Hello

Trust is a funny combination of belief, intuition, proof and alignment.

What makes a person trust is sometimes something as simple as a feeling within.  The way a person feels,  how a situation clicks or how something looks right.

For me it’s kind of like a song that’s in key – things are flowing and there is a sense of the direction.

When it’s out of sync it’s like there is a blip in the energy  – like a skip on a cd.

Have you ever listened to someone say something and you knew they were lying or withholding some bit of information – because as they spoke it was off in a subtle way.  I think that is what a lie detector picks up on, these subtle shifts in energy.

That feeling is something that is related to intuition or detailed, close observation.  If you trust that, then you are developing a deeper, cleaner, hyper-awareness that can guide you efficiently in your decision-making.

And trust is a function of what happens when there isn’t a lot of blips in the energy between two people; it builds on itself so that when you have a long time of flow one can weather something being off.

Our senses are connected to our brains to offer a set of stimuli that help us judge which path is correct.  This is true for both mundane and profound tasks.  The more we allow the information from our senses into our decision-making, the more effective our decisions can be.  So when something doesn’t feel right or when it does feel right we know in which direction we need to proceed.

Part of the trick here is to recognize when we are feeling a habit reaction pattern based on fear rather than true stimuli that can direct our way.

Meditation, prayer,  and breath-work all allow quiet, breathing space and time to maintain a strong connection to self, and our center through our sense awareness.  These tools are important to maintain clarity to tell the difference between fear stimuli that are the product of habit reaction patterns and true sense awareness stimuli that offer a direction in our decision-making.

Trust is both trusting oneself and trusting others in relationship.  Trusting oneself is listening to the sense awareness information and taking action on it.  Trusting others is a function of looking for congruency between words and actions.

A wonderful exercise to develop your connection to your sense awareness in real-time is to ask yourself what am I feeling right now.  The best way to develop this is to have an attuned ear to when you are feeling this doesn’t feel right.  This is a subtle feeling like the hair on the back of your neck standing up or an internal sense that something is off.

This is information that is not verbal but feeling in nature.

Our right brains take in information as wholes and within context, like image imprints, which is why we can feel something is off but to describe it verbally, analytically, takes longer processing time.  That’s our left brain activity.

Trust is a right brain activity that is then translated into words and left brain concepts.

It’s our right brains that tell us something is in sync whether it be visual like a painting,  musical like a symphony, olfactory like a lovely perfume, or tasty like our favorite recipes; what makes it work is how we take it in from our right brains.  When something feels off, and we key in on it, then we engage our left brain analytical ability to evaluate what is, and why is, it off.

To increase our speed in interacting often we short-circuit this right brain activity that lets us know something is off, focusing more on the left brain activity of verbal and analytical analysis – until there is an actual break.  We are not trusting what we know and often we pay a price for it.  Then we often can say – oh I should have paid attention to that weird feeling I was having when that person said/did x,y or z.

The more we develop a space for meditation, prayer, breath-work and focus on our sense awareness – the less we short-circuit our connection to our right brain activity so that we can trust our actions and feelings in making-decisions.

Belief, intuition, proof, and alignment are the processes that develop, support and maintain trust. They create and support our actions and responses, our willingness to trust ourselves, others, or to take action to re-align with our inner self.

If you are faced with a difficult decision, using mindful meditation and direct observation skills will help you to make the best decision and trust that it will bring you forward on the best course of action.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

What matters is connected to a person’s belief system.

If family matters one makes choices to care for family above other things.  If money matters then making and keeping money has a higher priority than relationship.

From an existential perspective, it is a general rule of behavior that people do what they want to do, so when someone says they are doing something they don’t want to do then they are not focusing on what really matters in the situation.  Because we are always acting in our best interests according to our belief systems.  So if a person says I don’t want to do this then you have to say then why are you doing it and then you will discover what  matters or what is the motivation for the behavior.

In a way this is a figure-ground perspective issue.

Knowing oneself is a function of knowing what matters; when one knows oneself then living is easy, it follows a simple set of rules of acting in ways to support and keep close what matters.

When actions do not agree with or are incongruent with what one says matters then I always trust the actions as the actual thing that matters, rather than trusting the words.

I notice that many people in the world mistakenly do the opposite of this.  Often people trust the words rather than the actions and then, when the truth comes out, they are confused, hurt or feel betrayed – when in reality they have betrayed themselves by trusting the words rather than the actions.

For example, If a man (or woman) says I love you and I am loyal to you and will not betray that loyalty and then you see their actions as not loyal and not loving – if you continue to ask do you love me, are you loyal, and trust their answer then you are ignoring the actions – and trusting the words.

This is how individuals stay in relationships that do not serve them by trusting words over actions.  Their relationships are serving what matters in their belief systems but may not be truly supporting their authentic, whole, congruent self.

Developing an understanding of oneself requires an ability to look at figure and ground, stay present in the moment, pay attention to one’s sensory cues – what bother’s us and causes feelings, that something is off or, of anger, hurt, and fear – and be willing to let go of habit reaction patterns, and survivor scenarios as well as be flexible about how one incorporates one’s belief systems into one’s behavior.

It requires a vigilant eye to maintaining internal consistency in actions, words, and beliefs.

Most of us think we are doing that all the time.

How you know you are out of sync is when you find yourself saying that you are doing something that you don’t want to do.  If that is true – if it is against your belief system, stop doing it; if you feel you can’t stop doing it then delve deeper to find what is actually driving that situation so that you can act and speak in a congruent manner.

Knowing what matters and acting from that space allows for self-confidence and increases one’s capacity for success toward their goals.  Getting out of a stuck situation takes a lot of energy but once you are living in a congruent fashion you actually have a lot more energy available to you to live fully and in a fulfilling fashion.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Bias has a negative connotation in communication.  Bias is really a view of the world, a perspective, a lens, or a paradigm.  Bias becomes negative if it interferes with one’s ability to see clearly or through a neutral lens.

When information is evaluated it is best done from a neutral perspective.  It’s important to understand how bias affects decision-making.  It can skew the way information is incorporated into a decision and it can weight information in a way that is inaccurate from an un-biased or neutral perspective.

We need perspectives or world views to order or structure our thinking – so we have to be constantly creating and tearing down bias.  This process is dynamic and I think of it as conscious paradigm shifting.  It’s similar to making goals and then re-evaluating these goals as we get new information – – we need to be flexible and we need to be able to be clear or stand in the center of our belief systems – authentic; we need both of these qualities to make decisions in an ever-changing environment.

It is helpful to accept that we each hold a bias and knowing what your biases are helps to clarify the decision-making process and to re-orient you toward neutrality.

The problem is that often our biases feel like reality or truth so we can’t separate ourselves from them – we are blind to our biases.  We have difficulty viewing our personal paradigm from the perspective of neutrality precisely because we see from within the lens of the bias  – so it feels as if the bias is truth. So it is difficult to move out of our biases into a neutral perspective for evaluation.  It’s difficult to separate the bias from our worldview because it is coupled to it.  It usually requires a paradigm shift.

This is where mindfulness is so useful.

The concept of mindfulness includes moving into a neutral perspective and viewing our biases with a perspective of discovery rather than judgment.

Looking at a physical representation of bias or paradigm – figure ground images – helps to elucidate the concept of a paradigm shift.

When you look at this image, do you see a blue vase with flowers or a smiling white bear with blue eyes, nose and smile?  Each view is visible depending on your perspective, focus, lens or bias on figure or ground.

What about this image>  Do you see a man playing the saxophone or the face of a beautiful woman?

And finally with this image:  is it two profiles that carve out a candlestick in the center or a single face with a candlestick in front of the face?

These images allow for evaluation of (at least) two paradigms at once and the experience of paradigm shifting.

So here are some ways to help yo move into neutrality in decision-making and also get a handle on what your bias is and whether you want to keep it.

• If you feel defensive wait – stop talking, breathe, open your mind, be open to what the other person is trying to say – move into receive rather than send in your communication.
• If you feel angry, wait – stop talking, breathe, open your mind, try to receive what the other person is trying to say – try to simultaneously discover what is triggering an angry response in you.
• If you have a block or just can’t understand – or see – what the other person is saying – stop, try to look at it from a different perspective and see if you can identify what perception or interpretation you have that may be blocking your understanding of the other person’s point of view.
• I am not suggesting that you must agree with their point of view, I am suggesting understanding your bias comes from seeing both perspectives – that is the example of the figure-ground images above.

Increasing your awareness and applying your mindfulness to the situation allows for interpretation of bias in decision-making.  This may result in a different course of action.  It may not result in a change, but in this case you will be able to support that decision through a more mindful, neutral approach.  It may allow for a negotiation that incorporates both paradigms – not a compromise, but a collaboration or blending that meets the needs or perspectives of both parties.

Applying this approach to the word bias helps – try to neutralize your interpretation of that word – be descriptive in your definition rather than adding the extra feeling-charge or connotation that often goes with that word.  It will help you relate to both your own and other’s biases in a more useful and productive way.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

When dealing with paradigms and working on relationships the most important thing to consider is how to remain strong and connected.  You want to create opportunities for both qualities to be present.

Being strong is both standing up for yourself through identifying and asking for your needs to be met as well as supporting the other person while his or her needs are being met.  The first is more like taking or being on the receiving end and the second is more like giving.  Give and take is the natural flow of energy in relationship.

Being connected is a function of using your five sense awareness as well as your intuition and communication skills to negotiate your own needs and the needs of the other person.  It is a dynamic, ever-changing landscape of primary focus over time.  At any snapshot in time you may find one or the other person on the receiving end of the relationship energy, support, or power – if it always is the same person then the flow of the relationship is off-balance and this may result in problems.

If, in order to remain in a relationship you have to give up yourself or your needs then that is not remaining strong.  If, a person is unable to be involved in both give and take in relationship s/he is not actually participating in a healthful way.  Relationships are a function of give and take in their most healthful form.

If, you find that you are always on the giving end then you need to re-evaluate how you interact with others.  You may be inadvertently diminishing your own power in that relationship.  Here I am using the word power to describe empowerment not power-over.  Some people think that this makes them a better person that they do not have needs in a relationship – or that they are always understanding the other person and giving in. In reality this is not a stronger or better position, (and this is tricky), it is actually a weaker position and also a behavior that will degrade the relationship.

Relationships prosper with boundaries. Knowing where you end and another begins is a sign of health being able to keep a strong sense of yourself and the other person in relationship requires no as much as it requires yes; knowing when to say which is a function of an internal balance as well as the qualities of strength and connection.

This is especially true if it’s a parenting situation, this behavior may actually result in a child not developing their ability to give – s/he may only take because s/he hasn’t been taught to do both.  Children don’t give to the parent in an equal way; it’s about negotiating perspective, time, focus and interaction – developing the skill of paradigm understanding and shifting.

This is not just true in parent/child relationships but partnerships and friendships too.

This concept of energy flow in relationship is similar to balance.

Give and Take in relationship need to be in balance if the relationship is to remain sustaining and growth promoting  over time.  Here balance is the concept of equity, not necessarily equality but equity.  So under certain conditions one person may actually give more, let’s say if someone is sick or in a naturally dependent situation, like an infant or toddler, but if that behavior continues beyond the circumstances then the behavior may begin to skew its energy and throw the relationship off-balance.

It’s good to have a habit of checking on this over time, to evaluate how energy is dispersed and dealt with in all the relationships  your life.  Re-evaluating how to best create balance in each of these relationships based on the idea of balance in give and take, helps to maintain healthy relationships where both strength and connection are valued.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to address the issue of loneliness or isolation and mindfulness.

What happens if, as a part of your mindfulness, you discover that your life is not fulfilling?  That something is not in sync or that you have in some way given away an important component of yourself?  This can result in a sadness or loneliness.

Getting in touch with deep loneliness or isolation can be distressing.  It can stop a person in her tracks and cause her to rethink a lot of her relationships and how she is connected to others.

When I think about the issue of mindfulness I think of it as a connecting tool – helping others connect with each other or couples become more deeply acquainted with one another.  But when it results in an aha insight/knowing that is painful or disturbing then I find it can be disconnecting and result in a person pulling inward or away from others.

Mindfulness is about seeing figure and ground and understanding another’s perspective, but what if through your mindfulness you discover that the other is actually not the best fit – that as you understand more fully the other or yourself, you are unable to find connecting points.

This is a distressing moment and may cause someone to pull away or to pull in – but I suggest this can be interpreted as a freeing time as well.  An opportunity to reset your picture of yourself and expectation of other in relationship.  Sadness may be a part of this, but strength too and alignment with yourself is also a great joy.

In observing certain people in relationship what I have discovered is that some individuals utilize mindfulness, or empathy, or seeing the other as a way to diminish their own needs – it’s a quirky co-dependence.

They deny their own needs and then give – in a way that I observe to be unconditional – but then feel lonely and isolated – not really ever connected to the other.  This over time can result in resentment, anger and frustration.  These feelings are confusing and the person feels misunderstood or unseen when in reality they are not showing themselves or making themselves visible.  They hide their needs and rush toward understanding the other, diminishing their own self-worth, while feeling diminished by the other because the other does not see them.  It’s convoluted to describe.

I perceive this as a description of confluence in boundaries.  The person is able to see the other but doesn’t fully distinguish his own needs and then merges to complete himself by giving to the other.  The individual is unable to see where he ends and the other begins.  I observe this as an unconditional giving, in that there doesn’t appear to be conditions, but when the person feels bad about their invisibility they want to take back their kindness.

Using that same mindfulness focused on themselves to tease through the convoluted feelings will help them to see how to best care for themselves in relationship; applying the same kindness toward themselves and their own needs as they do to the other with whom they are relating.

This kind of situation may find triggers back to the person’s early childhood and how they found they needed to deny their own needs in relationship to care for a significant other/caretaker.  They feel invisible because they were truly invisible to that caregiver’s psyche and their only way to be seen was to be needed.  They developed their empathy and mindfulness toward the other very early in childhood, generally earlier than is expected according to the developmental structures, in order to survive in their childhood environment.  They merged their boundaries with the other to have a knowing of the other’s needs and sense of self – this is the confluent boundary – but in order to do this the other’s needs took precedence over their own needs.

Their mindfulness, compassion, and empathy became second nature to them as a survival tool.  What an amazing gift, yet a prison too – a habit reaction pattern developed for survival.

In order to disentangle the beautiful skill of empathy and mindfulness from the diminishing of one’s self-worth, the individual must apply the kindness he applies to others to himself.  He must create a connection to his own inner being, his own needs and wants, and love himself first – creating an internal knowing/sense of visibility, before he can attain visibility in his present moment environment.

He must define where he ends and the other begins, still maintaining a caring for the other and an empathetic, mindful understanding of the other, while simultaneously keeping his needs in the discussion and in the negotiation of the relationship.

If you see yourself in this description try to develop a loving connection, and boundary to yourself and your needs so that they are definable, descriptive, visible, and real to you – then see if you can begin to have a conversation with the people in your life that really matter to you about this internal change.  This will help you to create a deeply profound connection to those in your life that really matter to you.

It will also open you to a whole new level of mindfulness, compassion and understanding in your relationships.  You will find that you are more free to be yourself and that you will feel a much deeper and sustaining connection in your relationships.  This will go far to help you extinguish feelings of resentment, invisibility, and frustration in your relationships and it may even open up a new path of success in other areas of your life.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Remember when you didn’t get something you wanted and your dad said that’s okay it will build character?

Well, that may not have been part of your childhood, but it was part of mine.  The lesson was often about how I dealt with a negative situation or loss and what I turned loss into, more than how to get what I wanted.  Not to say that I didn’t get what I wanted – I often did, but the teaching points were about when I didn’t.  Building character was defined by being a good sport – both a good winner and a good loser, trying harder, competing with myself rather than another, and building on my losses to make them into wins.

It was perfect for developing mindfulness.

The lovingkindness part seemed to come out of observing how my father applied compassion to his evaluation of circumstances when meting out punishment and consequences.  He had different expectations for different people based on his perception of what their capacities were.

Virtue was about doing my absolute best, but also about doing what was right even if it meant that I would not result in being the winner.

My father, without ever having read any Buddhist thought, lived his life through Buddhist principles.  I am sure he would say they were Greek principles… and maybe they are when you consider the work of Aristotle and Socrates.  He definitely taught through the Socratic method.

I was expected to think my way out of a situation and then take action, both.  He taught but, he expected me to have thought about the problem and tried to solve it before he would give me the corrected answer; no blanks on my proverbial answer sheet were accepted. 

I had to have identified something as an answer with my work showing about why I thought my answer was right.  Then I could be taught to see more clearly all the aspects of the problem to come to the best conclusion.  It was torture then, but now I see what an amazing gift it was to be taught by such a powerful thinker.

What these great thinkers had in common is this sense of mindfulness.  Viewing and re-viewing the problem from various perspectives.  It is a method of gathering information, observing one’s senses and increasing one’s awareness, looking for patterns and describing these to put together a paradigm or picture of the world within which a decision is being made, or action taken.

Building Character through Virtue, Mindfulness, and Lovingkindness is a style of being in the world that allows one to use one’s losses as teaching opportunities, to deeply understand oneself, and to have a style of relating that is empowering.

Character is a deep quality of inner strength, of having an internal center and making choices from that center.  It is something that both differentiates a person from, as well as connects the person to, the group and it is tied to virtue, mindfulness, compassion, and lovingkindness.

It is the more difficult path; it leads to what the Buddhists call Right Relationship, and Right Labor.  Making choices about partnerships and career that supports the person’s true inner being as well as the community within which the person lives. 

It results in a sense of resilience and inner strength that reminds a person that she is able to walk through life connected to source and herself, no matter how difficult the events in her life are to withstand.

I am interpreting loss both in terms of the loss of a situation, relationship or beloved one, as well as loss in competition. 

I think that it is great to win.  I think it is great to be the best and be chosen.  And I think not being the best is the best avenue to develop character so that one can win and be the best from their true center.

Applying lovingkindness, mindfulness, and virtue to all one’s situations and relationships increases one’s character and strength.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I find it interesting that often just before someone makes it big they have deep loss or just after they do they have problems in another part of their life.  I see this often in the entertainment world probably because the media covers these individual’s lives so closely.

The I Ching describes an ebb and flow in the cycle of life.  That deepest yin becomes yang and visa versa.  Balance is the goal, so ever-growing height or depth is not feasible.  There is a hexagram that seems to allow for expansion without loss but that has to do with the idea of bringing others in on the growth – so as to make the space bigger in a quantum-like way, like an upleveling of consciousness, a paradigmatic shift.

I find this concept of an ebb and flow of life as somewhat comforting.  It reminds me that there is a cycle and that if I am at the nadir of the cycle it will soon go in the up direction.  Loss will result in renewal; and a destruction or death of something gives rise to the space for rebuilding or rebirth.

Taking this broader, fuller view allows for me to feel more in sync with the fabric of life.  It helps me to have perspective and a sense of empowerment by remaining in the flow rather than getting stuck in the loss.  It helps me to look for how the loss can be positively incorporated into my world view, knowing that a sense of future or imminent joy may be on the horizon.  Or that I may now have the opportunity to go in a different direction that I may not have observed, if my life had not incurred the loss or change with which I am dealing.

It’s not quite as comforting when I am at the apex of something.  When I feel myself at a great peak in my life I like to embrace it. Fully incorporate the beauty of what is, like a picture of perfection.  I try to set it into my consciousness so that when the energy begins to wane I can remember that peak.

In some ways the ebb and flow or waxing and waning of the energy of life can feel like a dance or interplay among various themes in your life.  Sometimes the flow is not so much a loss as a mundaneness in life.  When it is a loss, I like to consider that the loss may be necessary for some new kind of growth – or a loss of something that may no longer serve me in some way.

Viewing life from this perspective of an ebb and flow allows for connecting to the tapestry of life and remaining in the present moment and standing still in the center of your world.  One is then able to respond to the things that are happening in a meaningful and connecting way, without getting stuck on high or low, but flowing through with a sense of strength.

In the loss as in gain it is important to mark the connection to the lost thing in some meaningful way – understanding how that individual, being, situation, or experience was powerful and how the lessons from that can move forward in your life even when the relationship is changed.

Change is the constant in our existence.  Stagnation, no change, leads to standing still and degradation.  Accepting the aspect of change that is ever-present and undeniable helps to respond to change with a more flexible and open heart and mind, so that movement with the flow will lead to growth and renewal and development in the various aspects of our tapestry of life.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Love is a profoundly powerful experience.  Really loving or feeling loved opens a person’s heart to forgiveness, and also to unending strength.  Sometimes that strength is the strength to let go with love.

Feeling loved has the qualities of acceptance and feeling seen.  Really loving has the qualities of seeing with acceptance and understanding.

Most people spend their lives looking for love and or acceptance.  The best way to feel love is to love another.

A book by Eric Fromm called The Art of Loving, is one of my guiding sources for how to love as well as the book The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck.   These books provide a view of love that is an offering for a paradigm shift from the traditional concepts of loving and seeing.  It’s about how to see the other, to experience and offer love more fully with acceptance and compassion.

The opportunity to really love is present in every relationship.

It is a way of being and interacting in the world.  This is the shift in paradigm.  It is a choice of how to respond in the moment toward both positive as well as negative interactions with others.

When I get triggered by another’s negative interaction with me I feel anger or sadness or some other drop in energy.  If I respond from that angry place I find that a wall or boundary is created that interferes with conflict resolution.  If I come from that reactive paradigm then I am not open to how to resolve the conflict.  I am in an argument or defending position of my position.  This only creates a defensive reaction from the other person which leads to a standstill – no resolution.

If I choose to respond with a connecting energy then I begin to feel my energy rise and fill me positively.  That is a function of love.  It allows for the space to be expanded so that both paradigms can be evaluated and a place of understanding and acceptance can be created – this then allows for an opportunity to experience a paradigm shift and connection between and among individuals.

Here I am not talking about romantic love, but rather Universal Source love; that which is required to overcome deep and powerful wounds, or habit reaction patterns, or historical injuries.

What I am referring to as Universal love is spiritual in nature, the love described in Jewish, Christian, and Buddhist traditions.  It is a position of being in the world; a style of lovingkindness which incorporates forgiveness, acceptance, and compassion as basic components of being or interaction.

The Buddhist tradition talks about a concept of Right relationship, or Right action – not right as in right versus wrong but right as in correct – a correctness in balance of spirit, mind and body, in sync with the situation, the environment, and within one’s being. 

Opening to love in a way that is consistent with right relationship allows for evaluation from a neutral compassionate, accepting place so that the BEST aspects of all involved are incorporated into the relationship and solution, view.

Ways to know that you are in sync, or not in sync, include an inner scan of your emotional and physical sensations.  Increasing your awareness of your own inner senses helps to give you information about how you are responding or reacting in the world or in a given situation. 

Notice if you have a drop in energy, a negative attitude, a loss of hope or a feeling of fear/anger – these indicate you are reacting and not coming from an understanding compassionate perspective.  Often in these situations you will notice that you are breathing shallowly or holding your breath. 

If you notice a feeling of warmth or heightened sense of understanding, an attitude of gratitude, feeling a smile on the inside of your being then you are open to a compassionate, lovingkindness perspective.

Focusing on your breath, breathing in, and breathing out and bringing your attention to your breath can allow for you to get into balance so that you can be open to love, compassion and be able to view the situation from a more balanced perspective.

Love opens our hearts, and breath opens our space for love. 

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I like to think that what we see in our home may be a reflection of what happens in our brains.  Especially when it is something that we have to deal with on an ongoing basis – like clutter or disorderliness.

Ever met someone who just can’t get started on a project until they clean up their workspace?  I think that is a function of clearing out the space in their brain to get moving on the project.

Some dream analysts interpret dreams about our homes as belief systems or elements of our consciousness.  So if you dream about your childhood home you may be working through some belief system from your childhood.  I have found some correlation of this in my practice.

So clearing out the attic is a way of looking at how to re-view old belief systems that we have saved in our memories that may not be serving us.

Using your environment as a reflection of your inner world fits with the concept that how we see the world is how we are.

If you connect this with looking at paradigms or perspectives and then using that information to inform your decisions and actions in the world, you can then utilize a view or re-view of your environment to get some insight into the inner workings of your brain.  Equally if you change a way of being in the world you can then change your belief system or your style of being in the world.

I like to use this with individuals who have difficulty with letting go of material items that no longer serve them – I encourage them to evaluate what belief systems they may be holding onto that also no longer serve them.

I remember working with a person who was generally strong in new environments but then after a while she would seem to lose sight of herself or what mattered to her.  I noticed that when this became too difficult she would then seem to find strength in getting all her stuff together and leaving that situation.  When she began in the new situation she was again strong, decisive, and self-confident.

It was as if she took her power and placed it in a drawer somewhere but then when it was time to leave that situation she would go and retrieve her power and take it with her.  Her work was to discover how, when, and under what conditions she hid her power in the drawer and further how to keep her power with her.

In this situation she had a belief system that in order to be in relationship she had to be smaller and only support the other person – she couldn’t be big and create something equally with the other person.

She had to change her internal belief system about this.  She had to develop a belief system congruent wit the action of being personally powerful and be (or while being) in relationship.

Clearing out the Attic is a metaphor for living in the now rather than in a survivor scenarioor a habit reaction pattern.  It’s about being fully present and connected to the current environment with your full authentic self.

Look around your environment and see if there are structures or behaviors that are not serving you – do you have a messy study that is really telling you that you are holding onto things (and or thoughts/belief systems) that no longer serve you?  Or do you find that you have skills in one area of your life that you cannot incorporate into another area of your life?

Think about changing these and feel or view what sort of change happens in the other areana – either in your phyiscal environment or in your perspective of the world/yourself.

It can be very cleansing and enlivening.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I read an amazing quote from the Dalai Lama

One of the best ways to begin familiarizing ourselves with the virtue of patience is to reflect systematically on its benefits. It is the source of forgiveness. It has no equal in protecting our concern for others, however they behave towards us. When patience is combined with the ability to discriminate between the action and the one who does it, forgiveness arises naturally.

It really epitomizes the importance of space in relating.  Patience allows for one to stretch out one’s response, so that compassion, neutrality, and forgiveness can be incorporated.

Patience requires a sense of centeredness and it keeps you centered.

Some of the things that help to develop patience are related to developing space for a response and interaction.  Yoga or meditation, prayer, and exercise are ways to get a break from the situation so that you can view or re-view it with perspective.

Thinking things through before acting, keeping the big picture in mind (figure and ground), allows for a paradigm shift so that your response is more thorough and full.

Breathing, staying centered and focused, and recognizing how you are doing  physically – overworked, stressed emotionally or sleep or fuel deprived  – are ways to allow time and space before responding to the situation.

If you are out of sync in any of these areas it’s really difficult to center – and a lack of centeredness often results in a lack of patience.

When faced with a difficult situation apply patience to increase your space for responding –  you want to Stop, Look, and Listen before responding – giving yourself the space to respond fully and with compassion.

As soon as you notice that you’re being challenged to be patient – try to focus on what is actually happening, what may be going on for you – are you tired, frustrated or stressed; what may be going on for the other person – is she tired or stressed in some way.

After noticing and observing these aspects then pay attention to the sound of your voice or that of the other person is it angry or whinny.  Each are indicative of someone who is dealing with a conflict that they may be bringing to the situation. 

Incorporate this information into your response.

Focus on your breath – consciously try to focus in on your own breath.  Breathing connects you into the now and allows you to get into your center.  Take the time and space to Breathe deeply, remembering to breathe in for a shorter period of time than breathing out.

From that space, see what perspective you can attain about the situation – ask yourself in the scheme of things how important is this?  If you are focusing from the now, and not the past, future, or to get another’s approval, you can elevate your response to one of compassionate, forgiving, love and acceptance through patience.

Increasing your mindfulness and your centeredness allows patience and the space to take an action that is informed by the actual situation and this typically results in increased patience and increased mindfulness.

Practice allowing the gift of patience and space so that you can increase your mindful response to others.

See you tomorrow.

Beth