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Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Smile

Getting prepped for the Thanksgiving Holiday?

Whether you will be embracing the holiday with friends and family or alone, Here are some tips to help:

Think SMILE:  Spirit, Mind, Intention, aLignment, and Energy

Holidays can be stressful on your spirit, mind, body and community connections.

A little stress is fine, you can think of how it helps you stretch yourself and push the boundaries of your life and living habits.  But too much stress is harmful, it can lead to inflammation, anxiety, wear and tear on your spirit, attitude, and physical self.

Humans experience stress by hunkering down, pulling in, holding in tense muscles and releasing cortisol.  This is all good if you are faced with a situation that requires immediate reactive attention and action.  But it’s important to then move through that event to recovery and reset…homeostasis, return to balance.

This is a normal aspect of how your integrated physical/emotional/spiritual body works….sympathetic nervous system is the action system in your integrated self and the parasympathetic nervous system is the regenerative system of you integrated self.

Holidays give the promise of regeneration, connection, and gratitude…but often the reality is STRESS…feeling disconnected, running around to make things work, and/or intense feeling of loss or lack for those are not in the situation to be with community.  The last part of this has to do with the basic human empathic drive to connect.  This drive to connect is not just emotional it is hard-wired into your brain through mirror neurons.  Mindful meditation assists in increasing empathy and altruism as part of how your brain works.  Of course having a willingness to simply breathe, meditate and refocus is a great way to deal with stress.  But for any of you who need some tricks to get yourself there, here are some great ideas.

SMILE is a way to help yourself. Not only is the action of smiling releasing of positive chemicals in your brain it also has a relaxing effect on your muscles.  Next, after you smile remember to breathe deeply into your solar plexus…this also causes a deep sense of relaxation and triggers the positive effects of the parasympathetic nervous system.

Have on hand the following helpful Brain foods, spices, smells, and tastes….

Brain foods...Walnuts, pecans, eggs, kidney beans, white beans, ( these food have positive effects on your brain neurotransmitters and strengthen the plasticity of your brain – that’s what helps with memory and learning) ( also these foods have important amino proteins that help strengthen the cortex of your brain) Cacao (that’s right dark chocolate treats anxiety by calming our heart), coffee ( the coffee bean has positive antioxidant and health benefits for brain and heart activity – careful on the amount, stay at 2 cups a day), cauliflower, broccoli, and dark colored berries (blueberries, cherries, raspberries) as well as the amazing energizing, immune strengthening food, goji berries… and wonderful avocado, the best kind of fat necessary to really keep your blood vessels going and your brain working.

Spices…Cinnamon (calms your spirit while energizing your body…balances blood sugar, eases digestion), Licorice (licorice bark, fennel, anise) licorice calms your heart – actually slows your heart pulse, and eases digestion for those upcoming heavy meals, Clove, ( energizes and balances – it has a synergistic effect on your spirit mind and body – which results in a sense of peace, and use these Smells to further positively effect your integrated energetic system.

Tastes..Citrus has an immediate effect on mood..Lemon, and Lime help to diffuse anger; Orange and Bergamot are anti-depressant; peppermint opens the nasal passages and the lungs, oregano helps to balance the internal digestive system.  Clove, frankincense , vanilla, lavender, all, reset and balance deeper levels of dissonance, sadness, grief and loneliness, anxiety and heart injury. These work best both from a taste and scent perspective.

So using these foods as medicine helps you to set the stage for the returning to balance and get your parasympathetic nervous system to engage and shift your energy.

SMILE is a perfect acronym for this – the action reminds you to focus on the attitude of gratitude.

Try these these three things:

  • Pay attention to what is working in your life, rather than what isn’t working…Rather than continuing to pile-on exterior examples of how the world is against you – consider the things that are working in your life…this action helps you focus on the WHOLE of your life and so diminishes the negative effect of your life stressors and increases the positive effect of your life’s benefits.
  • Focus on what you want rather than what you fear..this is a way to reset where your power is- attend to what you have control over and put your energy into that rather than worrying about the events or possibilities that might happen or that you have no control over changing…this is a locus of control concept and resets your locus (place) of control into your internal center.  The result is empowered action and inner strength.
  • Change have to Be… If you want to have something in your relationship, be that.  This is the power of modeling and increasing your internal empowerment and focus on what is working…Gandhi’s:  BE the change you wish to see in the world.

The idea of shifting your perspective to gratitude, is the intention behind the idea of Thanksgiving, when this intention is lost in the activity of making it perfect or feeling like you have nothing to be thankful for, Smile can assist you to shift your perspective.

Smile:  Spirit, Mind, Intention, aLignment, and Energy

Spirit:  reconnect to your heart’s joy through these foods, spices, smells, and tastes..

Mind:  Shift your attitude to where you actually have power, engage compassion, forgiveness, and perspective shifting.

Intention:  reset to your parasympathetic nervous system, slow down and rest what you really want to accomplish- what your goal is for the holiday — the attitude of gratitude.

aLignment:  reorder your priority to what you want not what you fear – to what is working  – what you are grateful for – to where you have power… Ie: if you burn the turkey – you are still all together – so maybe you are having a vegetarian thanksgiving…the old make lemonade out of lemons rather than stressing about approval and perfection.

Energy:  get out and move, make sure you sleep, release and let go of historical grudges – forgive, (if the action is something that disallows you from seeing the person – this is a reasonable choice -> it is the holding on that I am suggesting you release – it happened, it changed you or the other person or your relationship – accept that fact, and then release the anger, fear, and negativity so that it can be placed into your history and not create stress or disease in the now).

Smile.  It is a gift to yourself and a gift to those with whom you interact.  It is a flower that can uplevel your and other’s consciousness.  Smile gratitude, forgiveness, rejuvenate, return to balance. These are good preps to having a Happy Thanksgiving and a positive experience in the coming holidays. in love and light, bg

Check out these videos on Krqe.com in April 2014 and November 2014

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.

front cover.me2weYou may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

 

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg

 

 


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Inner and Outer Reflection, Paradigm shifting

Outer Reflection is how you see.  You make determinations about your self, others, what you have created and what you can create via a mirror–>through what you perceive reflected back to you.  The work in development is to establish an inner picture that can take in new information as it is reflected but can also deflect distorted information. choose Outer Reflection is how you decipher how others see you. What you like in another is often about what you are striving for in yourselves.  Sometimes it works against you, via a thing called projection:

What we dislike in another may also be about something we dislike within ourselves that we don’t want to accept. (this was first identified as a psychological ego defense mechanism by Freud).

reflection Defensiveness is a notable component of projection.  It is also an inner clue to let you know that you are being triggered and reacting from a habit reaction pattern, or in past-tense, rather than in present time.  You can use the feeling of defensiveness to gently nudge you to use Inner reflection to mindfully determine how to respond to a situation.   We are all one unit.  The universe, the plant, animal and human species are one dynamic, interactive organism. The universe is constantly responding to you and you are constantly responding to the universe.  This is the nature of things; it is a kind of ebb and flow. When you get stuck in a habit of reacting, or an attachment to how things should be or look,  then you get caught in a feedback loop wherein you perceive specific things being mirrored back to you that are more about your history than the present moment.  You lose the benefit of the dynamic reflection of the universe, and relationships. Turning No to ON works with this element of reflection…using the mirror reflection of ON from no, to get you to use your inner reflective tools. Inner reflection is mindfulness.  It is an active process of recognizing, perceiving the mirror reflection and then using paradigm shifting to determine the voracity of the outer reflection.  It gives you space, slows time, so that you can actually create broader and deeper connections to your environment, and your community.  It increases understanding, clarifies your place in the world and transcends fear-based reactivity. Turning Me to We in relationships uses inner reflection to include a vision of the world as interdependent rather than narcissistic or defensive.  Narcissistic reactions are all about me, me, me.  They are fear-based and one-dimensional.  Defensive reactions are both me and I, I, I, they are fear-based and two-dimensional.  YOU can Use this reflective aspect of the universe to reset your self and get to neutral, so you can create interdependent, non-fear-based, multi-dimensional relationships that encourage connection and collaboration.

I chose these reflective, mirroring titles to telegraph the importance of transcending reactive, defensive, fear-based interaction. I wanted to encourage at the start this focus on the reflections, not just the meaning of these words, to get you to understand and engage in the internal shift required for health.  You only have power over yourself.  The world within which you live is your creation.  When you own that, you free yourself to make the necessary changes within yourself to create the world you truly desire from your integrated, non-fear reactive, multi-dimensional spirit, mind, body self.

Turning No to ON is moving from No to Yes and Off to On.  It is dynamically and mindfully working with the entire situation within which the No is happening to understand what is being reflected by the child, so that you can shift him or her to an On position ready to participate, interact and learn. When no is turning into ON it has to shift focus, see from a different perspective: see the reflection of the NO so that you can understand the Yes and be ON. When me is turning to we it uses an inversion, a shift in perspective, so that the needs of me shift into the needs and receptivity of we.  You can think of using an inversion to shift the M into a W.

In order to get from Me to WE you have to develop empathy, boundaries and inner security. Me is dependent, needy and insecure. An individual who is relating in a Me style of relationship has loose boundaries, difficulty saying no, and often feels s/he must give up self needs to meet the needs of the other.

I is defensive, competitive and fearful of being engulfed. An individual who is relating in an I style of relationship has rigid boundaries, difficulty saying yes, and fear of being subsumed into the other and lose internal strength. In order to move out of Me and I styles of relating you need to use both the power of reflection from others and a sense of inner security to establish a path through Me and I styles of relating into a We style of relating with mutuality and flexible boundaries. Finally, remember that paradigms are a part of how we interpret these reflections.  Practice inversions and this will assist you in developing a way through the Me and I to the WE or through the No to ON. Paradigm shifting is visual and language.  An example of a visual paradigm shift is the traditional duck/ bunny.imagesB An example of a language paradigm shift is that the name for the Tibetan word for sun is the Hopi word for moon and the Hopi word for Sun is the Tibetan word for Moon.  If you make a straight line from the Hopi land through the earth you come out on the other side in Tibet. http://www.ahastories.com/hopiprophecy.html. Truth is held at the center of all paradigms. When you allow yourself to release your attachment to something being a certain way then you are free to shift your paradigm and connect. Take the time now to understand what matters to you.  Look for ways to be congruent in your beliefs, your thinkings, and your actions.  Allow your words and actions to align with each other.

  • Discern what creates defensiveness, fear, insecurity, and lack of faith in you.
  • Find ways to Create:
  • Connection out of defensiveness,
  • Love and Knowing out of fear,
  • Confidence out of insecurity,
  • and Faith out of lack of faith.
  • Do this and everything you desire will be at your heart center and your fingertips.

Use these uncomfortable feelings to teach you about yourself through Inner and Outer Reflection.  You will become the strongest person in your world, empowered to create what you desire. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through the Turning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Social policy, unintended consequences, and how wolves create rivers

In Sociology there is a term that is used to discuss the problem with social change policies, unintended consequences.

There has been a longstanding debate in the field of Sociology, regarding what to do with the information gathered through observation, even participant-observation, by sociologists.  Should sociologists use the information to create social policy, social change OR should sociologists remain observers and educators about what they learn so that humans can be more fully educated and then free to make the best choice for themselves in small groups and individually. Currently we are in a time-continuum where the social change aspect of sociology is winning that debate.

Bias is the biggest problem in the practice of sociology.  Since bias is imbedded into each sociologist’s consciousness through her upbringing and social group connections it becomes difficult to see personal bias.  Therefore, sociologists are at risk for introducing bias into the equation of truth without consciously knowing it. The process of paradigm shifting, critical thinking and mindfulness greatly assists sociologists in recognizing their bias, but it is a constant challenge.

In science the practice of the double-blind study is meant to resolve these issues.  However, for sociologists the type of study is observation and cataloguing, even in participant-observation an investigator ‘joins’ the group, simply to observe.  You can think of this as an undercover officer without any intention of actually stopping tragedies that are observed.  This is how the original focus was on identifying and reporting observations; you can think of this like the Prime Directive of no interference in Star Trek.  Education was the way to create change rather than directly participating in social ‘justice’ change policy.  Recognizing that society is dynamic, living the sociologist observes but avoids interfering with the process due to the risk of unintended consequences…what western biological medicine might call bad side effects of specific pharmaceuticals.

Let’s look at a few changes that have come through this action of social change policy.

Unintended consequences of No-fault divorce.

Prior to 1985, in order to get divorced fault had to be proved by one of the married parties.  The thinking in the eighties was that this resulted in high incidence of suicide by wives and high incidence of domestic violence against women.  So the passage of no-fault divorce was thought to assist women to feel more free and empowered.  Unfortunately, it resulted in the ‘feminization of poverty’ and more children living in poverty.

From Wikipedia:  A paper published in The Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy, written by Douglas Allen, on the economics of same-sex marriage, argues that the introduction of no-fault divorce led to a six-fold increase in just two years after a century of rather stable divorce rates. Also, the law increased the rate at which women entered the workforce, increased the number of hours worked in a week, increased the feminization of poverty, and increased the age at which people married. ( Allen, Douglas (June 22, 2006). “An economic assessment of same-sex marriage laws.”Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy 29.)

A more useful action would be to educate children about choosing partners, the MAAPS concept developed by Gineris, 2013, and being mindful in marriage choices.  The debate to allow same-sex couples to marry has missed out on this aspect of importance in creating positive, powerful partnerships regardless of gender combination.

The ACA has already led to unintended consequences.

The focus by the ACA was on creating more insurance.  Coming from a perspective within the healthcare system as a provider and a receiver it is noticeable already that, unfortunately, at least so far ACA has resulted in less access to healthcare. In the last six months the number of individuals covered with insurance has dropped, due to actions resulting from the ACA.  Few individuals were able to get coverage who were not previously covered in 2008.    The intended outcome target has been missed and the trend is downward.  (For those individuals reading this that tend toward cynicism,  this may be a private intended consequence of those who put the ACA it into place because they are interested in a different form of insurance…however it is an unintended consequence from the historical statements of the intention to create a source for better access to healthcare at a lower price.)

A more powerful effect of sociological data about lifespan and lifestyle would have been to educate individuals on the benefits of caring for their physical vehicle, emotions and consciousness.  Education on how to live healthfully to avoid the need for healthcare. This creates an opportunity for individuals to take ownership in creating their own health and managing their choice in this regard.  Education increases understanding and therefore power to create personal change.  This is the dynamic aspect of society. Change from within based on many individuals making similar choices due to knowledge and experience.

if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, if you teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime….’

Day-care, having your child be raised by the community rather than your personal family social system has resulted in unintended consequences.

Parents have less say in the care of their children.  Due to the nature of human beings learning about how to be in a community from their caregivers in early childhood, the influence of the parent has greatly reduced and the influence of the state has greatly increased.  Parents chose daycare to increase their freedom to work – often a necessity, however they were unaware of the consequence of losing influence in the beliefs, personality, and behavior of their own children.

In addition the psychological makeup of the child raised in daycare is to be cared for by the a group or community, thus the seedling idea that the government owes a person certain positive rights.

A more effective use of the sociological knowledge of how children develop beliefs, their MAAPS for relationship, and values is to educate parents and children as they develop, about these concepts so that individuals can be more empowered and free to make these choices in parenting and care.

Making pot legal will result in unintended consequences.

This is controversial for me to say.  I know.  Many alternative healers feel that marijuana is positive.  Often I hear my colleagues espousing its benefits.  My experience both as a psychotherapist and as an energy field healer belies this.  Pot mucks up the electromagnetic field so that the person over time is cut off from his or her direct sensory system connection to spirit.  Yes some individuals may describe feeling more connected to spirit when they are under the influence of pot, but they have lost their direct connection through their electromagnetic field and have diminished their effectiveness of their sensory  guidance system.  The effects of this remains even after the person stops using marijuana and can only be healed through energetic clearing tf the person’s electromagnetic-field by an energy worker.  So the unintended consequence is to diminish the person’s connection to spirit and to make the person dependent upon the drug to have the inspirational experience.  Additionally, long-term, excessive use diminishes a person’s sense of innovation and will, resulting in a constant state of being slightly like a zombie.

Education openly about issues that underly pot use would be more fruitful than simply saying it is harmless, no more harmful than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol.  This would allow for each individual to make an evaluation from a more holistic perspective.

The hypocrisy of professors, like Bill Ayes, who makes over 100K a year and teaches anti-Americanism: “I pray every day that I can change America and get rid of Capitalism”…he isn’t off the grid he is living through Capitalism.  He argues against financial inequality while actually creating it with his behavior. The challenge of being in a position of expert is to unintentionally miss out on the opportunity to actual teach the positive effects of thinking through a problem personally using mindfulness and critical thinking.  Using the position of teacher or professor to speak the truth without teaching the importance of dialogue and critical thinking to continuing to evaluate the veracity of that truth, is wholly unethical and creates the unintended consequence of creating ignorance rather than increasing the skills for decision-making and upleveling consciousness.

A more useful application of the sociological information about power and community is to create a space wherein the participant can sort through the answer though mindfulness and critical thinking.  Educating students on how to think, how to use their brains to think through a problem, deduction rather than just come up with the answer the professor determines true, in a Sherlock Holmsian style of clarity and mindfulness would allow for continued consciousness elevation for the entire community of human beings, and ultimately the planet.

The Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 and the Child Abuse Act of 1974,2010 seem to have fared better than the above examples.

The Indian Child Welfare Act (1978) was originally set in place in response to several things, the high incidence of children leaving the reservations and being raised in non-Indian homes which led to a high incidence of depression and suicide as the children reached adolescence (far greater than those children adopted who were from non-indian families).  This appeared to be a cultural issue as well as a psychosocial developmental issue.  In addition, there was concern from the Native American community that the Native American culture was being decimated by the loss of their children to carry it onward.

There were problems in dealing with how a child was identified as Indian, in that various tribes had different percentages of Native blood or connection to a tribal roll as ways to identify a being as Native American. As time went on it also became an issue if the child had never been a part of the Native Community (1982) especially if the parents had not actually lived in the Native Community in their own upbringing.  However, the intended consequences were met positively, due to this act the incidence of suicide by Native American children in early adolescence decreased dramatically, and far more Native American children were endowed with their cultural heritage.

The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act  (1974, 2010) has had a positive effect on the increasing recognition and identification of child abuse by parents and communities, and the general understanding of the societal culture.  There have been difficulties with managing the regulation of foster parents and managing how to respond to these kinds of problems with families either through criminal cases or education through various state agencies developed to protect children removed from unsafe homes.

These Mantras clarify how to proceed as a sociologist.  Those who don’t study history tend to repeat it.  Because there are cycles in the sociological development of human communities. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  This is based in the problem of a legislative, bureaucracy making decisions that require the fineness of individuality.  An agency moves too slowly and cumbersomely to make adjustments that are personal and individualized.  Regulation and individual freedom work against each other unless the regulation is set up to protect negative rights versus positive rights, ie: the basis of the US Constitution.    And finally, the strongest ethical position for all sociologists: know your biases, act from a neutral non-biased perspective.

Counselors who are in the business of change are constantly working to maintain a watchful eye on their own biases in how they assist their clients and patients to change.

Mindfulness, Compassionate understanding, Critical thinking by drilling down as well as expanding the knowledge of whatever you are attempting to resolve increases your opportunity create change that elevates the consciousness of the planet. As you take care in your own assumption about what is true, pay attention to an inner pressure to make another do what you feel is right. Stop, Look and Listen to yourself and the other person, stop acting… take a break, and go within to observe yourself and the underlying assumptions you hold, return to center.

And if you are being pressured against your own inner sense of knowing, that is free of bias but truly instinctive, then you can use your critical thinking and mindfulness to take the best action for your self. When pulled in to create policy, actually discern for yourself what you believe, pay attention to the dynamic aspect of society, listen thoroughly and investigate fully before you proceed with a proposal to avoid social policy change that results in unintended consequences. in love and light, bg

dr beth gineris is an integrative medicine practitioner in albuquerque, new mexico. she offers compassionate, mindful guidance to online coaching clients and clinic patients daily using her medical intuitive, clinical counseling, energetic rebalancing, and oriental medicine skills.  a great class on MAAPS and how to have more positive and empowering relationships is happening in Albuquerque, NM at the center March 15, 2014. Reserve your place at http://www.bethgineris.com  

Spiritual consciousness evolution happens through transcending and connecting to the place where spirit and human are best, not one better than the other. bg


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easy centering meditation for all ages

This is an easy way to teach kids how to meditate

Benefits of meditation Begin with breath.

Sit comfortably.

Close your eyes.

Imagine golden light coming in the top of your head and moving down along the interior of your body along your spine with your in-breath.

As you exhale imagine negative energy, stress, fears, or obstacles moving out your feet.

If you like you can think of how the sun feels on your back to get an image of warmth moving through you.

Breathe in so that your tummy gets big and breathe out so that your tummy gets smaller.
Breathe in for a count of 3 and out for a count of 5 (after a while you may want to breathe in for a count of 5 and out for 7 or even long but always have your out-breath be longer by two counts).

You can have you child teach a favorite stuffy to help learn the routine.

In medicine the best strategy to habituate yourself to a procedure is see 1, do 1, teach 1.  So use that strategy here to help inculcate for your child the meditation process.

After 10 to 20 breaths have a strong exhalation and open your eyes; you will feel refreshed.
You can lengthen the time you breathe to 3 – 5 minutes.

Encourage your child to practice in the morning and the evening.

3-5 minutes for younger children is an excellent practice.  As your child becomes more practiced you can increase to 15 minutes twice a day.  Long time meditators may meditate for 30 or more minutes.  Let your experience define what is best for you and your child.

Encourage your child to use this technique when faced with a stressful event.  After practice it will become a natural instinctive method in response to feeling out of balance, feeling fearful or stressed.

You can do this too and it will reinforce your child’s practice.

Enjoy!  in love and light, bg

beth's book No to ONOn April 5, 2014, I will be teaching a course on the use of mindfulness to treat anxiety for coaches, teachers and parents, at the Center for Instinctive Health Medicine…. Mindfulness techniques to reduce anxiety & stress, in children, excellent for counselor, caregivers, coaches, and teachers  tuition $120, April 5, 2014, 9-3, 6 hours of ceu for counselor and therapists— includes applications for children and adolescents for parent/teacher training. [this class can be purchased for training in classroom or counselor site training – modified to fit your needs – contact dr. gineris by email]….. These techniques are great for counselors and I offer CEUs for nm licensed counselors, you can sign up through my website, www.bethgineris.com.

front cover.me2wedr beth gineris is the author of Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (2011) and Turning ME to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness (2013).  She endeavors to assist individuals in the process of upleveling their consciousness in everyday interactions to experience profound love, connection and care in their relationships and communities.  You can find her books on amazon.com and through her website.


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Turning Me to WE, understanding the Me-style of partnership

Dear Friends Welcome!

A friend requested elucidation of how the Me-style works if you are the one who gives yourself away by not holding or setting boundaries, especially when you are in partnership with a person who tends toward narcissism.

The me style is the concept ‘two halves make a whole’  perspective.  If in your situation you are the one who can’t say no, you have difficulty setting the boundary. If you are partnered with a narcissist, your partner has no capacity for empathy, no ability to actually see your point of view.  In psychological terms a person who is narcissistic is not specifically selfish – you can be selfish and not be narcissistic. To be diagnosed as a narcissist you have to lack empathy. The other diagnosis that has no capacity for empathy is a sociopath. What the two have in common is this lack of empathy.

Typically people who are caught in relationships with either sociopaths or narcissists have poor boundaries and lack self esteem (undeveloped inner security) and so don’t say no. They lose their sense of me, giving it away to their partner in hopes to feel/be loved.

The question where is the me is an apt one. The set of parameters for the me-style is dependency, diffuse or no boundary, lacks empathy, inner insecurity.   Remember it’s a style of partnering – so the driving focus is the driving me-need (for the giver away of self – the me-need that is driving is a need to be loved by an other – so although it looks like there is no me on her/his part, s/he is being driven by an insecurity me-need).

YOU can strengthen yourself by developing a healthy set of boundaries (defining and living through a set of boundaries of what is reasonable to give and take in relationship) and a healthy style of saying no ( identifying when you feel taken for granted by developing your awareness of your senses) as well as developing your inner security (discovering what you want and not accepting less than that- this includes recognizing your strengths and your limitations, and how these play into what you want in relationship).

Setting up these boundaries, increasing your sense of inner security, and developing compassion for yourself and your partner will get you ready for an independent, I-style relationship.

You may either grow together into a clearer more bounded relationship OR you may release each other to develop the next style of relating:  Two circles 00 walking side-by-side independently with firm, clear boundaries.  In this, the I-style, you may have to deal with stiffer boundaries as you develop your capacity to say no.  You may even find you are less flexible because you are defining those lines that you do not want crossed.

Once you feel comfortable in that kind of relationship you can develop flexibility with your boundaries and your paradigm recognition, shifting, and integration…. Thus allowing you to easily Move Into interdependence, through focus on connection and collaboration where both parties matter and a we-style of relationship.

Development through the different styles is a process.  Once you know where you are in the series of Me, dependent (co-dependent, driven by a set of inner insecurities), diffuse boundaries; I, independent (rigid boundaries, unable to say yes, due to a fear of losing self); We, interdependent, flexible boundaries focused on what you want rather than what you fear; then you can use that knowledge to develop qualities of empathy, boundaries, and inner security to get unstuck and achieve a more mutually satisfying relationship.

You can find out more in  Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, (Gineris 2011); Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, (Gineris 2013).front cover.me2we

and discover where you are in the MAAPS section.  This will help you to manage your insecurities and understand how and why you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure). in love and light, bg


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Facing Fears, Disarming bullies

Heart pounding in your chest when you look at or think about someone?  It might be love..

or it might be fear.  How you interpret that pounding is context.

To face your fears and disarm the power of bullies you have to shift your interpretation of that pounding from fear requiring flight…..

  • to acknowledgement requiring mindful action…
  • and then to love seeking an opportunity for recognition.

Facing fears is knowing your self and then seeing, understanding, and clarifying how you fit into the situation you are facing.

This is best done, gently and quietly, allowing your heart to guide your actions.

Fears derive from  a lack of knowing…

  • a habit-reaction to another experience that feels similar…
  • control or mis-allocation of energy toward protection…
  •  mis-understandings.. of yourself and expectations, or  of another and expectations (or both)
  • an inappropriate paradigm that doesn’t take into account the whole picture of ‘what is’.

Love is indeed the best treatment for fear.

But getting from the fear to love can be blocked or feel impossible if you haven’t developed your internal path to grace.

To a lesser degree getting from anger or insecurity to forgiveness and gratitude is also difficult.

These steps can help.

  • Set aside time to discover who you are through breath, meditation, journaling. yoga, and other creative pursuits.
  • Practice using the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, to reset your placement of power august 15, 2012 post four agreements plus one (this strongly diminishes your sense of fear).
  • Set your internal personal goals as paramount for your energy and behavior so that you are not spending oodles of time meeting others expectations but rather directly focusing your energy and resources on what brings you joy.  This returns you to empowerment rather than a sense of smallness and disempowerment. It moves you out of reactivity and into proactivity.
  • Accept that your path to ‘greatness’ doesn’t follow the same path as others and embrace your friends’ successes with the sense that this increases your chance of greatness too (rather than experiencing the sense of competition or limited chances to greatness).
  • Focus love and compassion toward yourself and others.
  • Release the need to prove your point.

Be willing to adjust your position as you receive new information.  Be free to grow, change, and uplevel your understanding and consciousness.

  • Receive criticism from others as if it is coming from someone who deeply and truly loves you, this shifts your receptiveness, because it disallows a sense of defensiveness  – then you can ascertain if there is a grain of truth in it or of no value.

The idea of someone trying to overpower you is co-created.  You and she co-create the drama.  You can disarm the overpowering fear by following these steps.  In most circumstances this will free you to create a different more equally empowering situation.  If it doesn’t, if the other person really wants control, just remember you have free will in how you want to participate.

You cannot engage your free-will when you are in a reactive mode.  Pay attention to what causes reactivity in you. Heal that and you can remove the target from your back for those who are consciously and unconsciously engaging in this fear promoting behavior.

This will free up a huge amount of energy for you to create precisely what your heart desires.

Make real efforts to not act as if you are somehow more evolved than another, that actually is a provocative/bullying tactic. in love and light, bg

front cover.me2we

Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.


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Living in the Light…be a rebel

merkabah portalLiving in the Light is more than being positive.

Living in the Light is knowing that you are loved, knowing that you are protected, knowing that you are in sync with your higher self and higher power goals.

The power to change your world, and by transitive property the world around you, is in your mindset.  Your perception of yourself at the center of your world.  This is not a narcissistic centeredness, it is a grounded and upleveled understanding that what you experience as truth is what you see.

So if you experience as truth the world is against you and you are a victim, this will be what you identify in all your interactions and therefore, what you will reinforce as truth.  You will enhance the energy of lack and being invisible or unappreciated.

However, if you stand in the center of your life, and expect good things to be your experience you will observe miracles all around you.  This requires a willingness to eschew fear, ‘what if’, ‘if only’, and anxiety as your experience of the world.  It requires an unbounded  willingness to see how the world is working on your behalf and have faith in the spiritually upleveled aspects of the world around you.  This requires compassion, lovingkindness, and a focus on connection rather than competition.  So, when you hear hatefulness spewing from another rather than reacting in hatefulness, you send to that person love and compassion; you allow yourself to hear the pain, fear, or misunderstanding underneath that hate so that you can assist in his or her elevation by simply responding with love and compassion.  Remember, a fight can only continue when you punch back.  If you do not engage in the fight with reactive hatred or anger, you open the space for understanding, peace, forgiveness and light to enter.

In the animal world, the alpha male and alpha female exert power over the group through competition for limited resources.  Often physical strength and creation of alignments push out others and create a space where the alpha exerts control.  Today we simultaneously label this bullying and reinforce it with the according of power — this mixed message of  it being labeled bad when a little boy or girl is mean but give power to the winner of a very negative political race — makes it so that the societal message is that playing dirty, winning at all costs and bullying is wholly and completely acceptable in fact honored, so that living in the light is actually going against the norm in this current alpha society.

Our political world has used this style of power to control how the population makes decisions about who is to be in power – using whether something is ‘cool’ as a standard of what to follow.  The political world, the publicist, the hollywood environment, uses this to market the buying population and focuses on pre-teens, teenagers, young adults, and those who want to be perceived as hip like these youngsters to control power positions, and make money, even controlling the population to make decisions that are not in their individual best interests.  Even the world of spirit, and spiritual health has been overrun with this idea of cool, propaganda for profit.  Unfortunately this has made it so there are many groups that use this combination of alpha group power and spiritual upleveling in cohesion so that it is cool to be part of some religions but not others rather than encouraging an overall elevation of spiritual interaction and action on the planet.  You can see this in how the political arena tries to scapegoat and denigrate certain people for their religious beliefs and uplevel others that will increase their level of cool.

Living in the light is applying a standard of true spirituality, sincere faithful attention with compassion and lovingkindness toward all beings, as each struggles to find his or her place in the world.  So that an enlightened approach, to those who see the world differently from yourself, is to have a willingness to understand their paradigm and then look for ways that you and she agree, so that a true and real conversation can be had rather than a power struggle for power in the marketplace.

Love is the great balancer and neutralizer.  Lovingkindness and compassion allow you to live in the light in your approach to all human beings, animals, and plants.  It is through this method that the earth shall survive.  It is though this method that balance can be reset in the natural earth, because it is the beta mentality that is what is needed for the global society and earth balance to happen.  The Beta and the Omega look to balance the Alpha, but our political environment has gone too far with the alpha power structure.  This hierarchical style cannot contain the global needs of the earth.  The beta-mentality looks for connections, is inclusive and accepting.  The omega-mentality is playful, diffuses negativity, and creates an environment for letting off steam without reprisal.  The alpha-mentality is most useful in third-dimensional thinking of right/wrong, good/bad, and limited resources, when there is danger from without and there is a need for absolute power, however the dependence on this style of leading, solely, has allowed for oppression, divisiveness, out-grouping, and propaganda to the detriment of global societies.  This is not to say that the way forward is through the social-democratic, progressive beliefs of socialism or an over-dependence on governments,  Unfortunately these policies enhance the use of propaganda and alpha-style mentality; they create a different style of hierarchy, not centered in the light or spirit.  Rather than increase the use of true cohesiveness, connectedness, and mindfulness they diminish even further the importance of elevating all and create a different societal structure that will ultimately create an even smaller degree of peace.

Much of my writing is about paradigm shifting and mindfulness as a way of dealing with not only individual, but also small group and large group interactions.  These ideas are infused in many religions, many philosophies both east and west and many successful groups.  Not one belief system holds the patent on the idea of mindfulness; it part of Taoist, Judeo-Christian, Hindu, Native American and many other religious and philosophical tenets.

To live in the light is to be continually bringing yourself back to neutral and to discover within yourself a positive bent in all that you do so that you are actually shining light onto others and yourself to bring in the beta-mentality of connection and uplevel capacity of the whole group.

Be a rebel.  Make a decision today to lighten your perspective,

  • move into the light in all our perceptions
  • eschew competition, fear, limitations, and division,
  • look beneath the powerful emotional arguments of the propaganda and publicity around you, look at what is considered cool, and see if it fits with what actutally uplevels your world, and the society at large
  • look for, and allow yourself to see, the underlying goal, of the denigration of specific groups, to acqurie political power
  • use mindfulness, lovingkindness, compassion and the beta or omega mentality in all of your interactions

In this way you will create peace within yourself and experience connection and understanding in your world.  Love is the answer.  Love is the way.

in love and light, namaste, bg

front cover.me2we

Gineris, Beth. Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness, 2011; Turning ME to WE:  The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, 2013.