Hello

I like to think about mindful meditation as a way to center and get connected to both yourself and source, simultaneously.

It’s a way of centering yourself.  A way of creating space in your life so that you can slow down the processing of stimuli and allow for natural and easy connections to happen.  It’s like getting into the flow.

The process of mindful meditation allows for development of a stream of thought that connects source energy or God and self, so that you can see a thread, pattern, or sense of wholeness in the world.

This process could be described as cognitive behavioral modification that you exert onto yourself.  This is a description of conscious paradigm shifting.

It’s a process whereby you can guide your beliefs and actions.

Think of it as a way to re-set where neutral is.

For example, if I am angry and I am thinking about how someone has hurt me, I am using my cognitive abilities to continue to bring up more and more information about how this feeling is justified.

I may use various examples of how this person, or another person, has hurt me before to provide supporting evidence that I am right to be angry and they deserve my anger.  This brings me out of the flow of energy of non-anger or lovingkindness.

If my belief is that lovingkindness and compassion are the best qualities to focus my behavior, then I will feel out of sorts with this anger-promoting behavior.

If I decide to meditate mindfully, my breathwork – breathing in and breathing out – just focusing on my breath – can then allow me to become neutral and apply my cognitive abilities to support a lovingkindness perspective; one where I am taking into account all the different threads of information that may go into the event of the other person hurting me and my feeling anger about what they did/said.

It allows for conscious paradigm shifting, as I am able to view the situation from a 360 degree perspective including figure and ground perspectives.

This is useful when desiring to maintain congruency in beliefs and actions.

If my belief is that anger is a feeling that can increase my awareness of a problem or a breach, but not useful beyond this alarm-system-concept then I would want to have a resource to turn off the anger, to instruct myself on what action is necessary now that I know there is a breach, allowing a congruency between belief and action.

Mindful meditation is just that resource.

It slows the processing of information and straightens out the curves of emotional stimuli so that one can view the experience, feelings, and the actions/words of others, from a more neutral or unattached perspective.

It unlinks the feelings and the behavior, so that one can allow all the threads of the event to help evaluate what action is most beneficial to effect change toward congruent actions and beliefs.

Mindful meditation is a fantastic tool to increase one’s personal awareness about oneself.

It increases neurotransmitters that allow for an increase in connection about social situations and social behavior as well as those that promote a sense of well-being and self-confidence.

It increases a person’s sense of empowerment.  Slowing down the process of stimuli, it  increases the effectiveness of the chosen action to promote the desired outcome.

Practice mindful meditation over the next few days and apply it the next time you feel anger toward another person’s actions, words.

See if you can transform your perception of the situation and the other so that you may act in a way that is more neutral and compassionate.

You may find that you will increase your self-confidence and the positiveness of your personal relationships.  It can be very rewarding.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

The Celestine Prophecy is a book written by James Redfield that came out in the 90s.  It identified a story describing the concept of upleveling consciousness through what I consider to be mindfulness and conscious paradigm shifting.

One theme had to do with energy communication in relationship.  Or the energy exchange in/of communication.  It identified styles of interacting or communicating that had to do with the energy of power as it was dealt with in interaction and communication.  Many people are familiar with this without necessarily knowing it.

The styles were broken down into a passive poor me and  aggressive intimidator pair, and less aggressive interrogator and a less passive aloof pair.  These came in aggressive energy and passive energy pairs and created each other – (figure /ground).

They were described on a continuum from aggressive to passive energy and focused on a style of being in the world to gain power or control over another, or avoidance of the other gaining power/control over you.

The intimidator is a person who uses overt intimidation to gain power over another.  He does so through word choice, inflection, positioning, physical space and tone level of the voice.  The individual in direct relationship with this style of being in the world acts in a poor me passive style of being in the world. Again this would come across through tone, inflection, eye contact, physical space, and level of voice.

An interrogator creates an aloof style of being in the world.  And these go in both directions, creating each other.  The aloof is avoiding the interrogation, feeling it is intrusive, withholding information, avoiding, and not responding.  The interrogator is attempting to gather information or make a connection with an individual who is avoiding, feeling the aloof is distancing and retreating and hiding something.

When you look at them in pairs, as they are described, you can see the energy exchange and how they create the opposite styles of communicating.  You can see/feel the power exchange or dance.

Once the style is set within a person then it seems they continue to create it throughout their relationships.  And the paired groups find each other so as to continue the odd resolution to the identified power struggle.

You can observe this when someone interacts with you in a way that is inconsistent with your intent in the communication interaction.  When they hear what you are attempting to communicate inaccurately but forcefully, or attributes certain inferences to you that are not present from your perspective.

The book describes this concept of developing a style of communicating as based on, or in reaction to, the communication style you witnessed /experienced in childhood.

I have found this to be somewhat accurate anecdotally, that how we relate with others is representative of what happened to us and what we observed.  Furthermore I have discovered that, similar to the temperament types of the Kiersey-Bates, or Myers-Briggs, this can change over time or be different in various social situations, relating to the issue of power in relationship.

Mindfulness and conscious paradigm shifting can assist us in discerning if what we think the other person is saying/inferring/doing is part of our habit reaction pattern of communicating as described  above or something that is part present moment interaction.

Key things that may help you assess that you are caught in a habit reaction pattern style of interacting/communication are the following thoughts, feelings, experiences:

If you feel this is just like a significant other childhood relationship

If you immediately feel anger, fear or frustration or you need space or can’t breathe.

If you feel nausea or panic in your belly.

If you can’t seem to grasp, understand what the other person is saying (not because they are being obtuse)

If you feel that how you are feeling they are acting is inconsistent with who they are – ie:   they seem to be acting very mean but you know they really care about you.

The best thing to do is to try to gather more information as well as identify what you are feeling so that you can begin to get a handle on the paradigm and engage your mindfulness.

Understanding what you learned and why or from whom, regarding power in relationship really helps to develop better present moment relationships where you feel seen and loved for who you are, and can really see and love the other person for who they are.

Take some time to see if you can ascertain what you witnessed between your parents regarding these two pairs and what you may have developed as your operating system in communication style.

Then you can start to apply mindfulness to that and see if you find that you both feel more heard in your interactions and have a sense of connection that is deeper in those interactions.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Early in my practice I discovered James Hillman”s book called Re-visioning psychology.  I thought it was visionary.

In Re-Visioning Psychology, Hillman focused on the realm of images rather than cognitions.  He focused on psyche and soul, and how we create meaning, rather than what the meaning was.  Within this is the idea that by re-working images, giving them attention and shaping and forming them, the soul seeks to set out meaning and being.

Meaning is part and parcel to the image and soul or psyche is directing the force of one’s life – to the degree one allows that process to take place.  Indeed the act of being drawn to and looking deeper at the images presented creates meaning.

This was similar to Gestalt figure/ground but it incorporated a decidedly spiritual component that I was drawn to and it provided me with deep meaning. His archetypal psychology really spoke to me and my psyche, and it pulled me forward to develop an integration of these two theories in my own personal and professional work.

In Dream and the Underworld, Hillman suggests that dreams show us as we are; diverse, dynamic, taking very different roles, experiencing fragments of meaning that are present on the tip of consciousness.

He saw dreams as placing us inside images, rather than images inside us. This shifted the perspective of figure and ground. The similarities and touch points between this and Gestalt therapy moved me forward toward a spiritual enlightenment and peacefulness that allowed me to fully accept and develop what I saw as a missing element in therapeutic work.

From my perspective, Hillman was re-visioning the structure and paradigm, the lens through which psychology was seen.  So powerful.  Shifting the focus of how and under what conditions various aspects of psychology develops shifts how these outcomes and we ourselves are viewed.

His work brought the psyche and the soul back to the center of the field.  And this re-visioning brings us back into the center of our actions, our knowing – for me connecting the psyche and responsibility.

His later work brought the soul into the center in such a way as to infer that it is the soul that guides us – not an interplay of nature and nurture that had long been discussed – this placed the work squarely in the field of the divine.

For me, work in the therapeutic realm is as much the divine as it is divination; and watching how things unfold in the therapeutic realm does bring out the idea that there is a path that each person follows – something internal guiding one forward.

I believe that early in development one covers over and denies aspects of one self/soul in order to align with the expectations of those important to her.  If after living and developing, she is able to re-align with herself than she is able to allow the blossoming and guidance of the soul or psyche.

I am again in the process of re-visioning my own life – my goals, beliefs, and foci.

Recent loss and change have shown me images and elucidated meaning that is separate, intricate, and diverse.

It is extraordinary to me what elements of who I am that I thought and felt were an integral part of me are actually fabrics that are not integral to who I truly am at all but rather weavings that I have woven around me in an attempt to feel more accepted, less ostracized, safe, in some way cocooned.

As I allow the re-visioning process to proceed, I find I am removing these weavings and viewing them from a shifted paradigm figure/ground perspective.  I notice that although they are lovely and woven quite beautifully they are aspects of myself that need to be gently removed and placed into a loving chest to be held in memory but no longer worn.

The casing needs to be removed so that I may transform more fully into my true self.

There is a sweet melancholy to this task.  I notice that I am not rushing to let go, but am steadily allowing each layer to be removed and set aside to view the fullness of who I am at my core.

Sounds like the divine at work.

Re-visioning is a way of shifting the lens and thus allowing the light to perceptively change that which is seen.

Reminds me of that great saying what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly by Richard Bach in his book Illusions.

See what changing the light shifts in you and allows for a re-visioning of your internal or external structure.  Shedding old habits, old skins and showing off your new form is quite en-lighten-ing.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Trust is a funny combination of belief, intuition, proof and alignment.

What makes a person trust is sometimes something as simple as a feeling within.  The way a person feels,  how a situation clicks or how something looks right.

For me it’s kind of like a song that’s in key – things are flowing and there is a sense of the direction.

When it’s out of sync it’s like there is a blip in the energy  – like a skip on a cd.

Have you ever listened to someone say something and you knew they were lying or withholding some bit of information – because as they spoke it was off in a subtle way.  I think that is what a lie detector picks up on, these subtle shifts in energy.

That feeling is something that is related to intuition or detailed, close observation.  If you trust that, then you are developing a deeper, cleaner, hyper-awareness that can guide you efficiently in your decision-making.

And trust is a function of what happens when there isn’t a lot of blips in the energy between two people; it builds on itself so that when you have a long time of flow one can weather something being off.

Our senses are connected to our brains to offer a set of stimuli that help us judge which path is correct.  This is true for both mundane and profound tasks.  The more we allow the information from our senses into our decision-making, the more effective our decisions can be.  So when something doesn’t feel right or when it does feel right we know in which direction we need to proceed.

Part of the trick here is to recognize when we are feeling a habit reaction pattern based on fear rather than true stimuli that can direct our way.

Meditation, prayer,  and breath-work all allow quiet, breathing space and time to maintain a strong connection to self, and our center through our sense awareness.  These tools are important to maintain clarity to tell the difference between fear stimuli that are the product of habit reaction patterns and true sense awareness stimuli that offer a direction in our decision-making.

Trust is both trusting oneself and trusting others in relationship.  Trusting oneself is listening to the sense awareness information and taking action on it.  Trusting others is a function of looking for congruency between words and actions.

A wonderful exercise to develop your connection to your sense awareness in real-time is to ask yourself what am I feeling right now.  The best way to develop this is to have an attuned ear to when you are feeling this doesn’t feel right.  This is a subtle feeling like the hair on the back of your neck standing up or an internal sense that something is off.

This is information that is not verbal but feeling in nature.

Our right brains take in information as wholes and within context, like image imprints, which is why we can feel something is off but to describe it verbally, analytically, takes longer processing time.  That’s our left brain activity.

Trust is a right brain activity that is then translated into words and left brain concepts.

It’s our right brains that tell us something is in sync whether it be visual like a painting,  musical like a symphony, olfactory like a lovely perfume, or tasty like our favorite recipes; what makes it work is how we take it in from our right brains.  When something feels off, and we key in on it, then we engage our left brain analytical ability to evaluate what is, and why is, it off.

To increase our speed in interacting often we short-circuit this right brain activity that lets us know something is off, focusing more on the left brain activity of verbal and analytical analysis – until there is an actual break.  We are not trusting what we know and often we pay a price for it.  Then we often can say – oh I should have paid attention to that weird feeling I was having when that person said/did x,y or z.

The more we develop a space for meditation, prayer, breath-work and focus on our sense awareness – the less we short-circuit our connection to our right brain activity so that we can trust our actions and feelings in making-decisions.

Belief, intuition, proof, and alignment are the processes that develop, support and maintain trust. They create and support our actions and responses, our willingness to trust ourselves, others, or to take action to re-align with our inner self.

If you are faced with a difficult decision, using mindful meditation and direct observation skills will help you to make the best decision and trust that it will bring you forward on the best course of action.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

What matters is connected to a person’s belief system.

If family matters one makes choices to care for family above other things.  If money matters then making and keeping money has a higher priority than relationship.

From an existential perspective, it is a general rule of behavior that people do what they want to do, so when someone says they are doing something they don’t want to do then they are not focusing on what really matters in the situation.  Because we are always acting in our best interests according to our belief systems.  So if a person says I don’t want to do this then you have to say then why are you doing it and then you will discover what  matters or what is the motivation for the behavior.

In a way this is a figure-ground perspective issue.

Knowing oneself is a function of knowing what matters; when one knows oneself then living is easy, it follows a simple set of rules of acting in ways to support and keep close what matters.

When actions do not agree with or are incongruent with what one says matters then I always trust the actions as the actual thing that matters, rather than trusting the words.

I notice that many people in the world mistakenly do the opposite of this.  Often people trust the words rather than the actions and then, when the truth comes out, they are confused, hurt or feel betrayed – when in reality they have betrayed themselves by trusting the words rather than the actions.

For example, If a man (or woman) says I love you and I am loyal to you and will not betray that loyalty and then you see their actions as not loyal and not loving – if you continue to ask do you love me, are you loyal, and trust their answer then you are ignoring the actions – and trusting the words.

This is how individuals stay in relationships that do not serve them by trusting words over actions.  Their relationships are serving what matters in their belief systems but may not be truly supporting their authentic, whole, congruent self.

Developing an understanding of oneself requires an ability to look at figure and ground, stay present in the moment, pay attention to one’s sensory cues – what bother’s us and causes feelings, that something is off or, of anger, hurt, and fear – and be willing to let go of habit reaction patterns, and survivor scenarios as well as be flexible about how one incorporates one’s belief systems into one’s behavior.

It requires a vigilant eye to maintaining internal consistency in actions, words, and beliefs.

Most of us think we are doing that all the time.

How you know you are out of sync is when you find yourself saying that you are doing something that you don’t want to do.  If that is true – if it is against your belief system, stop doing it; if you feel you can’t stop doing it then delve deeper to find what is actually driving that situation so that you can act and speak in a congruent manner.

Knowing what matters and acting from that space allows for self-confidence and increases one’s capacity for success toward their goals.  Getting out of a stuck situation takes a lot of energy but once you are living in a congruent fashion you actually have a lot more energy available to you to live fully and in a fulfilling fashion.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Bias has a negative connotation in communication.  Bias is really a view of the world, a perspective, a lens, or a paradigm.  Bias becomes negative if it interferes with one’s ability to see clearly or through a neutral lens.

When information is evaluated it is best done from a neutral perspective.  It’s important to understand how bias affects decision-making.  It can skew the way information is incorporated into a decision and it can weight information in a way that is inaccurate from an un-biased or neutral perspective.

We need perspectives or world views to order or structure our thinking – so we have to be constantly creating and tearing down bias.  This process is dynamic and I think of it as conscious paradigm shifting.  It’s similar to making goals and then re-evaluating these goals as we get new information – – we need to be flexible and we need to be able to be clear or stand in the center of our belief systems – authentic; we need both of these qualities to make decisions in an ever-changing environment.

It is helpful to accept that we each hold a bias and knowing what your biases are helps to clarify the decision-making process and to re-orient you toward neutrality.

The problem is that often our biases feel like reality or truth so we can’t separate ourselves from them – we are blind to our biases.  We have difficulty viewing our personal paradigm from the perspective of neutrality precisely because we see from within the lens of the bias  – so it feels as if the bias is truth. So it is difficult to move out of our biases into a neutral perspective for evaluation.  It’s difficult to separate the bias from our worldview because it is coupled to it.  It usually requires a paradigm shift.

This is where mindfulness is so useful.

The concept of mindfulness includes moving into a neutral perspective and viewing our biases with a perspective of discovery rather than judgment.

Looking at a physical representation of bias or paradigm – figure ground images – helps to elucidate the concept of a paradigm shift.

When you look at this image, do you see a blue vase with flowers or a smiling white bear with blue eyes, nose and smile?  Each view is visible depending on your perspective, focus, lens or bias on figure or ground.

What about this image>  Do you see a man playing the saxophone or the face of a beautiful woman?

And finally with this image:  is it two profiles that carve out a candlestick in the center or a single face with a candlestick in front of the face?

These images allow for evaluation of (at least) two paradigms at once and the experience of paradigm shifting.

So here are some ways to help yo move into neutrality in decision-making and also get a handle on what your bias is and whether you want to keep it.

• If you feel defensive wait – stop talking, breathe, open your mind, be open to what the other person is trying to say – move into receive rather than send in your communication.
• If you feel angry, wait – stop talking, breathe, open your mind, try to receive what the other person is trying to say – try to simultaneously discover what is triggering an angry response in you.
• If you have a block or just can’t understand – or see – what the other person is saying – stop, try to look at it from a different perspective and see if you can identify what perception or interpretation you have that may be blocking your understanding of the other person’s point of view.
• I am not suggesting that you must agree with their point of view, I am suggesting understanding your bias comes from seeing both perspectives – that is the example of the figure-ground images above.

Increasing your awareness and applying your mindfulness to the situation allows for interpretation of bias in decision-making.  This may result in a different course of action.  It may not result in a change, but in this case you will be able to support that decision through a more mindful, neutral approach.  It may allow for a negotiation that incorporates both paradigms – not a compromise, but a collaboration or blending that meets the needs or perspectives of both parties.

Applying this approach to the word bias helps – try to neutralize your interpretation of that word – be descriptive in your definition rather than adding the extra feeling-charge or connotation that often goes with that word.  It will help you relate to both your own and other’s biases in a more useful and productive way.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

When dealing with paradigms and working on relationships the most important thing to consider is how to remain strong and connected.  You want to create opportunities for both qualities to be present.

Being strong is both standing up for yourself through identifying and asking for your needs to be met as well as supporting the other person while his or her needs are being met.  The first is more like taking or being on the receiving end and the second is more like giving.  Give and take is the natural flow of energy in relationship.

Being connected is a function of using your five sense awareness as well as your intuition and communication skills to negotiate your own needs and the needs of the other person.  It is a dynamic, ever-changing landscape of primary focus over time.  At any snapshot in time you may find one or the other person on the receiving end of the relationship energy, support, or power – if it always is the same person then the flow of the relationship is off-balance and this may result in problems.

If, in order to remain in a relationship you have to give up yourself or your needs then that is not remaining strong.  If, a person is unable to be involved in both give and take in relationship s/he is not actually participating in a healthful way.  Relationships are a function of give and take in their most healthful form.

If, you find that you are always on the giving end then you need to re-evaluate how you interact with others.  You may be inadvertently diminishing your own power in that relationship.  Here I am using the word power to describe empowerment not power-over.  Some people think that this makes them a better person that they do not have needs in a relationship – or that they are always understanding the other person and giving in. In reality this is not a stronger or better position, (and this is tricky), it is actually a weaker position and also a behavior that will degrade the relationship.

Relationships prosper with boundaries. Knowing where you end and another begins is a sign of health being able to keep a strong sense of yourself and the other person in relationship requires no as much as it requires yes; knowing when to say which is a function of an internal balance as well as the qualities of strength and connection.

This is especially true if it’s a parenting situation, this behavior may actually result in a child not developing their ability to give – s/he may only take because s/he hasn’t been taught to do both.  Children don’t give to the parent in an equal way; it’s about negotiating perspective, time, focus and interaction – developing the skill of paradigm understanding and shifting.

This is not just true in parent/child relationships but partnerships and friendships too.

This concept of energy flow in relationship is similar to balance.

Give and Take in relationship need to be in balance if the relationship is to remain sustaining and growth promoting  over time.  Here balance is the concept of equity, not necessarily equality but equity.  So under certain conditions one person may actually give more, let’s say if someone is sick or in a naturally dependent situation, like an infant or toddler, but if that behavior continues beyond the circumstances then the behavior may begin to skew its energy and throw the relationship off-balance.

It’s good to have a habit of checking on this over time, to evaluate how energy is dispersed and dealt with in all the relationships  your life.  Re-evaluating how to best create balance in each of these relationships based on the idea of balance in give and take, helps to maintain healthy relationships where both strength and connection are valued.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to address the issue of loneliness or isolation and mindfulness.

What happens if, as a part of your mindfulness, you discover that your life is not fulfilling?  That something is not in sync or that you have in some way given away an important component of yourself?  This can result in a sadness or loneliness.

Getting in touch with deep loneliness or isolation can be distressing.  It can stop a person in her tracks and cause her to rethink a lot of her relationships and how she is connected to others.

When I think about the issue of mindfulness I think of it as a connecting tool – helping others connect with each other or couples become more deeply acquainted with one another.  But when it results in an aha insight/knowing that is painful or disturbing then I find it can be disconnecting and result in a person pulling inward or away from others.

Mindfulness is about seeing figure and ground and understanding another’s perspective, but what if through your mindfulness you discover that the other is actually not the best fit – that as you understand more fully the other or yourself, you are unable to find connecting points.

This is a distressing moment and may cause someone to pull away or to pull in – but I suggest this can be interpreted as a freeing time as well.  An opportunity to reset your picture of yourself and expectation of other in relationship.  Sadness may be a part of this, but strength too and alignment with yourself is also a great joy.

In observing certain people in relationship what I have discovered is that some individuals utilize mindfulness, or empathy, or seeing the other as a way to diminish their own needs – it’s a quirky co-dependence.

They deny their own needs and then give – in a way that I observe to be unconditional – but then feel lonely and isolated – not really ever connected to the other.  This over time can result in resentment, anger and frustration.  These feelings are confusing and the person feels misunderstood or unseen when in reality they are not showing themselves or making themselves visible.  They hide their needs and rush toward understanding the other, diminishing their own self-worth, while feeling diminished by the other because the other does not see them.  It’s convoluted to describe.

I perceive this as a description of confluence in boundaries.  The person is able to see the other but doesn’t fully distinguish his own needs and then merges to complete himself by giving to the other.  The individual is unable to see where he ends and the other begins.  I observe this as an unconditional giving, in that there doesn’t appear to be conditions, but when the person feels bad about their invisibility they want to take back their kindness.

Using that same mindfulness focused on themselves to tease through the convoluted feelings will help them to see how to best care for themselves in relationship; applying the same kindness toward themselves and their own needs as they do to the other with whom they are relating.

This kind of situation may find triggers back to the person’s early childhood and how they found they needed to deny their own needs in relationship to care for a significant other/caretaker.  They feel invisible because they were truly invisible to that caregiver’s psyche and their only way to be seen was to be needed.  They developed their empathy and mindfulness toward the other very early in childhood, generally earlier than is expected according to the developmental structures, in order to survive in their childhood environment.  They merged their boundaries with the other to have a knowing of the other’s needs and sense of self – this is the confluent boundary – but in order to do this the other’s needs took precedence over their own needs.

Their mindfulness, compassion, and empathy became second nature to them as a survival tool.  What an amazing gift, yet a prison too – a habit reaction pattern developed for survival.

In order to disentangle the beautiful skill of empathy and mindfulness from the diminishing of one’s self-worth, the individual must apply the kindness he applies to others to himself.  He must create a connection to his own inner being, his own needs and wants, and love himself first – creating an internal knowing/sense of visibility, before he can attain visibility in his present moment environment.

He must define where he ends and the other begins, still maintaining a caring for the other and an empathetic, mindful understanding of the other, while simultaneously keeping his needs in the discussion and in the negotiation of the relationship.

If you see yourself in this description try to develop a loving connection, and boundary to yourself and your needs so that they are definable, descriptive, visible, and real to you – then see if you can begin to have a conversation with the people in your life that really matter to you about this internal change.  This will help you to create a deeply profound connection to those in your life that really matter to you.

It will also open you to a whole new level of mindfulness, compassion and understanding in your relationships.  You will find that you are more free to be yourself and that you will feel a much deeper and sustaining connection in your relationships.  This will go far to help you extinguish feelings of resentment, invisibility, and frustration in your relationships and it may even open up a new path of success in other areas of your life.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

Remember when you didn’t get something you wanted and your dad said that’s okay it will build character?

Well, that may not have been part of your childhood, but it was part of mine.  The lesson was often about how I dealt with a negative situation or loss and what I turned loss into, more than how to get what I wanted.  Not to say that I didn’t get what I wanted – I often did, but the teaching points were about when I didn’t.  Building character was defined by being a good sport – both a good winner and a good loser, trying harder, competing with myself rather than another, and building on my losses to make them into wins.

It was perfect for developing mindfulness.

The lovingkindness part seemed to come out of observing how my father applied compassion to his evaluation of circumstances when meting out punishment and consequences.  He had different expectations for different people based on his perception of what their capacities were.

Virtue was about doing my absolute best, but also about doing what was right even if it meant that I would not result in being the winner.

My father, without ever having read any Buddhist thought, lived his life through Buddhist principles.  I am sure he would say they were Greek principles… and maybe they are when you consider the work of Aristotle and Socrates.  He definitely taught through the Socratic method.

I was expected to think my way out of a situation and then take action, both.  He taught but, he expected me to have thought about the problem and tried to solve it before he would give me the corrected answer; no blanks on my proverbial answer sheet were accepted. 

I had to have identified something as an answer with my work showing about why I thought my answer was right.  Then I could be taught to see more clearly all the aspects of the problem to come to the best conclusion.  It was torture then, but now I see what an amazing gift it was to be taught by such a powerful thinker.

What these great thinkers had in common is this sense of mindfulness.  Viewing and re-viewing the problem from various perspectives.  It is a method of gathering information, observing one’s senses and increasing one’s awareness, looking for patterns and describing these to put together a paradigm or picture of the world within which a decision is being made, or action taken.

Building Character through Virtue, Mindfulness, and Lovingkindness is a style of being in the world that allows one to use one’s losses as teaching opportunities, to deeply understand oneself, and to have a style of relating that is empowering.

Character is a deep quality of inner strength, of having an internal center and making choices from that center.  It is something that both differentiates a person from, as well as connects the person to, the group and it is tied to virtue, mindfulness, compassion, and lovingkindness.

It is the more difficult path; it leads to what the Buddhists call Right Relationship, and Right Labor.  Making choices about partnerships and career that supports the person’s true inner being as well as the community within which the person lives. 

It results in a sense of resilience and inner strength that reminds a person that she is able to walk through life connected to source and herself, no matter how difficult the events in her life are to withstand.

I am interpreting loss both in terms of the loss of a situation, relationship or beloved one, as well as loss in competition. 

I think that it is great to win.  I think it is great to be the best and be chosen.  And I think not being the best is the best avenue to develop character so that one can win and be the best from their true center.

Applying lovingkindness, mindfulness, and virtue to all one’s situations and relationships increases one’s character and strength.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Hello

I find it interesting that often just before someone makes it big they have deep loss or just after they do they have problems in another part of their life.  I see this often in the entertainment world probably because the media covers these individual’s lives so closely.

The I Ching describes an ebb and flow in the cycle of life.  That deepest yin becomes yang and visa versa.  Balance is the goal, so ever-growing height or depth is not feasible.  There is a hexagram that seems to allow for expansion without loss but that has to do with the idea of bringing others in on the growth – so as to make the space bigger in a quantum-like way, like an upleveling of consciousness, a paradigmatic shift.

I find this concept of an ebb and flow of life as somewhat comforting.  It reminds me that there is a cycle and that if I am at the nadir of the cycle it will soon go in the up direction.  Loss will result in renewal; and a destruction or death of something gives rise to the space for rebuilding or rebirth.

Taking this broader, fuller view allows for me to feel more in sync with the fabric of life.  It helps me to have perspective and a sense of empowerment by remaining in the flow rather than getting stuck in the loss.  It helps me to look for how the loss can be positively incorporated into my world view, knowing that a sense of future or imminent joy may be on the horizon.  Or that I may now have the opportunity to go in a different direction that I may not have observed, if my life had not incurred the loss or change with which I am dealing.

It’s not quite as comforting when I am at the apex of something.  When I feel myself at a great peak in my life I like to embrace it. Fully incorporate the beauty of what is, like a picture of perfection.  I try to set it into my consciousness so that when the energy begins to wane I can remember that peak.

In some ways the ebb and flow or waxing and waning of the energy of life can feel like a dance or interplay among various themes in your life.  Sometimes the flow is not so much a loss as a mundaneness in life.  When it is a loss, I like to consider that the loss may be necessary for some new kind of growth – or a loss of something that may no longer serve me in some way.

Viewing life from this perspective of an ebb and flow allows for connecting to the tapestry of life and remaining in the present moment and standing still in the center of your world.  One is then able to respond to the things that are happening in a meaningful and connecting way, without getting stuck on high or low, but flowing through with a sense of strength.

In the loss as in gain it is important to mark the connection to the lost thing in some meaningful way – understanding how that individual, being, situation, or experience was powerful and how the lessons from that can move forward in your life even when the relationship is changed.

Change is the constant in our existence.  Stagnation, no change, leads to standing still and degradation.  Accepting the aspect of change that is ever-present and undeniable helps to respond to change with a more flexible and open heart and mind, so that movement with the flow will lead to growth and renewal and development in the various aspects of our tapestry of life.

See you tomorrow.

Beth