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leadership and inner strength of will

Hello! Welcome and thanks for your interest and support!

Leadership and will are strongly connected.  How the will within is communicated and utilized is different with different leadership styles.

Will without heart can lead to a hollow and disconnected success, and it is also the way to dictatorship.

This can look like a person who drags others forward toward a goal regardless of the consequences.  Propaganda, divisive rhetoric, and shoulds and should nots are some of the mechanisms involved in this style of leadership.

Heart without will results in partially developed ideas that swirl around a person but cannot be fully manifested, and this can look like anarchy.

This leadership style has a tendency to be reactive and emotional without a deeper understanding of the complicated factors encompassing the need and end result required.  Will is the element that simultaneously presses-on, pushes-through to create the change as well as sees the bigger picture that incorporates the whole of the problem.   So heart without that will component results in a lot of emotional smoke without a real transformation – think of the picture of the Peanuts character Linus surrounded by the grey cloud; – all that this leader can see is what is inside his head; he is unable to transform his concerns or ideas into something that can create change, or move a community beyond the vague sense of discontent.

Will and heart together are the best aspects of a powerful, intentional, and transformative leader.  These together allow for individual needs and community needs both being attended to in equal measure, and this can look collaborative and consensus in nature, not a dictatorship or anarchist.

The quality of everything we do: our physical actions, our verbal actions, and even our mental actions, depends on our motivation. That’s why it’s important for us to examine our motivation in our day to day life. If we cultivate respect for others and our motivation is sincere, if we develop a genuine concern for others’ well-being, then all our actions will be positive.  Dalai Lama

So what matters in this heart and will connection in leadership is attention (present-mindful-focus), and intention (compassionate, loving win-win motivation); caring for others even those with whom you disagree and a focus on mindful, present moment dialogue and action together toward the enhancement of all.

Leadership via collaboration is something more than facilitation of other’s needs.  It is not just a separate role of listening and then divining what the group desires –  it includes an inner strength of will, and an inner set of principles that are at the heart and will of the need and the solution.  It is a spiraling process of involution and evolution allowing for the various aspects of the problem and solution to be identified and incorporated.

Leadership is one of the most human of actions.  It incorporates a person’s ability to be altruistic while simultaneously incorporating individual needs.

Hermann Hesse wrote many novels in which he studied the human condition.  In Siddhartha, and Magister Ludi which was published posthumously (also published under The Glass Bead Game) he described the individual search for authenticity, self-knowledge and spirituality.  He also looked at the issues of individual needs versus needs of the group. His work has a lasting quality of important information for anyone seeking to develop an internal strength of will informed by a powerful heart-based internal guidance system.  Understanding how and in what ways individual and group rights and responsibilities interplay is a foundational aspect for effective leadership.

M. Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King, jr are representative of this kind of leadership as were the non-religious-biased actions of Jesus and Buddha.  These men described a way of thinking and being as well as taking personal actions that were will and heart integrated to assist in the evolution of the spiritual consciousness of the environments in which they lived.  These are not the only leaders who have integrated will and heart to create change however these are leaders that are well-known to this generation.  Daw Aung San Suu Kyi of Burma (Myanmar) has been practicing this type of leadership to help transform her country throughout the last thirty years.

This idea of change is not owned by any political party, country, or religion it is a way of thinking and being that is directly guided by an integrated inner strength of will strongly influenced by a heart-based internal guidance system.  For this system of leadership to be effective and for the profound good of all it cannot be biased by any ideology that is not connected to a genuine caring, compassionate, mindful, lovingkindness toward others, self and community.

You can create the change your group or community needs by integrating your heart and will so that you act from an inner strength of will informed by your heart-based internal guidance system.

You can develop your powerful leadership skills by simply focusing on listening and hearing in an open, evaluative, interested way, guided by your inner strength of will and heart-based internal guidance system, with the goal that best serves the community and the individual together.

For this to be successful and effective you have to:

This information is the focus of the essays throughout this month through May 20,2012.

Be the change you wish to see in the world – Gandhi). Be a leader.   Start today by re-focusing your attention and intention to create what you recognize you, and your community, need for health and success.

This information is shared with so much love for you all.  Beth


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My experience with inner sight

Hello and Welcome!  I thought it might be useful to write about what happens when I receive information from source that I have no basis to know – some people call this channeling, others call it psychic, Jungians think of it as connecting with the collective unconscious – it is a type of inner sight.

For me this experience has been like breathing – an internal see-knowing that is sometimes accompanied with language and verbal information about others with whom I am in relationship or have an important connection.  I say it is like breathing because it is something that requires no direct attention – we breathe without focus on our breathing, unless in meditation or directed to do something different with our breath. So for me it is the same I breathe, I know or I see-know.

This has happened throughout my life – knowing information about others, often before or  without the other speaking the information to me.  It has served me extraordinarily well as a therapist and acupuncturist – as I am able to have access to more information when assisting in another’s healing process.  It has been problematic with friends and relationships as I have found that sometimes I am privy to information hidden from  that person by himself or herself and so the response to my identification and connection with it can be… less than positive.  I have had to learn to manage this “gift” of inner sight.

And in learning to manage it I have also developed my skills at accessing the information in a directed way – a dear friend of mine, Betsy-Morgan Coffman,  has assisted me in developing this more direct contact so that I may have a sense of control.  I am cautious to use the term control, as it has a negative connotation to it.  I use it here because for much of my life the information that I received I had no control over at all – it would present itself at the most inopportune times and sometimes when either I really did not want to know the information or the other did not want me to know the information.  I felt more accosted by this gift than grateful.  And this continues to happen now.  However through focused development I have also learned to access this inner sight at the request of others.  And this has increased my positive, grateful, relationship with my gift.

When the information comes it is a see-knowing; a picture with words and energy imprint; it is like a flashback of information that is multi-level but has no personal charge.  Let me give an example:  When I review my living room in my mind’s eye I see each piece of furniture or knickknack and each has a charge of personal story to it as well as a picture of placement and form in space.  When I receive the information it is a similar thing in that there is a picture, placement and story including identified emotions but I do not actually feel the charge of the emotion of the story.  This difference, this lack of personal emotional charge, cues me to know I am receiving information about another’s experience rather than a remnant from my own life.

When I experience information about something that is currently happening physically with someone then I actually feel it in my body but it is as if I am a mirror.. so if I feel it on my right side it is in the person’s left and if I feel it in an organ then this is generally that organ.  And over time I have developed an understanding of how the pain feels relates to the kind of disorder with which the person is dealing – cancer for example has a very distinctive quality. Obviously I have to be able to distinguish between my own pain and that which I am receiving through inner sight so I need to have a clear picture of what is me and what is other.

When I was a young person, I did not know what was me and what was other.  I had a very confusing painful childhood; my way through was to learn to clear the pain and as I cleared it through my self then I cleared it through the significant other.  I believe my faith and connection to source was invaluable in saving me from insanity, or rather directing me toward mindfulness, compassion, lovingkindness and healing.  It did however take a while to understand.  In my twenties as a counselor I learned to simply trust the sight, act from the knowing and not directly share how I knew – not with those I was helping nor my supervisors.  In my thirties I began to get assistance with developing my gift and over the last few years I have begun to openly share my experience and offer my assistance directly.

I have written poems describing the experience.  It has helped me to define how to see through the multi-level inner layers of sight.

I feel at peace now with it and am grateful for this gift.

I share this in hopes that in reading this you may feel empowered to not cover over your true self out of fear or harm or ridicule or simply out of a lack of confidence and may be supported by these words, to reveal yourself to those you truly love and stand in the center of  your true self.

We each have amazing gifts, unique and empowering.  If you allow yourself to act from your heart center and be guided by your internal sensory guidance system you can transform obstructive, negative situations and create the life you want.

Embrace your true and full self; it may take a shift in perspective, it may take a willingness to accept yourself at a level you have not allowed before… your ability to accept yourself and treat yourself with love is directly related to your capacity to receive love…

in peace and joy, love and light, Beth


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inner guidance IV

Hello and Welcome!  I love the name of this post because it could be read inner guidance intravenous (IV) and I think that is the whole thing in a nut shell.  Infuse yourself with your own inner guidance and your cells will swell with real joy, strength and the necessary resources to create anything you desire.

Remember two things:   that mindfulness, compassion, and love are your best tools AND following your inner guidance simultaneously supports you and your community.  This is a different notion than scarcity of resources where competition for resources is required – this notion is that inner guidance will increase opportunity for all.  The idea of taking from another to fill your pocket keeps you in the duality that results from the concept of scarcity of resources.

Opening to your inner guidance increases trust and faith so that you are able to see how you and your community can prosper and uplevel together, not one over the other.

The more you can see another person’s point of view through mindfulness–> the more increased your understanding –> and the greater your understanding, the greater your capacity to see the other as yourself –> see how you are similar –>which increases your capacity for compassion and love –>  and through this:  war, conflict, and those activities that spawn from mis-understanding will diminish and an overall upleveling and prosperity for all is increased.

Here are some reminders on how to get back to your inner guidance.

1 always draw your strength from within and source*.

  • *source as spirit, god, the spiritual universe as you connect with it as an entity or energy or supportive pattern.

2 to do so feel, listen and see your internal presence and connection to source through your internal sensory guidance system, your 6 senses – surround yourself with love and light and joy.  

  • Listen to your inner guidance over and above the propaganda around you . 

3 remember to focus on a higher spiritual plane and understand changes come on the planet from stepping out of the earthly battle and into the spiritual light –

  • so if you are feeling let down by the infighting, in politics or tragedies – Focus your energies in being even more light even more love and forgiveness – smile – and ‘do battle’ by living in that light with spirit. 
  •  think of the battle as not against human forces but against the mistruth or lack of truth.

4 to remain steadfast, surround your self with source and the inner truth. 

  • This can be like an armor or coat of truth, light, and love – surrounding yourself with that energy so that you can feel more protected as you see through the lens of compassion and love.

5 believing is seeing –  so believe, know the truth and you will be shown and will see light, spirit and prosperity –

  • ignore and look away from the propaganda of the earthly plane – political and business – focus on spirit for guidance and truth – 
  • make each choice from an integrated and spiritual connection and then you will feel strength from your feet all the way up your spine to your head or crown – surrounding your waist like a belt and spilling out and around your chest and heart center.

6 walk in the truth of what you know and remember to always be in gratitude and love –

  • mercury is seen as wearing wings on his feet and on a helmet on his head consider the power of the swiftness of truth to spread through a community – 
  • truth spreads more quickly than propaganda because it goes straight into your heart – no glitches or questions.

7 Through everything have faith and be faithful, when you feel fearful acknowledge this and then stand in your faith turning the fear on its head –

  • it’s fine to be educated about what is happening around you in the politics but act from your inner truth and inner guidance

8 see the way and follow it like a path – 

  •  Know your truth, live it, say it, feel it, see it, be it!

9 share your knowing with the world in love and light without pressure or hardness – 

  • Meditate, be mindful, listen from within and share it at every opportunity.

This is the way to inner guidance and it can bring you an infusion of peace, joy and prosperity.

In love and light, many blessings to you, Beth


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seeing in multiple dimensions, – inner guidance III

Hello and Welcome! Allowing yourself to listen to the vast information available to you through your internal guidance system is essential for mindful, comprehensive communication and right action.  Even though this is a natural, instinctual process –  it can be eroded in early childhood due to a push to conform to group rules and beliefs – when you want to recapture your connection to this internal guidance you need to increase your  awareness and practice paying attention and responding.

The words intention, attention, perspective, and perception increase your awareness and focus you onto the space in a multi-dimensional way.  Each word embodies a specific energy or vibration that can wholly stand alone, but when the energy of each term is inked the whole of the process is multi-dimensional.

  • Feel into the meaning of each of these terms for yourself so that you can get an image of the vibration of the word interacting like an equation with the other words.
  • Give the internal image dimension through color or shape in how you experience the  words interacting.
  • This will allow you to create your own picture of how to focus yourself onto  your path through your inner guidance holding the multi-dimensional information from your senses together yet bounded in a way to see the various paradigms.
  • The interactions between and among the vibrations are as important as the word meanings and the whole equation.

You may see the words relating like a spear and a target, then a circling or something that encompasses and then finally something that shoots to a height and then grounds like an anchor.  All directions and energies; not a blur of color that becomes murky but energy and color interacting and adjusting

Intention focuses you in on what you intend, what you want/desire or what the other intends, wants/desires.

Attention focuses you in on the tone, loudness, word choice, meaning and emotion as well as whether you and the other have the same meaning for words and/or actions – it pulls you into the present.

Perspective gets you into the figure/ground aspect of the interaction and allows for paradigm identification and paradigm shifting.

And perception has aspects of all of the other three.  It allows for mindful understanding and mindful action.

It’s like looking at a situation, relationship, or problem from a 360 degree perspective, breadth as well as depth, multi-dimensionally.

So when you are thinking about a situation or a relationship start to use these words as guide posts to increase your mindfulness awareness of yourself and the other(s) involved and see if you don’t get some surprising answers about what may be going on in those situations.  Pay attention to your internal guidance through your six senses to see if you can get a multidimensional picture and understanding of the situation or relationship.

You can use your intuitive sense, your observations, questioning skills, and willingness to listen and act in a mindful present moment way and this will have two effects:  increase your personal degree of compassion and decrease your personalization of the information – personalization here meaning taking something personally with some sort of negative attachment rather than seeing the information more objectively or mindfully.

Paying attention to the quiet voice within and clarifying your intention – these will increase your understanding of your inner guidance and give you direction about what is your best right action.

It can also help you know when your best action is non-action, allowing or going with the flow.  For some this is the most difficult “action”  to take, but when it is connected to this inner knowing it feels active to be in a waiting, allowing space.

Also check out  seeing in 3-D, 3.3.10 Being mindful opens the door to seeing in multiple dimensions and distinguishing different currents of information simultaneously, which creates a space to understand each separately and see how each affect the other.

Thank you for your continued interest and support.  Gentle, kind, and warm blessings to you in your life and  your endeavors.  Beth


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ego re-balancing – inner guidance II

Hello and Welcome!  There is a lot of reference of the negative of the “ego” among alternative healers and spiritual healers.  These groups tend to perceive the ego as negative; this is a matter of not understanding the role of ego in self-development, and further of mis-connecting ego and narcissism.

The story of the ego to which I refer is its identification  in the development of self, and each person’s interaction with self and other.  The ego is that aspect of your personal self that can mediate between your personal wants disconnected from society and your belief systems swallowed whole from society.  Ego basically is mediating between individual wants or needs and the needs or wants of the group.  So from this perspective ego is a neutral more helpful aspect of your personality.  It is the part of you that can be objective and see self and other on the same plane.

Narcissism is a more problematic aspect of personality.  Narcissism is a skew in personality away from mindfulness and neutrality and objectivity.  Narcissism is problematic in relationship as individuals who are narcissistic have little to no capacity for empathy.

Empathy is the shear act of paradigm shifting – putting yourself in another’s position and understanding that other’s perspective.  Mindfulness, lovingkindness attitude and paradigm shifting require empathy.  Lack of empathy disconnects you from society and others.  Narcissism allows you to take actions without regard for how you may hurt another and focuses your actions on self alone without a connection to society as a whole.

Your cognitive mind has a way of tricking you.  It is a thinking aspect – with cognitive firings and logic.  It is that aspect that can get caught into a habit of relating, or be guided by indoctrination.  You can think of mind as an aspect of the information available to you as part of your inner guidance but when it is disconnected from spirit it can skew perceptions and actions out of balance.

These groups that teach you their language and then have you act by that set of symbols and beliefs are having you work with your mind while simultaneously saying your ego (aka mind) is guiding you away from your true self – which from their specific perspectives is whatever they are teaching.  Be aware.  Allow yourself to trust yourself first.

Ego allows for the integration of mind and spirit as it allows for empathy and negotiated action that synthesizes individual and groups needs/wants.

The simple rule found in so many spiritual texts to not treat others as you would not desire to be treated incorporates ego, mind, spirit integrated and in balance – it requires empathic lovingkindness guide your action.

Guidance from without must be filtered through your inner guidance to experience its truth.

Truth is not an abstract concept to be discussed and proved through the cognitions of the mind in isolation, but rather it is something that is a trifold experience of knowing, feeling, and understanding.

You can feel when it is not truth.  Something doesn’t ring true, look right, feel right.  There is a catch in how the information goes on or a blip or bump – if you are paying attention you know it – you fully and completely know it.

The tricky part is the paying attention part.

If you are simply on automatic and going through life as a passive receiver then you may miss the information present in every interaction, in each dream, and story, and connection you make or have.  This includes how you respond or react to the story of your politics, your family, your ethnic group, your partner, and your peers.  The stereotypes you allow to guide you rather than the personal information you feel, hear, see, know from within.

Paying attention requires attentiveness, awareness, openness, and a willingness to follow the inner thread of inner guidance.  To risk discovery of new information, change your opinions, and allow truth to be revealed.

Each person is unique when born.  Each life has a unique path.  Each being is special.  Each of us is a child of source energy, of god or spirit.  Each has access to source energy through the source guidance built into her cells, into her internal sensory system – her six senses.

These are always present within you and speaking to you all the time if you would just listen.

You actually are constantly being directed through your inner guidance through these messages; when you feel like something that someone says is off then that is a message from within.  Paying attention to these messages through your intuition, your inner hearing, seeing, knowing, feeling.  This is the fastest and most effective way to get onto your path and create your life fortune.

The truth will set you free and following your bliss will indeed bring you success.

So here’s an important message – if you are not doing what you want or living at your highest potential – go within reconnect through you internal guidance system with yourself.  You can use prayer, meditation, Yoga, running, ice skating, walking, dancing, writing, journaling, dreaming, sound, toning, therapy, or anything that assists you in connecting with your inner truth – but the key is that whatever you use your guide is within, not without, and the answer is personal, empathic, and loving.

When you begin to listen, pay attention to the subtle, gentle messages in the background not the angry, emotional loud messages in the foreground.

Your personal inner guidance will generally not yell at you unless you are about to have a car accident.  Otherwise it’s just a quiet, firm yet light message or vibration  turn here, let go, trust, believe, and ooh that doesn’t feel, sound, look right.

And give your self/ego a break – your ego is trying to mediate all your inner wants and outer expectations – have a little empathy, love and kindness toward yourself while you begin to acquaint yourself with your inner guidance.

Thanks for your continued interest and support, please pass on this information as you are guided to do so – more joy for everyone, in love and light, Beth


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Finding your way through the propaganda

Hello and Welcome I read this quote on Facebookfrom Marianne Williamson –  she retells an old story from the bible in a way to encourage spiritual empowerment and healing; integrating spiritual healing and a description of mindful living:

The giant was a terrifying enemy; even the best warriors of Israel trembled at the thought of fighting him. David was merely a young shepherd and a musician, yet he was the one to defeat the giant. How did he do it? He had three smooth stones in his slingshot, and he hit the giant between his eyes. THE GIANT HAS NO DEFENSE WHEN HE IS HIT IN HIS THIRD EYE. He cannot defend himself against these three things: truth, virtue and love. So that’s the message for us: to speak the truth; to work on our own virtue; and to act with love. At this point in history, all three take courage…  Marianne Williamson (my italics)

The elements – truth, virtue and love are so powerful – their essence creates a space for you to be impenetrable – solid and strengthened to see your way through the propaganda that is all around you.

From a metaphoric perspective the idea that truth, virtue and love are the powerful forces that work through the third eye is in essence a concept of standing in the light of spirit. I had a powerful discussion recently about standing in one’s heart center.  It is a difficult thing and yet happens effortlessly when you open yourself and create space in relationship to truth, virtue, and love.

I receive my best lessons about truth when I am challenged to not speak the truth, not act from the center of my true self (virtue) and when I am not acting out of love for all the parties involved – for me the forgotten love is usually not acting lovingly toward myself – or simply when I am acting out of fear.

I once noticed that evil is live spelled backwards and it dawned on me that not living was evil and living was the opposite of evil.  Fear seems to open the door to evil through the concept of not living in your true or full light.  Love seems to fill you with faith and trust so that you can go toward your truth and virtue not avoid them from fear.

When I was a student living in Italy.  These lessons came to me experientially in my awareness of the difference between my truth and that of my beloved boyfriend with whom I had traveled to Italy, as well as my perceptual awareness of national and political ‘truth” seen from my new lens of outsider in a foreign country.  I learned that there were different kinds of truth and that truth had a time-stamp or perspective to it that shifted its relativity.  I was already drawn to existential writers by this time in my life, but here I was introduced to the amazing writings of Carlo Levi in his book Christ Stopped at Eboli (1945).  This book dealt with many issues of figure and ground when defining truth.  It has helped me all these many years to assist others in relationship to discern the difference between what is true from a perspective point of view and what is truth from a universal spiritual point of view.

The first step in finding your way through the propaganda that surrounds you in the media, your cultural and political affiliations and your world is to discover your truth, your personal virtue and what love looks and feels like to you.  Love from the compassionate, accepting, non-attached mindful perspective that connects us all as one.

This can be an effortless transformation.  Simply notice, accept and feel gratitude for what is working in your life.  Open to being rather than doing.  Rise above the perspective of right and wrong and into the concept of living and not-living this will assist you seeing, feeling and knowing the truth.  This will assist you in developing your virtue.

Though simple acts of lovingkindness and mindfulness you are strengthened.  Smile more, laugh more, accept more, feel the pain of others more, love yourself more, forgive more – all these actions increase your capacity for truth, virtue and love.

The first step is through the use and active mindset of compassion.

The best way to get there is through a daily practice of meditation, yoga, and/or prayer.

Namaste ^

See you tomorrow.

Beth


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Live like you were dying

Hello

So I recently heard this song by Tim McGraw called Live like you were dying. It’s about making the changes you always meant to do because you feel the end coming.  It’s very touching.  He identifies doing things and being different emotionally and in relationship too –

….I went sky-diving and rocky mountain climbing… and I loved deeper, I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying; I was finally the husband that most the time I wasn’t, I became a friend a friend would like to have..and I finally read the good book and  I took a good long hard look at what I would do if I could do it all again; ….I watched an eagle as it was flying…live like you were dying.

Several years ago my dear friend was diagnosed with colon cancer.  She was amazing.  Over the last few years of her life she made sure that what she could do, that she wanted to do, she did.

She focused on what was great about life and she focused on getting as much as possible out of life, from both a doing as well as experiencing (connecting and being) perspective.  It was inspiring to witness and amazing to be close to her during this time.

She allowed her compassion and love of life to guide her in her endeavors yet she was mindful of taking care of all the responsibilities involved in dying – providing for other and making sure she resolved unresolved issues.

She lived as if everything she did mattered.  But she was less uptight, and more relaxed about everything, too.  It was as if she was savoring each moment and didn’t want to allow anger to steal any of those moments away from her.

She tolerated the vulnerability of being what her heart desired because she didn’t have to worry about what end would come; she felt the urgency of being her true self because her days were numbered.

It fits that when we see we are nearing the end, one of the first things to release is anger.  Sure people are angry about dying but wasting precious living-time on feeling and being angry takes away the time available for en-joying what life actually offers.

I think it’s an important lesson on which to focus, getting as much out of life as possible; it seems like a good thing to focus on even when one doesn’t know their fate… to live like you were dying…. to really savor and be mindful of your actions, and your relationships.

Structure is important to teach but living is the most important thing that we take for granted.  We focus on structure early in our parenting because we want to help our children to have that throughout their lives but I wonder if we do so at the neglect of teaching them about trusting their instincts about what brings them joy and their talents and seeing the beauty available in relationships.

To create a life that is full regardless of your days, both delayed gratification and structure as well as living in the moment are needed in balance.

When I lost my friend I felt I had really experienced a lot of life with her.  That we had connected, and shared, and lived through things in a way that I could cherish and hold onto after she was gone.

Earlier in my life I had lost my beloved boyfriend in a car accident.  It was unexpected and shocking.  He too, had a way of getting the most out of life – for him experiencing life mattered more than the  accumulation of things.  He focused on connections and relationships, and experiences.

At the time, I was too figure focused and not enough ground – so when he died I really felt cheated and lost.  It was difficult.  But now I realize that our experiences together created a strong model for me to focus on connections and relationship and to let go of the unimportant injuries of everyday life; to see the whole of the person or experience and embrace what is good while releasing what doesn’t work.

His death profoundly changed my life.  I always made sure that I tell the ones I loved how much I love them, every time I see them, so I won’t regret not saying it if something were to happen.

Now I am watching as my father struggles to live out the rest of his life with a diagnosis of end stage cancer.  What strikes me is how it affects the people around him.

He, like the individuals identified above, seems to have let go of anger and is trying to both fight the cancer and focus on living experiences each day.  He has lived a very experience and accomplishment filled life.

The people around him seem to have so much anger.  They haven’t found their way to the importance of letting go of that anger, those left over resentments, and experiencing in the present moment what they have left.  To connect and laugh and resolve the unresolved issues; to make peace with the fullness and wholeness of their relationship with him.  To allow love, life, and peace to fill the time left.  It’s difficult to witness and get caught in the occasional crossfire of anger.

Perhaps it’s because they haven’t lost someone they really cared about before – they don’t realize the finiteness of this time.

In reality all our time is finite.  We each might find greater happiness if we could focus on our life as such, so that we could keep our focus more balanced.

Our lives are made up of our accomplishments, and they require an element of delayed gratification – waiting to do what you want while you are creating them.

But what also makes up our lives are experiences with people.  Connections and shared experiences are the most amazing memories when those we love are gone.  Sharing a sunset, a baseball game, a spiritual service, skiing, dinner, laughter, difficulties and joy.

These events build connections and are like threads through the tapestry of our lives. They provide color and content and a type of marker to keep us tethered while we move through our lives.

Balancing our focus on developing structure and doing and accomplishments with being and connecting and experiences is very important.  It requires being present, knowing what matters, being flexible and firm, having compassion, understanding rights and responsibilities, seeing figure and ground, and being mindful.

How we integrate cognitions and emotions, and the ways in which we reveal them to ourselves and others, is the fabric of our lives.

See you tomorrow.

Beth


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finding forgiveness

Hello and Welcome!

Finding forgiveness is one of the single most difficult aspects of human interaction and personal growth.

It’s a search that takes us inside and out, around, and through so many aspects of our lives, our experiences and relationships.

In the Jewish tradition the time between Rosh Hashonah the New Year and Yom Kippur the day of Atonement, is a transition time to go within and search your soul. It’s not just atoning for transgressions, it’s also and firstly atoning with each other, and I think this is the genius of the transition time.

It’s like a time-cocoon to discover if there are events for which you need to ask forgiveness or people of whom you need to ask forgiveness and the most difficult task I think, to find your own forgiveness.

Ten days to review your last year and in some cases the years before that.  To avail yourself of the acts of letting go and forgiveness and transformation.  Ten days while working, playing, and living to find your way into the underworld and back.  It’s a large task.

In my experience there is a perfunctory approach to this, by many participating in the high holy-days in the jewish tradition, not because they do not take it seriously but rather because they are unable or unwilling to delve into those deep areas.

This is the most spiritual and enlightened aspect of this tradition – to make peace.  To actually create the world anew every year through this process of forgiveness.  It is mindfulness at it’s best.

  • A common style of dealing with hurts is to cut yourself off from the profound feelings that are attached to the pain you have endured.  This has its price too, it keeps you stuck in the past.
  • Unforgiveness leads to a diminishing of your personal power, a rigid world view and a truncated personality in relationship.  It leads to the opposite of mindfulness.
  • In order to forgive, that pain must be felt and then a resolution, an understanding, a paradigm shift needs to take place.  This action of forgiveness and shifting releases or unlinks the pain of the event, from the event and the actor.  With this new understanding, the outcome of the event, actor and experience can be put into proper perspective and into your past, freeing you to move on into the present moment of your life -> as if it is a new world.  Forgiveness releases you from a historical habit reaction pattern, especially in how you relate to another or others.  It allows you to engage in mindful present moment behavior, action and understanding.

To forgive another a deeply painful act, betrayal, or action is difficult.

To see, and accept responsibility for, how you have hurt another is also difficult.

These two actions are the intention of the Day of Atonement in the Jewish high holy day tradition, sometimes due to the difficulty in the task some simply state the words and make an internal promise to do better in the future.

For a real shift to take place, the spirituality behind the inner search is paramount and can result in transforming events.

How do you forgive someone for that act which in your mind changed you forever? Or even for betrayal of your trust or your sense of innocence?

Finding forgiveness requires grace.

It requires a willingness to let go of the thing that may define your stance in the world. It is fraught with deep feeling and an inner journey to your center.

Certainly paradigm shifting, figure/ground perspective, and the attitude of gratitude are helpful activities.  Mindfulness allows you to see a way to unlink the act and the person, the act and the circumstances surrounding the act, and the intention and the act.

But even with these unlinkings and increased awareness and perspective there are difficult betrayals and experiences to transcend in order to get to forgiveness.

This is especially true when the betrayal continues.  When the action requiring forgiveness continues.  For this kind of betrayal or transgression it is best to forgive the past and make an effort to change how and in what ways you continue the relationship in the now or the future.

Forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance are partners in this atonement procedure.  Some people you must forgive and accept that they may betray you again, due to their internal character.  Therefore you simply change how you relate to him or her in the future.  This releases the power of the betrayal and builds your resilience and compassion muscles.

This is part of the intended process, you make peace at this time the best you can and then move into the new world with as much faith as possible that the new world will remain.

It is an interesting and deeply educational process about yourself, others, and your humanity.  It increases your capacity for love, understanding, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and grace.  It may be that this is the gift to be given, the opportunity to develop these qualities within yourself to practice seeing others as self so that you can extend your empathy muscles

I keep finding forgiveness. And this transition time allows for  an opportunity to create peace and create the world anew.

You may want to create a structure for developing a formalized transition time to incorporate elements of this tradition to view and re-view your past year and develop the qualities of compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness.

Attach it to a structure that is already part of your life.  Consider doing this on each new moon, or each full moon.  You can also attach it to the solstice or equinox periods.  You may have such a tradition in a spiritual practice you already follow.  However you choose to create a structure, the practice of reviewing your own acts or how you are holding onto unforgiveness will increase you capacity for living mindfully in the moment and experiencing healing in your relationships.

It may seem tedious and difficult at first, but the rewards are great and for the most part this ritual increases intimacy, connection and a sense of strength in ourselves and our relationships.  It is mindfulness at it’s best with a sense of grace that all things pass and move into well – being. Namaste, L’Shana Tova, in love and light, bg