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Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Sometimes, it’s all you can do to stay in the light

Sometimes, it’s all you can do to stay in the light.

There are a lot of challenges to staying positive and feeling grateful.

  • Unexpected shortfalls,
  • friends leaving or hurting you (even unintentionally),
  • delays, (mercury in retrograde),
  • accidents of all kinds…these things can pull you down, and leave you feeling dark, moody, alone, or even fearful.

The best way to deal with this is to make a choice to focus on the positive.

Focus, is attention and intention.  

Put your attention on that thing bringing you down and see if you can shift your perspective;

do a cognitive inversion, a reframe.  

Align your intention to your highest good, SEE HOW the universe is working for you… Looking for How this may be true is the fastest way to shift out of darkness to light.

Your empowerment is not in stopping bad things from happening to you…even the most cautious person must deal with unexpected turns in the road….

Empowerment requires a sense of inner security and an understanding of boundaries.

Your empowerment is HOW you RESPOND to what happens to you.  Remember to have your authentic self be your guide.  Release the need to give other’s power over your inner well-being.

It is though this process of response that you can find your way to joy, again and again.body heals

Life will have ups and downs…but if you are willing to shift your perspective ever to how whatever is going on is IN your BEST interests, that you are on your path to enlightenment…then, it will feel as if you ALWATS have a tailwind, and never a headwind in the journey of life…well except when a headwind is beneficial then you can embrace it.

And remember to find the joy, laughter, and play in all that you encounter..then you will experience ongoing healing and light.in love and light, bg


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How insecurity interferes with getting what you want.

to realizeOne of the coolest aspects of the MAAPS guiding principles of relationship is how easily you can discern what is driving how you behave in relationship.

This is beneficial when HOW you are behaving is interfering with you getting what you want.

MAAPS is an easy way to remember the five guiding security principles of relationship: Money, Achievement, Attachment (Connection), Power, and Structure.

One or more of these are engaged when YOU are driven or compelled to act inauthentically in relationship to create a sense of safety in one of these areas.  And when you are acting under the influence of one or more of these drivers you create immature, and unfulfilling relationships.

In order to shift away from this you have to face your insecurity: You have to tolerate feeling insecure while asking for what you truly need or want in the relationship.

For example: if you fear, or have an insecurity around attachment or feeling connected, you might create yourself as less important than the other person; putting his needs ahead of yours and attempting to get your needs met on the side.

This is a reasonable solution in the short-term, however after a while this will feel as if the other person is taking advantage of you or that your needs are not as important; this can lead to resentment within you and create a crevasse in the foundation of the relationship that may ultimately tear the relationship apart.

An alternative action is to speak about what you are feeling as soon as you identify it is happening.  You may want to do some undercover work with your self to discern what may be underlying the insecurity.  You can look into what decisions you may have made about how you HAD to act to be loved or cared for or to feel SAFE in your early childhood or early relationships.sigmund freud

More often these drivers act under the surface.  You actually are not aware of the influence the insecurity has over your actions.

So here are some clues that you are under the influence of insecurity:

  • you have difficulty co-mingling funds
  • you have difficulty sharing title for achievements
  • you have difficulty being alone or you feel abandoned when you cannot immediately contact your partner
  • you have difficulty receiving assistance from others or you have difficulty when others don’t do what you tell them to do
  • you have difficulty when there is disorganization

Insecurity can be hidden. I know many individuals who on the surface appear strong and confident, yet the insecurity is lurking just beneath the surface.  When left undetected and unresolved, this insecurity can interfere with you getting what you truly want in your personal and career life.

If you notice that you have trouble maintaining healthful and meaningful relationships, investigate whether you have ann insecurity in one of the five guiding security principles in relationship.  Use your compassion, lovingkindness, forgiveness, and mindfulness tools to assist you in releasing the insecurity belief so that you can build inner security and engage in more mutually beneficial relationships.

You can learn more about this in earlier blogs on this site or through the following books.

Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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The Art of Partnering with mindfulness: How to get there in 2 easy steps.

The most challenging aspect of relationship is connecting…not when you feel all gooey and lovey, but when you feel hurt, disconnected, or angry…of course that is one of the most important times to connect..

Try these two steps when you are faced with that situation..be kind to unkind people, they need it most

  • Do a cognitive head stand:
    Think of everything you like about that person, whether you feel angry because of something they did or didn’t do or say OR hurt by them in some way,
  • This focuses you on why you want to work out the disconnect and how much you care about him or her… once you do that, you free yourself up from the defensive, fight posture and open yourself up to the connection posture…
  • Hold an image of the person in your mind in that loving space when you begin to discuss the problem…every time you feel his or her negativity, reorient yourself internally – look at that image,
  • That will help you communicate from your heart, you will have to say what is bugging you, but HOW you say it will be what is communicated – the love and connection.

Do these two things and you have a far better chance for success.

It’s not about being right it’s about be with (connecting)…that’s the glue of relationship.

Relationships are dynamic and multi-level.  You come in and out of being in the same space.  Sometimes you are completely in sync and when that happens you flow.  When you feel the stickiness, the flow not flowing, but sticking, then you have to check your perspective and reorient yourself.

It helps to remember what brought you to the relationship in the first place.

This requires you shift out of a right/wrong, defensive perspective and into a clarity of connection.  It requires you disperse and shift defensiveness in to connection.

Defensiveness is a product of feeling attacked.  In most relationships defensiveness is the way in which the fight continues…so if you feel defensive, you can shift out of it through the above two step process.  Defensiveness and competition go hand in hand.

Competition is a wonderful thing.  It is a great way to discern who is the best athlete or competitor of the people who showed up to the event…but in relationship competition can be divisive, and create distance, and resentment.  In relationship individuals are looking to be seen, accepted, and co-create.  There can be a sharing of leadership, and knowledge and teaching.

Collaboration offers the best style of interaction in relationship.  You cannot collaborate when you are vying for proof of rightness.  Collaboration is a byproduct of mindful paradigm shifting.  It allows both parties to share personal perspectives while discovering a centered place where both perspectives meet.

Family and love relationships are the kind of relationships where this is most paramount.

Often it is a phrase, feeling, or style of interacting that creates the defensiveness.

Left over resentments, and injuries must be resolved.  Partners and family members must let go, forgive, reset, if they are going to continue in the relationship.  This is the only way to disperse the defensiveness.  If an injury or resentment is too big to release then you may have come to the end of the line with that relationship.  Release it with love and forgiveness. Discern what is your part and make a lesson of the loss to assist you in future relationships.  Don’t hold on.  Let go.

When you are bound to the injury and resentment and also unwilling to let go of the relationship, you can create a difficult and unpleasant relationship.reflection

Whenever you feel defensive, look to see what is underneath…is it connected to a historical relationship?  Is it connected to an unresolved injury or resentment?  Clarify what is underneath, unearth it and bring it to the surface.  Then use the above two step process to try to resolve the problem with your partner.  If it is unresolvable, allow yourself to release the unforgiveness.  Forgive your partner and yourself; this may result in the dissolution of the relationship but it will create a freeing within you to honestly connect in your future relationships without holding the next person accountable for an unresolved injury. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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the space between mindful-breathing and will…staying within the threshold of calm strength

Most of you recognize that the integration of spirit, mind, and body is a multi-level, multi-phase experience. It is dynamic, changing responsively to your inner and outer environment.

Recent events have further elucidated for me the subtleties of this dynamic process.

Participating in a fifty mile race after three weeks on the bike. To my surprise while participating in the long ride, I began to feel unable to continue…my friends encouraged me to use my yogic breath and my experience of inner peace to press on… Ultimately I noticed it was my will that gave me the strength to continue. 

Re-training myself for a distance swim for my first triathlon sprint. During the swim training, I discovered an underlying degree of anxiety that was exacerbated by loss of breath — it projected me right back to an earlier event of almost being choked when I was raped as a teenager.  It was shocking and almost uncontrollable to keep swimming – my body was fighting for life while I could clarify that it was not actually happening, my heartrate ramped up my breath became flat and labored…I couldn’t swim properly…Ultimately in the swim training it was my inner breath and my yogic training that assisted me in calming my fear and re-integrating myself into the now, to release the energy of the rape experience connected to ‘air-hunger’.

Having  endured significant sexual harassment throughout my life, I have made significant efforts, with success, to clear the vestiges of effect from this trauma, and to eradicate the insecurities that could have colored how I interacted in relationship and partnership. This information is further explained in the section on  MAAPS insecurity drivers in my book* Turning Me to We: the Art of Partnering with mindfulness.

These recent events focused how the trauma vestiges can effect your relationship with yourself.

As could be expected, the rape was the most problematic to clear.  It was held within my psychic, emotional, and cognitive memory as well as my physical body.  To this day I have a holding in my upper body that is still reminiscent of the position in which I was pinned down. This is not unusual for individuals who have survived a rape to have these various types of physical changes. I have had success in clearing this to a fairly deep level physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

I have had the great fortune of applying mindfulness, psychotherapy, and forgiveness toward my history of harassment and the rape…as such I have created warm loving non-abusive relationships with my partner and friends.  It is for this reason that I spend so much time training, teaching, and modeling mindfulness and forgiveness as part of a healthy lifestyle individually and in relationships/partnerships.

With this being stated, I was quite surprised by the deep level of fear and anxiety that exhibited in myself during the ride and swim training.   It speaks to the depth of effect in the spirit, body, mind web that is within human consciousness; and how deeply trauma plumbs to the center of one’s being.

Humans are dynamic, multi-dimensional beings.  

The process of clearing trauma can take years and releases in layers.

Trauma for one being may not be traumatic for another.  

Spiritual trauma is the most debilitating, as spirit connects humans to the greater universe of energy.  When spiritual trauma is directly bound with physical trauma, thinking can skew off into a place that could be described as ‘hell on earth’.

Over the years I have noted that individuals who have intense anxiety suffer far more than those around them…because they do not have the peace that comes with centeredness…the peace you experience with centered mindful meditation and breath.

The lesson of this recent athletic training is that each challenge requires an integrated spirt, body, mind response.  And, that balance is affected by the vestiges of previous traumas or incorrect correlations of power.

Human beings are spiritually and willlfully driven.

  • It is your ego*/ will that can pull you through a difficult challenging task– that is where hard work and discipline are kings and queens.
  • And, it is your spiritual inner faith and knowing that is required in other challenges….
  • (ego as defined as the balanced mediator of your personality, mediator between id and superego – see Gineris, Turning Me to WE, The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, p 186, Rebalancing: Empathy, Ego and Spirit).

The space between mindful breathing and will is the ground where all battles are fought.  This is in a phrase then entirety of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War* * to know yourself, know your enemy, to know when to act and when to be quietly strong as you prepare to act….

  • Staying within the threshold of calm is an act of faith and will. Success requires both dynamically and rhythmically in play.
  • The practice of yoga can teach you this through your use of breath to move through challenges.
  • The practice of mindful meditation can teach you this as you breath yourself into neutrality, compassion and the now.
  • The practice of athletic training can teach you this if you understand the relationship between will and allowing, remaining centered in your integrated spirit, mind and body.

If you struggle with anxiety, use these practices to bring you into a more dynamic and flexible relationship with your will (discipline/Qi) and your faith (spirit/breath/Shen), you will find more peaceful and powerful successes in all you undertake to accomplish. Namaste, in love and light, bg

*http://thejanetloveshow.com/drbethgineris/

**http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_War

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg

 

 


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Stress effects

Under stress people fall back to their comfort defenses...

be kind to unkind people, they need it most

Seems like a strange juxtaposition of terms comfort and defense…but the concept is that you have developed a set of defensive mechanisms that have protected you in life up to now.

These are a result of missed-connections in your parenting and missed-understandings and missed-communications in your social relationships…through family, friends, teachers, and supervisors…even your clergy can at times miss in their target of teaching.

The defensive position is ..the interpretation plus reaction… you developed as a result of those missed-interactions.

If you find yourself having the same fight — again, — shift your reaction by trying to understand what is stressing your partner, child, friend or colleague… then you may be able to help alleviate the stress and find a new and more secure way to connect.

Begin by aligning fully with yourself, while completely aligning with your friend, partner, child, or colleague… in that space of complete alignment you are standing in the center of both paradigms.

It requires empathy, boundaries, and inner security.

  • You must empathize with the other while you have compassion for yourself.
  • You have to understand where your responsibility for yourself begins and ends and your responsibility to the other person begins and ends.
  • And you have to have a sense of knowing (confidence rather than insecurity) or security.

The fall back position happens

  • when you lose your sense of security or trust in the relationship (or yourself),
  • or you confuse where you end and the other person begins (recognize the for/to responsibility issue),
  • or you interpret the other as attacking you, rather than having compassion and empathy.

drama and breathThis action (or reaction)where you fall back to comfort defenses is the way you reset in a war.

When a person is in a war he advances, when the attack is too strong the person falls back to a comfort defense, a place where he can reset and recuperate.  That’s what happens with stress.

Stress challenges individuals at a core level and causes each to feel the need to fall back and recuperate…the natural or rather knee jerk reaction is to become defensive and interpret the other person as attacking.

The best way to respond rather than react is to focus on your feelings, your sensory guidance system…what are you feel in your senses…then you align with your feeling BUT not with your historical interpretation of what that feeling means.  By unlinking your feeling, from your interpretation of what that feeling means about the other person, you are creating the space for empathy (compassion), boundaries (paradigm recognition and shifting), and inner security.

  • Catch yourself when you are in the fall back position.
  • Catch yourself when you have raised a shield of protection, defensiveness.
  • Catch yourself when you feel alone behind a rigid wall of your own creation.
  • Catch yourself when you feel yourself pulling back your heart from the situation.

Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • You can shift away from defensiveness through these steps:  Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire.  Remember, to release energy blockages, you need

  • cropped-yoga-11.jpgintention, I want to heal or uplevel my consciousness.
  • insight, I am projecting from a habit reaction pattern of reacting. 
  • gratitude, This conflict is a gift to assist me in righting an inner misbelief or loss of faith.
  • and forgiveness, I forgive myself for how I disowned my needs; I forgive you for the injury caused knowingly or unknowingly.

How these steps direct you is through the focused energy of your personal sensory guidance system and your heart led healing rather than psych (mind) or cognitive/behavioral led healing alone.  Spirit must be engaged and in the lead in order for a transcendence through thought-based, limiting beliefs.  You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.

Your heart knowing is Always communicating to you about what you need and who you are through your personal sensory guidance system of senses.  Listen to your sense reactions, your instincts, your intuition.chakra mantras

Learn to interpret your feelings so that you can see what is your projection and what is universal… focus on intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness as an integrated system, informed by your sensory system (which includes intuition) and you will live in a different world.  This is a quantum shift in consciousness led by your heart spirit connection. In each interaction, perception, and action the world can be created anew.  Find your way home. from may 23,2014, energy blockages released.

These steps are outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).

front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Inner and Outer Reflection, Paradigm shifting

Outer Reflection is how you see.  You make determinations about your self, others, what you have created and what you can create via a mirror–>through what you perceive reflected back to you.  The work in development is to establish an inner picture that can take in new information as it is reflected but can also deflect distorted information. choose Outer Reflection is how you decipher how others see you. What you like in another is often about what you are striving for in yourselves.  Sometimes it works against you, via a thing called projection:

What we dislike in another may also be about something we dislike within ourselves that we don’t want to accept. (this was first identified as a psychological ego defense mechanism by Freud).

reflection Defensiveness is a notable component of projection.  It is also an inner clue to let you know that you are being triggered and reacting from a habit reaction pattern, or in past-tense, rather than in present time.  You can use the feeling of defensiveness to gently nudge you to use Inner reflection to mindfully determine how to respond to a situation.   We are all one unit.  The universe, the plant, animal and human species are one dynamic, interactive organism. The universe is constantly responding to you and you are constantly responding to the universe.  This is the nature of things; it is a kind of ebb and flow. When you get stuck in a habit of reacting, or an attachment to how things should be or look,  then you get caught in a feedback loop wherein you perceive specific things being mirrored back to you that are more about your history than the present moment.  You lose the benefit of the dynamic reflection of the universe, and relationships. Turning No to ON works with this element of reflection…using the mirror reflection of ON from no, to get you to use your inner reflective tools. Inner reflection is mindfulness.  It is an active process of recognizing, perceiving the mirror reflection and then using paradigm shifting to determine the voracity of the outer reflection.  It gives you space, slows time, so that you can actually create broader and deeper connections to your environment, and your community.  It increases understanding, clarifies your place in the world and transcends fear-based reactivity. Turning Me to We in relationships uses inner reflection to include a vision of the world as interdependent rather than narcissistic or defensive.  Narcissistic reactions are all about me, me, me.  They are fear-based and one-dimensional.  Defensive reactions are both me and I, I, I, they are fear-based and two-dimensional.  YOU can Use this reflective aspect of the universe to reset your self and get to neutral, so you can create interdependent, non-fear-based, multi-dimensional relationships that encourage connection and collaboration.

I chose these reflective, mirroring titles to telegraph the importance of transcending reactive, defensive, fear-based interaction. I wanted to encourage at the start this focus on the reflections, not just the meaning of these words, to get you to understand and engage in the internal shift required for health.  You only have power over yourself.  The world within which you live is your creation.  When you own that, you free yourself to make the necessary changes within yourself to create the world you truly desire from your integrated, non-fear reactive, multi-dimensional spirit, mind, body self.

Turning No to ON is moving from No to Yes and Off to On.  It is dynamically and mindfully working with the entire situation within which the No is happening to understand what is being reflected by the child, so that you can shift him or her to an On position ready to participate, interact and learn. When no is turning into ON it has to shift focus, see from a different perspective: see the reflection of the NO so that you can understand the Yes and be ON. When me is turning to we it uses an inversion, a shift in perspective, so that the needs of me shift into the needs and receptivity of we.  You can think of using an inversion to shift the M into a W.

In order to get from Me to WE you have to develop empathy, boundaries and inner security. Me is dependent, needy and insecure. An individual who is relating in a Me style of relationship has loose boundaries, difficulty saying no, and often feels s/he must give up self needs to meet the needs of the other.

I is defensive, competitive and fearful of being engulfed. An individual who is relating in an I style of relationship has rigid boundaries, difficulty saying yes, and fear of being subsumed into the other and lose internal strength. In order to move out of Me and I styles of relating you need to use both the power of reflection from others and a sense of inner security to establish a path through Me and I styles of relating into a We style of relating with mutuality and flexible boundaries. Finally, remember that paradigms are a part of how we interpret these reflections.  Practice inversions and this will assist you in developing a way through the Me and I to the WE or through the No to ON. Paradigm shifting is visual and language.  An example of a visual paradigm shift is the traditional duck/ bunny.imagesB An example of a language paradigm shift is that the name for the Tibetan word for sun is the Hopi word for moon and the Hopi word for Sun is the Tibetan word for Moon.  If you make a straight line from the Hopi land through the earth you come out on the other side in Tibet. http://www.ahastories.com/hopiprophecy.html. Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through the Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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#yesallwomen, social media awareness, actual awareness

Raising awareness is absolutely one of the best aspects of social media, be it twitter, instagram, facebook, etal.

Having spent half my life helping people discover what interferes with their success, and then doing something about it, I can strongly say that insight and awareness simply aren’t sufficient for real change.

Awareness that there is a problem is a necessary but insufficient quality for real change

Hyped up social media awareness can sometimes actually overshadow the opportunities for creating a real change.

How can this be? Well, mostly because there are people who will use the excitement and drama to misdirect and amplify the issue without bringing real healing tools to the gathering.  The democrats will blame the republicans, the republicans will blame the feminists… the (fill in the blank group) will assert their superiority over the other (fill in the blank group)…

….and instead of a deep, powerful conversation happening about misogyny and how women are being sexually harassed and the extent of demeaning actions towards women …

….and the underlying forces that create this acceptable behavior by society (the reasons are not due to one simple fact or group) it becomes an opportunity for propaganda about how a specific group has it all right, while another has it all wrong.

An aha experience of insight or awareness can lead to a quantum shift in consciousness or a healing crisis.  With either of these, real change can happen.

There is some simplicity.

  • Rape is an aggressive, violent action that uses sex as a weapon.
  • Women’s bodies do not call out to be raped.
  • Glorifying rape; talking about women as objects rather than human; Showing images of women being brutalized and objectified – all of these actions create women as second class non-humans that are then set up to be raped, harassed, demeaned and overpowered.
  • Society glorifying the music industry and movie industry for their part in this creates the space for all women to be brutalized, sexually harassed, overpowered, and dispossessed of their innate humanity.

This isn’t a puritanical religious issue, this isn’t a conservative/liberal issue, this is a power issue mostly brought about by the groups in power.  The ones that keep telling you they are there to protect you, and they are on women’s sides…old and new.

  • Breasts are sexualized and objectified separately from their human function; used in naked-girl magazines, disney cartoons, and by feminists as much as the religious groups.
  • Until it is seen as a natural, normal thing to breastfeed children in public and not have it be gross (because it has been overshadowed by the sexual aspect of breasts), women’s breasts will be seen as tantalizing and power objects by men and women alike.

#yesallwomen is a great idea, raising the consciousness of what women have to endure as girls, and young women and old women.

But many of the groups who have joined in the cause to get a piece of the action are the perpetrators that keep that trauma going for women.

Power is the issue.

Until women have a handle on how to be powerful in ways that don’t include the preconceived notion of these groups that are simply using women and their issues for their own political and power gain, real change is not going to happen.  (And just a hint, it isn’t the power to walk around naked…it’s the power to be seen as powerful in their innate femininity).

If you want to help all women, stop glorifying the sexualization of children, the brutalization of women, stop passively going along with the cool game of overpowering women in ALL ways..how?

Stop buying those songs, speak out against them.  Stop watching those movies, stop feeding the industries that keep women down, including, when applicable, feminists that say they are out to help women while putting down their own gender to create their own power structure.

Mothers raise boys and girls.  Mothers teach their girls to take care and be authentic, and yes to be careful to not get raped…mothers need to raise boys to care for girls in a way that doesn’t put the onus on the girl to maintain her goodness.  Fathers raise boys and girls.  Fathers need to deal with the importance of teaching masculinity, without teaching that rape is okay, or that it is the girl’s responsibility to not get raped.

I am asking you to think, to be mindful in your anger, attitude, and righteousness in how you join into this discussion.  Because for those of us who have been one of the #yesallwomen who have had to deal with rape, sexual harassment, work related and personally, it’s a painful, shame-filled wound, so the discussion, the raising of awareness needs to be real, helpful, and not harmful.

Elevate the conversation. Go further, find a way to work with that group you despise, let your real, true love and desire for healing be your guide, because then you will be having the kind of conversation that will result in the elevation of consciousness…and in that shift all women will be enlightened. #yesallwomen, and yesallmen; yes to all humans working together in love and light, bg

 


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energy blockages released

Haindl_StarThere are a variety of ways in which energy can get blocked. It can be a blockage in cognition through rigid limiting belief systems, it can be a blockage within the body through muscle and breath holding over time, it can be a blockage in your chakras or energy field through a disconnection from spirit OR it can be a combination of all three.

In order to release the blockage humans require intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness.

It is an active process. It can be begun with voice and communication but breath and at least one other sense must be employed (sound, smell, color, healing touch/acupuncture, or taste (food, nutrition).

Over the next few blogs I will share with you steps to heal yourself and release your internal blockages. Additionally, I will offer ways to heal your relationships applying these specific techniques and the information available in the Me to WE book (see the link below for the book and other blogs on this site.)

To get a fuller picture of how sound heals you may want to review this blog, or get the iBOOK developed by me with several friends through the TALON CLAW HEALING CIRCLE…this is downloadable to iphone and ipod.

Remember, to release energy blockages, you need

  • intention, I want to heal or uplevel my consciousness.cropped-yoga-11.jpg
  • insight, I am projecting from a habit reaction pattern of reacting. 
  • gratitude, This conflict is a gift to assist me in righting an inner misbelief or loss of faith.
  • and forgiveness, I forgive myself for how I disowned my needs; I forgive you for the injury caused knowingly or unknowingly.

How these steps direct you is through the focused energy of your personal sensory guidance system and your heart led healing rather than psych (mind) or cognitive/behavioral led healing alone.

lao tzuSpirit must be engaged and in the lead in order for a transcendence through thought-based, limiting beliefs.

This allows for real negotiation, movement into the WE style of partnering/ relating,  (feb 2013 blog, i ching Tai (peace) guiding Me to WE) and the elevation of consciousness: transcending third dimensional interactions of right/wrong, good/bad, persecutor/victim, blame.

Your heart knowing is Always communicating to you about what you need and who you are through your personal sensory guidance system of senses.  Listen to your sense reactions, your instincts, your intuition.chakra mantras

Learn to interpret your feelings so that you can see what is your projection and what is universal… focus on intention, insight, gratitude, and forgiveness as an integrated system, informed by your sensory system (which includes intuition) and you will live in a different world.  This is a quantum shift in consciousness led by your heart spirit connection. In each interaction, perception, and action the world can be created anew.  Find your way home.  Namaste, in love and light, bg 

 

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  The steps above are outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we

Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can discover how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time, you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Pushing Yang over Yin energy for power: negative effects of the masculinization of femininity, part 3

The negative effects of the masculinization of femininity. Part 3 of 3.

Dependent, apathetic, disconnected children.  Adolescents and young adults are delaying stepping into a fully independent role in society while enjoying many rights at even younger ages.

I perceive the reticence of the millennium  generation to avoid entering into responsible roles in society, delaying entering into adulthood through various avenues of remaining dependent on parents and institutions for support, healthcare and living expenses, the malaise, apathy and lack of focus by an increasing many of the youngest generation– I see all of these serious issues as part of the side effects of the course that feminism has taken.

Feminism has created an environment where men aren’t needed in caring for children.  The way in which the feminist movement has focused on elevating women has resulted in minimizing, even eradicating the role of men in caring for and raising children; even issues of providing financially for children has fallen to the state, leaving men to be outcast with respect to having responsible behavior toward their children and the mothers of their children.  Men have in many cases been only the physical, genetic requirement.

This diminishment of the man’s role and importance in children’s lives has been a result of the style in which feminist policies have been inculcated and disseminated and it has had a devastating effect on children.

Focusing on the importance of being free sexually has unexpectedly resulted in an over sexualization of children – on one hand creating children as sexual beings far earlier than is healthy while keeping them as children with respect to when they need to be responsible. The Disney corporation, now a part of ABC, focuses on portraying young children as far superior in intelligence than their parents, while dramatizing even the animation characters as over-sexualized with large breasts barely fitting into the drawn-on dress that minimally covers the child’s hips. Additionally, presenting strength in these female characters as aggressive while diminishing any reference to femininity, interior strength required to withstand labor and required to be mindful and powerful creators.  While on the one hand it is refreshing to see the removal of all the victim/rescuer stories of past days it is problematic that the message moves from victim awaiting rescue to sexualized aggressive (read masculinized) child.

To project women as strong beings at ease with their sensuality, recognizing the power in their fullness would be far more effective in strengthening women’s rights and opportunities.  Women need to be able to embrace their sexuality and carry power over their bodies without having to choose to be either a shielded/covered up being or someone who is throwing sex into every equation… it is a matter of elevating the conversation, presenting power through an emancipated woman able to choose how she wants to be seen and represented in the world.  

Women’s rights have actually been diminished in this new sexual age, due to the masculinization of femininity through this skewed feminism…see the youtube below for an example.

The culture has disconnected the rights, and responsibilities for/to those rights, so that the adolescence period has gone from five years (13-18) to 13 years (13-26).  Rather than offering an opportunity to further develop skills by offering a longer adolescent period, this has resulted in a situation where  they are ill-prepared to enter society as high functioning participants. They have become accustomed to having no responsibilities tied to their rights.

Adolescence is a social, cultural construct.  It is not a biological stage.  In human societies the adolescent remains with the family to learn social roles, expectations, and develop moral concepts, cognitive skills, impulse control, and develop skills/work training.

From a neurological perspective the brain continues to develop and is somewhat plastic through 26 (28). From a psychosocial perspective the development through the Erikson stages is fairly plastic through age 24. So with those two pieces of data – by not tying rights and responsibilities together before 26 – we are essentially sealing the cognitive beliefs and behaviors to have these unlinked from each other, thereby creating a distorted sense of dependence and independence.

The cost of feminism on this Course, delineated in Part 1, and Part 2, is to diminish the importance of teaching, modeling, caring for children and helping them become independent in the proper timeline. It has distorted the importance of gender roles within the context of a family and a social group.  Thereby leaving both women and men unsure as to how to relate to one another.  (See Turning Me to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, Gineris, 2013).

The human species has one of the longest childrearing times.  This is partially due to the fact that the human brain is underdeveloped at birth. The style in which humans learn about how to live, grow, partner, and socialize is through modeling from the significant caregivers. Without a representation of healthy interrelating, whole, balanced yin and yang aspects of each gender in the social structure, how can a little human learn to be a multi-dimensionally developed adult? I wonder to what degree  this is the reason for such a high level of depression, bipolarity, ADHD, and suicidal thinking among our children — they aren’t given am opportunity to create a true connection to meaning, manage their internal needs with their social expectations, manage their will, understand and develop resilience and personal strength.

You don’t really see suicide in healthy animal populations, until and unless there is human contamination with that species – so it’s something to consider how society may be creating such problems through an imbalanced perspective of femininity.

With respect to humans, across societies women predominantly care for children; in some societies they do physical work as well as household work, depending on the need in that region and the level of financial need.

brain gender differences

So, diminishing the importance of that feminine role, and handing it off to state agencies: day care, schools, and programs limits and truncates the positive aspects of a women’s skills in this regard.

Studies show that the brains of women actually are wired to tend and befriend in times of strife…yet feminists are trying to eradicate that aspect of a woman’s role –trying to create yang brains instead of yin ones…

    (See figure to the left) Women experience tend and befriend response rather than Fight and flight, moderated through oxytocin and other hormones. Secreted at times of bonding, nurturing, breast-feeding and relationships. Taylor SE et al. Psych Review 2000;107(3):411-29

 Those who want to control a society go to the child generation to actually program in what is seen as valuable, acceptable, and imprint the belief systems required for the society.  This has to be enacted before the development of moral thinking which begins to solidify around 9 years old…although there is evidence that moral thinking begins earlier than that, and that concentrated, practiced mindful meditation can strongly influence the development of altruism and empathy.

Hatred of a specific group has to be taught to a child.  Self-confidence, management of will and power, are all taught.  Through efficient parenting children develop from dependent, to independent, to interdependent; without it a child or adolescent can become stuck in an earlier stage of development and simply not reach his or her full potential as an adult in interactive and cognitive skills.

Due to the plasticity of the brain through 24-26 (or 28) year old, enculturation is clarified in the young adult years, making schools, and learning institutions opportunities for mind expanding or mind-contracting growth.  Depending on what is happening in those learning institutions.  If feminists say that to be a healthy woman you must have specific political beliefs and specific roles than feminism is diminishing the rights and opportunities of women.

Here is an example of how the feminist movement has lost site of its vision.  

I have been observing a sharp shift in focus in the universities’ presentation of fact versus beliefs in fields that are represented by women’s studies, philosophy, and sociology.  What I am observing is that universities have increasingly become factories to promote propaganda of various ideologies by either stating things are truth, that are simply belief systems, or setting up ‘studies’ to promote these ‘truths’.  Additionally the activities of critical thinking, and interactive investigation through dialogue are less supported and in fact discouraged.

There is a movie out called God’s not Dead  (April 2014) which  documents the inner attack of religion and the attack of specifically christian-faith groups on college and university campuses across America…resulting in over twenty legal civil rights court cases wherein the religious groups and students personal rights were harmed… this underscores my observation that specific prevailing beliefs are being offered as truth in the universities across america...resulting in the universities being propaganda promoters rather than communities of higher learning and free discourse.  Although the movie is a dramatization of these events, the style in which those of faith are attacked in general under the guise of intellectuality is ubiquitous.

This course of feminism, the masculinization of femininity, has resulted in a breakdown in the importance of teaching children, and caring for them.  This role has thus been taken away from the home and has begun to be placed in government agencies, day care systems, and schools.  We don’t efficiently care for them as a society, we are expecting dependence, and we don’t provide the environment that allows for independence and the evolution of consciousness.

To create a new more comprehensive feminist movement yin aspects of femininity need to be honored.

  • All women’s choices for healthy roles in the society need to be valued.
  • Attack of women to reduce their power or control them needs to be disavowed.
  • Transcending the spaces where yin and yang interact to incorporate both in an equal way would result in setting right the current imbalance, offering a true path toward valuing the feminine.

This would result in an elevation of consciousness and the incorporation into leadership, and society, the qualities of compassion, collaboration and unity, all feminine, yin aspects of personality. Many of the answers to the current global dilemmas can be found through a rebalancing of these feminine, yin qualities into feminism.  The power of the feminine is best when it is balanced yin and yang, and that which is at the core feminine in nature provides grace, strength, and power to the solutions therein.

Each reader can create change now, by simply resetting his or her internal balance of yin and yang.  When you transcend the duality of aggression or victim, you elevate consciousness to include balanced yin and yang.  Balanced interaction begets more balance, the shift up is natural and moves instantaneously, it is quantum in nature. Your energy can effect change . Be the change you wish to see in the world.    Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.front cover.me2we

Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one  another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Attachment to Ideology versus Attachment in Bonding

You have mirror neurons in your brain that help you connect and feel empathy, uplevelling consciousness blog, 5.15.14.  These help you develop connections, feel connected, attached in the Bowlby-an sense (Attachment, John Bowlby, Basic Books, 1969) and belong to society.  This is a basic driving force in human development.

But how you develop your connections, how you discern what to do and how to do it is through modeling, through observing your environment so IF your environment is chaotic and skewed you will develop a skew in how you connect, what you perceive as normal, and what you attach to with respect to your group connections, beliefs and values (Bowlby, Holmes, Gineris).

This is how basic marketing, propaganda, and brain-washing work; especially when the information and presentation is intentionally meant to control thinking and actions.  The range of manipulation goes from benign to harmful.

With this in mind, the word attachment has two vastly different meanings depending on the context.

Attachment in bonding can free you, assist you in developing a stronger sense of esteem and resilience or strength

Attachment to ideology can numb you and skew your thinking patterns or actions so that you have limited freedom and control.

Understanding the positive effects of attachment in bonding is really important to use the mirror neurons and modeling to create a higher level of consciousness.  Bowlby’s work references that attachment is necessary for individualization and interdependence.  You move from a dependent relationship to  independence to the capacity for interdependence in relationship. (see more also in Turning No to On: The art of Partnering with Mindfulness, Gineris, 2013).  This cannot be accomplished without attachment.  There is actually a psychiatric behavioral problem called reactive attachment disorder, an excellent 2013 blog re: new DSM 5 criteria for RAD, specifically because being attached is the first step in evolving into an independent whole being able to make connections with others. Attachment in bonding occurs in the first few years of life and if the opportunity is missed, distorted, interrupted, neglectful or traumatic then the capacity for the child to develop a healthy attachment is dramatically affected (negatively).  This is similar to imprinting with ducks, there is a time period within the human brain to incorporate this experience of connection and bonding – when it is missed the child may not be able to efficiently develop empathy, and the capacity for connection.

Understanding the negative aspects of attachment in an entirely different contextBeing attached to an idea or a specific way in which something should look leads a person down a path of inflexibility, and a lack of a capacity to paradigm shift and collaborate; the person is unable to have an interdependent relationship. The person is actually driven to create this picture and therefore misses the opportunities in relationship and life. Here attachment refers to a perception attachment, attachment in perception or paradigm- an attachment to things looking a certain way or an ideology– rather than the concept of attachment to a significant other in bonding.

imagesBAttachment to an idea or perception is something that is cognitive in nature and can be undone. It requires insight.  It requires mindfulness and the capacity to paradigm shift.  When you look at the picture to the left you may see a duck – or a bunny.  What you see has something to do with your attachment to what a duck or bunny look like.  If you are strongly attached to one paradigm you may not be able to see the other.  This is a tangible example of how attachment to an idea can create conflict, battles, where the conflict doesn’t exist.  Both images are there, depending on your orientation.  Most arguments are about perception, orientation, and beliefs that are connected to context.  Once you can see the other side and see both sides then you can see your attachment and then choose to remain attached or find a middle space in the interaction. (Gineris, 2013)

In parenting the more you can develop a strong resilient healthful attachment with your child the better your child’s ability to create powerful, positive relationships throughout his or her life.  For more on how to do that check out the books at the end of this blog.

In relationship the more you can see though your identified attachment to things looking a specific way – which drives you to react habitually in relationships rather than to respond in real time in a mindful way- to mindfully interacting, the better and more fulfilling your relationships can and will be.

When talking about attachment, clarify the context.  Strengthen bonding through trustworthy responsiveness to your child.  Respond in the moment with an open, mindful mind and loving heart, and your relationships will broaden and strengthen. in love and light, bg

Bowlby, John. Attachment. Basic Books Inc, Publishers: New York, 1969.

Gineris, Beth, Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2011.

Gineris, Beth, Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness. Createspace: Charleston, NC, 2013.

Holmes, Jeremy, Attachment, Intimacy, Autonomy. Jason Aronson, Inc: Northvale, New Jersey, 1996.

(Gesell, Ames, and Ilg – any of their books on child development.)

You can find out more in  at http://www.bethgineris.com.front cover.me2we

Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in our relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment,Power, Structure)in love and light, bg