For my dear friend Lesley and she walks forward in her life without her beloved father…also for everyone learning to walk in ‘right relationship’ with the understanding that being right in relationship is not equal to being in right relationship. in love and light, bg
You can always find more helpful information at http://www.bethgineris.com
Graciousness is doing the right thing under pressure – when you are most challenged to act without grace. It is the embodiment of Grace.
From my perspective it is showing character and compassion when you are being attacked or threatened, rising above or transcending the conflict and acting from a centered, compassionate place.
Graciousness is a behavior that accompanies mindfulness.
I am using the term grace to refer to one’s beneficence, goodwill, kindness, and compassion. Using mindfulness to analyze a situation, being mindful, results in gracious behavior.
This requires a change in consciousness. It is a transcendent way of being in the world. It requires moving out of a dualistic style of being in the world.
One has to move out of the dualistic of right/wrong, victim/persecutor perspective and into a transcendent consciousness of compassion and mindfulness. Taking action to promote peace and grace rather than proving you are…
Every now and then it’s good to check your behavior to see if you have developed a habit of making yourself small, or invisible, to not offend those around you.
This happens as a survival technique. You see it in humans who find themselves homeless, rescue animals, children from hostile environments and empaths, or sensitives. These beings work at staying invisible to avoid attack. They live on the edges of the world.
For those of you who are sensitive or empathic the experience of moving into being seen can be challenging. It requires standing confident in what you know, without attack and learning to use a style of Verbal Aikido to not feel the injuries thrown your way.
Certainly the use of the Four Agreements as you develop your multilevel communication are helpful in maintaining a sense of balance as you step into your full self and remove your invisibility cloak.
The process of truncating your personality takes time. It begins early in your life, before you actually get the chance to be Big.
It is as an involuntary action, like holding up your hand to your face as protection when you see something coming at you. It’s an involuntary, protective action. For empaths it happens early in life.
What may surround the cloak is a feeling of vigilance, a sense of smallness or lack of protection, and pressure to not take up much space.
You can hear it in your voice: ending sentences in an upward lilt, not speaking your truth, giving in and a turn away from conflict.
Usually it works so well that after the first time it gets ingrained into your personality, your behavior habits, your social interactions, until after awhile, maybe a year or more it is your only way to act. You may know the answer but you only tentatively offer your argument, submissively offering that you may be right, even when inside you know that 2 plus 2 is 4, or in the Buddhist tradition 2+2=1 – you say it cautiously barely taking a stand.
You know you have this invisible cloak style of relating
if you often feel you are not listened to or not heard. You may expereince others actually walking right over you in speech and conversation. You may feel yourself slightly bowed internally as if protecting your heart and solar plexus.
And you have a strong pressure to keep your focus on the other:
how to help the other, how to make the other happy, what needs the other has, how to make your self useful, agreeable,non-threatening.
To a small degree this is part of life. Integrating with the social group, give and take, empathy, and compassion, seeing another’s point of view.
When it becomes pathological is when you are unable to actually stand up for yourself. You feel anxious, your heart pounding if you are to state your opinion and you feel deeply injured when others do not hear or listen to you.
As a person begins to shift away from being small, the cloak interferes. You may feel conflicted as you stand up for yourself. You may feel easily injured when others do not hear you or see you. You may be so sensitive to other’s feelings that you don’t communicate what you are feeling, or you don’t act to create your own life, in order to make the other person not feel hurt or offense.
And when you do start to speak your truth, you may notice that those around you will work to put you back into the small place in which you have been living.
If you are wearing an invisibility cloak you may want to use the MAAPS program to see which of the insecurity drivers, Money, Attachment, Achievement, Power, or Structure, are in play.
As you attempt to act from a more honest, confident, grounded, and WHOLE BEING space, you may find that you are inarticulate in how you identify yourself and how you stand up for yourself in relationship. This is normal. The path to removing your invisibility cloak is to re-member all your parts. To bring together, in a more empowered and confident way, your integrated self.
You have to allow yourself the road of mistakes in how you speak up, how you communicate your truth and knowing, and you have to tolerate that others will be offended, angry and unhappy with your shifting and growth.
It is a delicate dance to learn a new way of standing visible in the world, in your community.
This will be especially difficult for empaths and sensitives who are making an effort to create a consciousness change in the fabric of the universe. Being challenged to be kind, while identifying problems in relationships and being challenged to confront the long held duality consciousness that disallows the elevation of consciousness.. You will feel challenged to be always kind and to be the bigger person which often results in you actually making yourself small.
Every now and then it’s good to check your behavior to see if you have developed a habit of making yourself small, or invisible, to not offend those around you.
If you discover you have an invisibility cloak use the above steps to take it off and practice visibility. Allow yourself to tolerate others not liking you, stay connected to source. As you are able to tolerate others not liking you, you will also notice that you can tolerate this attack and feel more aligned with the whole truth.
Gather support from the natural environment.
Meditate, create art, work in the garden, exercise, walk through nature, in reconnecting with the tapestry of life you can see the support there as you offer shift in consciousness to your human community.
Shed your skin, Trust your heart-centered, inner guidance IV system. Live your life fully and allow your full, big self to be present in the tapestry of life. You may experience a new Alignment within you, around you and between you and source. in love and light, bg
Find out more in my new book,Instinctive Health Medicine, Finding Your Path to Grace, due out in July 2016.
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
Aligning with your true path, your true self in your multidimensional self allows for healing.
In the early nineties, I had the great experience of working and training with two powerful Reiki practitioners in Albuquerque, NM. After several years of interaction, training, and practice, I began to use these healing skills to assist others in shifting the unseen fields around them, as well as their cognitive habits that interfered with their growth. This training deeply informed my natural Medical Intuitive ability. It gave form and structure to the information that I had received and intuited since beginning my therapy practice, and allowed me a process to share this information more effectively.
This was the beginning of a long journey of developing myself as the vehicle for change, so that not only did I have access to my words, cognitive headstands, care, mindfulness, compassion, and stillness, I also had access to healing via energy exchange with my hands.
Long before I had read a book called Joy’s Way (W. Brugh Joy, MD, 1979). I knew that what he described in his book, was what happened in therapy with my clients and patients. I could feel other’s pain, or emotional energy, negative or positive; I was affected by the energy of spaces; and I had strong time-space continuum experiences of previous lives with the people with whom I came into contact. I noticed if I asked, an answer would come – a knowing. I could see problems in spaces by simply asking to see the space and look for negative energy. I learned later this was called remote viewing and remote clearing; and that my knowing was like channeling, or a form of clairvoyance. But for me it was simply natural, like breathing. Actually for a long time it was more trouble than helpful, because I knew things about others that they didn’t precisely know themselves. It created lots of trouble in personal relationships, as you might imagine. And because I could feel other’s pain, I felt a lot of pain in me. It took some time to discern what was me and what was other.
He discussed how he saw, felt the power energy centers in the hands, and feet, splenic area, knees, elbows and hips, as well as the chakras in the multidimensional field of his patients. This was a way in which he could assist them in their healing.
(This was not his image, but offers information about the energy fields).
I used the long distance technique solely until I received my Doctor of Oriental Medicine License in 2005. And today I continue to find the long distance technique as most supportive and healing as it allows individuals to have access to the healing energy at any time.
This has made me into a lovely healing channel for those who find their way into my office. You can read about my experience finding my husband’s cancer in a previous blog, https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2010/05/26/instinctive-knowing/ on this site or my book Turning NO to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness book (2011)
I found the Reiki symbols were very helpful at increasing my sensibilities and focusing my compassion and care with the elevation of Universal Love. And I found the principles as profoundly valuable:
In 1995 Diane Stein wrote a book called Essential Reiki in which she printed the powerful Reiki symbols. Previously these symbols were only received at attunements, after study and practice with a Reiki practitioner. It was a big deal among practitioners that she chose to do this. I felt it was a great opportunity for many more people to be inspired by the power of healing their etheric, emotional, and cognitive fields allowing for a new alignment with spirit.
Since that time I have used the symbols to help others increase their connection to Universal Love. Reiki energy is pure healing energy, it connects to Universal Love. It cannot be used for something negative; this is to say one cannot use the symbols to increase their power to do something harmful.
I use the symbols to protect my daughter as she leaves for school, or when she is away from me. It allows her to be surrounded by positive energy and assists her to remain mindful, connected to source. I did this for Max when he was younger and I feel it helped him through many difficult times.
Here are the symbols: The top symbol is called ‘cho ku rei‘. It is the Power symbol in that it empowers the person and it empowers the other symbols. The next one pictured is called ‘sei he ki’. It assists in clearing emotional trauma or incorrect thinking. You can use this symbol in conjunction with a positive mantra, like I am loved, and then follow that statement with the power symbol. The third symbol is called the ‘hon sha ze sho nen’ and it is the tree of life symbol it connects heaven and earth, it is used for long distance healing and to assist in proper alignment to the person and the chakra system.
To use the symbols they are drawn either in the air or on paper from left to right and top to bottom, then the name is stated three times (in your head or out loud). The you may say the mantra three times and then draw the power symbol to empower the mantra and symbols. With the tree of life symbol again it is drawn left to right then top to bottom, like a painting, the name is i=said three times and then the power symbol is drawn. The power symbol is drawn from right to left then down and around clockwise to increase power or turn on the light switch. (Diane Stein offers information in her book about the power of clockwise and counterclockwise drawing of the power symbol.)
I encourage you to use these for yourself. At first, to understand, and increase, your understanding of how they assist you before using them with others.
One of the best ways to assist you in elevating your consciousness is to choose to follow one of the Reiki principles above, by saying for example, “just for today … and then complete with one of the principles above like…. “Just for today, I will not anger”.
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
Aligning with your true path, your true self in your multidimensional self allows for healing.
When your immune system is down. Think about how you can shift your nutrition and build in meditation yoga and stress management — these are your best treatments to build immune.
Crazy simple: sleep, exercise, good food, and breathwork are best at healing your body.
In terms of nutrition focus on dark berries, dark leafy greens, quinoa, eggs, dark beans, and white beans.
In terms of supplements – D3, a good B stress, like B100- which includes b2, b4, b6, b12, niacin and folic acid, C with rosewood and cranberry to assist in intake.
If you are a vegetarian make sure you get iron (you can take a plant based supplement called floradex) and zinc (make sure you get a formula that has the proper zinc and copper relationship or chelated zinc) These can assist you.
Vegetarianism is a great way to get nutrition- you just have to be good at getting enough protein and immune support from beans, chickpeas, berries and yogurt (if you are not lactose intolerant — yogurt is my go to every day to help stay balanced and get protein and digestive enzymes naturally).
Emotions, and lack of spiritual grounding and connection can negatively affect your immune system, that’s the reason for making sure you are participating in stress reducing activities like yoga, meditation, breathwork, and exercise in a balanced way, every day.
Your health is an integrated thing: mind, spirit and body — all three together – good food sustains your body and helps with balanced thinking and spirit source connection – so does breathwork and exercise prayer and meditation – it isn’t usually one thing but all together in harmony that maintain your health.
You can find out more – just search this site for: 4×4 habits for health. Spirit, mind, body, community.
There are many articles on balancing spirit mind and body, and resetting your thinking.
Spirit : breath, meditation, yoga, Qi gong, connection to your natural inner senses as sensory guidance system.
Mind: stress reduction, cognitive retraining, forgiveness, gratitude, paradigm shifting. Reducing anxiety and shifting depressive thinking.
Body: food, water, rest, and exercise
Community offers connection and Rejuvenation
Best supplements identified above as well as inositol hexaphosphates and inositol
Best yoga position – find yoga strategies for health, check out this site for more information about how yoga and health are related.
And finally, if you feel sad, apathetic, lost, out of sync, unable to find your way in the world, consider creating space in your life, every day, to return to nature.
Hike in the mountains, walk on the beach, take a walk through the park. Swing on a swing, ride a bike..reconnect to nature all around you. You can feel this even through the plants in your lobby or on your windowsill.
The more you allow yourself the opportunity to reconnect with nature, the more likely you will feel a release of negativity and an inner communication that you may have earlier silenced so that you can again or for the first time feel deeply connected to the tapestry of life.
The trees inhale your carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen. You inhale oxygen and exhale Carbon dioxide. We, the trees and humans, animals, birds, are all interconnected in one tapestry of life. Part of the intense degree of disconnect seen in the field of mental health is the severe disconnection humans experience from the natural sense communication in nature. Go out into nature and you can begin again to develop your internal sensory guidance senses first with the five plus one senses of sight, smell, taste, sound, touch and intuition, and then as you develop your sense awareness these will expand tenfold.
With these actions you will discover your own personal path to grace.
Find out more about this in future writings on this blog and through my new book, Instinctive Health Medicine, Finding Your Path to Grace, due out in July 2016.
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries…and the elevation of consciousness.
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris.com. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover how your worldview works to your benefit or detriment, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg
I have struggled with acne since my twenties.
My experience is that traditional or conventional dermatology practices and products have been largely unsuccessful at stopping or treating my outbreaks.
In my twenties, I had good success with proactive products. But these stopped working after ten years and my acne transformed from clogged pores to cystic acne.
The cystic acne became intractable. I would have between 1 and 4 cysts at a time, predominantly on my cheeks and my chin area. These erupted when I was stressed, around my period, or I had too much sun. They would become inflamed, and then not come to a head or resolve for weeks and sometimes months. At other times, they might resolve and then after a reprieve of about a week another form in the same place. So I would have relatively no time when I did not have either scarring or acne…
When you feel you are hitting a wall in your relationships consider the difference in these four concepts in how you respond to the blockage.
Break down: it’s like a flat tire. You stop. You cannot move forward or backward. You’re in a stagnant, sometimes involuting situation. This leads to disease, disconnection, and stagnation. Following a break down you can discover a way to break through.
Break up: complete disconnection. Separation. Detached, unattached. This can be very positive when there is a stalled situation that has no mutually satisfying resolution.
Break out: again disconnection, freeing from a tethering or prison or domination. Following a Break out you may be able to discern a break through.
Break through: This is an elevation. A shift in consciousness. In this phrase there is a freeing from a tethering of inner belief that is holding you back. Breaking through requires mindfulness and paradigm shifting.
If you are in a situation that has stalled, where you are experiencing a need for change or a revolving unresolved conflict…consider which of these is your best action.
You can get there from here…when you use the phrase break through you have the chance of reclaiming yourself, reconnecting with your partner, and shifting the world in which you live simultaneously…how great is that? in love and light, bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011).If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. Go outside, reconnect with your center with a walk in nature. in love and light, bg
4×4 habits to health, integrating spirit, mind and body: In weeks 1-4 you worked on developing a sense of breath and identified the changes you wanted to create.
Starting with intention and developing a map to your new integrated spiritual, thinking/emotional, and physical self. This process of change through weeks 5-8 has brought you to a new set of personal belief systems about yourself and health. Sometimes along the way you may find you have historical wounds, or injuries that are impeding your movement forward into this new self. You may use the information in this post to assist in shifting the energy of these so that you may move forward in your growth. in love and light, bg
Injuries heal through a set of layers and this occurs most fully and rapidly through these five steps. The most important step being cleaning out the deterrents to healing.
Here using a focus on physical wounds:
Evaluation of severity, depth, breadth, need for sutures, casting and bandaging.
Cleaning the wound of fragments, foreign objects, dirt, and deterrents to healing – debridement.
Careful observation and compassionate tending to the healing progress of the wound.
Re-evaluation of the development in healing, re-cleaning, debridement, re-dressing the wound.
A loving compassionate reintroduction of the use of the wounded area to avoid re-injury or trauma
The course for wound healing seems to take one of two branches. One branch leads to further, deeper injury through infection and invasion into deeper systems. The other offers a fuller evaluation at the fore to prevent a deeper infestation.
Remember to breathe before you respond…it gives you the opportunity to rethink and respond with integrity and love..mindful relationships…
When you go to nature you return to your home…build nature into your every day and you will discover a deep peace within you
Every moment you have a choice to be free of fear, choose how you want to respond and you will shift fear to faith and joy.
You may not be able to control other’s behavior, but you may always control your own through breath and mindfulness. The more you choose peace the more you will experience peace. The more you choose Joy the more you will experience Joy…
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2015 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011).If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. Go outside, reconnect with your center with a walk in nature. in love and light, bg
Hello and Welcome!Partnering is one of the most important and trickiest of ventures. I have been watching partners break apart for years but recently I have been noticing an interesting pattern.
Agreements are set down in relationship, I’ll do this for you, you do this for me. This is part and parcel to developing partnerships. These can be explicit or implicit but they are there.
Pay attention to what you agree to implicitly. When relationships break apart the more the agreements were implicit the more there is disagreement about the agreement. The less spelled-out, clarified, identified the equation of exchange, the more each party puts his or her own spin on the particular exchange components/expectations. This is especially true in partnerships where one party gets a lot of recognition for what perhaps both parties are doing.
Partnering with Mindfulness offers the opportunity to have thriving, mindful, mutually empowering relationships. In November, I wrote about how to negotiate the holidays with grace and included this acronym as a way to focus your energy. https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2014/11/19/smile/. I have reposted some of it here:
Smile: Spirit, Mind, Intention, aLignment, and Energy Spirit: reconnect to your heart’s joy through tastes and smells that elevate your heart connection: dark chocolate, helps to calm your heart and treat palpitations and and anxiety ( not too much at a time of course) Blue and red berries, great antioxidants and blood builders help to elevate your mood, cinnamon has a calming warming effect, and a positive side effect of balancing blood sugar so helps to balance mood, the sweet licorice taste of fennel, tarragon, and anise help to calm cramping, aids digestion and calms the heart. Ylang ylang, orange zest, lime, bergamot, rose, geranium, and vanilla all assist to set the mood. They have positive effects at the olfactory level and assist to reduce feelings of depression, apathy, anger, and insecurity and increase feeling of joy, connection, acceptance, and forgiveness. Mind: Shift your attitude to where you actually have power, engage compassion, forgiveness, and perspective shifting. (see below the 2 steps that assist in this activity). Intention: reset to your parasympathetic nervous system. Breathe! Slow down and rest then refocus from your center. Identify what you really want to accomplish- what is your goal for the holiday ? — Begin with the attitude of gratitude. aLignment: reorder your priority: Focus on what you WANT, rather than what you Fear – See and focus on what is working – What you are grateful for – Stand in the center of your internal power… About what you know about yourself and our partner and what feels like love to your partner…try to live there.
Feeling loved has the qualities of acceptance and feeling seen. Really loving has the qualities of seeing with acceptance and understanding.
Most people spend their lives looking for love and or acceptance. The best way to feel love is to love another.
A book by Eric Fromm called The Art of Loving, is one of my guiding sources for how to love as well as the book The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. These books provide a view of love that is an offering for a paradigm shift from the traditional concepts of loving and seeing. It’s about how to see the other, to experience and offer love more fully with acceptance and compassion. (see this post for more information: https://instinctivehealthmedicine.com/2010/07/20/love/ )
Energy: Release and let go of historical grudges – forgive, (if the action is something that disallows you from seeing the person – this is a reasonable choice -> it is the holding on that I am suggesting you release – it happened, it changed you or the other person or your relationship – accept that fact, and then release the anger, fear, and negativity so that it can be placed into your history and not create stress or disease in the now). Part of energy is movement so if you begin to feel down remember to eat whole foods, drink clean and healing water, BREATHE, and get your body moving, with dance, yoga, or hiking to get the bugs out, go into nature and experience the tapestry of life all around you sometimes hidden when we are focused on too much thinking and not enough heart….Energy is also part of everything above..it is the culmination of integrated spirit, body, and mind lead by your heart- intuition.
Smile. The actual action of smiling relieves, heals, builds your immunities, offers an opportunity for connection to others in peace and on the same plane. It is a gift to yourself and a gift to those with whom you interact. It is a flower that can uplevel your and other’s consciousness. Smile with gratitude, in forgiveness, to rejuvenate, –>> return to balance.
The most challenging aspect of relationship is connecting…not when you feel all gooey and lovey, but when you feel hurt, disconnected, or angry…of course that is one of the most important times to connect..
Try these two steps when you are faced with that situation..
Do a cognitive head stand:
Think of everything you like about that person, whether you feel angry because of something they did or didn’t do or say OR hurt by them in some way,
This focuses you on why you want to work out the disconnect and how much you care about him or her… once you do that, you free yourself up from the defensive, fight posture and open yourself up to the connection posture…
Hold an image of the person in your mind in that loving space when you begin to discuss the problem…every time you feel his or her negativity, reorient yourself internally – look at that image,
That will help you communicate from your heart, you will have to say what is bugging you, but HOW you say it will be what is communicated – the love and connection.
Consider this: ‘It’s not about being right it’s about be with (connecting)…that’s the glue of relationship.’ (Gineris, 2013, Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness).
Relationships are dynamic and multi-level. You come in and out of being in the same space. Sometimes you are completely in sync and when that happens you flow. When you feel the stickiness, the flow not flowing, but sticking, then you have to check your perspective and reorient yourself.
It helps to remember what brought you to the relationship in the first place.
This requires you shift out of a right/wrong, defensive perspective and into a clarity of connection. It requires you disperse and shift defensiveness in to connection.
Defensiveness is a product of feeling attacked. In most relationships defensiveness is the way in which the fight continues…so if you feel defensive, you can shift out of it through the above two step process. Defensiveness and competition go hand in hand.
Competition is a wonderful thing. It is a great way to discern who is the best athlete or competitor of the people who showed up to the event…but in relationship competition can be divisive, and create distance, and resentment. In relationship individuals are looking to be seen, accepted, and co-create. There can be a sharing of leadership, and knowledge and teaching.
Connection and collaboration – interdependence is the key.
Collaboration offers the best style of interaction in relationship. You cannot collaborate when you are vying for proof of rightness. Collaboration is a byproduct of mindful paradigm shifting. It allows both parties to share personal perspectives while discovering a centered place where both perspectives meet.
Family and love relationships are the kind of relationships where this is most paramount.
Often it is a tone, phrase, feeling, or style of interacting, that creates the defensiveness.
Left over resentments, and injuries must be resolved. Partners and family members must let go, forgive, reset, if they are going to continue in the relationship. This is the only way to disperse the defensiveness. If an injury or resentment is too big to release then you may have come to the end of the line with that relationship. Release it with love and forgiveness. Discern what is your part and make a lesson of the loss to assist you in future relationships. Don’t hold on. Let go.
When you are bound to the injury and resentment and also unwilling to let go of the relationship, you can create a difficult and unpleasant relationship.
Whenever you feel defensive, look to see what is underneath…is it connected to a historical relationship? Is it connected to an unresolved injury or resentment? Clarify what is underneath, unearth it and bring it to the surface. Then use the above two step process to try to resolve the problem with your partner. If it is unresolvable, allow yourself to release the unforgiveness. Forgive your partner and yourself; this may result in the dissolution of the relationship but it will create a freeing within you to honestly connect in your future relationships without holding the next person accountable for an unresolved injury. Namaste, in love and light, bg
Use the word SMILE to focus your energy for the Valentines day weekend. If you are struggling with your partner or feeling out of sync use the 2 steps above to reset your focus and remember what brought you together. Let go of being right – move into connection and alignment…whether in a relationship or not these will help you be mindful in your life. in love and light,bg
You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com. Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..
You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS. Discover where you are in the Temperament and the MAAPS section. You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships. MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money, Achievement, Attachment, Power, Structure).
You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011).If you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.
One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all. in love and light, bg
bols. The next one pictured is called ‘sei he ki’. It assists in clearing emotional trauma or incorrect thinking. You can use this symbol in conjunction with a positive mantra, like I am loved, and then follow that statement with the power symbol. The third symbol is called the ‘hon sha ze sho nen’ and it is the tree of life symbol it connects heaven and earth, it is used for long distance healing and to assist in proper alignment to the person and the chakra system.
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