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Tag Archives: spiritual development


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Model critical thinking, eschew propaganda

Hello and Welcome!

Having a long history in the study of human behavior I am intimately aware of the strong urge and pull toward following the group.  Simply observing toddlers in preschool, young children in elementary school or witnessing the popular movement of music, clothing, and behavior of high school and young adulthood results in the observation that the in-group in society telegraphs to the human psyche how to be, what to think, who to follow and what will keep you in the clique.

This is built into the developmental structure of humans.

This draw to follow the group mind and to be inculcated into belief systems is the basis of societal strength.  Unfortunately it can become the downfall of society over time and can become a tool to control people without their overt knowledge.

In the 1960’s psychologists studied university students to discover if an individual will follow the group and conform under various conditions.  It was called the Asch Experiment (Wikipedia).   And what they found was that when students were presented with a group of peers who offered the incorrect response they conformed to answer with the incorrect answer 75% of the time for at least one answer.

Also in the 1960’s psychologists studied whether a person would act against his or her own inner sense that something was wrong when told by an authority person or person in a position of power  that it was necessary to act in this way against that subject’s inner sense that something was wrong.  This was called the Milgram Experiment (Wikipedia).  This study’s results provided serious information that seemingly “good people” with reasonable skills to evaluate the serious negative effects of an act would still follow through with causing harm to another person when told by an authority person (person in a position of power) that it was necessary and deferred responses to the effects of their actions.

The best way to avoid this is to use critical thinking in all of your decision-making.  Critical thinking questions the basis of your belief systems and the underpinnings of powerful people’s opinions and positions.  Rather then saying I agree with that icon, hero, politician, or cool person, critical thinking encourages an inner dialogue that questions why do I agree and what does that statement, philosophy, or belief system mean down and up-stream.  This increases an individual’s chance to be congruent in his beliefs and it increases the specific individual freedom and empowerment that person can experience in his life course and development.

What is popular is not always what is best for a society.  How those in power get their message out is a through subtle coercion.  All groups have rules of inclusion and exclusion.  The human goal is to feel included, liked, accepted and specifically to be part of the cool in-group.

A great tool is to pay attention when you feel you are being pulled along a flow toward something as if it is the only answer and that feeling is a pressure from the outside, cool in-group, not from an internal sense of knowing from within.  This is a cue that you are caught up in something that may have propaganda in it.

When individuals become overly stressed or lack critical thinking they accept propaganda as truth, swallowing it whole.  This is a shortcut due to stress or due to an unearned trust toward the group or those in power, thinking thay are indeed going to direct the society to the society as a whole‘s best interest.

Sociological theory and psychological theory, both, have shown that under various conditions those in power want to maintain that power.  Power is the means to make money.   The place wherein there is little critical thinking with respect to how groups are using propaganda to promote their money-making opportunities is through marketing, media, and what is cool.

The best response to your environment is to use your own critical thinking skills to evaluate the truth of what is being said.  Examine how you know it is true, without accepting whole what someone says whom you perceive as a guru, leader, hero, or cool person.

There is power in being famous, this is related to the latent pull to follow the leader of the group.  Following what a famous person says or does gives your psyche the sense that you are somehow connected to them, which feeds that hidden inner pull to conform and align with the group.

This is precisely the process that allows for odd or different children to be bullied in school.  The cool person or the person perceived to have power, is followed, rather than an individual standing up and saying that it is wrong,  or simply standing with the odd or different child.  The latent quiet allowing of maltreatment for fear that the maltreatment may be directed at yourself is a way the in-group wields control.

There is a small set of individuals who choose to go outside of the norm.  Sometimes this is someone who is following his inner sense of what is right.  This small set of individuals can stem the flow of the propaganda.  There is risk to this individual as he is often attacked.  The first response of a powerful in-group toward this individual is to focus a spotlight on this set of individuals, to discredit them, and to divide and conquer the opportunity for like-minded people to collaborate or simply dialogue about other ways to behave.

Your critical thinking skills can best guide you.  And the more you use these and model to your child their use, the more your child will use these.  It is in this way that bullying, subtle power coercion, control through group-mind, and propaganda will be extinguished.

Innovation is a natural by-product of critical thinking.  It comes as a result of questioning:

  • is that statement true?
  • how do I know the belief or statement is true from my own experience?
  • and what is the other side’s argument and how is it true?
  • what might be the reward for the person in power to deny the truth?
  • what is wrong with a statement or belief?
  • or what needs to be changed in a situation or environment?

Critical thinking is mindfulness.

The force through which someone states a thing is not truth.  Truth is.  And truth can be felt as an internal alignment – not in the agreement to the belief – but in an integration of the truth of all the positions and how that truth lines up.  It is an internal heart sense and has a lightness to it not a loud booming voice.  The latter is just a technique of coercion.  The more punch and loudness in the argument the less critical thinking.

Critical thinking allows for the truth of all the sides to be accepted and incorporated into the solution or belief system.

  • Subjectivity is loud, forceful, emotional, and pulls to accept, it blocks mindfulness and the critical evaluation of all sides.
  • Objectivity is quiet, light, and non-emotional, it has an opening to reveal the truth of all sides.

Discover your truth through critical thinking and mindfulness.  Model this behavior and thinking style for your children.  This will result in bringing to light propaganda so that real solutions can be found to the difficult problems facing you.in love and light, beth


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on my way to enlightenment I discovered my flaws

Hello and Welcome!

Energy (read creation) follows vibration and intention.  This theory implies that if you think about something efficiently and powerfully you can create that thing.  When living by this theory it’s important to remember fears, worries, and habits are efficiently and powerfully energetic.  So that if You DESIRE to be A and you worry, fret or fear that many things may interfere with you creating A, then, you are actually working against your own desire via these energetic worries/fears.  In psychological terms, this may be called anxiety.  So that anxiety interferes with the process of creating A, whereas self-confidence enhances the process of creating A.

Self confidence enhances the process through vibration and intention.  When you are self-confident your vibration and intention are stronger and more clear so it directs energy to the creation desired.

The fear neutralizes your movement toward the creation of the thing.  Fear creates a current away from the desired thing.  In this way you are energizing two currents, one toward your creation and one away from your creation.  The result is either to move toward, and away from, in an alternating fashion or to remain stuck in place.  The pragmatic person says this recognition of problems is an important part of being responsible but the more effective concept of responsibility is the ability to respond.  Such that, although you may be aware and note through non-attached observation that there may be conflicts or bumps in the road in creating A, you feel that you can respond to these effectively and persevere to create A.

This behavior/thinking/faith is a current toward self-confidence and the desired creation and a diminishment of the current of fear or worry.

You can see this in  the process of learning Yoga.  Correct movement into the position (asana) requires a working with your body.  Your focus is in creating an asana that is correct and to get there you must have non-attached concentration, attention, and breathwork.  The non-attached component is the part that observes and corrects posture and placement without an evaluation of  good or bad (non-attached).  Focused breathing while attending to your posture and release of tension is the intention the energy follows, for the practice.  Being in the present moment, with your breathing and body, is the non-attached attention and concentration.

It is an accepting and allowing process of breath and movement. Fear blocks movement and binds the energy from flowing.  Deep, intentional breathing shifts the energy and releases blocks, both physical and emotional.

You can see this in the practice of mindful meditation.  Breath, non-attached observation, in the present moment expands your understanding and your access to fuller information.  It deepens and broadens your perspective.   So that rather than, proving your point and digging in, you clarify your understanding and deepen your compassion.   From this place you may focus your energy toward your desire and focus your intention and energy.  Breath, along with present moment attention, and non-attached observation, focuses intention and allows balance.

Since energy follows vibration and intention, creation of desires happens most easily and quickly when the desire is unopposed, which is to say clarifying your intention and vibrating in a space through breath of present moment awareness and clarity of intention, assists the process most efficiently.  Actions taken from this space will give rise to information about how you are interfering with your intended creation through fear, worry, anxiety and/or insecurity.

Standing in your center

  • mindfully through unattached observation and acceptance of truth,
  • spiritually through your faith and clarity in your capacity,
  • and, physically through breath and confident action

allows for energy to flow directly toward your intended creation and result in delivering what you seek.

This allows for enlightenment through the acceptance, reframe, and release of perceived flaws.  Energy follows vibration and intention so when you find you are stuck, look to reset your intention and your vibration through mind, body, spirit alignment and centering.

Visualize yourself in the intended creation.  Feel it, see it, accept it and stand in gratitude of it – this amplifies your vibration by removing the worry, anxiety, fear, and insecurity.  Once you allow the removal of the current which pulls you away from your intended creation, you will immediately observe an elevation in your progress toward your intended creation.

Being grateful for where you are and for the intended creation as if it has already taken place will serve to strengthen your vibration, and intention and your self-confidence.  BE the change you wish to see in the world.  in love and light,  Beth


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your heart center links mediation and meditation

Hello.  I have been involved in a lot of mediation recently.  I think mediation is an art.  It requires an ability to listen and see with discernment.  It is part intellectual and part intuitive.  A funny equation of knowing, feeling, and being present with another to hear the subtle messages of tone, shifts in energy, and word choice.

I enjoy it as long as I can keep my right/wrong brain out of the equation.

It requires you stay in that mindful, open, compassionate place that seems often unavailable in contract negotiation, couples counseling, and problem solving.  The more I am willing to see everything, accept everything as truth to the speaker, and understand that in most situations all participants just want to be heard, cared for, treated with love, and be understood, the more I find healing, clarification, and solutions.

This place of being within requires you stand in your heart center.  From that space you can hear and see with mindful, compassionate, lovingkindness.

I find it an interesting spelling oddity that mediation and meditation have a single letter that shifts their meaning.  The letter t.  It’s like a clue about how to get where you need to go, because the letter t is a wonderful picture of the Yoga standing mountain pose, Tadasana – standing feet together, eyes lightly gazing, with your arms and hands held in a prayer position at your heart.

When mediation is done from this heart centered, focused, humbling place then the mediator is creating an opportunity for meditation.  Present moment acceptance and clarification of what each party wants from heart center, clarification of what each person means from heart center, and a centered present moment place from which to move forward.

A beautiful example of this image is represented in this picture by Rabbi Chava Bahle, her post at Yenyoga blog, Tadasana, mountain pose arriving in the present moment, gives a beautiful account of the simplicity and profound benefit of Tadasana, the mountain pose in Yoga.  See the t.  Perfect picture of light focus in the present moment from the heart.

Love, compassion, acceptance, allowing, and forgiveness are heart center emotions.  Centering your attention in the present moment, receiving information through the filter of your heart, increases harmony, understanding, and Soul-utions focused resolutions in mediation.

Mediation is not just an action in the law or business, not just an action in couples counseling, it is present in parent-child relationships, friendships, and work partnerships.  It is an action present in all interactive-relating between humans, even between species.  Our willingness to come from this centered place, this heart space increases our capacity to understand and act in ways that uplevel consciousness, increase our interconnectedness, and increase our overall harmony in living.

Since this is a daily part of living, you can begin to practice at any time.

Increase your awareness in interactions to the tone, quality, and word choice of others – pay attention to your own word choices, and tone.  Don’t just think but feel into these various qualities and practice a light attention.  Practice hearing intention not just content.  Shift yourself into a t, into Tadasana, standing mountain pose, allow yourself to hear, see, understand, through the filter of your heart.

Do this and you will find the most amazing gifts waiting for you.  Amazing threads of understanding, depths of connection, inner peace, and clarity you have been missing out on in your interactions and relationships.  The more you can be present in the now with open eyes and ears and centered in your heart, the more your life will evolve into fullness.

One letter difference, t, connects worlds exponentially….in love and light, Namaste, beth


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Hippies, Hipsters, and Hypnotic distortion

Hello!  One of the challenging aspects of parenting is to stay abreast of the newest, hip new thing.  It allows you to use the information to connect, educate, and understand your child’s set of issues for development.

This becomes more difficult as you age because either you think the hip new thing is stupid or you don’t actually know what it is.

So my first tip is to look for it; you can find it in the popular dress, music, books, television and movies.  What is a bit tricky is that it may not be obvious, it may be slightly hidden – words and phrases may not mean what you think so you have to investigate and use your listening and intuitive skills.  This is especially important when the lyrics of your child’s favorite song doesn’t make sense to you – you can ban him from listening to it – but it’s more useful and effective to get a handle on what is out there so you can discuss it with your child and at least get your “spin” on the whole thing into his brain and heart so he can make better, informed decisions.

The second tip is that due to the serious marketing population of our children, at least in the United States, there is a whole level of what is “cool” that is just propaganda and it is infused with information that is written by people way older than your child, so make an effort to look underneath the generally acceptable story to what may be a skew of energy.

You have to figure out how to manage the effect of propaganda on your child.  And this issue of what is popular in their environment is key.

The best way to manage propaganda is to go to its source and to have a way of giving a fuller, broader and more in-depth, bigger picture – this teaches mindfulness and can help your child in learning how to develop his critical thinking skills.  Through this development he can find a way to see through propaganda and make decisions that best serve his real needs throughout the course of his life.

Since it is part of child development for children, teenagers and young adults to be attracted to what is popular and hip in order to fit in and find their place in the world, then depending on your child’s age he is also going to be  working though different periods of fusion and independence with and from you, his parent.  It is through this process of fusion and opposition that your child discovers his unique perspective and position in the world.  That perspective is going to be his unique experience of biography, experience, and temperament.  Of course a typical goal of a parent is to guide his child toward a perspective that closely aligns with his own perspective.

The key to having a voice that is heard by your child is to maintain an honest, open communication pathway.  This includes discussion and presentation of how and why you see the world as you do, what other opinions are “out there” and what you would like to pass on to your child.   You want to do this with an openness to how you and your child may be different in  – biography, experience, and temperament.  When you are out of sync in one of these areas you can share your perspective but may find a dissonance in how your child views the world.  In order to maintain that open communication pathway you need to be open to the possibility that your child may at least, go through periods of disagreement and opposition to your perspective and at most, choose to live quite differently from you, and impart a perspective that this is his choice.

This issue is central to why it is important to teach critical thinking skills early your child’s development.

Hippies was a negative term applied to youth in the sixties generation.  Although it has mixed connotations both positive and negative, at the time, it distanced the youth from their parents..  Hipsters was a term in the forties for young people connected to the then new musical movement of jazz – it was a fonder term.  It was later revived, in the late nineties and early 2000s, a later, more positive term, to refer to a group that aligns with retro clothing, independent music, and innovative style.  And hypnotic distortion is the way in which pop culture can lull the youth into propaganda that distorts their true options and sets up an intangible thread of control over youth for marketing and materialistic reasons – regardless of the overlay of hipness.

Discover what is hip.  Find a way to connect to it and to your child.  Distill information that assists you and your child in determining whether propaganda is at the base of the hip, cool, thing.  Stay connected to your inner guidance and teach ways for your child to remain connected to his true source.  Then he can wear the cool clothes, dance the hip dance, and sing the latest songs while remaining connected to what truly matters within.

Maintain a clear voice and assist your child in finding his voice.  Sometimes this leads to your child setting his own trends and finding his way, hip, while not hypnotic or distorted.  All you need is love – that begins with self-love.  Offered in love and light, Beth


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My experience with inner sight

Hello and Welcome!  I thought it might be useful to write about what happens when I receive information from source that I have no basis to know – some people call this channeling, others call it psychic, Jungians think of it as connecting with the collective unconscious – it is a type of inner sight.

For me this experience has been like breathing – an internal see-knowing that is sometimes accompanied with language and verbal information about others with whom I am in relationship or have an important connection.  I say it is like breathing because it is something that requires no direct attention – we breathe without focus on our breathing, unless in meditation or directed to do something different with our breath. So for me it is the same I breathe, I know or I see-know.

This has happened throughout my life – knowing information about others, often before or  without the other speaking the information to me.  It has served me extraordinarily well as a therapist and acupuncturist – as I am able to have access to more information when assisting in another’s healing process.  It has been problematic with friends and relationships as I have found that sometimes I am privy to information hidden from  that person by himself or herself and so the response to my identification and connection with it can be… less than positive.  I have had to learn to manage this “gift” of inner sight.

And in learning to manage it I have also developed my skills at accessing the information in a directed way – a dear friend of mine, Betsy-Morgan Coffman,  has assisted me in developing this more direct contact so that I may have a sense of control.  I am cautious to use the term control, as it has a negative connotation to it.  I use it here because for much of my life the information that I received I had no control over at all – it would present itself at the most inopportune times and sometimes when either I really did not want to know the information or the other did not want me to know the information.  I felt more accosted by this gift than grateful.  And this continues to happen now.  However through focused development I have also learned to access this inner sight at the request of others.  And this has increased my positive, grateful, relationship with my gift.

When the information comes it is a see-knowing; a picture with words and energy imprint; it is like a flashback of information that is multi-level but has no personal charge.  Let me give an example:  When I review my living room in my mind’s eye I see each piece of furniture or knickknack and each has a charge of personal story to it as well as a picture of placement and form in space.  When I receive the information it is a similar thing in that there is a picture, placement and story including identified emotions but I do not actually feel the charge of the emotion of the story.  This difference, this lack of personal emotional charge, cues me to know I am receiving information about another’s experience rather than a remnant from my own life.

When I experience information about something that is currently happening physically with someone then I actually feel it in my body but it is as if I am a mirror.. so if I feel it on my right side it is in the person’s left and if I feel it in an organ then this is generally that organ.  And over time I have developed an understanding of how the pain feels relates to the kind of disorder with which the person is dealing – cancer for example has a very distinctive quality. Obviously I have to be able to distinguish between my own pain and that which I am receiving through inner sight so I need to have a clear picture of what is me and what is other.

When I was a young person, I did not know what was me and what was other.  I had a very confusing painful childhood; my way through was to learn to clear the pain and as I cleared it through my self then I cleared it through the significant other.  I believe my faith and connection to source was invaluable in saving me from insanity, or rather directing me toward mindfulness, compassion, lovingkindness and healing.  It did however take a while to understand.  In my twenties as a counselor I learned to simply trust the sight, act from the knowing and not directly share how I knew – not with those I was helping nor my supervisors.  In my thirties I began to get assistance with developing my gift and over the last few years I have begun to openly share my experience and offer my assistance directly.

I have written poems describing the experience.  It has helped me to define how to see through the multi-level inner layers of sight.

I feel at peace now with it and am grateful for this gift.

I share this in hopes that in reading this you may feel empowered to not cover over your true self out of fear or harm or ridicule or simply out of a lack of confidence and may be supported by these words, to reveal yourself to those you truly love and stand in the center of  your true self.

We each have amazing gifts, unique and empowering.  If you allow yourself to act from your heart center and be guided by your internal sensory guidance system you can transform obstructive, negative situations and create the life you want.

Embrace your true and full self; it may take a shift in perspective, it may take a willingness to accept yourself at a level you have not allowed before… your ability to accept yourself and treat yourself with love is directly related to your capacity to receive love…

in peace and joy, love and light, Beth


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ego re-balancing – inner guidance II

Hello and Welcome!  There is a lot of reference of the negative of the “ego” among alternative healers and spiritual healers.  These groups tend to perceive the ego as negative; this is a matter of not understanding the role of ego in self-development, and further of mis-connecting ego and narcissism.

The story of the ego to which I refer is its identification  in the development of self, and each person’s interaction with self and other.  The ego is that aspect of your personal self that can mediate between your personal wants disconnected from society and your belief systems swallowed whole from society.  Ego basically is mediating between individual wants or needs and the needs or wants of the group.  So from this perspective ego is a neutral more helpful aspect of your personality.  It is the part of you that can be objective and see self and other on the same plane.

Narcissism is a more problematic aspect of personality.  Narcissism is a skew in personality away from mindfulness and neutrality and objectivity.  Narcissism is problematic in relationship as individuals who are narcissistic have little to no capacity for empathy.

Empathy is the shear act of paradigm shifting – putting yourself in another’s position and understanding that other’s perspective.  Mindfulness, lovingkindness attitude and paradigm shifting require empathy.  Lack of empathy disconnects you from society and others.  Narcissism allows you to take actions without regard for how you may hurt another and focuses your actions on self alone without a connection to society as a whole.

Your cognitive mind has a way of tricking you.  It is a thinking aspect – with cognitive firings and logic.  It is that aspect that can get caught into a habit of relating, or be guided by indoctrination.  You can think of mind as an aspect of the information available to you as part of your inner guidance but when it is disconnected from spirit it can skew perceptions and actions out of balance.

These groups that teach you their language and then have you act by that set of symbols and beliefs are having you work with your mind while simultaneously saying your ego (aka mind) is guiding you away from your true self – which from their specific perspectives is whatever they are teaching.  Be aware.  Allow yourself to trust yourself first.

Ego allows for the integration of mind and spirit as it allows for empathy and negotiated action that synthesizes individual and groups needs/wants.

The simple rule found in so many spiritual texts to not treat others as you would not desire to be treated incorporates ego, mind, spirit integrated and in balance – it requires empathic lovingkindness guide your action.

Guidance from without must be filtered through your inner guidance to experience its truth.

Truth is not an abstract concept to be discussed and proved through the cognitions of the mind in isolation, but rather it is something that is a trifold experience of knowing, feeling, and understanding.

You can feel when it is not truth.  Something doesn’t ring true, look right, feel right.  There is a catch in how the information goes on or a blip or bump – if you are paying attention you know it – you fully and completely know it.

The tricky part is the paying attention part.

If you are simply on automatic and going through life as a passive receiver then you may miss the information present in every interaction, in each dream, and story, and connection you make or have.  This includes how you respond or react to the story of your politics, your family, your ethnic group, your partner, and your peers.  The stereotypes you allow to guide you rather than the personal information you feel, hear, see, know from within.

Paying attention requires attentiveness, awareness, openness, and a willingness to follow the inner thread of inner guidance.  To risk discovery of new information, change your opinions, and allow truth to be revealed.

Each person is unique when born.  Each life has a unique path.  Each being is special.  Each of us is a child of source energy, of god or spirit.  Each has access to source energy through the source guidance built into her cells, into her internal sensory system – her six senses.

These are always present within you and speaking to you all the time if you would just listen.

You actually are constantly being directed through your inner guidance through these messages; when you feel like something that someone says is off then that is a message from within.  Paying attention to these messages through your intuition, your inner hearing, seeing, knowing, feeling.  This is the fastest and most effective way to get onto your path and create your life fortune.

The truth will set you free and following your bliss will indeed bring you success.

So here’s an important message – if you are not doing what you want or living at your highest potential – go within reconnect through you internal guidance system with yourself.  You can use prayer, meditation, Yoga, running, ice skating, walking, dancing, writing, journaling, dreaming, sound, toning, therapy, or anything that assists you in connecting with your inner truth – but the key is that whatever you use your guide is within, not without, and the answer is personal, empathic, and loving.

When you begin to listen, pay attention to the subtle, gentle messages in the background not the angry, emotional loud messages in the foreground.

Your personal inner guidance will generally not yell at you unless you are about to have a car accident.  Otherwise it’s just a quiet, firm yet light message or vibration  turn here, let go, trust, believe, and ooh that doesn’t feel, sound, look right.

And give your self/ego a break – your ego is trying to mediate all your inner wants and outer expectations – have a little empathy, love and kindness toward yourself while you begin to acquaint yourself with your inner guidance.

Thanks for your continued interest and support, please pass on this information as you are guided to do so – more joy for everyone, in love and light, Beth


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Focus your energy and breathe

Hello

As a therapist, my job is listening.

It  is a special kind of listening not the listening of a friend, or a mother who just wants to soothe.   Although I deeply care for those with whom I work, from a broader perspective listening has many facets.

It is a listening that requires rapid responses, redirection, and guidance offering a sense of calm.

The listening is active but not strained.  I’m present in the foreground in a neutral open way, while in the background my mind, heart, intuition, and senses are evaluating the information on some kind of inner grid; the person’s tonal quality, choice of words, and speech as well as the content of what was said and not said used to develop a multi-level understanding of the person and the problem at hand, in context.

I have developed a special kind of quiet speech, and stillness that becomes even more quiet and still in response to increased danger or lack of balance.  When working my voice has a soothing, relaxing quality that allows others to easily allow a trance state.

While in my personal interactions I may become agitated, in my therapeutic setting I seem to have the ability to drop my blood pressure and pulse in more dangerous circumstances, telegraphing a sense of calm composure.  In the same way an animal can smell fear I transmit a sense of security and peace to assist the person to return to a sense of calm balanced harmony.

This is something that I developed instinctively over a period of time when working in stressful, dangerous environments.  The calmer my demeanor the more likely the danger could be averted.

This tactic is directly related to the concept of energy and breath.

A fascinating phenomenon of activity and passivity in unison, which I believe is a the mechanism that allows others to feel better after being in my presence  and encourages them to return.

It is the sense of being seen and heard that allows the person to move forward to receive the necessary information and support from me.  This sense of visibility in a safe way is soothing and strengthening.

She experiences things already known by her as well as things unknown to her that have the quality  of truth or accuracy or deep familiarity.  In combination this increases a sense of security and strength.  And allows for a letting go of structures that no longer serve her and development of structures which do.

I have developed a way to transmit calm in stressful situations.  Practicing this skill will create an environment for harmony and I think it is what allows for the shifts in the people I see in my practice.

So it’s about paying attention and responding to the situation with a sense of calm neutral interest.  A serious and gentle way of guiding and supporting.

These are precisely the terms used to describe mindful mediation or mindfulness.  And it is through these actions that a person can reduce her anxiety or anxious behavior and feelings of obsessive compulsions.

So it is no wonder that the experience in therapy is soothing and strengthening.

But how to get that when you are not with your therapist.

It turns out the best thing to do is to imitate her in your response to yourself.

  • Smile, sit quietly, listen to yourself, your words, your tone, your word choice, what you say and what you hold back.
  • Listen and pay attention with a sense of calm neutral interest.
  • Appreciating the situation with a gentle seriousness.
  • To get to this kind of state the first thing to do is to focus your energy inward in a gentle, calm and interested way.
  • A gentle questioning: what is going on here, what do I feel, when did it begin, what relationships are present?
  • Then listening to the answer that presents itself with a neutral interest; no need to prove the rightness or wrongness of what is noticed.
  • Then Breathe.  Breathe again deeply and fully with a smile in between your exhalation and inhalation.  Allowing for your heart to open and listen too.
  • A feeling of Love and a connection to spirit help.

Feeling a warm caring and sense of spiritual connection allows me to move into my heart even when I have lost my way, by simply breathing, focusing my energy, smiling and being open  to the perfect answer to the situation presenting itself.

Allowing things to flow seems to be the most difficult.

If you have created success through your mind’s ability to discover the answer and prove it, you will find this allowing part difficult.  Remembering that pushing the river takes more energy and doesn’t get very far – go with the flow.

In general the best answers come to us, they appear or present themselves.  Yes perhaps as a result of study, and work on the problem but is usually after the problem is set to the back burner that the whole picture is revealed along with the solution.

So focusing your energy on the problem, setting a desire or intention, and then releasing it unto breath – breathing through the need to make it happen especially when it’s out of your control, that is the place of real strength and power.

Focus your energy and breathe, you will feel that inner sense of calm and a sense of inner balance.  From this place you will see solutions present themselves if you are paying attention to the information in the universe.

See you tomorrow,

Beth


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Live like you were dying

Hello

So I recently heard this song by Tim McGraw called Live like you were dying. It’s about making the changes you always meant to do because you feel the end coming.  It’s very touching.  He identifies doing things and being different emotionally and in relationship too –

….I went sky-diving and rocky mountain climbing… and I loved deeper, I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying; I was finally the husband that most the time I wasn’t, I became a friend a friend would like to have..and I finally read the good book and  I took a good long hard look at what I would do if I could do it all again; ….I watched an eagle as it was flying…live like you were dying.

Several years ago my dear friend was diagnosed with colon cancer.  She was amazing.  Over the last few years of her life she made sure that what she could do, that she wanted to do, she did.

She focused on what was great about life and she focused on getting as much as possible out of life, from both a doing as well as experiencing (connecting and being) perspective.  It was inspiring to witness and amazing to be close to her during this time.

She allowed her compassion and love of life to guide her in her endeavors yet she was mindful of taking care of all the responsibilities involved in dying – providing for other and making sure she resolved unresolved issues.

She lived as if everything she did mattered.  But she was less uptight, and more relaxed about everything, too.  It was as if she was savoring each moment and didn’t want to allow anger to steal any of those moments away from her.

She tolerated the vulnerability of being what her heart desired because she didn’t have to worry about what end would come; she felt the urgency of being her true self because her days were numbered.

It fits that when we see we are nearing the end, one of the first things to release is anger.  Sure people are angry about dying but wasting precious living-time on feeling and being angry takes away the time available for en-joying what life actually offers.

I think it’s an important lesson on which to focus, getting as much out of life as possible; it seems like a good thing to focus on even when one doesn’t know their fate… to live like you were dying…. to really savor and be mindful of your actions, and your relationships.

Structure is important to teach but living is the most important thing that we take for granted.  We focus on structure early in our parenting because we want to help our children to have that throughout their lives but I wonder if we do so at the neglect of teaching them about trusting their instincts about what brings them joy and their talents and seeing the beauty available in relationships.

To create a life that is full regardless of your days, both delayed gratification and structure as well as living in the moment are needed in balance.

When I lost my friend I felt I had really experienced a lot of life with her.  That we had connected, and shared, and lived through things in a way that I could cherish and hold onto after she was gone.

Earlier in my life I had lost my beloved boyfriend in a car accident.  It was unexpected and shocking.  He too, had a way of getting the most out of life – for him experiencing life mattered more than the  accumulation of things.  He focused on connections and relationships, and experiences.

At the time, I was too figure focused and not enough ground – so when he died I really felt cheated and lost.  It was difficult.  But now I realize that our experiences together created a strong model for me to focus on connections and relationship and to let go of the unimportant injuries of everyday life; to see the whole of the person or experience and embrace what is good while releasing what doesn’t work.

His death profoundly changed my life.  I always made sure that I tell the ones I loved how much I love them, every time I see them, so I won’t regret not saying it if something were to happen.

Now I am watching as my father struggles to live out the rest of his life with a diagnosis of end stage cancer.  What strikes me is how it affects the people around him.

He, like the individuals identified above, seems to have let go of anger and is trying to both fight the cancer and focus on living experiences each day.  He has lived a very experience and accomplishment filled life.

The people around him seem to have so much anger.  They haven’t found their way to the importance of letting go of that anger, those left over resentments, and experiencing in the present moment what they have left.  To connect and laugh and resolve the unresolved issues; to make peace with the fullness and wholeness of their relationship with him.  To allow love, life, and peace to fill the time left.  It’s difficult to witness and get caught in the occasional crossfire of anger.

Perhaps it’s because they haven’t lost someone they really cared about before – they don’t realize the finiteness of this time.

In reality all our time is finite.  We each might find greater happiness if we could focus on our life as such, so that we could keep our focus more balanced.

Our lives are made up of our accomplishments, and they require an element of delayed gratification – waiting to do what you want while you are creating them.

But what also makes up our lives are experiences with people.  Connections and shared experiences are the most amazing memories when those we love are gone.  Sharing a sunset, a baseball game, a spiritual service, skiing, dinner, laughter, difficulties and joy.

These events build connections and are like threads through the tapestry of our lives. They provide color and content and a type of marker to keep us tethered while we move through our lives.

Balancing our focus on developing structure and doing and accomplishments with being and connecting and experiences is very important.  It requires being present, knowing what matters, being flexible and firm, having compassion, understanding rights and responsibilities, seeing figure and ground, and being mindful.

How we integrate cognitions and emotions, and the ways in which we reveal them to ourselves and others, is the fabric of our lives.

See you tomorrow.

Beth