I think one way you can look at change is from the perspective of how to recreate yourself.
Going through your closet and ridding yourself of clothes that don’t fit is a great metaphor for this. You can see that an outfit, pair of pants or dress don’t fit. Maybe your shape has changed or the item is out of style, in each case the clothes and you don’t match. This is a metaphor for how certain beliefs or paradigms can become out of date or a mismatch to your true self.
A belief that is no longer a fit needs to be discarded; a new more authentic belief taking its place.
Sometimes when you are doing spring cleaning with your clothes you find an outfit that doesn’t work in its current shape or style but with altering can remain a part of your wardrobe. Beliefs can be like this. The whole belief may be off in some way but with altering and a make-over it may be just right.
Clever metaphor to get you on the right track for evaluating what aspects of your beliefs are a good fit and congruent with your authentic self and which need to be discarded or altered (what I call unlinked) in some way.
The best way to start to apply this metaphor is to think about what pattern in your life repeats itself in a way that is discouraging or bothersome.
Once you have that then look at what belief underlies that pattern.
For example: If the pattern is that you seem to always be a giver in relationship but not a receiver – look at what YOUR belief might be to drive that (not the other person’s belief). Why your belief? Well, think of it as part of your wardrobe – a covering that you are choosing to wear – then you can look to see if it fits, if it needs to be completely discarded or if it needs to be altered.
Then you can make the appropriate adjustment to the belief so that you can create more of what you want in your relationships – like more give and take.
In the above example you could find that you have a core belief of feeling like your are not enough – that you have to give to be loved, that who you are without giving is not lovable. This could have developed from an early childhood incident that gave you the impression that being yourself, in and of itself, didn’t result in love from a primary caregiver. Without blaming that caregiver or getting stuck in that old memory try to view the event from a more objective, understanding, lovingkindness perspective both toward yourself and the other person. Then see how you can unlink that belief.
Start with an affirmation: I am lovable. And then identify proof of that affirmation – if you can only identify proof of the feeling that you are unlovable – go deeper and apply more compassion toward your being. Ask for some proof from people you love and trust about your lovableness. Keep working with this until you can feel an inner peace or sense of grace about the situation. Once you have achieved this you will know whether you need to discard the belief completely or alter it by unlinking some part of it.
The result of this kind of action and focus is a sense of competence and contentment with yourself. Think of how you feel when you wear an outfit that fits perfectly and is completely in style – that is the same feeling as living inside the paradigms that best fit too.
This is a powerful process. It can result in amazing growth. Have fun with it and be kind toward yourself. And keep that metaphor of spring cleaning in mind. Sometimes you know something doesn’t fit but you want to hold onto it for some other reason. That can happen with beliefs too; be gentle with yourself. It will work out perfectly in the long run.
See you tomorrow.