Trisha Yearwood wrote and sang a song called I would have loved you anyway. It touched me the first time I heard it. The words communicate the willingness to take the pain that comes with loss because the fullness of the connection outweighs the loss.
This to me is the basis of truly living( and loving) mindfully, in the present moment. We cannot control outcomes but we can control our actions and how we connect with others in the present moment.
The perspective of experiencing the whole of a relationship can allow for joy and sadness to be present at once and perhaps to allow for the joy to balance the sadness of the loss.
This can be loss, as in a death, but it is also the loss when a relationship dissolves for one reason or another. The idea is that the outcome doesn’t diminish the importance of the connection while together.
I have had important connections that had a finite timing. For me the beauty and importance of what was shared outweighed the ending and dissolution.
Taking this attitude allows for time together to be powerful and honored rather than reduced in importance to the end result only, like a math equation.
Relationships are not linear: this plus this equals that. Relationships are not reductive, where the sum can be reduced into its various components.
There is something that is synergistic about the shared aspect of the relationship that stands alone as important. That aspect is connected to the outcome but has importance at least as great as the outcome itself.
Each contact and connection in our lives has power. Sometimes the information gathered is to redirect our focus (like I need to learn not to do that in relationship), other times it is a picture of a perfect moment of how to live. Both matter.
This is where the concept of mindfulness and paradigm shifting help to bring balance to one’s focus and living experience.
In a dissolution of a relationship or loss through death one can be so caught in the sadness, or anger. This disempowers a person, one cannot smoothly move through the loss as a transition into another path – or continued path in life.
This lodging in the emotion can cause a dam wherein one is caught and unable to move. This can cause all sort of dis-ease resulting in blockages in all aspects of one’s life – relationships, career, even health.
It is important to hold on to the beauty and comfort and positivity of each relationship while transforming the negative aspects that may have led to a dissolution, or in the circumstance of a death, flowing through the emotional aspects of loss.
This harkens back to the essential issue of holding on and letting go. To what you hold and to which you release is the essential question in integrating loss in relationship into your general being and worldview.
Embracing connections fully brings the most joy, security and strength into your life experience.
Think of recent losses and what was truly beautiful about the connection. Then do an inventory about what you may have difficulty releasing. See if you can use a focused meditation to release that held sadness or anger. Breathing out that which needs to be released so that you can be more free to bring the essential aspects of that relationship forward into your present moment and release that for which you have no control.
See you tomorrow.
November 13, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Beth this was so helpful for me today…I have been struggling with a long distance relationship, and your words offered me comfort and grace. Thanks!