Hello

Here is a quote from the Dalai Lama that I just read today – it speaks to what I have been writing about in the blogs about mindfulness and focusing on what is healing and positive rather than that which pulls you away from your true self.

With the realization of ones own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind one; it is an awareness of ones own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.

the Dalai Lama

So if self-confidence is of the utmost importance than it seems we need to do a better job of identifying what we’re doing right, not just identifying what we are doing wrong, or what we need to decrease in ourselves or change.

It is through the balanced eye that we can best assess ourselves to increase or maintain self-confidence.

Just as Bravery doesn’t mean not being afraid, self-confidence is not hubris or narcissism.

Bravery is acknowledging danger or fear or concern and pushing through that to have the courage to act in a way that is ethical, or right or needed.  My daughter says I was brave I faced my fear and didn’t let my fear stop me.

Self-confidence is knowing one’s strengths and limitations and knowing how to utilize them positively.  It has to do with believing in yourself because of your knowledge about yourself.  This knowledge includes what you don’t like about yourself or feel is limiting about who you are, too.  That information is used to help you be the best self you can be so it doesn’t have a debilitating effect on your self-confidence.

Having limitations offers opportunities for innovation and change; thinking outside the box comes from this concept.  The idea isn’t to be perfect but to be your best self and then interact with others in their best selves.  This allows for real connection and productive enterprises that allow for transforming resolutions to difficult problems.

We can practice developing clearer pictures of ourselves through our interactions with others as well as our mistakes and successes in our activities.

When learning a new skill if we can evaluate what aspects of the skill we already have a sense of competence around that increases our sense of self-confidence.

For example for children beginning a new school, parents can remind them about what it was like when they started the school that they are leaving.  Point out that the child had the skills to get connected make friends and learn the specific subjects – and that the new experience has components of the same things so they have competence at them.

The parent can help the child evaluate what worked in those situations and how the new situation might be similar or different and what changes it may require.  This is the same for adults beginning new jobs or starting in new communities to make friends and connections.

Often what interferes with our self-confidence is how we interpret situations and expectations.  It also has to do with whether we can deconstruct the components of what is required or what is to be faced.  If we can properly deconstruct these then we have a better ability to negotiate the process and see where we have previous experience or competence.

Finally having a picture about how something should be or an attachment to things being a certain way will decrease self-confidence and ultimately success because it takes one out of a mindful state.

It’s important to be able to respond to the situation at hand in a flexible, open-minded way taking in new information and integrating it into what is already known trusting in yourself.

You can practice these skills in everyday life.  Notice how your self-knowledge and self-confidence grow.

See you tomorrow.

Beth