself and others. Immorality will bring a chaotic, miserable
and disharmonious life. The choice is yours. Sila protects from all gross speech
and deeds that can takes one to the four woeful states (states of intense and
continuous misery). ( Sattipatthana article, page 2)
a decent person would not normally even think of hurting or harming another person, but under anger,
rage and wicked greed they can act out of character. People who observe Sila
need to be aware of whenever anger and wicked greed take control over you. At
that moment put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you were that person
would you want to be hurt or harmed? The obvious answer is “no”. In the same
manner the other person would not like to be hurt or harmed. Such simple
reflection will stop you from doing hurtful and harmful deeds. You are embracing
others as if they are yourself, thereby becoming one with others.(Sattipatthana article, page2)
Samadhi (mental concentration, practice mindful meditation) Why do we meditate? We meditate to contribute happiness and peace to the world, but not to be admired, respected or to appear holy. When one first meditates collectiveness and concentration of mind is achieved, then clarity arises and purity and happiness follow. Purity of mind is the cause and happiness is the effect. With increased degree in purity of mind peace (calm, serene and quiet experience) arises. (Sattipatthana article, page 5)
Panna (intuitive wisdom) Intuitive wisdom can only be achieved through the practice of Insight (Vippassana) meditation. It is about knowing experientially that all physical and mental phenomenons are nothing but transient, dissatisfactory and insubstantial. (Sattipatthana article, page 6)
These two religions are talking about very similar concepts of morality or correct action for healthful interactions, practicing living in this way delineated by the specific text identified, and putting yourself in the position of the other to increase your understanding of him.
The three pillars of Christianity: miracles, prophecy, and moral precepts – golden rule, love and kind treatment of enemies. These precepts share in common with Judaism and Buddhism similar concepts of morality, service, and acts of lovingkindness – the golden rule being do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The moral precepts are based in the ten commandments as well as love the other as thy self.
The five pillars of Islam: profession of faith, ritual prayer, alms giving, fasting during Ramadan, pilgrimage to mecca – in researching these there is a connection to the moral precepts of the ten commandments as well as the importance of living a life that is undefiled as you see in the five precepts of Buddhism.
The pillars of Hinduism include the 4 pillars of righteous living, a code of ethics, ten virtues and the Vedas and scriptures.
These 4 pillars form the foundation of values that can be considered as “commandments”, if you will, for the Hindu way of righteous living: austerity, purity, compassion, truthfulness. ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 4)
Ten virtues should be practiced by all men. The first five can be considered as
principles of self-restraint (yama): non-violence (ahimsā), truthfulness
(satya), celibacy in thought, word and deed (brahmacharya), non-stealing
(asteya), and non-covetousness (aparigṛaha). The other five virtues are religious observances (niyama): internal and external purity (shaucha), contentment (santosha), austerity (tapas), study of scriptures (svādhyāya)and surrender to the Lord (Īshvara-praṇidhāna). ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 4)
1. Hindus believe in the existence of a supreme all-pervasive Being, who is
both immanent and transcendent, both Creator and Unmanifest Reality.
2. Hindus accept the Vedas as the absolute scriptural authority.
3. Hindus believe in a code of ethics based on 4 pillars of righteous living as
defined in Shrīmad Bhāgavatam: austerity (tapaḥ), purity (shaucham),
compassion (dayā), and truthfulness (satyam).
4. Hindus believe in a prescribed method of living, with regard to its
objectives, stages and milestones of life.
5. Hindus believe in specific tenets such as the law of cause and effect
(karma), the theory of reincarnation (punarjanma), and the incarnation of the
supreme Lord into the world (avatāra).
6. Hindus have prescribed methods of offering worship to the Lord. ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 2)
These concepts are similar to those seen in the other religions described here.
Concepts of caring, living through a path of harmony with spirit and nature as well as information about morality and moral behavior to not treat others as you would not want to be treated and see in the other your divine self – these are all represented in each of these religions some of the hows to do it are different, but not by too much.
Allowing yourself to see in the other how similar he is to you creates an opportunity to uplevel your consciousness; to act in a way that is compassionate and balanced. This will create opportunities for our world to uplevel as a whole to a higher degree of vibration.
Love is the way.
Mindfulness, intuitive meditation, detached observation and virtuous action allow for love to be your guide in all your endeavors.
Namaste.
Beth
Important NOTE: This article was first published online by beth gineris on March 22, 2012, at OM magazine, community.omtimes.com under the title, Using Mindfulness offers Threads of Agreement to Build a Tapestry of Spiritual Harmony and Collaboration.
Hello and Welcome I read this quote on Facebookfrom Marianne Williamson – she retells an old story from the bible in a way to encourage spiritual empowerment and healing; integrating spiritual healing and a description of mindful living:
The giant was a terrifying enemy; even the best warriors of Israel trembled at the thought of fighting him. David was merely a young shepherd and a musician, yet he was the one to defeat the giant. How did he do it? He had three smooth stones in his slingshot, and he hit the giant between his eyes. THE GIANT HAS NO DEFENSE WHEN HE IS HIT IN HIS THIRD EYE. He cannot defend himself against these three things: truth, virtue and love. So that’s the message for us: to speak the truth; to work on our own virtue; and to act with love. At this point in history, all three take courage… Marianne Williamson (my italics)
The elements – truth, virtue and love are so powerful – their essence creates a space for you to be impenetrable – solid and strengthened to see your way through the propaganda that is all around you.
From a metaphoric perspective the idea that truth, virtue and love are the powerful forces that work through the third eye is in essence a concept of standing in the light of spirit. I had a powerful discussion recently about standing in one’s heart center. It is a difficult thing and yet happens effortlessly when you open yourself and create space in relationship to truth, virtue, and love.
I receive my best lessons about truth when I am challenged to not speak the truth, not act from the center of my true self (virtue) and when I am not acting out of love for all the parties involved – for me the forgotten love is usually not acting lovingly toward myself – or simply when I am acting out of fear.
I once noticed that evil is live spelled backwards and it dawned on me that not living was evil and living was the opposite of evil. Fear seems to open the door to evil through the concept of not living in your true or full light. Love seems to fill you with faith and trust so that you can go toward your truth and virtue not avoid them from fear.
When I was a student living in Italy. These lessons came to me experientially in my awareness of the difference between my truth and that of my beloved boyfriend with whom I had traveled to Italy, as well as my perceptual awareness of national and political ‘truth” seen from my new lens of outsider in a foreign country. I learned that there were different kinds of truth and that truth had a time-stamp or perspective to it that shifted its relativity. I was already drawn to existential writers by this time in my life, but here I was introduced to the amazing writings of Carlo Levi in his book Christ Stopped at Eboli (1945). This book dealt with many issues of figure and ground when defining truth. It has helped me all these many years to assist others in relationship to discern the difference between what is true from a perspective point of view and what is truth from a universal spiritual point of view.
The first step in finding your way through the propaganda that surrounds you in the media, your cultural and political affiliations and your world is to discover your truth, your personal virtue and what love looks and feels like to you. Love from the compassionate, accepting, non-attached mindful perspective that connects us all as one.
This can be an effortless transformation. Simply notice, accept and feel gratitude for what is working in your life. Open to being rather than doing. Rise above the perspective of right and wrong and into the concept of living and not-living this will assist you seeing, feeling and knowing the truth. This will assist you in developing your virtue.
Though simple acts of lovingkindness and mindfulness you are strengthened. Smile more, laugh more, accept more, feel the pain of others more, love yourself more, forgive more – all these actions increase your capacity for truth, virtue and love.
The first step is through the use and active mindset of compassion.
The best way to get there is through a daily practice of meditation, yoga, and/or prayer.
I say it is an honor because I see teaching as a powerful responsibility that requires love, compassion, and care. Yes of course I need to also know the material, but more than that I need to be able to present it in a way that touches the hearts and minds of those I teach. This is more difficult than just presenting facts – it’s about presenting truth that can be incorporated into a world view and strengthen those who receive the information.
When you hear truth it has a quality of singing or ringing in key within your body, spirit and mind, all at once. Giving you a feeling of deja vu almost, a feeling of immediate comprehension and knowing.
This is very different then being compelled toward something from propaganda. Propaganda is seductive and alluring but it doesn’t ring true in your heart it has more of an emotional-visceral, reactive quality to it. Propaganda is something that lulls you into a sense of righteousness or patterned behavior. Advertising and politics are masters at using partial information or “spin” to guide you to take action that may not be inline with your heart/spirit connection but feels right. This feeling right is not the kind of truth that rings through to your heart/spirit.
Because of this peculiar experience of feeling right through propaganda it is important to be able to remove emotionality and righteousness from the conversation and work toward understanding, connecting and compassionate lovingkindness.
The art of seeing the world from a compassionate, neutral, and curious perspective encourages connecting with truth. It increases the kind of seeing of truth that is not righteousness but open-minded, strengthening and graceful.
The best way to encourage this is the use of optimism, gratitude, kindness, compassion, and nurturance of ideas and growth; flexible, present moment response creates the space to open to truth in various forms through sound, word, and information.
The more you have a practice of mindfulness and meditation, breathing and prayer, internal spirit-self-communication with a quality of waiting to understand before jumping to conclusions – open-mindedness – the more you will experience truth in all your interactions.
The best form of teaching is through modeling. Our brains are hard-wired to learn through modeling. Living in a way that is consistent with what you value can go far to teach.
Many roles incorporate guidance, direction, teaching and strength building – managers, parents, coaches – all have the foundation of teaching at their base. Highly effective coaches, managers, and parents share the skill of meeting their students where they are, defining their strength and limitations, building their strengths and transforming their limitations into strengths all with compassion and frankness.
To develop these skills try the following steps:
Practice noticing what works.
Practice looking for how you agree and connect with another.
Practice flexibility and paradigm shifting, allow the other person’s meaning to connect with you even if how he says it is different from how you say it. Think here of the issue of recognizing that having different names for god isn’t having different gods. The connecting point is that both parties have a deep belief in god even if the story about how to be connected to god is different. Connecting to the elements that agree is the best starting point for understanding and teaching or relationship.
Be grateful for what is great about what is happening rather than sorrowful or even sullen about what isn’t. Practice turning things on their head, thinking the opposite, and just saying thank you.
For example if you just lost your job – being grateful is to look for how that loss allows for something new and better to come into your life. Maybe the loss of the job allows you to learn something about yourself that is negative that you have to change so that you can be successful.
The attitude of gratitude is when you have to define what is great about something that feels negative or is a loss – simply looking from the perspective of asking the question how can this be good allows you to open your eyes to see the positive aspects.
Sometimes the attitude of gratitude is using your thinking skills to put the issue in perspective – for example if you are unhappy with a habit of your partner’s – consider what else you love about him so that you can view the frustrating habit within context. You may find it is less bothersome or you may be able to communicate about what you don’t like without making it into a big fight. More on how to develop the attitude of gratitude here, less attitude more gratitude, 9.2.11.
Reframe the energy of your “student”. If he is willful guide his strength to help him be stronger internally rather than get into trouble. Of if he is rebellious support the innovation rather than reinforce the reactivity.
Relationships don’t require work because there is something wrong with them – relationships require work because we all live in our separate universes that are in constant need of interpretation and definition.
Effective teaching (managing, guiding, parenting, coaching) requires care and willingness and a compassionate practice of viewing, interpreting, connecting, and translating. Knowing yourself, allowing the dynamic process of evolution within yourself and the dynamic process of evolution in the other to be, and to be understood, and to be connected. That is the essence of effective teaching and ultimately the essence of loving, honest relationship.
Embrace your great honor of teaching with all the wonderful beings and “students” in your life. It will bring you immense joy and a real sense of love and connection. Start with yourself. More information about how to increase your internal connection can be found in an earlier article on this site, InstinctiveHealthMedicine, 8.28.10, Guiding ones beliefs and actions.
The divine spark of spirit lives in our truthful capacity to see and love one another. Namaste, is a Sanskrit word that means My soul (spirit light) within me bows to (sees or acknowledges) your soul (spirit light) within you. (Yoga Journal description of Namaste, Aadil Palkhivala ) It is generally stated with one’s hands in a prayer position at one’s heart and a very slight bow of one’s head toward the other with one’s eyes closed. It has a deeply reverent quality.
It is a statement that is often shared at the end of a Yoga session. Yoga is seen as a medicinal and spiritual practice, not simply an exercise by those who have studied it and maintain it these thousands of years.
Develop a practice that allows you to acknowledge in all your actions your connection to spirit and to integrate your spirt-mind-self. This will increase your opportunities for health and prosperity.
The practice of Yoga allows you to practice communicating with your self – mind, body, and spirit – through breath.
Any practice that is done with breath, compassion, lovingkindness, open – mindfulness, and meditation or prayer will increase your spirit-human connection so that you can align with your true self and create health and prosperity. Meditation on Lovingkindness
I believe that human beings are spirit-humans. The idea of managing your body and mind integrated with your spirit is what is your most primary work for health and prosperity because it aligns you with your true purpose and true self, not only individually but also as a community of human beings.
Teach yourself the difference between how something feels right that is false and propaganda and how something feels right that is truth.
Your first step is to develop a practice of integrated internal communication with yourself and spirit – meditation, prayer, neutral observation, open-mindfulness, and breath are your best communication tools. To find out more check out this article En-Joy Now, 12.29.10.
There has been a lot of research regarding the effects of disciplining children with physical punishment and spanking. These studies have been conducted since 1990 and have consistently indicated negative results for this style of discipline especially an increase in aggressive and antisocial behavior on the part of the spanked child, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012).
Proponents of spanking as a form of discipline argue against this relationship indicating that the children who need to be spanked or physically punished are already more aggressive and so this explains the connection between increased aggression in children who are spanked.
This recent study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal spanning over twenty years controlled for this issue precisely and addressed the issue of causality. The study followed children who were physically punished as a form of discipline and children who were not.
The study shows that children who are physically punished get more aggressive over time and those that are not physically punished get less aggressive over time. Furthermore, it looked at studies where parents that were taught to change their methods from physical punishment to non-violent methods of discipline saw a decline in aggressive behavior in their children, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).
What is also good about this study is it looks at “everyday” acts of aggression so it is addressing the kind of physical punishment that is most common and it links these with increased aggression over time.
It also showed that those children that are spanked or hit are more likely to be aggressive toward family members or peers and exhibit other antisocial behavior.
The study’s analysis shows that there are short-term benefits to spanking, as it stops the unwanted behavior for the immediate situation; But these short-term benefits are at the cost of some very negative long-term effects. It is linked to an increase in aggressive behavior in the long-term.
One of the Key Points of the study shows that NO study has found that physical punishment enhances developmental health (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p1); there is no link between positive behavior and corporeal punishment in the long-run.
The authors reported on a meta-analysis of studies since 1990 published in 2002 and conducted their own analysis to date and discovered no study – regardless of the sample size, or age of child – has been able to establish positive associations with physical discipline, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).
This is telling because from an anecdotal perspective spanking and hitting as a disciplinary tool are very common. Writing from my observations in my practice and the parents I know socially, I would estimate that over 75 percent use physical punishment and spanking to discipline their children; other polls have quoted 80 percent (Time, 2.6.2012, online).
In my experience, when talking with parents about this subject, individuals who were physically punished offer information about how they feel it was good for them; identifying specific skills they learned as a result.
However, upon examination what becomes more clear is that their learning was a result of them applying their own mindfulness to the situation to make sense out of the hitting, NOT as a result of some direct teaching or correlation connected to the physical punishment. Most of these individuals express that although they will use physical punishment they will not do it to the extent their parents did; and those that use it state they feel their child understands why they are being punished.
One of the researchers and lead author of the report, Joan Durrant a Child Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Family Studies at the University of Manitoba, cited the issue in the U.S. of physical punishment being an integral part of the culture, a rare instance when an individual was raised without it, which makes it second nature to use physical punishment and feels out of the norm to raise a child without it, Fox News Health, 2.7.2012.
She also discerned that a big component of this style of parenting is that parents may be unaware of basic child development and may then inaccurately assess their child as being defiant or intentionally bad rather than simply acting in various ways that are consistent with normal child development, (Fox News Health, 2.7.2012).
According to an article in (Time, 2.6.2012) about this specific study Durrant reports the most effective way to assist your children is through educating them about what they are doing that isn’t acceptable or appropriate she used the following example:
A young toddler who upends her cereal bowl on her head probably isn’t being ornery; she’s just curious to see what will happen. Durrant likes to use her son as an example. When he was 3, he dropped his dad’s toothbrush into the toilet. Another parent might have yelled, but Durrant’s academic background helped her realize that he was just experimenting: he dropped objects into water floating in sinks and bathtubs with nary a scolding; why not toilets too? “I explained what goes into toilets and then said, Do you think Daddy is going to want to put that toothbrush in his mouth now?” Message transmitted with no yelling. (or spanking – my addition).
She is talking about Mindfulness. Mindfulness incorporates an understanding about your child’s temperament and child development. Recognizing the basic nature of children is curiosity and exploring their environment, that children are dealing with power issues and trying to understand how things work in relationship and in their environment, and they go through a spiraling developmental system where they have skills that then get reworked and lost as they develop their gross motor activities, fine motor activities and their inner cognitive systems, learning through modeling from the world around them, (Gesell Institute of Child Development, Ames and Ilg, 1979; Erik Erikson, Childhood and Society, 1960)
This study is good news for those of us who have been disciplining through mindfulness and dovetails very closely with the information presented in my book, Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (8.14.2011).
It supports the instinctive sense that discipline is a function of knowing, understanding and teaching your child. Durrant states in the article ” Effective discipline rests on clear and appropriate expectations, effectively communicated within a trusting relationship and a safe environment”, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p4).
Discipline is an equation of knowing and understanding your child’s temperament and developmental stage + knowing and understanding his emotional and intellectual capacity + knowing and understanding your own temperament and emotional capacity + guiding toward a recognized set of goals + and knowing what you are trying to teach, when. It is most effective when mindfulness is applied to this multi-faceted equation to get the most effective long-term results.
Reactivity can create problems with this equation in parenting and if your history is that you were spanked or hit as a child then you will have a reactivity to do just that.
In reality if you hit or spank a child to stop their behavior you will stop it for that immediate moment, but you are probably not teaching them what you think you are.
You may think you are teaching them to control themselves, think things through or have good manners but you are modeling something completely different.
You are modeling the opposite – not thinking things through not controlling yourself.
In fact you are modeling that hitting is a solution. That hitting is a way to get control over another person. That people in power can make others do things. I know for many parents that sounds reasonable but if you just look at the long-term effects you can see how this is creating an environment for aggressive behavior, bullying and in some instances domestic violence among adults, low-self esteem and a lack of an internal locus of control – knowing what is right from an inner understanding cognitively with an ability to direct ones own course in life.
The article clarified information that children who are spanked may feel depressed and devalued, and their sense of self-worth can suffer… and physical punishment is a risk factor for child aggression and antisocial behavior, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2). It also identified studies which show researchers have found that physical punishment is linked to slower cognitive development and adversely affects academic achievement, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2). Through their analysis of previous studies, other links identified show up later in life: mental – health problems including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, these may be mediated by disruptions of the parent-child attachment resulted from pain inflicted by the caregiver, by increased levels of cortisol, or by chemical disruption of the brain’s mechanism for regulating stress, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).
To avoid some of these devastating side-effects to spanking it seems wiser to utilize more effective ways to discipline that don’t promote the development of aggressive behavior, wreak self-esteem, and encourage antisocial behavior.
The most effective way to discipline is to utilize positive techniques of teaching and guiding. The use of time-outs as a way of teaching your child to think through situations and communicate his needs and to help diffuse a negative situation, loss of privileges as a way of teaching connections, and increasing your communication with your child so that you can understand and guide him are all ways to discipline in a positive and educational way.
Mindfulness is a tool that you can use to structure your parenting to assist you and your child. Remember to focus on how to be responsive rather than reactive and to identify the whole of what is going on to assist your child in developing self-control, thinking skills, and proper acceptable behavior.
Durant and Ensom identify as a Key Point in the article “A professional consensus is emerging that parents should be supported in learning non-violent, effective approaches to discipline”, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p1).
You can check out the information presented here through the sites identified in the article or the references below.
See you tomorrow.
Beth
References:
Ames, Louise Bates & Ilg, Francis L.; Your Five-Year Old, Sunny ans Serene. New York City, New York: Dell Publishing Group: 1979.
Durrant, Joan and Ensom, Ron; Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research, CMAJ; cmaj .101314 v1; published ahead of print February 6, 2012, doi:10.1503/cmaj.101314 v1.
Erikson, Erik H.; Childhood and Society, Second Edition. New York City, New York: W. W. Norton & Company, inc: 1963.
Gineris, Beth; Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness. Charleston, South Carolina: CreateSpace Printing: 2011.
It is a special kind of listening not the listening of a friend, or a mother who just wants to soothe. Although I deeply care for those with whom I work, from a broader perspective listening has many facets.
It is a listening that requires rapid responses, redirection, and guidance offering a sense of calm.
The listening is active but not strained. I’m present in the foreground in a neutral open way, while in the background my mind, heart, intuition, and senses are evaluating the information on some kind of inner grid; the person’s tonal quality, choice of words, and speech as well as the content of what was said and not said used to develop a multi-level understanding of the person and the problem at hand, in context.
I have developed a special kind of quiet speech, and stillness that becomes even more quiet and still in response to increased danger or lack of balance. When working my voice has a soothing, relaxing quality that allows others to easily allow a trance state.
While in my personal interactions I may become agitated, in my therapeutic setting I seem to have the ability to drop my blood pressure and pulse in more dangerous circumstances, telegraphing a sense of calm composure. In the same way an animal can smell fear I transmit a sense of security and peace to assist the person to return to a sense of calm balanced harmony.
This is something that I developed instinctively over a period of time when working in stressful, dangerous environments. The calmer my demeanor the more likely the danger could be averted.
This tactic is directly related to the concept of energy and breath.
A fascinating phenomenon of activity and passivity in unison, which I believe is a the mechanism that allows others to feel better after being in my presence and encourages them to return.
It is the sense of being seen and heard that allows the person to move forward to receive the necessary information and support from me. This sense of visibility in a safe way is soothing and strengthening.
She experiences things already known by her as well as things unknown to her that have the quality of truth or accuracy or deep familiarity. In combination this increases a sense of security and strength. And allows for a letting go of structures that no longer serve her and development of structures which do.
I have developed a way to transmit calm in stressful situations. Practicing this skill will create an environment for harmony and I think it is what allows for the shifts in the people I see in my practice.
So it’s about paying attention and responding to the situation with a sense of calm neutral interest. A serious and gentle way of guiding and supporting.
These are precisely the terms used to describe mindful mediation or mindfulness. And it is through these actions that a person can reduce her anxiety or anxious behavior and feelings of obsessive compulsions.
So it is no wonder that the experience in therapy is soothing and strengthening.
But how to get that when you are not with your therapist.
It turns out the best thing to do is to imitate her in your response to yourself.
Smile, sit quietly, listen to yourself, your words, your tone, your word choice, what you say and what you hold back.
Listen and pay attention with a sense of calm neutral interest.
Appreciating the situation with a gentle seriousness.
To get to this kind of state the first thing to do is to focus your energy inward in a gentle, calm and interested way.
A gentle questioning: what is going on here, what do I feel, when did it begin, what relationships are present?
Then listening to the answer that presents itself with a neutral interest; no need to prove the rightness or wrongness of what is noticed.
Then Breathe. Breathe again deeply and fully with a smile in between your exhalation and inhalation. Allowing for your heart to open and listen too.
A feeling of Love and a connection to spirit help.
Feeling a warm caring and sense of spiritual connection allows me to move into my heart even when I have lost my way, by simply breathing, focusing my energy, smiling and being open to the perfect answer to the situation presenting itself.
Allowing things to flow seems to be the most difficult.
If you have created success through your mind’s ability to discover the answer and prove it, you will find this allowing part difficult. Remembering that pushing the river takes more energy and doesn’t get very far – go with the flow.
In general the best answers come to us, they appear or present themselves. Yes perhaps as a result of study, and work on the problem but is usually after the problem is set to the back burner that the whole picture is revealed along with the solution.
So focusing your energy on the problem, setting a desire or intention, and then releasing it unto breath – breathing through the need to make it happen especially when it’s out of your control, that is the place of real strength and power.
Focus your energy and breathe, you will feel that inner sense of calm and a sense of inner balance. From this place you will see solutions present themselves if you are paying attention to the information in the universe.
Finding forgiveness is one of the single most difficult aspects of human interaction and personal growth.
It’s a search that takes us inside and out, around, and through so many aspects of our lives, our experiences and relationships.
In the Jewish tradition the time between Rosh Hashonah the New Year and Yom Kippur the day of Atonement, is a transition time to go within and search your soul. It’s not just atoning for transgressions, it’s also and firstly atoning with each other, and I think this is the genius of the transition time.
It’s like a time-cocoon to discover if there are events for which you need to ask forgiveness or people of whom you need to ask forgiveness and the most difficult task I think, to find your own forgiveness.
Ten days to review your last year and in some cases the years before that. To avail yourself of the acts of letting go and forgiveness and transformation. Ten days while working, playing, and living to find your way into the underworld and back. It’s a large task.
In my experience there is a perfunctory approach to this, by many participating in the high holy-days in the jewish tradition, not because they do not take it seriously but rather because they are unable or unwilling to delve into those deep areas.
This is the most spiritual and enlightened aspect of this tradition – to make peace. To actually create the world anew every year through this process of forgiveness. It is mindfulness at it’s best.
A common style of dealing with hurts is to cut yourself off from the profound feelings that are attached to the pain you have endured. This has its price too, it keeps you stuck in the past.
Unforgiveness leads to a diminishing of your personal power, a rigid world view and a truncated personality in relationship. It leads to the opposite of mindfulness.
In order to forgive, that pain must be felt and then a resolution, an understanding, a paradigm shift needs to take place. This action of forgiveness and shifting releases or unlinks the pain of the event, from the event and the actor. With this new understanding, the outcome of the event, actor and experience can be put into proper perspective and into your past, freeing you to move on into the present moment of your life -> as if it is a new world. Forgiveness releases you from a historical habit reaction pattern, especially in how you relate to another or others. It allows you to engage in mindful present moment behavior, action and understanding.
To forgive another a deeply painful act, betrayal, or action is difficult.
To see, and accept responsibility for, how you have hurt another is also difficult.
These two actions are the intention of the Day of Atonement in the Jewish high holy day tradition, sometimes due to the difficulty in the task some simply state the words and make an internal promise to do better in the future.
For a real shift to take place, the spirituality behind the inner search is paramount and can result in transforming events.
How do you forgive someone for that act which in your mind changed you forever? Or even for betrayal of your trust or your sense of innocence?
Finding forgiveness requires grace.
It requires a willingness to let go of the thing that may define your stance in the world. It is fraught with deep feeling and an inner journey to your center.
Certainly paradigm shifting, figure/ground perspective, and the attitude of gratitude are helpful activities. Mindfulness allows you to see a way to unlink the act and the person, the act and the circumstances surrounding the act, and the intention and the act.
But even with these unlinkings and increased awareness and perspective there are difficult betrayals and experiences to transcend in order to get to forgiveness.
This is especially true when the betrayal continues. When the action requiring forgiveness continues. For this kind of betrayal or transgression it is best to forgive the past and make an effort to change how and in what ways you continue the relationship in the now or the future.
Forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance are partners in this atonement procedure. Some people you must forgive and accept that they may betray you again, due to their internal character. Therefore you simply change how you relate to him or her in the future. This releases the power of the betrayal and builds your resilience and compassion muscles.
This is part of the intended process, you make peace at this time the best you can and then move into the new world with as much faith as possible that the new world will remain.
It is an interesting and deeply educational process about yourself, others, and your humanity. It increases your capacity for love, understanding, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and grace. It may be that this is the gift to be given, the opportunity to develop these qualities within yourself to practice seeing others as self so that you can extend your empathy muscles
I keep finding forgiveness. And this transition time allows for an opportunity to create peace and create the world anew.
You may want to create a structure for developing a formalized transition time to incorporate elements of this tradition to view and re-view your past year and develop the qualities of compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness.
Attach it to a structure that is already part of your life. Consider doing this on each new moon, or each full moon. You can also attach it to the solstice or equinox periods. You may have such a tradition in a spiritual practice you already follow. However you choose to create a structure, the practice of reviewing your own acts or how you are holding onto unforgiveness will increase you capacity for living mindfully in the moment and experiencing healing in your relationships.
It may seem tedious and difficult at first, but the rewards are great and for the most part this ritual increases intimacy, connection and a sense of strength in ourselves and our relationships. It is mindfulness at it’s best with a sense of grace that all things pass and move into well – being. Namaste, L’Shana Tova, in love and light, bg
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