Having observed the process of healing over many years I have noticed that certain paradigms of focus are most beneficial in moving through the process.
Recently, I have had a number of transformative healing experiences myself. This has deepened my understanding of this process of healing.
There is a magical quality to the word healing, it imparts the idea that only peace and grace are present. It has this overwhelming positive energy, like a fairy godmother who easily and instantaneously transforms your circumstances.
Healing is good and does result in positive experiences. It seems the process of healing feels less graceful or peaceful. The process of healing incorporates loss, pain, letting go, and sadness along the way to that peace and grace.
Sometimes this is due to the loss of something tangible and sometimes it is more esoteric.
The cathartic experience of healing transformation can bring a sense of relief and positive energy – but once you change, others need to change in relation to you and that is another form of loss, or another snag, that causes discomfort and strife rather than peace.
How you express the change may affect the gracefulness with which the other accepts the change but even the best, kindest, and most gentle clarification may result in conflict and anger on the part of others.
This is especially true when you are releasing an internal pattern of interaction that doesn’t serve you , because that pattern may feel to the other as necessary for their wellbeing, or a longstanding hurt from some action by someone whom you love, usually an unintended hurt. In each of these instances the other may not be accepting or supportive of your healing.
The process of healing has a ripping and conflictual aspect to it wherein long-held beliefs or perceptions are examined and then elements of these need to be let go and transformed.
The shifting paradigms don’t just relate to the person who is healing but also to all those connected to him. This means there is a rippling effect in the transformational process.
It can affect the person in ways he is not prepared to address or handle.
The healing can have an emotional/psychological, physical, and spiritual component, or some integrated effect on all three aspects of one’s being.
It may shift the person such that basic foundational beliefs about the world and/or himself are irrevocably changed. And then, through this it can affect the relationships of the person in the healing process.
As you go down the line of those affected, some are not prepared for the change that comes with the healing and it feels like a loss for them; their reaction may feel less than supportive and put pressure on the person who is healing to not make the transformation. In some instances a healing may result in the loss of a relationship because the other person is not willing to accept the change and transform himself, or change how he was in relationship with the you.
This is the price of healing; it feels like you have to pay a price to have yourself. But another perspective is that is is a gift, that ending the cost to your wellbeing results in a gift to yourself and the other.
We want to grow and transform into our best selves but we also want things to remain the same. These two desires are not fully compatible. I think it is best to respond to these issues from a mindful, compassionate perspective of lovingkindness.
Death, divorce, the dissolution of a business relationship all can be viewed as a healing crisis or a healing transformation. And for different parties, especially in the latter two, it may also be the result of a healing transformation or crisis.
Whether it is identified as transformational or crisis has to do with the paradigm through which it is viewed – as either a gift or a trauma. The former allows for movement more quickly and fully into a graceful, peaceful embrace of change. The latter is a snag, a negative energy that creates conflict, anger, and a stuckness or stickiness – the opposite of grace and peace.
The important qualities of focus through this are compassion, love, lovingkindness, and mindfulness, toward oneself and toward the other who has caused the hurt, trauma, change, or release.
Compassion toward oneself and the other is required as you work through the re-creation or re-configuration of the relationship, incorporating the new information, transformation, or change in relationship.
Remember that the one who at first realizes the need for change and asks for it, who first experiences the healing transformation, is further along in the transformation and feels more relief than snag. And so, there is a delay in how the healing and transformation is received and incorporated into the new relationship experience, for each person down the line of information reception.
This is paramount for the smooth transition and grace one desires when moving through the process of healing.
Each healing brings us closer to what we are here to do and our best selves so that how we are in the world is strong, empowered and loving.
It is counter-intuitive to perceive loss as healing, and yet it may be a gift. One must be open to a broader view of the loss and how it is part of the whole or gestalt of who you are. It is not a linear equation but rather a spiral of mind, body, spirit, awareness and integration.
Be open to how the process of healing is bumpy and emotional, and focus on maintaining a connection to your inner compass as well as compassion toward yourself and others through a mindful, lovingkindness paradigm. This will provide you with an experience of grace and peace through your healing transformation process.
Peace is every step, Thich Naht Hanh.
May every one of your steps be peaceful.
See you tomorrow.
December 9, 2010 at 11:10 am
This post is about me! I am living a beautiful healing process and everything is changing. It’s wonderful to see a new Bárbara coming from the great ground inside of me, with new perspectives and demanding new behaviors from people around me. Everybody is enjoying? Nooo! Am I? Yes yes yes! And I’m ready to let things go, ready to walk my path with new steps (and some new companionship, if need it).
December 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm