It’s difficult to create what you want if you do not know what that is.
In most cases people can identify what they do not want, but are less clear about the picture they want to create.
Men and women get out of bad relationships and identify the things that were problems in that relationship and then focus on not choosing a person with those things – then the next relationship fails for a different reason.
The same is true of identifying what you want in an employee or employer – individuals focus too much on the most negative aspects of the outgoing employee and avoiding those, rather than looking at the whole picture and the interplay between that individual and the make up of the group in which he worked.
While you’re focused on avoiding one thing you miss something else.
I call this being attached. The problem with attachment is that it tangles the free flow of energy so the best possibilities are blocked or you miss them.
When working with individuals in career counseling or relationship counseling I have them do an exercise about what brings them joy. And I have them identify aspects of a job or person that are have to haves as well as preferences. So the focus is on what works rather than what doesn’t.
Have to haves are the important characteristics that are requirements for the job. In relationship that may have to do with religion, or political affiliation or looks, or even temperament. In working environments they may be skill-sets that are required.
Anyone who has developed the key characteristics for a future employee knows how difficult this process is to complete.
I think it’s because we have a general way of going about the world that is similar to choosing food to eat at a buffet. At a buffet there is a set menu of foods available, and you move down the table comparing the choices to each other – do I want salad or lasagna.
But I think the way to really create what you want is to consider a larger set of possibilities. Miracles could be part of that set – they do not always present themselves but they may be there.
So creating what you want can take on a different process.
First you must have the ability to know what you want de novo, outside of what is necessarily offered – regardless of what is on the buffet table.
Strangely this process is most difficult when applied to your own personal happiness. What you want to create in your own world.
Some of the things that keep getting in the way of identifying what we want are all the expectations from others about what we should do/be; and then there’s those pesky habit reaction patterns, and survivor scenarios too that interfere with our direct relationship with ourselves to ascertain what we want.
The application of mindfulness to this process helps us to remain in the present and to use our intuition and connection to joy to see our own path to grace.
Spend some time reviewing your life to identify what activities brought you the most joy as you were growing up. Think small and big.
Don’t just evaluate if you liked math or puzzles; also think about how you spent your days and what activities were really joyful – singing, painting, innovating, walking walls, ice skating, riding bikes.
Now just because you loved painting doesn’t mean you should become an artist – but it helps you identify what the components of your perfect path might be – art, exercise, writing, singing, playing cello. And then put your energies into creating what you want.
There’s that great book out there about following your Bliss, I’m suggesting creating your life of the things that bring you Bliss.
See you tomorrow.