Loving another is a funny journey of faith and risk. It is an adventure of the most daring kind. It teaches you about yourself and the other, as well as The Way, the Tao. It requires knowing, perceiving, negotiating, holding on, and letting go.
It is a strange sort of risk, a sense of faith and trust of knowing yourself, and knowing the other. Seeing through the facade the other presents to protect self while secretly wanting to be seen and loved for his true self. Loving through your own facade and fears to find a peaceful connection and acceptance.
And just to spice up the adventure, there is the issue of time and space, and accepting the inevitable knowledge that everything changes. It requires being willing to enlist anew in that dynamic process, holding on to what matters and the truth in the relationship while letting go of the fears and attachment.
It’s a risk to love. A risk of interpretation. A risk of acceptance and expectation. A risk of perception. It’s a risk of loss of what is gained. It’s a risk to allow yourself to be seen and to see the other. Risky because being faced with the intimate experience of love is so invigorating and vulnerable.
In order for true love to be felt there is a degree of self that must be released to make room for integration with the other in relationship.
I believe there is a strong connection between intimacy, vulnerability, risk, and connection.
When you are in a relationship with someone who does not allow himself to be vulnerable, then the relationship is not risky – but it is also not intimate. The connection is more superficial, and less profound, but relatively safe.
The risk in love IS to be seen and cared for – and then to WANT to be connected… the risk is that in the seeing and being you feel real like in the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, where the love of the boy transforms the bunny into something truly special.
Risking what happens when change or loss comes, as it inevitably will, the pain will be greater. It’s risking the pain, in order to have the amazing joy of being seen and loved.
I have found that the depth of ones grief is equal to the height of one’s joy. Therein lies the risk in loving….
Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. ~Jean Anouilh
True love is a discipline in which each divines the secret self of the other and refuses to believe in the mere daily self. ~William Butler Yeats
The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. ~Victor Hugo
Love is when you can be your true self with someone, and you only want to be your true self because of them. ~Terri Guillemets
We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. ~W. Somerset Maugham
The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost. ~G.K. Chesterton
There is a lovely children’s book that I read in my high school French class that I carry in my heart about the meaning, adventure, committment, and risk required in love.
Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery “Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye… It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. . . . People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said, “But you mustn’t forget it. “You become responsible for what you’ve tamed.”
“You’re responsible for your rose. . . .”You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…” “If you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life.”
Like a number of well written children’s books and fairy tales, this book offers supreme guidance on a major developmental task of life. Faith and trust are the paramount components of loving. Risking self and loss is required in love.
There are a lot of books that talk about how to calculate the risk and reduce the percentage of loss but as long as intimacy and self are involved in order to truly love and be seen one must step off the cliff like the fool card in the Tarot, Trusting one’s mindful heart.
I hope you have a fantastic adventure in loving.
See you tomorrow.