Hello and Welcome! In Hippies, Hipsters and Hypnotic distortion, blog 6.11.12 two important tips were discussed in assisting your children by instilling your values and maintaining open communication lines, the third tip is to consider how dynamic society is. This means that as generations grow they effect change and are faced with different issues to tackle and work through then those previous. So movement forward will be a multilevel combination of values, expectation, experience, opportunity, and survival/thriving requirements.
Because of the growing global interconnections of society, even basic ideas of how to proceed may require an internal focus within yourself, and your child’s environment, to uplevel consciousness away from the concept of competition for limited resources to a form of collaboration and movement through issues with a win-win perspective.
A shift toward collaboration isn’t taking something from the one who has it and giving it to the one who doesn’t but rather seeing our whole community as one world and each person finding his or her place within the teamwork and framework of collaboration and then working together to actually create equality and equity from an internally focused and guided collective of truth.
The next level of consciousness includes a re-invention of how Cool, and Hip are developed in society – a shift to placing this identification solidly within the quadrants of what is valuable and valued – away from marketing propaganda, focus on materialistic, money and fame, away from the movie-star, rock-star, politician cool – to something that will increase the opportunity for your child to create prosperity that is based in an integration of spirit, mind, and body– rather than limited resources and winning the game.
This would shift the form and idea of coolness away from ways to be in opposition from the previous generation or others to form and ideas of ways to be in sync – health, kindness, compassion, understanding, doing the right thing rather than getting away with something. Actually living congruently, growing our communities organically not just with natural resources shared but with collaborative intention and attention to all aspects of our community. Children would be the center not in the narcissistic, permissive style of earlier generations but in the solid growth promoting way of creating strength and stability through dependability, interdependence and trust.
For the continuation of our planet and community, mothering and parenting deserve a higher spot on the value ladder and a more valued place in the life of an adult. Caring, acting in a compassionate manner, forgiving and understanding through compassion – eating healthfully, exercising mind, body and spirit in a holistic fashion all ways in which the human race can increase longevity , uplevel consciousness, and work toward utilizing natural resources more efficiently and effectively.
These things have to shift – Escaping in alcohol, drugs, sex not connected to the whole human being, lack of self-care, and being taken care of , and a lack of moving through the whole life cycle and relationship interchange (or pushing children into the roles of parents and sexual objects.) These behaviors need to be extinguished through a natural internal understanding that they are not productive and not in line with what is cool.
Right now an example of what is being encouraged through the hip movement is by the time a girl is in fourth grade she is talking about sex and wearing overtly sexual clothing, – music is about sex, drugs, and crime, grabbing power however you can; the goals of young people are to be like movie stars, make money quick and buy, buy, buy.
There isn’t a sense of what is my best skill or talent – what am I here to do; – spirituality and especially the Judeo-Christian religion is out and uncool. Doing the right thing is seen as weak. Being kind = weak. Doing drugs, getting high, drinking too much = cool. Getting in trouble with the law = cool. This pressure to be part of the group is inherent in the human psyche – to create being part of the group as damaging to yourself and unfocused with a lack of spirituality is to deny two parts of the human condition, mind and spirit to be left with only one part guiding human action body through pleasure and pain.
We need a new vision, a new set of goals, new air to breathe and definitely a new generation to lead us out of the sixties and into a new collaborative, loving, powerful strong consciousness of health and sustainability. Change, leaning forward, and evolution are all important foci for the future but the definitions must include integration of spirit, mind and body if we are to have a society that survives and thrives.
I am really excited to see how this unfolds. We are on the brink of creating something truly beautiful – especially if we all work together in love with mindfulness, and with compassion, and an eye to collaboration. in love and light, namaste, beth
Hello! One of the challenging aspects of parenting is to stay abreast of the newest, hip new thing. It allows you to use the information to connect, educate, and understand your child’s set of issues for development.
This becomes more difficult as you age because either you think the hip new thing is stupid or you don’t actually know what it is.
So my first tip is to look for it; you can find it in the popular dress, music, books, television and movies. What is a bit tricky is that it may not be obvious, it may be slightly hidden – words and phrases may not mean what you think so you have to investigate and use your listening and intuitive skills. This is especially important when the lyrics of your child’s favorite song doesn’t make sense to you – you can ban him from listening to it – but it’s more useful and effective to get a handle on what is out there so you can discuss it with your child and at least get your “spin” on the whole thing into his brain and heart so he can make better, informed decisions.
The second tip is that due to the serious marketing population of our children, at least in the United States, there is a whole level of what is “cool” that is just propaganda and it is infused with information that is written by people way older than your child, so make an effort to look underneath the generally acceptable story to what may be a skew of energy.
You have to figure out how to manage the effect of propaganda on your child. And this issue of what is popular in their environment is key.
The best way to manage propaganda is to go to its source and to have a way of giving a fuller, broader and more in-depth, bigger picture – this teaches mindfulness and can help your child in learning how to develop his critical thinking skills. Through this development he can find a way to see through propaganda and make decisions that best serve his real needs throughout the course of his life.
Since it is part of child development for children, teenagers and young adults to be attracted to what is popular and hip in order to fit in and find their place in the world, then depending on your child’s age he is also going to be working though different periods of fusion and independence with and from you, his parent. It is through this process of fusion and opposition that your child discovers his unique perspective and position in the world. That perspective is going to be his unique experience of biography, experience, and temperament. Of course a typical goal of a parent is to guide his child toward a perspective that closely aligns with his own perspective.
The key to having a voice that is heard by your child is to maintain an honest, open communication pathway. This includes discussion and presentation of how and why you see the world as you do, what other opinions are “out there” and what you would like to pass on to your child. You want to do this with an openness to how you and your child may be different in – biography, experience, and temperament. When you are out of sync in one of these areas you can share your perspective but may find a dissonance in how your child views the world. In order to maintain that open communication pathway you need to be open to the possibility that your child may at least, go through periods of disagreement and opposition to your perspective and at most, choose to live quite differently from you, and impart a perspective that this is his choice.
This issue is central to why it is important to teach critical thinking skills early your child’s development.
Hippies was a negative term applied to youth in the sixties generation. Although it has mixed connotations both positive and negative, at the time, it distanced the youth from their parents.. Hipsters was a term in the forties for young people connected to the then new musical movement of jazz – it was a fonder term. It was later revived, in the late nineties and early 2000s, a later, more positive term, to refer to a group that aligns with retro clothing, independent music, and innovative style. And hypnotic distortion is the way in which pop culture can lull the youth into propaganda that distorts their true options and sets up an intangible thread of control over youth for marketing and materialistic reasons – regardless of the overlay of hipness.
Discover what is hip. Find a way to connect to it and to your child. Distill information that assists you and your child in determining whether propaganda is at the base of the hip, cool, thing. Stay connected to your inner guidance and teach ways for your child to remain connected to his true source. Then he can wear the cool clothes, dance the hip dance, and sing the latest songs while remaining connected to what truly matters within.
Maintain a clear voice and assist your child in finding his voice. Sometimes this leads to your child setting his own trends and finding his way, hip, while not hypnotic or distorted. All you need is love – that begins with self-love. Offered in love and light, Beth
Hello! Welcome and thanks for your interest and support!
Leadership and will are strongly connected. How the will within is communicated and utilized is different with different leadership styles.
Will without heart can lead to a hollow and disconnected success, and it is also the way to dictatorship.
This can look like a person who drags others forward toward a goal regardless of the consequences. Propaganda, divisive rhetoric, and shoulds and should nots are some of the mechanisms involved in this style of leadership.
Heart without will results in partially developed ideas that swirl around a person but cannot be fully manifested, and this can look like anarchy.
This leadership style has a tendency to be reactive and emotional without a deeper understanding of the complicated factors encompassing the need and end result required. Will is the element that simultaneously presses-on, pushes-through to create the change as well as sees the bigger picture that incorporates the whole of the problem. So heart without that will component results in a lot of emotional smoke without a real transformation – think of the picture of the Peanuts character Linus surrounded by the grey cloud; – all that this leader can see is what is inside his head; he is unable to transform his concerns or ideas into something that can create change, or move a community beyond the vague sense of discontent.
Will and heart together are the best aspects of a powerful, intentional, and transformative leader. These together allow for individual needs and community needs both being attended to in equal measure, and this can look collaborative and consensus in nature, not a dictatorship or anarchist.
The quality of everything we do: our physical actions, our verbal actions, and even our mental actions, depends on our motivation. That’s why it’s important for us to examine our motivation in our day to day life. If we cultivate respect for others and our motivation is sincere, if we develop a genuine concern for others’ well-being, then all our actions will be positive. Dalai Lama
So what matters in this heart and will connection in leadership is attention (present-mindful-focus), and intention (compassionate, loving win-win motivation); caring for others even those with whom you disagree and a focus on mindful, present moment dialogue and action together toward the enhancement of all.
Leadership via collaboration is something more than facilitation of other’s needs. It is not just a separate role of listening and then divining what the group desires – it includes an inner strength of will, and an inner set of principles that are at the heart and will of the need and the solution. It is a spiraling process of involution and evolution allowing for the various aspects of the problem and solution to be identified and incorporated.
Leadership is one of the most human of actions. It incorporates a person’s ability to be altruistic while simultaneously incorporating individual needs.
Hermann Hesse wrote many novels in which he studied the human condition. In Siddhartha, and Magister Ludi which was published posthumously (also published under The Glass Bead Game) he described the individual search for authenticity, self-knowledge and spirituality. He also looked at the issues of individual needs versus needs of the group. His work has a lasting quality of important information for anyone seeking to develop an internal strength of will informed by a powerful heart-based internal guidance system. Understanding how and in what ways individual and group rights and responsibilities interplay is a foundational aspect for effective leadership.
M. Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King, jr are representative of this kind of leadership as were the non-religious-biased actions of Jesus and Buddha. These men described a way of thinking and being as well as taking personal actions that were will and heart integrated to assist in the evolution of the spiritual consciousness of the environments in which they lived. These are not the only leaders who have integrated will and heart to create change however these are leaders that are well-known to this generation. Daw Aung San Suu Kyi of Burma (Myanmar) has been practicing this type of leadership to help transform her country throughout the last thirty years.
This idea of change is not owned by any political party, country, or religion it is a way of thinking and being that is directly guided by an integrated inner strength of will strongly influenced by a heart-based internal guidance system. For this system of leadership to be effective and for the profound good of all it cannot be biased by any ideology that is not connected to a genuine caring, compassionate, mindful, lovingkindness toward others, self and community.
You can create the change your group or community needs by integrating your heart and will so that you act from an inner strength of will informed by your heart-based internal guidance system.
You can develop your powerful leadership skills by simply focusing on listening and hearing in an open, evaluative, interested way, guided by your inner strength of will and heart-based internal guidance system, with the goal that best serves the community and the individual together.
For this to be successful and effective you have to:
This information is the focus of the essays throughout this month through May 20,2012.
Be the change you wish to see in the world – Gandhi). Be a leader. Start today by re-focusing your attention and intention to create what you recognize you, and your community, need for health and success.
This information is shared with so much love for you all. Beth
Hello and Welcome! Allowing yourself to listen to the vast information available to you through your internal guidance system is essential for mindful, comprehensive communication and right action. Even though this is a natural, instinctual process – it can be eroded in early childhood due to a push to conform to group rules and beliefs – when you want to recapture your connection to this internal guidance you need to increase your awareness and practice paying attention and responding.
The words intention, attention, perspective, and perception increase your awareness and focus you onto the space in a multi-dimensional way. Each word embodies a specific energy or vibration that can wholly stand alone, but when the energy of each term is inked the whole of the process is multi-dimensional.
Feel into the meaning of each of these terms for yourself so that you can get an image of the vibration of the word interacting like an equation with the other words.
Give the internal image dimension through color or shape in how you experience the words interacting.
This will allow you to create your own picture of how to focus yourself onto your path through your inner guidance holding the multi-dimensional information from your senses together yet bounded in a way to see the various paradigms.
The interactions between and among the vibrations are as important as the word meanings and the whole equation.
You may see the words relating like a spear and a target, then a circling or something that encompasses and then finally something that shoots to a height and then grounds like an anchor. All directions and energies; not a blur of color that becomes murky but energy and color interacting and adjusting
Intention focuses you in on what you intend, what you want/desire or what the other intends, wants/desires.
Attention focuses you in on the tone, loudness, word choice, meaning and emotion as well as whether you and the other have the same meaning for words and/or actions – it pulls you into the present.
Perspective gets you into the figure/ground aspect of the interaction and allows for paradigm identification and paradigm shifting.
And perception has aspects of all of the other three. It allows for mindful understanding and mindful action.
It’s like looking at a situation, relationship, or problem from a 360 degree perspective, breadth as well as depth, multi-dimensionally.
So when you are thinking about a situation or a relationship start to use these words as guide posts to increase your mindfulness awareness of yourself and the other(s) involved and see if you don’t get some surprising answers about what may be going on in those situations. Pay attention to your internal guidance through your six senses to see if you can get a multidimensional picture and understanding of the situation or relationship.
You can use your intuitive sense, your observations, questioning skills, and willingness to listen and act in a mindful present moment way and this will have two effects: increase your personal degree of compassion and decrease your personalization of the information – personalization here meaning taking something personally with some sort of negative attachment rather than seeing the information more objectively or mindfully.
Paying attention to the quiet voice within and clarifying your intention – these will increase your understanding of your inner guidance and give you direction about what is your best right action.
It can also help you know when your best action is non-action, allowing or going with the flow. For some this is the most difficult “action” to take, but when it is connected to this inner knowing it feels active to be in a waiting, allowing space.
Also check out seeing in 3-D, 3.3.10 Being mindful opens the door to seeing in multiple dimensions and distinguishing different currents of information simultaneously, which creates a space to understand each separately and see how each affect the other.
Thank you for your continued interest and support. Gentle, kind, and warm blessings to you in your life and your endeavors. Beth
Hello and Welcome! Mindfulness helps to discern how things are similar, relate, and where things agree. Currently there is a high degree of conflict in the world environment. Much of the discussion in politics and in the media is focused on how many ways to disconnect from each other – pitting groups against each other. Mindfulness is the best response to conflict because it shifts your perspective
Focus on disconnection reinforces separation and dissonance, and this leads to hostility. It is the wedge that allows for groups to dehumanize other groups due to their differences resulting in opportunities for increased strife and conflict. This behavior is the basis of bullying and victimization under the guise of power issues in children and adolescence; it is modeled in the way in which our political “leaders” and our various leadership communities relate to one another.
This is not the way for humans to increase their understanding of how we are all one; if your goal is harmony and collaboration, inclusion and acceptance, the way through to that is by seeking understanding, seeking common connections, and seeing the other as yourself. Our best political examples of change through non-violence and non-in-group out-group behavior are M. Gandhi and M. L. King.
In listening to politicians you can get a sense of righteousness and superiority. These lead to increased separation and a lack of unification. In order for us to treat each other as one we each must work within ourselves to eradicate this tendency for in-group out-group behavior.
This is the way through to an evolution of consciousness. It isn’t going to happen through force or superiority or though legislation of fairness. Unification happens when we see we are one and act from that inner knowing. Thus the concept of being the change we wish to see in the world. Creating differences begets differences and competition, looking for similarities begets collaboration.
What I have found is that many spiritual traditions stand on interestingly similar pillars. Using the connections or similarities as passageways or doorways can assist you to increase your understanding of groups that at first appear very different from you.
There is a thread of similarity present that is visible to those who are ready to see it.
You can see a figure-ground image once someone shows you the boundaries and perspectives of each picture like the two profile faces that face each other which create the interior picture of a vase.
I did a search in google for the three pillars of several world religions and this is what I got.
In viewing these general foundational concepts you can see the similarities among some of the world’s religions.
The three pillars of Judaism:
The Ethics of the Fathers, chapter one in the second Mishna, Simeon the righteous says that the world rests on three things: On Torah, on avodah (“service”, worship), and g’meelut chasadim–acts of loving kindness. Torah is the Jewish bible, Avodah is the concept of service and or worship, and g’meelut chasadim – represents acts of lovingkindness.
The Torah sets up what is moral – of note are the ten commandments handed down from God to Moses – so this is the basis of acting in a moral way; Avodah has to do with studying the Torah and then also practicing, acting within these moral ways – studying here includes the concept of thinking about, meditation on, and prayer for insightful understanding of the Torah; and acts of lovingkindness has to do with compassion, mindfulness and the silver rule – do not do unto others what you would not have done onto you .
Now view the concept of the Three Jewels of Buddhism:
The core of Buddhism is made up of the three pillars of the Buddha, the Dharma (his teachings) and the Sangha (monks and nuns). Simply explained, one could say that without the historical Buddha Shakyamuni there would have been no Buddhist Dharma, nor Sangha. Without his teachings, the Buddha would not have made much of a difference, and also the spiritual community would not have existed. Without the Sangha, the tradition would never have been transmitted through the ages. The Buddha would have been ‘just’ a historical figure and his teachings would have been ‘just’ books. general_symbols_buddhism.html#3j
The Buddha’s teachings are composed of three segments, Sila (morality),
Samadhi (mental concentration) and Panna (intuitive wisdom). Sila is the
foundation for Samadhi and Panna to build upon. Without the foundation of
morality the world would be in chaos and misery. The second pillar is Samadhi,
a mental state with no diffusion or dispersion. Panna is the third and final pillar of
the Buddha’s teachings. Understanding physical and mental phenomenon
correctly in its true nature is wisdom. The Buddhist’s goal is to attain intuitive
wisdom, also called awakened mind or enlightenment. ( Sattipatthana article, page 2)
The five precepts for the lay Buddhist are: refraining from killing,
stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and taking intoxicants. The Buddha does not
lay down these precepts as strict commandments, but as a framework to follow
for the welfare of oneself and others. Immorality will bring a chaotic, miserable
and disharmonious life. The choice is yours. Sila protects from all gross speech
and deeds that can takes one to the four woeful states (states of intense and
continuous misery). ( Sattipatthana article, page 2)
a decent person would not normally even think of hurting or harming another person, but under anger,
rage and wicked greed they can act out of character. People who observe Sila
need to be aware of whenever anger and wicked greed take control over you. At
that moment put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you were that person
would you want to be hurt or harmed? The obvious answer is “no”. In the same
manner the other person would not like to be hurt or harmed. Such simple
reflection will stop you from doing hurtful and harmful deeds. You are embracing
others as if they are yourself, thereby becoming one with others.(Sattipatthana article, page2)
Samadhi (mental concentration, practice mindful meditation) Why do we meditate? We meditate to contribute happiness and peace to the world, but not to be admired, respected or to appear holy. When one first meditates collectiveness and concentration of mind is achieved, then clarity arises and purity and happiness follow. Purity of mind is the cause and happiness is the effect. With increased degree in purity of mind peace (calm, serene and quiet experience) arises. (Sattipatthana article, page 5)
Panna (intuitive wisdom) Intuitive wisdom can only be achieved through the practice of Insight (Vippassana) meditation. It is about knowing experientially that all physical and mental phenomenons are nothing but transient, dissatisfactory and insubstantial. (Sattipatthana article, page 6)
These two religions are talking about very similar concepts of morality or correct action for healthful interactions, practicing living in this way delineated by the specific text identified, and putting yourself in the position of the other to increase your understanding of him.
The three pillars of Christianity: miracles, prophecy, and moral precepts – golden rule, love and kind treatment of enemies. These precepts share in common with Judaism and Buddhism similar concepts of morality, service, and acts of lovingkindness – the golden rule being do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The moral precepts are based in the ten commandments as well as love the other as thy self.
The five pillars of Islam: profession of faith, ritual prayer, alms giving, fasting during Ramadan, pilgrimage to mecca – in researching these there is a connection to the moral precepts of the ten commandments as well as the importance of living a life that is undefiled as you see in the five precepts of Buddhism.
The pillars of Hinduism include the 4 pillars of righteous living, a code of ethics, ten virtues and the Vedas and scriptures.
These 4 pillars form the foundation of values that can be considered as “commandments”, if you will, for the Hindu way of righteous living: austerity, purity, compassion, truthfulness. ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 4)
Ten virtues should be practiced by all men. The first five can be considered as
principles of self-restraint (yama): non-violence (ahimsā), truthfulness
(satya), celibacy in thought, word and deed (brahmacharya), non-stealing
(asteya), and non-covetousness (aparigṛaha). The other five virtues are religious observances (niyama): internal and external purity (shaucha), contentment (santosha), austerity (tapas), study of scriptures (svādhyāya)and surrender to the Lord (Īshvara-praṇidhāna). ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 4)
1. Hindus believe in the existence of a supreme all-pervasive Being, who is
both immanent and transcendent, both Creator and Unmanifest Reality.
2. Hindus accept the Vedas as the absolute scriptural authority.
3. Hindus believe in a code of ethics based on 4 pillars of righteous living as
defined in Shrīmad Bhāgavatam: austerity (tapaḥ), purity (shaucham),
compassion (dayā), and truthfulness (satyam).
4. Hindus believe in a prescribed method of living, with regard to its
objectives, stages and milestones of life.
5. Hindus believe in specific tenets such as the law of cause and effect
(karma), the theory of reincarnation (punarjanma), and the incarnation of the
supreme Lord into the world (avatāra).
6. Hindus have prescribed methods of offering worship to the Lord. ( sanatana Dharma aka Hinduism article page 2)
These concepts are similar to those seen in the other religions described here.
Concepts of caring, living through a path of harmony with spirit and nature as well as information about morality and moral behavior to not treat others as you would not want to be treated and see in the other your divine self – these are all represented in each of these religions some of the hows to do it are different, but not by too much.
Allowing yourself to see in the other how similar he is to you creates an opportunity to uplevel your consciousness; to act in a way that is compassionate and balanced. This will create opportunities for our world to uplevel as a whole to a higher degree of vibration.
Love is the way.
Mindfulness, intuitive meditation, detached observation and virtuous action allow for love to be your guide in all your endeavors.
Namaste.
Beth
Important NOTE: This article was first published online by beth gineris on March 22, 2012, at OM magazine, community.omtimes.com under the title, Using Mindfulness offers Threads of Agreement to Build a Tapestry of Spiritual Harmony and Collaboration.
Hello and Welcome I read this quote on Facebookfrom Marianne Williamson – she retells an old story from the bible in a way to encourage spiritual empowerment and healing; integrating spiritual healing and a description of mindful living:
The giant was a terrifying enemy; even the best warriors of Israel trembled at the thought of fighting him. David was merely a young shepherd and a musician, yet he was the one to defeat the giant. How did he do it? He had three smooth stones in his slingshot, and he hit the giant between his eyes. THE GIANT HAS NO DEFENSE WHEN HE IS HIT IN HIS THIRD EYE. He cannot defend himself against these three things: truth, virtue and love. So that’s the message for us: to speak the truth; to work on our own virtue; and to act with love. At this point in history, all three take courage… Marianne Williamson (my italics)
The elements – truth, virtue and love are so powerful – their essence creates a space for you to be impenetrable – solid and strengthened to see your way through the propaganda that is all around you.
From a metaphoric perspective the idea that truth, virtue and love are the powerful forces that work through the third eye is in essence a concept of standing in the light of spirit. I had a powerful discussion recently about standing in one’s heart center. It is a difficult thing and yet happens effortlessly when you open yourself and create space in relationship to truth, virtue, and love.
I receive my best lessons about truth when I am challenged to not speak the truth, not act from the center of my true self (virtue) and when I am not acting out of love for all the parties involved – for me the forgotten love is usually not acting lovingly toward myself – or simply when I am acting out of fear.
I once noticed that evil is live spelled backwards and it dawned on me that not living was evil and living was the opposite of evil. Fear seems to open the door to evil through the concept of not living in your true or full light. Love seems to fill you with faith and trust so that you can go toward your truth and virtue not avoid them from fear.
When I was a student living in Italy. These lessons came to me experientially in my awareness of the difference between my truth and that of my beloved boyfriend with whom I had traveled to Italy, as well as my perceptual awareness of national and political ‘truth” seen from my new lens of outsider in a foreign country. I learned that there were different kinds of truth and that truth had a time-stamp or perspective to it that shifted its relativity. I was already drawn to existential writers by this time in my life, but here I was introduced to the amazing writings of Carlo Levi in his book Christ Stopped at Eboli (1945). This book dealt with many issues of figure and ground when defining truth. It has helped me all these many years to assist others in relationship to discern the difference between what is true from a perspective point of view and what is truth from a universal spiritual point of view.
The first step in finding your way through the propaganda that surrounds you in the media, your cultural and political affiliations and your world is to discover your truth, your personal virtue and what love looks and feels like to you. Love from the compassionate, accepting, non-attached mindful perspective that connects us all as one.
This can be an effortless transformation. Simply notice, accept and feel gratitude for what is working in your life. Open to being rather than doing. Rise above the perspective of right and wrong and into the concept of living and not-living this will assist you seeing, feeling and knowing the truth. This will assist you in developing your virtue.
Though simple acts of lovingkindness and mindfulness you are strengthened. Smile more, laugh more, accept more, feel the pain of others more, love yourself more, forgive more – all these actions increase your capacity for truth, virtue and love.
The first step is through the use and active mindset of compassion.
The best way to get there is through a daily practice of meditation, yoga, and/or prayer.
So I recently heard this song by Tim McGraw called Live like you were dying. It’s about making the changes you always meant to do because you feel the end coming. It’s very touching. He identifies doing things and being different emotionally and in relationship too –
….I went sky-diving and rocky mountain climbing… and I loved deeper, I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying; I was finally the husband that most the time I wasn’t, I became a friend a friend would like to have..and I finally read the good book and I took a good long hard look at what I would do if I could do it all again; ….I watched an eagle as it was flying…live like you were dying.
Several years ago my dear friend was diagnosed with colon cancer. She was amazing. Over the last few years of her life she made sure that what she could do, that she wanted to do, she did.
She focused on what was great about life and she focused on getting as much as possible out of life, from both a doing as well as experiencing (connecting and being) perspective. It was inspiring to witness and amazing to be close to her during this time.
She allowed her compassion and love of life to guide her in her endeavors yet she was mindful of taking care of all the responsibilities involved in dying – providing for other and making sure she resolved unresolved issues.
She lived as if everything she did mattered. But she was less uptight, and more relaxed about everything, too. It was as if she was savoring each moment and didn’t want to allow anger to steal any of those moments away from her.
She tolerated the vulnerability of being what her heart desired because she didn’t have to worry about what end would come; she felt the urgency of being her true self because her days were numbered.
It fits that when we see we are nearing the end, one of the first things to release is anger. Sure people are angry about dying but wasting precious living-time on feeling and being angry takes away the time available for en-joying what life actually offers.
I think it’s an important lesson on which to focus, getting as much out of life as possible; it seems like a good thing to focus on even when one doesn’t know their fate… to live like you were dying…. to really savor and be mindful of your actions, and your relationships.
Structure is important to teach but living is the most important thing that we take for granted. We focus on structure early in our parenting because we want to help our children to have that throughout their lives but I wonder if we do so at the neglect of teaching them about trusting their instincts about what brings them joy and their talents and seeing the beauty available in relationships.
To create a life that is full regardless of your days, both delayed gratification and structure as well as living in the moment are needed in balance.
When I lost my friend I felt I had really experienced a lot of life with her. That we had connected, and shared, and lived through things in a way that I could cherish and hold onto after she was gone.
Earlier in my life I had lost my beloved boyfriend in a car accident. It was unexpected and shocking. He too, had a way of getting the most out of life – for him experiencing life mattered more than the accumulation of things. He focused on connections and relationships, and experiences.
At the time, I was too figure focused and not enough ground – so when he died I really felt cheated and lost. It was difficult. But now I realize that our experiences together created a strong model for me to focus on connections and relationship and to let go of the unimportant injuries of everyday life; to see the whole of the person or experience and embrace what is good while releasing what doesn’t work.
His death profoundly changed my life. I always made sure that I tell the ones I loved how much I love them, every time I see them, so I won’t regret not saying it if something were to happen.
Now I am watching as my father struggles to live out the rest of his life with a diagnosis of end stage cancer. What strikes me is how it affects the people around him.
He, like the individuals identified above, seems to have let go of anger and is trying to both fight the cancer and focus on living experiences each day. He has lived a very experience and accomplishment filled life.
The people around him seem to have so much anger. They haven’t found their way to the importance of letting go of that anger, those left over resentments, and experiencing in the present moment what they have left. To connect and laugh and resolve the unresolved issues; to make peace with the fullness and wholeness of their relationship with him. To allow love, life, and peace to fill the time left. It’s difficult to witness and get caught in the occasional crossfire of anger.
Perhaps it’s because they haven’t lost someone they really cared about before – they don’t realize the finiteness of this time.
In reality all our time is finite. We each might find greater happiness if we could focus on our life as such, so that we could keep our focus more balanced.
Our lives are made up of our accomplishments, and they require an element of delayed gratification – waiting to do what you want while you are creating them.
But what also makes up our lives are experiences with people. Connections and shared experiences are the most amazing memories when those we love are gone. Sharing a sunset, a baseball game, a spiritual service, skiing, dinner, laughter, difficulties and joy.
These events build connections and are like threads through the tapestry of our lives. They provide color and content and a type of marker to keep us tethered while we move through our lives.
Balancing our focus on developing structure and doing and accomplishments with being and connecting and experiences is very important. It requires being present, knowing what matters, being flexible and firm, having compassion, understanding rights and responsibilities, seeing figure and ground, and being mindful.
How we integrate cognitions and emotions, and the ways in which we reveal them to ourselves and others, is the fabric of our lives.
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