I call myself a solutions focused therapist – but I think I’m really a Soulutions focused therapist, because I think that spirit is the critical component of health.
Spirit, Mind, and Body are inter-related, the leader is the most insubstantial component, spirit. Shifts in spirit spin out the relationship and result in disordered thinking and ultimately, physical disorders.
Grief and loss are perfect examples of this. When someone you love dies it is as if the invisible tethers that connect you are ripped from you.
The individual remaining on the planet feels as if they are walking around with a big hole in their energy field. You begin to see depression, anxiety, and fatigue set in and in some cases the individual can not seem to direct their lives with any sense of strength or focus. The emotional pain is so great that some take many years to recover and some would say that they were forever changed by the experience.
Sometimes the lack of will results in a cessation of doing things that one loves or for which one has real passion because the person is disconnected from themselves – the loss can be very destabilizing. Sometimes there is an increase in self-medication through alcohol or drugs or food. Sometimes there is a perseveration on the loss – an inability to move from the position of loss
I have had this experience a number of times and can feel the shift in energy. Recently my dear girlfriend died of cancer. I knew she was leaving so I could prepare myself, and yet even with that I could feel the cords being ripped from me when it was her actual death time. I fell to the ground it was so destabilizing. Perhaps because I was more prepared for this event I was able to recover more quickly than in earlier events of loss, but it still took time to reintegrate the loss into my field of energy.
My college boyfriend died 28 years ago today – and still, every year, no matter how beautiful the day, no matter how perfectly fulfilled I feel in my life, no matter how much love I feel from my husband and children, I feel it and remember that it is the day, March 21, on the day.
We have an energetic memory of intense, positive, loving, connections. The ripping experience can heal, but there is always scar tissue of a sort and that reminds us on the day of the tragedy of our loss.
We are spirit, matter, energy beings; not just flesh and blood also spirit and energy make up our beings, and that which affects our spirit is powerful both positively and negatively.
This is also the reason that drugs, even the most benign recreational drugs and alcohol, are so debilitating. I know it isn’t popular to say this but these substances really do muck up our energy and physical fields.
Other intense, emotional experiences also leave their mark on our energy fields. This is what we see with the habit reaction patterns and triggering experiences of post traumatic stress reactions.
These are soul, or spirit, traumas as well as physical and emotional. Healing the spirit is paramount for actual healing to take place.
The most healing action is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a difficult concept for many because they connect to it cognitively, or from a logic perspective; as such they feel forgiving means allowing others to act badly, or in the event of the loss – denying the importance of the lost one.
Forgiveness means letting go of the pain of the act or pain of the loss; it’s an un-linking of the effects on your spirit so that you are again free to be wholly in the world.
Forgiveness allows you to return to balance of spirit, mind and body; return to what I call neutral, so that the injury is not spinning you out into dis-ease.
Review your stance and being in the world, is there something to which you are giving energy that is a soul loss that is spinning you out of balance in your focus and actions in your life?
If it is a loss of a loved one, all you can do is to gently try to reconnect with yourself, while bringing your relationship with that person forward in your life simultaneously trying to forgive the loss.
If it is a traumatic action then using some of the mindful techniques previously discussed to un-link the action and who you are, will allow for a letting go of the negative effects and a reconnection to your full self.
See you tomorrow.