How you choose to deal with disappointment is a cross-point in life. Whether you can apply mindfulness or get lost in a maze of discouragement effectuates which path you take.
The natural pull is toward sadness and despair. Unfortunately, that force can get you caught in a loop of insecurity that pulls you down and diminishes your sense of self, your sense of power, and your courage.
Life is full of disappointment. In races there can be only one winner. In contests, again one first choice (unless there’s a tie – but that number is equally as small and finite). So many will receive the experience of disappointment.
In order to promote joy and inclusion and a sense of individual strength without getting lost in the competitive nature of me against you, one has to focus on his own strength and limitation and choose goals in alignment with these. I don’t think the answer is to give out ribbons to everyone for participation, this diminishes the accomplishment of the winner and serves to diminish motivation, and perseverance. The answer isn’t to dilute the accomplishment of winning, but to use the disappointment to encourage, shift and grow so that the next time an individual may be sitting in the winner circle, whether the winner circle is in that same event or another.
The best, most encouraging response to disappointment is mindfulness.
Mindfulness in evaluating the entire situation looking at it within a three-dimensional context. Applying compassionate evaluation of the other players, ones own preparation and readiness, other factors not directly assigned to the event, the expectations, limitations, and strengths brought to fore and then re-setting, re-forming how to proceed toward the goal, even re-forming the goal.
Mindfulness may proffer information that the goal was unreasonable, or the timing was incorrect for a win because of what came with it ie: your environment doesn’t support the expectations of the win. Maybe the inner strength, resilience and courage was not sufficient and the disappointment served to strengthen these, by creating an opportunity to re-evaluate and then re-commit to the goal with renewed energy.
Often in retrospect one is able to view the disappointment in the center of ones world and see the way in which that disappointment served to strengthen and encourage the individual. Looking at it in the present moment in the center of your life, mindful introspection, can give you the insight or knowing that you can use now rather than get as a result of retrospection.
Mindful introspection moves you further along your path. It defines and clarifies the path and your inner self within the context of who you are.
Despair in response to disappointment creates a tear in you center and moves you into a loop of depressed thinking that result in circling in a maze without forward movement. It’s like an involution onto oneself and results in depressive thinking and incorrect attachment of meaning and experiences to each other. It creates a stuckness and a stagnation, or worse the involution can result in self-destructive behavior.
Shifting disappointment to courage is a mindful act that results in positive, self-affirming growth and behavior.
Using mindful meditation is a way of moving out of despair and into encouragement. It happens as a response to your neutrality in viewing the situation.
If you have applied for a job and you did not get it, using mindful meditation to look neutrally at the situation may provide you with a knowing, understanding or insight about the job in connection with your self, which might clarify how this disappointment was actually a good response. Perhaps you are better working as an entrepreneur and the loss of the job can propel you into creating the right, perfect job for yourself.
This action is transforming the energy of the disappointment into the energy of change and growth forward.
If you have trained for a race and someone else won, using mindful meditation to evaluate what you need to do to increase you abilities and capabilities could give you renewed vigor to create exactly what you desire.
If you have tried to become pregnant and you have had another miscarriage, again mindful mediation applied toward your sadness and outcome can help you to evaluate what you want, and where your power is, and what you can do about it. In this instance there may be less power in creating the change of getting pregnant, but you may discover that your true desire is to parent and you may find a way to adopt a child that is yours in your true love of him.
Viewing each situation with a neutral, compassionate perspective allows the facts and information most important to you to rise to the fore of your vision so that your perspective shifts and clarity is the result.
Your goal in life is to be fulfilled and successful and joyous. How to create that comes from a strengthened courageous perspective within you. The characteristics and qualities that defines that path for you is unique.
If you have chosen an unattainable goal you will be disappointed. If you apply a mindful eye to the goal and situation then you can be encouraged and renewed.
Shifting disappointment to courage allows for us all to get exactly what we want.
This attitude is one that allows for all beings to succeed. This is the way to move through competition and find yourself collaborating. This is what moves everyone up and allows for ever-expansion because it is totally individual and group minded at once. Your focus is on being your best and true self and allowing others to do the same – this moves everyone toward their successful selves.
Applying mindfulness accepts the differences between us without judgement.
So that one who is a strong runner can win without beating out the one who is a weaker runner. Applying mindfulness allows for our limitations and our strengths, and each of us then aligns our goals with those things that enhance our strengths, so that we are in the exact place we need to be to succeed in our goals.
Mindfulness with neutrality, perspective, acceptance, understanding, and compassion allows for each individual to choose best for himself. And when he hasn’t, it allows for the fine-tuning and adjustment needed to shift disappointment to courage.
The next time you are faced with disappointment apply mindfulness to your circumstance and see if you can shift disappointment to courage. This will strengthen you and it will focus your energies and goals on those attributes, and experiences that best support who you are and your path.
The trick is the attitude of gratitude, remembering all that is positive in your life along with the disappointment, this allows for a centering of you within your full space. From there, what matters can inform your goals and your actions and your successes.
Courage is a result of feeling strong enough to face the challenge not lack of fear but rather an inner strength in the face of fear and disappointment.
See you tomorrow.