InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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teach peace, teach resilience

Hello and Welcome.

Two helpful mantra images:

Water and Tree;

teach peace, teach resilience.

Water Ripple“Be like a tree” when under stress.  Allow your roots to dig deeply into the earth and ground you.  Allow your branches, and trunk to sway with the pressure of the wind.  Know that your center is strong and holds you stable as you flexibly respond to the assault and pressure of the storm.  In this way you will find peace and resilience, inner knowing, strength, security, and flexibility so that you are not torn asunder and bereft.

lao tzu“Be like water ” when in danger or working with tender beings.  Gently yet with perseverance flow, guide, assist, and lightly wash away that which does not serve yourself or others.  In this way you will find peace and resilience, inner guidance, clarity, strength, security, flexibility, and truth so that propaganda and ill-will cannot affect you.

In all things patience, action, attitude and intention matter.  Feel the joy in every moment and your heart will sing, Namaste, in love and light, bg


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Poetic Experiences of Motherhood

Hello and Welcome.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to share two  poetic experiences of motherhood for me.

Max and Beautiful Alien (kate).  I am so lucky to understand the world of mother  through Birthing and Grafting to my family tree… These beings filling my mothering world with joy, challenge, and satisfaction.

Max

Secretly, I want to hold you here

Keep you right here with me

Never let you go.

I want this moment to be held in time.

This perfect moment,

When my dreams come true in a kaleidoscope of joy.

Waiting

my whole life Before I knew you,

Before I knew myself really;

I have been waiting this whole time to hear you call me MOM

And now this moment has happened.

This joy, so profound, I don’t want to let go.

I don’t want the next moment to come.

I want time —————– Suspended.

Perfection transforms into the mundane.

The miracle

creates a new world;

opens a reality that changes everything;

Creates it’s own time-suspension through transformation.

what was

no longer

is

Joy like an inner smile, constantly warming me, knows only the new world.

What we created transformed us both;

Birthed us each anew

to this perfect brave new world.

beth gineris

Beautiful Alien 

(kate mary sophia)

This being in my belly grows

She consumes my energy

Transforming each molecule into her growth

I am struck by her sheer, survivalistic nature

driven,

just taking what she needs to grow.

As for me I graciously give, in a protective, one-minded sort of way,

Through a deep feeling of care and maternalistic nature

Dissociating myself from my own needs in order to first meet hers.

Thank god for the chemicals in my brain that endear her to me

Without that, my body might dispose of her, interpret her a parasite…

Like a caterpillar engorging himself with each green life he touches

Building energy to transform

So does she devour whatever energy available, taking from my reserve if necessary

This process of development is deeply ingrained in my being

Stored in the center of each cell

Awakened by the first want of her

Never to be extinguished.

Her conception

Creates me as the chrysalis,

transforming not just one being but two.

I now understand the plight of the caterpillar driven forward

Toward his destiny of metamorphosis.

I too feel the hardening of the walls

The change looming

Until I am someone

Not previously here…

Forever changed into Mother

Never to be the other again.

beth gineris

What fun to mark mother’s day with remembrance of the power of caring, and the inter-transformational effect of mother and child….write a poem for yourself to mark the beauty of your relationship either with your mother or your child; this exercise can shift your perspective positively. In love and light, Namaste, bg


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When What You Believe Matters!

Hello and Welcome!

I am excited to share about a new book out there called I Believe:  When What you Believe Matters! by Eldon Taylor.  What I like about it is that it offers lots of studies and examples of how your beliefs drive what you create.  It has a lot of the great tools found in Esther Hicks’ books but with a scientific component that really brings substance to the material.

Everyone is extolling praises for this book, including famous personalities such as Lindsay Wagner, John Gray, Ph.D., James Van Praagh, Larry Dossey, M.D., and Stanely Krippner, Ph.D.  I know you will find this book valuable, both personally and for your own business.

The information in this book is consistent with the information you find in my writings about the importance of congruence in your thinking and actions and mindfulness.

I Believe: When What You Believe Matters! reveals the importance of choosing your every life belief and the effects these choices have on the quality of your life—, impacting areas that may surprise you in ways you have not thought of. Eldon Taylor even shows how these belief choicepoints can influence how long you will live and how your DNA expresses itself.  Your belief paradigms affect what you will allow yourself to see and hear; each belief effecting many consequences.

He talks about it like  a spider web that continually builds upon itself often trapping us where we don’t want to be.

I hope you get a chance to check out this new book.  It’s got a lot of great stuff in it about how your thinking defines your being. It’s like a type of spiritual sociology.  Enjoy, bg


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seeing miracles, creating healing

If you want to find the secrets of the universe think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration – Nikola Tesla

Hello friends

The miracle of healing is at your fingertips.  It is simply a matter of seeing, listening and responding to your senses, energy, frequency and vibration.

I see immediate and complete transformation in my practice, relationships, and life every day!

The corresponding elements that allow for this are a matter of knowing, belief, and sight.  It is through this knowing belief and seeing that the miracle presents itself.  It is greater than a course in miracles.  It is an instantaneous truth seen through your eyes when you are completely connected to your sensory guidance system and the healing knowledge of sight and action.

Your sight must be aligned with the frequency, energy, and vibration of health, light, and spiritual knowing.  From this wavelength and universe all things are possible.

This allows for the immediate perception of a miracle.

Three steps will help you to see the miracle.

  • First, use your inner sight connected to your inner knowing.  So that you are open to how the fabric of your life can shift to create, offer the miracle – this results in seeing the miracle.
  • Second, accept that choice is the ultimate foundation for each soul on the planet.  And you do not have the power to change another person’s choice for his or her life.
  • Third, see the miracle in each event…even when your first reaction is to say that no miracle exists.  Pay attention to the energy of the event and within you the intensity of your reaction.  Vibration and frequency are also useful in assisting you to discern the message therein… once you have aligned yourself with the miracle you can bring forth a healing either in spirit, cognition/thinking or the body/physically.

The universe is always offering a gift to move you toward your soul’s path.  How –  that is true is the tricky part.  Seeing the miracle requires integrating spirit, mind, and body knowings as well as energy, frequency, and vibration.  Use paradigm shifting through compassionate sight and inversions to see the balance in the universe.  Use a long, broad view to understand what the universe is presenting as a miracle.

A fourth step helps to align with the miracle and integrate the lesson.

  • Embrace even those events that are painful and look for the healing lesson within – you will know when you have found that lesson when you find yourself, smiling, looking lovingly on another or a new perception of the event, and feeling a release of anger and fear.

Miracles are the norm in your life…. as you train your internal dialogue and sight to attend to your sensory guidance system you will experience them in every step of your life.  The natural outcome to this state is love, peace, upleveling consciousness, collaboration, acceptance, and success in all of your endeavors.

This is a quantum shift in experience and knowing; a quantum shift in energy, frequency and vibration.  Once you allow yourself to see differently you will act and be different, immediately, in a quantum and whole way.  Paradigm recognition, shifting,integration and creation in the moment.  in love and light, bg


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moving from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection

Hello

When working with relationships one of the first necessary steps is to look at how the parties relate.

  •  Are they defensive and competitive?
  • Do they maintain a balance sheet of exchange patterns?
  • Do they spend time and energy listening to their partners point of view seeking to understand or waiting to find the flaw in the argument?

How parties relate gives you information about what is driving each person and what is the underlying foundation of the relationship.  Once you have a sense of this you can identify the underlying needs.  Evaluation of what is driving each individual results in n integrated picture of needs, exchange patterns, belief systems, paradigmatic structures, connections and relationship and security structures.

Narcissism and Competition in relationship are forms of relating that disallow inter-action and interdependence.  These are styles of relating that are part of a singular, need-focused structure.

Narcissism tends to be a ME form of relating and often results in a co-dependent relationship structure.  In this structure  the parties utilize an exchange pattern and the paradigmatic structure is you take care of me and me take care of you; each exchange is noted and weighted, and the parties require an equal exchange for each action of care.  Need underlies the tie to each other and there is a lack of independent action or thinking.  It may appear collaborative but in actuality the giving is highly conditional.  The insecurity in this type of relationship is that the other completes him and so abandonment is feared; there is a high degree of separation anxiety.  These partnerships require intense agreement on everything and do not respond well to independent thinking.  Intensity can be the marker of intimacy rather than a sense of trust and security.  From a financial perspective one party may have all the financial responsibility and the other party may have all the emotional responsibility.  The exchange is money for support.  In this style of relationship the two persons are halves to the one whole, there is no individuality, only couple.

Competition tends to be an I form of relating and often results in a pairing that is independent without inter-action or interdependence.  Each party is in a wholly enveloped structure.  There is no dependence or co-dependence, as you might see with a ME structure, but there is no inter-dependence either.  Each party stands on his or her own two feet.  It is as if the two people are walking side-by-side.  There is no integration or mixing of the two beings.  Fairness and rigid boundaries are the characteristics of this type of relationship.  There can be an exchange pattern balance sheet but this has more to do with winners of the competition and proof of being right rather than what each brings to the partnership.  The financial structure of this relationship is independent as well; each person pays his or her way and if there is a need for a money exchange it is set up via a contract or with some set of conditions and plan for pay back.  The emotional structure is equally self-contained.  In this style of relationship the two persons are two persons, there is no sense of we-ness or group only the two selves walking side by side.  Here the insecurity centers around avoiding dependence and connection as this is seen as a way to stay free from bondage.

Collaboration and connection are a third wave of partnership.  In this style of partnership the two parties have an interdependence and integration without a loss of individual selves.  In this style of relationship the two persons maintain a sense of self and have individual beliefs and experiences AND the two have an integrated participation with each other which is we.  In this style of partnering there is space for two Is and a We, interaction incorporates a tapestry of flexibility, a weaving that results in a rich experience of collaboration, connection and a sense of increase.  This WE style of relating offers enhancement of each party, without a loss of freedom. It is flexible, accepting, and inter-dependent.  The security is derived through a sense of support and connection without a loss individuality.  Conflict in this style of relating offers a way to work through issues to come to a higher level of understanding and connection to each other that incorporates each person’s core desires, needs and beliefs.  It is a function of negotiation rather than a compromise.  Financial and emotional structures are interrelated and integrated so that both parties are flexibly participatory, flowing easily in a responsive, dynamic fashion.

Once you have found your style you can begin to shift your attention in the relationship.  Embrace your fears and your insecurities and embark on a journey to move from narcissism and competition to collaboration and connection.

These styles of relating are developmental in nature, you are able to move through these various styles or structures through loving, attention to your own security and individual fear-based patterns.  Mindfulness is a useful focus of thinking to assist you and your partner to evaluate and transcend  your personal blockages in relationships.

Development of your personal sensory guidance system will be highly valuable in this process.

You can use these models to determine what kind of relationship structure you are in and then use mindfulness to uplevel your style of relating.

  • If you discover that you are in a Me oriented relationship turn your love toward yourself so that you can be the best partner to yourself first, this is a beginning step to moving to independence.
  • If you find you are in an I oriented relationship trust yourself and your partner to risk giving and receiving in an unconditional way.  Create a belief that being connected can be fulfilling rather than disheartening, this will open your heart to create a path of connection with your partner.

Mindful, loving, attention toward yourself and your partner opens the door for a shift in how you relate.  Namaste, beth


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Your personal sensory guidance system, reveals truth.

Hello

The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days – Lao Tzu

You have within you a perfectly fine-tuned personal sensory guidance system.  It includes your five senses of hearing, touching, seeing, tasting, and smelling plus your intuition.  This integrated system of intuitive understanding combines to inform you about your environment and your actions.  Use of this system guides you on a path that is in your best interest and away from that which is not.

To develop this system pay attention to your senses.

  • Do things feel off or right on?
  • Do they look clear or askew?
  • Does the information go in with veracity or in a sticky fashion?
  • Do you have a bad taste in your mouth or does something not smell right?
  • Is there congruence or incongruence in another’s statements and behaviors?

These questions orient you to listen, feel, see, know through your personal guidance system.

It is in the quiet, light, notions and intuitions that you can feel and know.  These represent the direct and ever vigilant guidance of your personal guidance system.

Truth is revealed from within, from your integrated sensory guidance system.  When you get information from an outside source translate it through your personal guidance system.

Pay attention.

Apply mindfulness.

Focus your compassion and lovingkindness toward the whole of the situation and pay attention to the messages you receive from within from your sensory guidance system.  The presented messages can guide your actions thoughtfully,  mindfully and with compassion.

Delay immediate, reactive-responses to loud, forceful, manipulative messages from without, especially when your receive contradictory information from your personal guidance system or you experience these as out of sync.  Efficient responsive action comes from your personal guidance system.

To develop your relationship to your sensory guidance system.

  • Incorporate a daily breath and meditation practice.
  • Use your third ear to listen.
  • Listen, pay attention, hear with your whole being, to the content and the non-verbal aspects of what is said.
  • Practice daily Yoga, even a 10 minute focus on breath or the sun salutation to bring you into your integrated spirit, mind, body vehicle.
  • Question from a mindful space the basis of other’s beliefs while listening with your sensory guidance system.
  • Treat yourself with the same love and kindness you use to treat others; pay attention to the whole of how others treat you.

These actions allow for increased understanding of both other and yourself. Namaste,beth


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Covey’s Win-Win or No Deal, and a word about psychopaths

Greetings !

I just returned from an amazing event that offered an elevated example of how groups can indeed find agreement and harmony through a concerted effort to focus energies on the thread of connecting and similar thought and a commitment to upleveling consciousness.

The focus of seeing where there is agreement and to honor a partnership of love, offered a perfect starting point for compassionate mindfulness.  Several politically and culturally diverse groups came together in harmony without the need to compete, push their agenda or malign the others.  I  observed individuals who typically lived in a way that required them to push their ‘rightness’ shift and search for a way to meaningfully connect and open to the ways in which others were ‘right’ too, or at least where there was agreement in broad terms.  Through this openness there was a transformation and increase in consciousness and light that vibrated at a higher frequency; a stable threshold opened for 48 hours creating an environment that was indeed a bit like the description at the end of the Celestine Prophecy (Redfield 1993) wherein the protagonist simply vibrated into a different dimension or the Star Trek Next Generation episode where the doctor’s friend simply evolved in front of her eyes into pure light energy.  It was amazing.

I left considering the implications of such an evolution of consciousness toward the concept of one world.  I visualized and fantasized about how this could be a view into what was to come in the new generation, an evolution of spiritual and cognitive consciousness for the embracement or inclusion of all of humanity and the planet.

Mindfulness, compassion, paradigm shifting and sincere, open-minded interest and focus on looking for a way to truly create a consensus that is driven by love and understanding is the most effective way to create success in partnerships – to truly embrace the space of “we”.

I observed something else which I had not anticipated.  There are those who cannot do this.  There are individuals who use mindfulness, and the words of compassion or understanding as a manipulation to trick others into vulnerability.  This was something I had previously understood was a reality, but had not considered in my writings on the application of mindfulness.

As a therapist I would use the term psychopathic to describe this kind of behavior.  A psychopath is an individual who is devoid of a conscience.  He or she manipulates the chosen target against him or herself.  The psychopath has no real internal experience of guilt or shame, but manipulates the normal aspect of guilt in others to manipulate them to act in ways that suit the needs of the psychopath.  An individual with this style of relating in the world can shift their exterior behavior, continence, tone, and words to appear as if he or she is something he or she is not.  This type of personality structure does not have the interior strength or flexibility to evolve his or her consciousness and so simply observes and imitates without a real or true internal shift.

When considering mindfulness and its application toward parenting or partnering you must be able to discern when you are dealing with a psychopath.  When this is the case it is best to follow the words of Stephen Covey in his book The  7 Habits of Highly Effective People:  win-win or no deal(Covey, 1989).  This is to say when you are interacting with a psychopath the habit of mindfulness and focusing on where you agree and the concept of win-win is unattainable as a psychopath is unable to move into a true “we” relationship.  A psychopath is “I” only and therefore unable to negotiate in an honest and fair fashion.

Covey wrote when you cannot find a place of win-win then it is most effective to choose no-deal(Covey, 1989).  This is to say using mindfulness can assist you to discern what another wants and seek to understand the other but when you are interacting with a psychopath once you understand the other is unable to create a win-win (a negotiated perspective that includes both parties needs/wants) you are best to choose no-deal.  This no-deal concept can look like a termination of the relationship or in the case of someone with whom you must continue to interact (like a divorced parent of your child) it can look like an acceptance that there can be no “we” so negotiation is from an “I” to “I” experience, where you seek to simply create what is most effective for you and any other party involved ( like your child) but not get into a discussion of an integrated “we” with the psychopathic personality.

Once you have discerned you are dealing with a psychopath you must take care to not let him or her “play” on your emotional fears, concerns, or feelings of guilt to manipulate you toward his or her goals.  This is a different form of mindfulness it utilizes compassion and understanding so that the actions, words, and behaviors you choose are without malice, but they incorporate the full and complete understanding of the other person’s true lack of capacity for “we”.

Here are a few simple guideposts to assist you in discerning if you are interacting with a psychopath:

  • He or she acts dramatically different in specific situations.
  • He or she has a chameleon quality and can take on a persona that is expected to be accepted.
  • He or she utilizes your feelings of guilt or desire to be kind, helpful and the bigger person to get you to forgive him or her and give him or her another chance.
  • When a third-party is involved in mediation or evaluation, he or she is able to manipulate the third-party to agree with him or her against you – even once you have shared your concerns.
  • He or she never takes true responsibility for any negative behavior inflicted upon you and deflects such to some element of you.
  • He or she changes his or her continence to get his or her way including mimicking words and emotional behavior .

Finally, it is important to use your internal guidance system, your neutral, mindful, observation powers to discern whether you are interacting with someone who is honestly and sincerely communicating with you.  Notice whether his or her actions, behavior, and words are in congruence.

Pay closest attention to the subtle, small things as this is where the psychopath’s true consciousness and intentions will be shown.

I can feel that the energy of how partnership and collaboration is evolving.  It is moving toward a higher degree of spiritual oneness.  As this shift continues to develop focus your energy on interactions that will be fruitful, loving, and increase the value of your world. Give yourself permission to use your mindfulness to discern the capacity for partnership and focus your energies on those who are also working toward the thread of compassion and love and “we”ness.

Having had this moment of perfection over this last weekend my heart is on fire with the joy that awaits in our near future as a community of “we” on this amazing planet.  It starts with each one of us, love, compassion, open-minded neutral mindfulness, and focused attention toward harmony and balance. in love and light Namaste, beth


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awareness and allowing give space to respond effectively and change your behavior

Hello and Welcome!

Following these steps to increase awareness and allowing creates space to respond effectively and change your behavior.

An easy way to begin is the  Stop, Look, and Listen method.

Stop multitasking or whatever action in which you are involved that may split your attention or where you feel you are being pulled along a track in an habitual thinking/behaving way; Look, or pay attention by bringing your attention to the situation at hand, pay attention to the actions of others and yourself and how relevant these are to the whole of the situation; Listen to your inner voice and the style, tone, timber of your and the other’s voice.  Stop look and listen is focus, see, and hear in the present moment, the now.  This is a simple unambiguous phrase that brings you into mindfulness.

It is a simple way to interrupt habit-reactive firing of behavior.  This method slows down your reactive-linking behavior. Through present moment refocusing of your attention you can gather information and then develop a response that meets the present moment situation.

This recovery process can be applied to any habit that has gone awry.  What’s really great about this set of actions and behaviors is how they help in every instance when a habit has simply overtaken your life as the driver of your behavior rather than the mechanism of your comfort or alleviation of difficulty.

Here’s how to decipher if you are dealing with a habit reaction pattern.

  • Check in with your senses and intuition.  If you feel that the experience is familiar or a pattern then you may be participating in  a habit reaction scenario.  If you feel that you have trouble trusting that things can/will go well for you, then your early history of having to survive is coloring your current day choices/actions.
  • If you have an immediate feeling of anger, like someone has crossed a boundary and your feeling is charged in that the level of emotion (intensity) doesn’t match the situation or boundary crossing, this is a sign that you have been triggered.

In this instance, proceed in your actions with thoughtfulness.  

  • Query yourself on whether your intense feeling is consistent with your overall experience of the person or the environment toward which you are feeling the intense reaction.
  • Stop, look, and listen – think caution in proceeding.
  • Invoke mindfulness and centered, present moment attention to the situation.
  • Work against the pull of the groove into the habit reaction pattern.

This is how you can engage the a more balanced attitude. Focus is the key.  If you are in danger, utilizing your reaction  skills to get out of the situation is paramount.  If you are not in danger but rather caught in a habit reaction pattern then focus your attention on what you want rather than what you fear as the best response.

Use mindfulness to re-view the circumstances in relation to your emotion.  This is the stop, look, and listen component, it will help you identify whether this is danger or not.  In example, if a stranger is doing something that feels dangerous allow your survivor reactions to move at lightning pace.  If however, the situation is with a loving partner, or friend – you need to view your emotion within the context of the relationship in present-time and with clarity and genuineness.

Awareness, Breathe, Wait it out, and Reveal.

  • The most difficult element of confronting a habit reaction pattern that is driving your behavior is the stopping part.
  • If your car is out of control, you need to stop its forward movement – this requires first, a recognition that you have lost control of the car, and then second, an action to gain control.
  • This awareness is key.  Once you are aware you can begin to take back control of your thinking and behaving/actions.

Stop look and listen focuses you on increasing your awareness.  Breathe, wait it out, and reveal focuses you on how and what to change.  It requires a shift in how, and on what, you focus.  It requires a re-view of yourself through a centered, mindful attention to yourself, your skills and limitations, what brings you joy and centers you in your best self.

Shifting perspective actually creates the power that you feel you have lost.  It is a relaxation of the struggle to survive or fight and a gentle movement into the mindful, balanced living of life.  Consider the simple action of relaxing in a hold, this action alone telegraphs to the holder to lighten his grip and causes laxity so that you can wiggle out of the stranglehold.

Lightening your grip, your need for habit reactive linking behavior allows you to move through situations and your environment in a mindful and relaxed way, still nimble in your attention and responses to act if necessary to a dangerous situation but not reactive, held or tight in your nature. in love and light, beth


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Anxiety and the development of ineffective habit reactions

hello and Welcome!

Having worked for many years with individuals struggling with various forms of anxiety I have identified a coping mechanism I call habit reaction patterns to manage anxiety.

This is a coping strategy that starts out creating a sense of control over their internal anxiety.  The individual will describe that indeed the habit reactive pattern in some way saved her from an extraordinarily stressful situation or circumstance.  Unfortunately this anxiety management method produces a false sense of security and overtime the habit reaction pattern serves to drive the individual’s overall behavior and results in a diminished sense of empowerment and a lack of security.

Habits are highly desirable to create structure in a meaningful way.  When a habit degrades into a habit reaction pattern it becomes undesirable .  Habit reaction patterns lack present moment authenticity.  These are reactive in nature, a set of unconscious, unthinking, unchallenged, automatic reactions.

The patterning pulls you into a specific way of behaving.  Think of how the groove of a rut pulls you around a circle.  It takes an extra exertion of energy to jump out of the rut and choose your course.  The habit reaction pattern acts like the groove or furrow, it takes you into the behavior Habit like any reaction in an automatic, non-present-moment-thinking-way (unconscious).

This reaction is not responsive to the present moment situation, it happens in a non-intuitive non-mindful way.  Habit reaction patterns can be triggered into reaction; where a trigger acts like the groove that pulls a person into a set of interpretations and actions (reactions) to survive, or to solve a historical problem, or quell anxiety.

Tied into the habit reaction pattern is a highly fine tuned trigger-detection mechanism.

  • This mechanism is super-sensitive to interpreting danger, hyper-vigilant, hyper-reactive.
  • The trigger may be linked to an earlier situation in which you felt in danger of severe harm.
  • The experience trips the trigger and then the habit reaction pattern fires into action – forcing you to behave in a specific way – even when you cognitively feel you do not want to or feel it is inappropriate.

When this set of feelings happen, the habit reaction pattern is now driving your behavior rather than your proactive spiritual-cognitive-behavior processes.  You are no longer in the driver seat of your life.  It is as if you are simply watching from behind a glass window, rather than responding to the specific, dynamic multi-level issues at hand.  You feel powerless to stop yourself from reacting in the manner prescribed by the habit reaction pattern.

In order to get out of the rut, groove, or habit reaction one has to invoke two things, awareness and allowance.   This allows for a sense of present moment empowerment and mindfulness.

The habit reaction pattern behavior may have been highly effective when you first developed it.  In fact it may be the best thing you could have done to respond to the original anxiety conflict that set of the patterning habit.  This makes it difficult for you to let it go.

You may feel like it is the thing that sets you apart in some way or gives you an edge in some way.  This internal feeling creates an attachment to that style of being in the world, such that confronting the need to eradicate the ineffective habit reaction pattern may be thwarted.  This sets up a difficult and challenging cycle, you continually, automatically, invoke the original survival mechanism without awareness that you are actually diminishing your power through the reactive mechanism.

The most healing thing to do is

  1. to accurately identify how the patterning was beneficial
  2. to accurately identify that the habit is ineffective in your present moment situation and management of anxiety
  3. to place the behavior into your past as a once successful, but not currently successful pattern of reacting to anxiety
  4. and disassemble the coping strategy and its automatic reactive power.

Habits are developed through a series of trial and error.  A need arises, a behavior appears to resolve the identified problem and viola a habit develops.  This is an excellent mechanism of comfort and structure or meaning-making in action.  It is a part of how we develop, learn and integrate, structure behavior.  It’s highly effective model to make sense out of the competing needs in society.

When this mechanism goes awry.  The insidious quality of a habit overtaking as driver of your behavior is subtle.

  • First, there is a sense of invention,
  • then a settling-in of success in using the habit to resolve a conflict.
  • After a time the habit begins to drive the situation.  The action becomes an automatic reaction of if this then that.

Once this internal directive becomes hardwired the habit drives the set of responses available to you in a given situation, so it becomes a reaction, like the jerking of your knee when hit by the doctor’s mallet – kick straight out.  This automatic reaction creates a hardwire rut that drives your behavior.

Any awareness process can assist you in getting out of a habit reactive pattern coping strategy toward anxiety.

  • Mindful meditation, 
  • the practice of Yoga,
  • Journaling,

are all excellent practices to increase centering, present moment focus, and balanced neutral response to anxiety. 

Use the stop look and listen method to increase your awareness.Once you have developed awareness, use the breathe, wait it out, and reveal process to increase your tolerance for allowance.

These two together, awareness and allowance, create space to respond effectively to your anxiety and change your behavior from ineffective habit reactions to mindful responsiveness.  You will move from a need for control and a sense of insecurity to self-confidence and a sense of inner empowerment and strength.  More on this is the next few blogs, in love and light, beth.


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5 steps to Healing psychological Wounds

Hello and Welcome!

Injuries heal through a set of layers and this occurs most fully and rapidly through these five steps.  The most important step being cleaning out the deterrents to healing.

Here using a focus on physical wounds:

  1. Evaluation of severity, depth, breadth, need for sutures, casting and bandaging.
  2. Cleaning the wound of fragments, foreign objects, dirt, and deterrents to healing – debridement.
  3. Careful observation and compassionate tending to the healing progress of the wound.
  4. Re-evaluation of the development in healing, re-cleaning, debridement, re-dressing the wound.
  5. A loving compassionate reintroduction of the use of the wounded area to avoid re-injury or trauma

The course for wound healing seems to take one of two branches.  One branch leads to further, deeper injury through infection and invasion into deeper systems.  The other offers a fuller evaluation at the fore to prevent a deeper infestation.

It is seductive to follow the first branch described – it is less work at the beginning and looks as if healing happens more quickly.  However this route results in a quick fix.  The rapid scabbing process covers a deeper problem that can result in an underlying infection and a resulting scar that stares-out at each person who passes, almost calling the passers-by to comment, and in some cases re-injuring the person.

The second route is more intensive at the front-end, however, once through the difficult evaluation and debridement process, and with proper attention to the complete healing process, this route results in an almost imperceptible scar.

Wound healing takes this same branched course for physical and psychological scars.

For psychological wounds forgiveness is an intricate component of the healing process.  The forgiveness has to be sincere, real, felt deeply, and thoroughly experienced.  From that whole-space, forgiveness can create an inner healing that results in an imperceptible scar.

  1. and 2. are interrelated for psychological injuries.  This is to say the process of evaluation of the injury, and the debridement work together – debridement is the process of removing foreign material and dead tissue from a physical wound to prevent infection and promote healing – debridement, then, with respect to a psychological wound requires mindfully releasing anger, vengefulness, and hate – and utilizes compassion, lovingkindness, and forgiveness.

A short-cut through the forgiveness stage results in an incomplete healing, a superficial covering.  This is when an individual chooses to transect the process without looking mindfully at the wounding experience.  This is a false covering-over, which allows for infection – underneath a festering will develop at an unconscious or conscious level which will interfere with a full healing of the wound.  This may result in deeper injury to spirit, mind and body or ultimately burst open in rage, shame and vengefulness, creating a crater of a scar that is seen in all your relationships.

If you use the tangible concept of a physical wound to guide you,

  • you can see the first thing required is to clean the wound…get out the dirt, the left over shards so that the wound is ready to create a healing scab. This washing process can sting, be painful, sharp, or uncomfortable.

From a psychological wound perspective the first step is the same,

  • clean out the wound, remove shards, that are going to impede healing or increase a chance for infection – this requires compassionate understanding and forgiveness, mindfulness, and paradigm shifting.  Wounds are often a result of a lack of understanding, a lack of restraint, or a placement of trust toward an untrustworthy person.  Going within to do the inner work required for this can be hurtful, sharp, or uncomfortable just like washing out a cut stings.

Forgiveness is tricky when you perceive that forgiveness makes the action that was harmful “okay”.  The trick to forgiveness is shifting paradigmatic perceptions and righting your own power in a given situation.  Forgiveness is letting go of the power the wounding has over you while simultaneously identifying what was harmful and what to avoid in the future – including the relationship or event in which the wounding occurred.

A common style of dealing with hurts is to remove yourself from the profound feelings that are attached to the pain you endured.  This keeps you stuck in the past.  This disallows forgiveness or creates unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness leads to a diminishing of your personal power, a rigid world-view, and a truncated personality in relationship.  It leads to the opposite of mindfulness and the opposite of empowerment.

  • In order to forgive, that pain must be felt
  • and then a resolution, an understanding, a paradigm shift needs to take place to allow the unlinking of the pain of the event; the event and the actor;  and the outcome of the event
  • so that it can be put into proper perspective and into your past,
  • freeing you to move on into the present moment of your life – a new stance in the world, strengthened via the complete healing of the wound.

To forgive another a deeply painful act, betrayal, or action is difficult.  To see, and accept responsibility for, how you have hurt another is also difficult.

Choosing to face this difficult task will allow for a real shift to take place, a full and complete healing that leaves an imperceptible scar, the mindful/spirit-filled inner search (evaluation and debridement) is paramount.  This action can result in transforming events, healing your wound and transforming your relationships.

How do you forgive someone for that act which in your mind changed you forever, that betrayed your trust or your sense of innocence?

Finding forgiveness requires grace.  It requires a willingness to let go of the thing that may define your stance in the world. It is fraught with deep feeling and an inner journey to your center.  Certainly paradigm shifting, figure/ground perspective, and the attitude of gratitude are helpful activities.  This set of actions is required to fully heal a psychological wound.

Mindfulness allows you to see a way to unlink the act and the person; the act and the circumstances surrounding the act; and the intention and the action.  And from this space forgiveness is possible and profoundly healing.

Severe wounds are difficult betrayals and experiences to transcend,  difficult to get to forgiveness even with these unlinkings, increased awareness and increased perspective. The process of debridement is most useful in this situation.

Healing your psychological wounds requires loving attention and compassion first toward yourself and then toward the cause of the wound.  Not unlike the treatment of a physical wound what matters is the healing of the injury and then release of anger, and vengefulness toward the cause of the wound.

Healing is me-first.  Not narcissistic or selfish but inner directed, looking inward to promote inner healing and release of the power of the wound over your future life choices.  This is true for physical and psychological wounds.  Allowing an injury to define you sets power where it does not belong.  Set your empowerment within, release the material that interferes with your full and complete healing so that the injury itself becomes imperceptible.in love and light, beth