There has been a lot of research regarding the effects of disciplining children with physical punishment and spanking.  These studies have been conducted since 1990 and have consistently indicated negative results for this style of discipline especially an increase in aggressive and antisocial behavior on the part of the spanked child, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012).

Proponents of spanking as a form of discipline argue against this relationship  indicating that the children who need to be spanked or physically punished are already more aggressive and so this explains the connection between increased aggression in children who are spanked.

This recent study in the  Canadian Medical Association Journal spanning over twenty years controlled for this issue precisely and addressed the issue of causality.  The study followed children who were physically punished as a form of discipline and children who were not.

The study shows that children who are physically punished get more aggressive over time and those that are not physically punished get less aggressive over time.  Furthermore, it looked at studies where parents that were taught to change their methods from physical punishment to non-violent methods of discipline saw a decline in aggressive behavior in their children, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).

What is also good about this study is it looks at “everyday” acts of aggression so it is addressing the kind of physical punishment that is most common and it links these with increased aggression over time.

It also showed that those children that are spanked or hit are more likely to be aggressive toward family members or peers and exhibit other antisocial behavior.

The study’s analysis shows that there are short-term benefits to spanking, as it stops the unwanted behavior for the immediate situation; But these short-term benefits are at the cost of some very negative long-term effects.  It is linked to an increase in aggressive behavior in the long-term.

One of the Key Points of the study shows that NO study has found that physical punishment enhances  developmental health (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p1);  there is no  link between positive behavior and corporeal punishment in the long-run.

The authors reported on a meta-analysis of  studies since 1990 published in 2002 and conducted their own analysis to date and discovered no study – regardless of the sample size, or age of child – has been able to establish positive associations with physical discipline, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).

This is telling because from an anecdotal perspective spanking and hitting as a disciplinary tool are very common. Writing from my observations in my practice and the parents I know socially, I would estimate that over 75 percent use physical punishment and spanking to discipline their children; other polls have quoted 80 percent (Time, 2.6.2012, online).

In my experience, when talking with parents about this subject, individuals who were physically punished offer information about how they feel it was good for them; identifying specific skills they learned as a result.

However, upon examination what becomes more clear is that their learning was a result of them applying their own mindfulness to the situation to make sense out of the hitting, NOT as a result of some direct teaching or correlation connected to the physical punishment.  Most of these individuals express that although they will use physical punishment they will not do it to the extent their parents did; and those that use it state they feel their child understands why they are being punished.

One of the researchers and lead author of the report, Joan Durrant a Child Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Family Studies at the University of Manitoba, cited the issue in the U.S. of physical punishment being an integral part of the culture, a rare instance when an individual was raised without it, which makes it second nature to use physical punishment and feels out of the norm to raise a child without it, Fox News Health, 2.7.2012.

She also discerned that a big component of this style of parenting is that parents may be unaware of basic child development and may then inaccurately assess their child as being defiant or intentionally bad rather than simply acting in various ways that are consistent with normal child development, (Fox News Health, 2.7.2012).

According to an article in (Time, 2.6.2012)  about this specific study Durrant reports the most effective way to assist your children is through educating them about what they are doing that isn’t acceptable or appropriate she used the following example:

A young toddler who upends her cereal bowl on her head probably isn’t being ornery; she’s just curious to see what will happen. Durrant likes to use her son as an example. When he was 3, he dropped his dad’s toothbrush into the toilet. Another parent might have yelled, but Durrant’s academic background helped her realize that he was just experimenting: he dropped objects into water floating in sinks and bathtubs with nary a scolding; why not toilets too? “I explained what goes into toilets and then said, Do you think Daddy is going to want to put that toothbrush in his mouth now?” Message transmitted with no yelling.  (or spanking – my addition).

She is talking about Mindfulness.  Mindfulness incorporates an understanding about your child’s temperament and child development.  Recognizing the basic nature of children is curiosity and exploring their environment, that children are dealing with power issues and trying to understand how things work in relationship and in their environment, and they go through a spiraling developmental system where they have skills that then get reworked and lost as they develop their gross motor activities, fine motor activities and their inner cognitive systems, learning through modeling from the world around them, (Gesell Institute of Child Development, Ames and Ilg, 1979; Erik Erikson, Childhood and Society, 1960)

This study is good news for those of us who have been disciplining through mindfulness and dovetails very closely with the information presented in my book, Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness (8.14.2011).

It supports the instinctive sense that discipline is a function of knowing, understanding and teaching your child.  Durrant states in the article ”  Effective discipline rests on clear and appropriate expectations, effectively communicated within a trusting relationship and a safe environment”, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p4).

Discipline is an equation of knowing and understanding your child’s temperament and developmental stage + knowing and understanding his emotional and intellectual capacity + knowing and understanding your own temperament and emotional capacity + guiding toward a recognized set of goals + and knowing what you are trying to teach, when.  It is most effective when mindfulness is applied to this multi-faceted equation to get the most effective long-term results.

Reactivity can create problems with this equation in parenting and if your history is that you were spanked or hit as a child then you will have a reactivity to do just that.

In reality if you hit or spank a child to stop their behavior you will stop it for that immediate moment, but you are probably not teaching them what you think you are.

You may think you are teaching them to control themselves, think things through or have good manners but you are modeling something completely different.

You are modeling the opposite – not thinking things through not controlling yourself.

In fact you are modeling that hitting is a solution.  That hitting is a way to get control over another person.  That people in power can make others do things.  I know for many parents that sounds reasonable but if you just look at the long-term effects you can see how this is creating an environment for aggressive behavior, bullying and in some instances domestic violence among adults, low-self esteem and a lack of an internal locus of control – knowing what is right from an inner understanding cognitively with an ability to direct ones own course in life.

The article clarified information that children who are spanked may feel depressed and devalued, and their sense of self-worth can suffer… and physical punishment is a risk factor for child aggression and antisocial behavior, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).   It also identified studies which show researchers have found that physical punishment is linked to slower cognitive development and adversely affects academic achievement, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).  Through their analysis of  previous studies, other links identified show up later in life: mental – health problems including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, these may be mediated by disruptions of the parent-child attachment resulted  from pain inflicted by the caregiver, by increased levels of cortisol, or by chemical disruption of the brain’s mechanism for regulating stress, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p2).  

To avoid some of these devastating side-effects to spanking it seems wiser to utilize more effective ways to discipline that don’t promote the development of aggressive behavior, wreak self-esteem, and encourage antisocial behavior.

The most effective way to discipline is to utilize positive techniques of teaching and guiding.  The use of time-outs as a way of teaching your child to think through situations and communicate his needs and to help diffuse a negative situation, loss of privileges as a way of teaching connections, and increasing your communication with your child so that you can understand and guide him are all ways to discipline in a positive and educational way.

Mindfulness is a tool that you can use to structure your parenting to assist you and your child.  Remember to focus on how to be responsive rather than reactive and to identify the whole of what is going on to assist your child in developing self-control, thinking skills, and proper acceptable behavior.

Durant and Ensom identify as a Key Point in the article “A professional consensus is emerging that parents should be supported in learning non-violent, effective approaches to discipline”, (Durrant & Ensom, 2012, p1).

You can check out the information presented here through the sites identified in the article or the references below.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

References:

Ames, Louise Bates & Ilg, Francis L.; Your Five-Year Old, Sunny ans Serene.  New York City, New York:  Dell Publishing Group:  1979.

Durrant, Joan and Ensom, Ron; Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research, CMAJ; cmaj .101314 v1; published ahead of print February 6, 2012, doi:10.1503/cmaj.101314 v1.

Erikson, Erik H.; Childhood and Society, Second Edition.  New York City, New York:  W. W. Norton & Company, inc:  1963.

Gineris, Beth; Turning NO to ON:  The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness.  Charleston, South Carolina:  CreateSpace Printing:  2011.

As a therapist, my job is listening.

It  is a special kind of listening not the listening of a friend, or a mother who just wants to soothe.   Although I deeply care for those with whom I work, from a broader perspective listening has many facets.

It is a listening that requires rapid responses, redirection, and guidance offering a sense of calm.

The listening is active but not strained.  I’m present in the foreground in a neutral open way, while in the background my mind, heart, intuition, and senses are evaluating the information on some kind of inner grid; the person’s tonal quality, choice of words, and speech as well as the content of what was said and not said used to develop a multi-level understanding of the person and the problem at hand, in context.

I have developed a special kind of quiet speech, and stillness that becomes even more quiet and still in response to increased danger or lack of balance.  When working my voice has a soothing, relaxing quality that allows others to easily allow a trance state.

While in my personal interactions I may become agitated, in my therapeutic setting I seem to have the ability to drop my blood pressure and pulse in more dangerous circumstances, telegraphing a sense of calm composure.  In the same way an animal can smell fear I transmit a sense of security and peace to assist the person to return to a sense of calm balanced harmony.

This is something that I developed instinctively over a period of time when working in stressful, dangerous environments.  The calmer my demeanor the more likely the danger could be averted.

This tactic is directly related to the concept of energy and breath.

A fascinating phenomenon of activity and passivity in unison, which I believe is a the mechanism that allows others to feel better after being in my presence  and encourages them to return.

It is the sense of being seen and heard that allows the person to move forward to receive the necessary information and support from me.  This sense of visibility in a safe way is soothing and strengthening.

She experiences things already known by her as well as things unknown to her that have the quality  of truth or accuracy or deep familiarity.  In combination this increases a sense of security and strength.  And allows for a letting go of structures that no longer serve her and development of structures which do.

I have developed a way to transmit calm in stressful situations.  Practicing this skill will create an environment for harmony and I think it is what allows for the shifts in the people I see in my practice.

So it’s about paying attention and responding to the situation with a sense of calm neutral interest.  A serious and gentle way of guiding and supporting.

These are precisely the terms used to describe mindful mediation or mindfulness.  And it is through these actions that a person can reduce her anxiety or anxious behavior and feelings of obsessive compulsions.

So it is no wonder that the experience in therapy is soothing and strengthening.

But how to get that when you are not with your therapist.

It turns out the best thing to do is to imitate her in your response to yourself.

• Smile, sit quietly, listen to yourself, your words, your tone, your word choice, what you say and what you hold back.
• Listen and pay attention with a sense of calm neutral interest.
• Appreciating the situation with a gentle seriousness.
• To get to this kind of state the first thing to do is to focus your energy inward in a gentle, calm and interested way.
• A gentle questioning: what is going on here, what do I feel, when did it begin, what relationships are present?
• Then listening to the answer that presents itself with a neutral interest; no need to prove the rightness or wrongness of what is noticed.
• Then Breathe.  Breathe again deeply and fully with a smile in between your exhalation and inhalation.  Allowing for your heart to open and listen too.
• A feeling of Love and a connection to spirit help.

Feeling a warm caring and sense of spiritual connection allows me to move into my heart even when I have lost my way, by simply breathing, focusing my energy, smiling and being open  to the perfect answer to the situation presenting itself.

Allowing things to flow seems to be the most difficult.

If you have created success through your mind’s ability to discover the answer and prove it, you will find this allowing part difficult.  Remembering that pushing the river takes more energy and doesn’t get very far – go with the flow.

In general the best answers come to us, they appear or present themselves.  Yes perhaps as a result of study, and work on the problem but is usually after the problem is set to the back burner that the whole picture is revealed along with the solution.

So focusing your energy on the problem, setting a desire or intention, and then releasing it unto breath – breathing through the need to make it happen especially when it’s out of your control, that is the place of real strength and power.

Focus your energy and breathe, you will feel that inner sense of calm and a sense of inner balance.  From this place you will see solutions present themselves if you are paying attention to the information in the universe.

See you tomorrow,

Beth

I have been thinking about change and the idea of turning over a new leaf.  It is really quite poetic.

Change happens whether there is focus upon it or not as this is the way of things.  But the intentional act of looking at something from a different perspective can have the feeling of transformation and illumination.  Turning over a new leaf has a voluntary aspect to it. It is the action connected to changing perspectives or paradigm shifting.

This works equally as well when considering the need to change a belief – turning over a (be)-lief so that you are shifting your perspective allows you to change the lens of your internal vision in the same way you zoom in or out on a subject with a camera, focusing and refocusing.

In Gestalt therapy turning over a belief is also used to see what is under the belief – what is the etiology of the belief.

This idea is a great one for assisting you to determine how to shift your perspective.  When you understand what idea or experience is the beginning form of the belief and you understand the function of the belief then you can determine if the belief still fits into your overall core value system or if you need a more functional belief.

Beliefs are the things that guide you.  They are based on your core values.  Some beliefs are a misconnection of core value and action.  These are the beliefs that need to be investigated and understood at a deeper level.

How you know you are acting from a belief that doesn’t serve the purpose you think is through recognition of our feelings.  You have to identify what you are getting out of the belief and the action.

To identify which beliefs may be not serving you, look for how you feel in certain circumstances.  If you are feeling anxious or a sense of urgency – and the anxiety and urgency seem out of proportion to the situation – then you are probably acting under a belief that is not benefitting you.

Many beliefs keep you tied to others in a way that uses your energy to maintain the connection.  And the actions you take to maintain that habit can be automatic and unconscious, or unthinking not mindful.

As an example:  A person who believes she is unlovable, (belief) will over-give  (action) to another in order to make up for her insecurity and low self-esteem.  She is cementing the other’s reliance on her because she feels the relationship is not balanced without this extra action.  However, this creates a lack of balance in how the energy flows between herself and others.  She may feel taken for granted or not recognized.  She may at times feel unhappy about how she is unable to focus her energy onto herself, can’t create success in her own life,  or can’t get out of difficult relationships.  Yet in attempts to shift her energy she will define it as necessary until she reviews the underlying belief – because she is acting from this underlying belief.

In order for a person to change her actions she must first shift her perceptions of truth or reality.

She must change the world within to change the world outside.

In the example above she must discover her truly lovable self and then from that space interact.  This discovery would come less from some deep understanding of why and more from an alignment with what she observes.  She would observe that she is connected, and others do care for her, and that it is through her overextension of herself that relationships breakdown.  This allows her to simply shift her action to be more in balance and then her relationships would be more in balance.

The only time this equation doesn’t work is when the other person expects the overextension.  If a person chooses to overextend but knows that is what she is doing then she is acting from a balanced and mindful state that allows her to be living more healthfully.  It is when a person is taking actions unconsciously, in habit, from a misunderstood belief that lack of health occurs.

The action of making a change for the better, of Turning over a new leaf, requires the mindful action of reviewing and turning over the belief underneath the undesirable or difficult action, mindful paradigm shifting.

Your actions and thinkings are linked and together define how you see the world and how you act in the world.

If the world seems bleak or you are in a habit of acting in a way that does not serve you, doesn’t bring you joy, and you want to change,  first look to the underlying beliefs that guide your behavior.

A simple technique is to get two pieces of paper and cut these into the shape of two large leaves.

On the top of the first leaf write the feelings that are bothering you, the habits you feel are destructive or not healthy that you want to change.  Then turn over that first leaf and write what beliefs drive those habits.  These will be deep inner feelings about yourself and your self in relationship.  Issues of lovability, survival, fear, and loss are strong motivators for actions.

On top of the second leaf – the new leaf – write down changed actions – how you want to act in the world.  Then turn over the second leaf and write down the opposite belief of the information on the first leaf ( so if you had written I am unlovable then here you would write I am lovable).  The simple action of righting the belief will give you greater strength to change your behavior.

With this task you have created a path to change,  turn over a new leaf and begin to live in a way that is more in-line with your true self.  To further solidify this path you can write down a set of actions you are going to take to realign your actions with your true beliefs.

In the example above, she would discuss her feelings of overextension and being taken for granted with her friends and family.  She would define different ways to both be helpful and identify what is too much.  Then she would have to catch herself when she was acting habitually or automatically, rather than mindfully, to overextend.  This would take some adjustment.  In time her inner sense of balance and self-confidence would grow and she would feel more connected to the people around her.

Effective change happens when beliefs and actions are in balance.  It is an act of mindfulness, with a focus on congruency and balance.

I see a pile of new leaves blowing in the wind.  The seeds of change.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

Anxiety can feel like an internal restlessness, an irritability, a desire to avoid something and a need to distract yourself from what is in your senses, emotions,  mind, and thoughts.  It splits your focus and your energy.

This can be a conscious set of activities or an unconscious one.  It can look to another as if you are distracted, bored, inattentive, irritable, disagreeable and sometimes hyperactive.  Due to this, anxiety in children can be confused with ADD and when hyperactivity is present treated with a number od different medications.  For individuals wanting to keep their children free of medications I encourage you to look at how to decrease your child’s anxiety or stress reactions through structure, compassion development of mindfulness activities and meditation.

Attention is a combination of focus, interest, and energy.  There are neural pathways involved in attention that incorporate emotion (interest, focus, and energy)  the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and the hippocampus.  The frontal and parietal lobes assist with memory, attention, and behavior.  These pathways can be excited by overuse, overstimulation, and create problems with mediating fearful, anxiety provoking situations.  Some of these fearful states can be as simple as test anxiety, anxiety in social situations,  and intense worry in young children who are sensitive.

Gestalt looks at this anxious activity as a way to keep yourself out of a present moment state and uses various techniques to get you into the present.  For the most part, much of Gestalt therapy is the development and use of mindfulness.

Anxiety defined in Gestalt therapy is having your attention focused in the past or the future, with rumination about what has happened in a circulatory way or what might happen, what if, in a circulatory way.  These actions keep a person out of the present where he has actual power to make decisions and take actions. These actions are distracting and in general the person looks unfocused, bored, inattentive, restless, and defiant.  Mindfulness and meditation are present moment activities that help to quell anxiety and refocus the person’s attention.

Actions and connections in the brain happen quickly and sometimes an individual may not be aware of feeling anxious - they may feel irritable, restless, or bored but not know the etiology of their feelings.  When this happens with children, teachers and parents often respond by being more firm providing consequences for the inattention – if the lack of focus is related to anxiety then this normal response from parents or teachers can exacerbate the problem within the child and increase his anxiety resulting in more negative behavior on the part of the child.

Creating space for downtime, lengthening transition time, attending to the child’s physical stressors of sleep, nourishment (both physical and emotional) and exercise ( lack of or too much), and teaching mindfulness and meditation tools to your child are your best antidotes to anxiety and inattention.

This is true whether the underlying issue is social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder or hyperactivity.  Structure, connection, mindfulness, and meditation all allow the child to move into the center of his world so that he can increase his internal sense of power and see from a neutral perspective.  This moves your child into a present moment so that it is virtually impossible to feel anxiety since anxiety is connected to past- or future-time concerns.  It increases the down cycle of your child’s brain so that he can incorporate new learning and integrate old information with new information – the required cycling of the brain is intense focus and down cycling for incorporation.

1.  Set up a routine for sleep, rest, exercise, and nourishment that is reasonable for your child and predictable.

2.  When transitioning from play to work wakefulness to sleep – (and vice versa), and intense activities make sure you create 20 to 30 minutes of transition time – longer when the next activity is anxiety provoking for your child.

3. Know your child.  Educate yourself on the specific symptoms your child has developed to telegraph his anxiety.  Educate him on these too.

4.  Develop specific strategies for your child to use to manage his anxiety when he notices one of his triggers or symptoms.  I.E.:  focused breathing, visualization techniques, journaling to release fears and increase opportunities for reality testing (paradigm or perspective shifting), meditation, mindfulness, and changing his environment to shift his energy.

5.  Engage other caregivers to assist your child in utilizing these strategies.

6.  Maintain clear boundaries with fair and loving, compassionate consequences.

If you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADD and is being treated with medication but still has attentional issues it may be that the medication is assisting your child with his anxiety through the “frontal lobe putting ‘reins’ on the amygdala…”  This is only covering the possible underlying etiology of the inattentive behavior and under stressful circumstances your child’s anxiety and negative behavior will recur.  According to Srini Pillay a psychiatrist and author of  Life Unlocked:  7 Revolutionary Lessons to Overcome Fear (2010).  He suggests:

1. Ask yourself: If anxiety were the culprit, what would the reason be?
2. Have you tucked away any fears that you don’t know how to deal with?
3. Do you avoid situations to avoid anxiety?
4. Are you “tolerating” anything in your life, and if so, what?
5. What are your greatest unfulfilled desires and how could your dissatisfaction about this be impacting you?

If you write down brief answers to these questions, you will be well on your way to understanding the possible unconscious anxiety in your brain. If you work with a professional, ask them about his, and check to see if treating the anxiety restores your attention. Exploring this possibility in the longer term is usually what helps people find a way to deal with the anxiety. Remember, anxiety is really just “electrical energy” gone haywire in your brain. The best way to deal with random electrical energy is to make sure you are “grounded” and to make sure that there is an appropriate channel through which it can flow.

It may well be that your attention deficit disorder is actually an anxiety excess disorder. Consider this carefully before deciding on your strategy. Taking a little extra time to explore this may be worth the wait.  Srini Pillay  (2010)

Emotion, memory, attention and experience are all interconnected.

Mindfulness, meditation, and structuring your life to allow for physical and emotional nourishment, and the natural cycle of stimulus and downtime for integration will assist you and your child to deal with the complexities and stressors in life that can cause anxiety and a lack of focus.

These suggestions are helpful for adults and children struggling with inattention, distraction, lack of motivation, and moodiness that may be indicative of internal anxiety.

Practicing mindfulness, meditation, compassionate, neutral paradigm shifting to access an internal centeredness allows you to create balance within so that your response to your environment can be balanced.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

When there is an upheaval in your environment you get an opportunity to re-evaluate your perspective, your beliefs, and the values on what you base your life and actions.

You get an opportunity to re-set your core values – your inner guidance system.  Just as your senses are your internal emotional guidance system to know when a boundary s being crossed, so are your core values your internal spiritual guidance system to set your course through your life.

When your life is bombarded by a set of upheavals or changes you are given an opportunity to reset your life course, your choices in how you move through and act in your own life.

Upheaval and change can be a profoundly freeing and joyous time.  In every element it is like a new birth and new commitment to yourself and your goals.

Spiritual connection is paramount.  This does not have to be a specific belief in God or a religion.  Although having the structure, ritual and connection of a set belief is useful for some for others it can be a barrier, so opening your heart to a source connection without getting hung up on a name or structure that is limiting is best.  It may simply be a knowing  that there is a fabric, an underlining, underpinning thread that connects all beings, one to another, and that your life is guided by some abiding principle of love and light and joy.

Intense and shocking upheaval can be debilitating if the fear of change is too strong.  This is especially true when the upheaval is in the area of health or relationship, or in some way in which you feel your capacity for survival is challenged.  If you are being challenged by a loss of how you usually deal with things or if you are receiving sensory feedback that you must change your style of being in the world – you can feel very vulnerable and alone.

An example of the latter is if you have been struck by a debilitating illness that can only be treated with a complete change in how you handle stress.  Many auto-immune disorders are like this.  They are exacerbated by stress and imbalance of spirit, mind, and body.  Continued physical and emotional stress to your body and attempts to control that which is out of your control will result in further injury to  your body.  You can become physically debilitated.  You would have  to relearn how to be in the world.  This is frightening, shocking and resistance is often the first response.   Stress and lack of balance cause dis-ease in emotions and thoughts, and disease in the body.  So although the precursor event was long, enduring, and insidious the appearance of the disease feels like a shock.

Another example that manifests as a shock is a change within yourself about how you want to relate to those around you.  Perhaps you have discovered that you give away your energy in order to facilitate a sense of intimacy and survival but in reality you feel alone and disconnected.  You may have discovered a system of behavior wherein you are a caregiver for many others but have little exchange so that all your energy is going out.  This is another example of a longstanding insidious belief system misconnected to a core value of giving and compassion that has left you with an internal emptiness and illness.  The sense of emptiness and illness are the shocking, arousing experience.

In order to assist your spiritual development and manifestation of balance you can use mindfulness and meditation to review earlier events and current events from a neutral perspective.  This allows for a renewed perspective that allows you to reset your core values to your current behavior, actions, and thoughts to create Joy and Health.  In fact, mindfulness, meditation, and neutrality are essential in order to resist the sinking into the abyss of fear or despair under these circumstances and to rebuild your inner core strength.

The I Ching, a profoundly spiritual, Confucian-based text describes the underlining component of  upheaval in hexagram 51, Chen, The Arousing, (shock,thunder) as a time when one is enlightened and sustained by his knowledge of God.  And this sustains him and leads him to success.

The shock that comes from the manifestation of God within the depths of the earth makes man afraid, but this fear of God is good, for joy and merriment can follow upon it.  

When a man has learned within his heart what fear and trembling mean, he is safeguarded against any terror produced by outside influences. Let the thunder roll and spread terror a hundred miles around:  he remains so composed and reverent in spirit that the sacrificed rite is not interrupted.  This is the spirit that must animate leaders and rulers of men – a profound inner seriousness from which all outer terrors glance off harmlessly. 

The shock of continuing thunder brings fear and trembling.  The superior man is always filled with reverence at the manifestation of God; he sets his life in order and searches his heart,lest it harbor any secret opposition to the will of God.  Thus reverence is the foundation of true culture.

It is a profoundly compassionate and reverent passage and brings to the fore the importance of spirit in the life of a successful person.  Success here is a sense of joyful, balanced, purposeful action that creates wellness in action and experience.  the text is meant to be used by leaders and individuals in powerful positions so that they may deal with the complexities of life and leadership in a profoundly compassionate, directed, focused, balanced way to protect guide and create prosperity for the community.

The concept of God is not commonly discussed in this treatise.  In Confucian beliefs, there is a predominance of communication about energy following a course of increase and decrease and that is the way of the universe.  Yet here it is a central theme and identified as the preeminent focus for internal strength in times of crisis and strategy.  This indicates to me that source energy is personal and private and of great importance in our internal guidance system.

The methods of mindfulness, prayer, and meditation are the best avenues for discovering and maintaining a connection to source.

Practicing these methods will assist you in developing a strong positive connection to source so that when you are faced with an upheaval that is shocking you can utilise these techniques to redirect your life and create Joy and Health.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

The concept of evolving ones consciousness in an intentional, distinct, and proactive method is what therapy offers from my perspective.

And doing this process can shift your spiritual consciousness to perceive the balance of spirit, mind, and body brings about the highest degree of health, prosperity and love.

The multi-level shift in consciousness allows for you to align your actions, behaviors and statements to your inner and uncensored values.

As you become aware of your feelings, your paradigms, your values and your actions you may have the opportunity to evolve your consciousness, shift your perceptions and your actions, so that in essence you are living in a completely different world.  The issue of awareness is subtle and profound.  It is not simply awareness on a sensory level but also cognitively and mindfully.

Our consciousness is our awareness on a physical wakefulness arena as well as our multilevel understanding of time and space the concept of dimensions.  Individuals who are able to have a consciousness of information or events in a time prior to them occurring are living in a dimension that includes time on a continuum; 4th, 5th or 6th dimensional awareness is another type of consciousness.

Alignment means acting or speaking in ways that portray your spiritual, moral, and perceptual values.  Sometimes called core values.

So when you are developing your mindfulness, and applying this to your actions, thinkings, and perceptions you are actually shifting your consciousness.  You are changing your perceptual world both subjectively and objectively, as well as changing how you interact with your environment and the people with whom you relate.

This is an evolution of consciousness that takes the form of a spiral inner and then outer.  First you observe a shift, then you internalize this observation, and then instantaneously you feel an internal shift that guides your outer movements and behavior.

Visualization and mindful meditation are effective tools to elucidate your core values.  These also are excellent tools to begin to create new patterns in how you relate in the world.

A visualization is a type of meditation that incorporates an inner picture of what you are either trying to shift or to create.  You begin the visualization process by going into a light meditative and peaceful state.

Using your breath you can consciously calm and balance your conscious awareness and being. Remember when you begin a meditation you want to make your inhalations shorter than your exhalations. Breathing in for a count of five and then breathing our for a count of seven is a good start.  The visualization part is what you see on the inner plane; what you put your attention to in a visual way; like seeing a beach or a special scene of some sort.

To use a visualization to shift your perspective you may use the internal feeling you get from viewing a picture of someone with whom you have a supportive, compassionate, forgiving and loving relationship to shift your experience of another negative, difficult person or  situation.

Firs, gaze upon the face of the one with whom you have the positive internal feelings, and sensory awareness.  Once, you are firmly experiencing this individual’s love and kindness you can replace the image with the problem person or situation.  The loving feeling or sensory experience from the first person can elicit a feeling of compassion, lovingkindness or forgiveness in you so that you can see the other from a different perspective.  The will allow you to have a shift in our consciousness of that person so that you can more effectively and less harmfully (personally) deal with that person or situation.

Another nice way to use visualization is to picture the shift in the person or situation; for example if you are feeling unheard by another you can go into a meditative state and picture the other person listening to you.  This helps to clear the negative imbalance around the event.  If you are feeling lost you can use the visualization to experience finding your way.

This turning the problem upside down offers a paradigm shift and the viewing of the change offers a change within your sensory experience and consciousness.

Visualization and mindful meditation offer effective strategies for shifting your awareness and evolving your consciousness.

These are intentional, distinct, and proactive method self-directed methods for releasing trauma,  shifting paradigms, and smoothing out habitual reactions.  is what therapy offers from my perspective.  These processes can shift your spiritual consciousness and increase sense of oneness and connection to others and our environment in a positive, way.

This shift in consciousness allows for you to align your actions, behaviors and statements to your inner core values;  shifting your perceptions and your actions, so that in essence you are living in a completely different world.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

So I have been thinking about how consciousness, phenomenology, mindfulness, and paradigm shifting interface.

Through phenomenology, awareness, and mindfulness, paradigms become identified and can shift.  This shifting shifts our perspective and awareness as well as how we feel about something.  As perspective shifts ones feelings about a situation shifts and as our feelings shift our perspective shifts – so that each can affect the other.

Consciousness then shifts through this process – our consciousness as related to our awareness.  This is a multilevel event.  So that as we become aware of our feelings, our paradigms, our values and our actions we may have the opportunity to evolve our consciousness – shift our perceptions and our actions.  The issue of awareness is subtle and profound.  It is not simply awareness on a sensory level but also cognitively and mindfully.

So when you are developing your mindfulness, and applying this to your actions, thinkings, and perceptions you are actually shifting your consciousness.  You are changing your perceptual world both subjectively and objectively.

This is an evolution of consciousness that takes the form of a spiral inner and then outer.  First you observe a shift, then you internalize this observation, and then instantaneously you feel an internal shift that guides your outer movements and behavior.

So if consciousness is defined this way:

Consciousness  a noun, is defined as 1.  The state or condition of being conscious.  2.  A sense of one’s personal or collective identity, including the attitudes, beliefs, and sensitivities held by or considered characteristic of an individual or group: Love of freedom runs deep in the national consciousness.  3.  Special awareness or sensitivity: class consciousness; race consciousness.  4.  Alertness to or concern for a particular issue or situation: a movement aimed at raising the general public’s consciousness of social injustice.  And 5.  In psychoanalysis, the conscious

Or from Wikipedia this way:

Consciousness is a term that refers to the inter-relationship between the mind the world with which it interacts; awareness that is subjective in nature, a sense of selfhood; the ability to feel or experience wakefulness, and the executive control system of the mind.  The origin of the modern concept of consciousness is often attributed to John Locke’s Essay Concerning Human Understanding – (Locke, 1960).  Locke defined consciousness as “the perception of what passes in a man’s own mind.

The literary author William James is usually credited with popularizing the idea that human consciousness flows like a stream, in his Principles of Psychology (1890). According to James, the “stream of thought” is governed by five characteristics: “(1) Every thought tends to be part of a personal consciousness. (2) Within each personal consciousness thought is always changing. (3) Within each personal consciousness thought is sensibly continuous. (4) It always appears to deal with objects independent of itself. (5) It is interested in some parts of these objects to the exclusion of others”.

A similar concept appears in Buddhist philosophy, expressed by the Sanskrit term Citta-saṃtāna, which is usually translated as mindstream or “mental continuum”. In the Buddhist view, though, the “mindstream” is viewed primarily as a source of noise that distracts attention from a changeless underlying reality.

For our purposes the mindtream is anything that is ongoing as in consciousness attention or awareness.

Stream of consciousness writing offers the experience of being within the person’s perception of events – in his mind or thoughts.  In psychological counseling this type of journaling allows a person to see or review how he experiences another or a situation and recognize habitual reactions that are not useful.  It is a form of writing meditation that allows for a shift in perspective or an internal paradigm shift.

And phenomenology is defined:

Phenomenology is a method of inquiry that attempts to examine the structure of consciousness in its own right, putting aside problems regarding the relationship of consciousness to the physical world. This approach was first proposed by the philosopher Edmund Husserl, and later elaborated by other philosophers and scientists.  Husserl’s original concept gave rise to two distinct lines of inquiry, in philosophy and psychology. From a philosophical perspective phenomenology has largely been devoted to fundamental metaphysical questions, such as the nature of intentionality (“aboutness”). From a psychological perspective, phenomenology largely has meant attempting to investigate consciousness using the method of looking inward or introspection;  looking into one’s own mind and reporting what one observes. This method fell into disrepute in the early twentieth century because of grave doubts about its reliability.

The methods of phenomenology are simply a type of mindful meditation.  Very useful in reviewing one’s behavior and what causes one to act in a specific way.

Then it is through these processes that we develop our sense of self, time, place in the world, goals, and success/failures.  The idea of mindfulness then is using these processes to assist you in your own internal development to meet external goals and aspirations which change as you focus your mindfulness, incorporate shifting paradigms, and respond to the world in the present moment.

Despite the large amount of information available, the most important aspects of perception remain mysterious. A great deal is known about low-level signal processing in sensory systems, but the ways by which sensory systems interact with each other, with “executive” systems in the frontal cortex, and with the language system are very incompletely understood. At a deeper level, there are still basic conceptual issues that remain unresolved.

Mindfulness is about working with the energy of your perspective and then shifting that perspective to see anew.  It can have this universal quality wherein the individual becomes increasingly interconnected in his or her understanding of others.  Through this it can lead to what the Buddhists refer to as the One.  That what we do to others we do to ourselves; that other and self are not divisible and so that 2 plus 2 equal not 4 but One.

The evolution of ones own consciousness is about shifting not only your perspective but how you perceive and enact your values.

This is a powerful thing.

If consciousness can evolve, then this evolution can be effected through meditation and mindfulness.

How to do this and what shifts your perception and leads to the evolution of consciousness?  More to come in Evolution of Consciousness II.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

I have been considering what it means to be a leader.  Leadership is about having the ability to see and know the answer and be able to communicate the solution to a problem.

It is also about power and energy.

There are positive leaders who negotiate power from an interior source and there are negative leaders who negotiate power from an exterior source.

When you can ascertain a solution quickly, you feel an internal sense of ‘rightness”, and can communicate it efficiently – then you have power for others to listen to you, and you will be able to be a positive leader.

It is not the leadership in and of itself that will result in success or well-being.  Leading toward something of value is a key component to making a difference in a way that is seen as a positive leader – this is the energetic component of leadership and power.  Negative leaders have lost their internal sense of bliss and joy and are focused on the enticing allure of power in and of itself.

We all can remember a leader in our childhood who, had power, quick thinking and a powerful style of motivating the group; but only some of those individuals focused their energy onto a meaningful and successful path.  Some got lost in the effervescence of power itself.  Their charm and ease in directing the group made it so they lost their way and got caught up in the power – like a swirl of rapid that just circles around and in on a rock rather than moving the water down the river.

This stuck energy can be hypnotizing  It circles and feels so strong that one doesn’t notice they aren’t actually going anywhere, just circling in this feeling of power with no result or movement toward a goal. Individual’s caught in this find that others move on and they are stuck in the same position.  Much like a leaf caught in a swirl rapid around a great boulder in the river, swirling forever in the same place with great force and energy but getting nowhere.

How to get out of such a situation?

First, it’s important to recognize your circumstance.

Second, you have to focus your energy to not follow the current and truly shift your energy and focus.  When you’re stuck the best way out is like jumping the curve.  And the most effective way to do that is to discern your inner and undeniable bliss – if that is what you follow rather than that feeling of power then you will shift the current such that you can be guided out of the whirlpool and into the true current of life and life energy.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls – Joseph Campbell.

If you have been acting and behaving in ways to gain power but are pulling yourself away from your central sense of joy then you are not following your bliss.  You may be caring for others and giving energy to many in a sense of obligation and love but you may have incorrectly identified that your goal was to give away your power in this way to feel powerful.  This will ultimately deplete you, tie the other to you as they think they need you to survive, and create a whirlpool of energy that disallows true movement along the river of energy and life.

How can you ascertain this is what is happening?

Are you energized or depleted in your energy?  Does your energy fall deeply and do you feel exhausted when you receive disapproval?  Do you feel you rarely have time to focus on your own goals and are you often feeling pulled away when you do focus on your goals?  Do you feel that you are not the guide of your own path?

The first question is one of the most important questions.  This lack of energy, a sense of depletion, exhaustion, depression, and inner sadness or loss can indicate a long-standing focus away from your internal sense of bliss.

How to find you bliss.  Seems funny but some people have lost their internal knowing of bliss.  They don’t know or remember what brings them joy.  They are focused without instead of within.  The answer is to go within, to be still, to listen, to observe and pay attention to energy.  When your energy wanes you are moving away from your bliss – when your energy swells and grows you are moving toward or with your bliss, allowing it to guide you.

So to get out of the whirlpool of swirling circular energy that simply depletes you – you need to first identify your circumstance.  Observe what brings you energy and what depletes you.  Identify the activities that increase your internal sense of well-being and inner joy.  Then once you notice these patterns begin to adjust your life course so that what guides you is your bliss.  This may be identified as a single activity or a more diverse set of connected activities.  These will have some value and internal connection within you and they will increase your sense of vitality.

Once you have discerned this then you can begin to redirect your energy and behavior so that you are led by your bliss and in turn lead others in the direction of well-being and their bliss.

For some their response to your changes will be negative and fearful.  This is simply a fear based response because they have not yet connected to their bliss. Kindly, gently redirect them away from feeding off your energy.  Encourage them to discern their circumstance and find their inner bliss.

Following your bliss opens your world to so many beautiful opportunities, it increases your energy, and brings joy and well-being to yourself and those you love.  It is the way of mindful, loving leadership toward fulfillment, success, and peace.  It is empowering and powerful in the most enlightening way.

In bliss….love and light…

See you tomorrow.

Beth

One of the biggest impediments to having a healthy meaningful relationship is an unequal distribution of power between the parties.  It can set up an undercurrent of resentment and power plays that inhibit trust and intimacy.

The way in which power is measured in relationship varies.  In marriages, money and decision-making on how it is spent, sex and how leisure time is distributed, and feeling a sense of collaboration or division of tasks are all areas of power distribution.  Even how a relationship proceeds has to do with an agreement on how power is shared in the relationship.  These features and equations, in general, determine how power is divided and determines the power differential.  Some of these issues can be applied to work partnerships and friendships.

If the differential is too great or not consistent with internal expectations there will be conflict and strife that could upset the continuity, fiber, and longevity of the relationship.

When talking about power the definition has to do with an internal sense of empowerment in the style and course of the relationship as well as the capacity to get done that which the individual feels is necessary or important to the relationship and/or individual.  This includes an internally consistent picture of self by the other.  In other words if I perceive myself to be talented and strong and my partner treats me in a fashion that exhibits that his picture of me is that I am talented and strong – then that is an internally consistent picture of self by the other.

A sense of feeling empowered would consist of a sense of joy, contentment, and strength; together this would feel like a sense of inner control.  In this instance the person would experience  that his values are valued by his partner and that he has the ability to direct his life accordingly.  A sense of feeling unempowered or disempowered would consist of a sense of disillusionment and a lack of inner control.  In this instance the person would experience that her values are not valued by her partner and that she does not have the ability to direct her own life.

In the former situation relationship struggles are dealt with in a fairly direct and above-board fashion allowing various opinions to be identified and discussed and a reasonable negotiation to be found.  Both parties would offer honest and clear information and have rather full disclosure of their wants and needs.  The outcomes to these conversations would be supportive to both parties’ needs further increasing the internal sense of control for both parties.  Energy toward change would be dealt with proactively.  Even difficult discussions would be confronted in an honest and compassionate way.

In the latter scenario above there would be a less honest set of disclosures with ever decreasing identification of problems outwardly.  Actions might be taken passively and in an under-cover way so that issues would not be dealt with directly.  There would be a tone of reactivity and defensiveness.  In this scenario there would also be an internally inconsistent picture of self by other.  This is an example of a power differential that is out of balance.

Listening to the language style, tone, and word choice between partners can give you clues to the power differential and if the differential is in balance or not.

A dearth or paucity of conversation and interaction can indicate an imbalance.  This is especially true if it appears that one member is initiating contact and this initiation is met with silence or if the lack of connection appears to be one-sided.  Other signs of an imbalance is a sense of defensiveness or reactivity in tone or word choice, bickering or side-talking without resolution.

If you notice that you are in a relationship that is out of balance look for ways to right the balance.

Observe where you feel resentment or you hear resentment from your partner.  Try to slow down your interaction and compassionately confront the silence or resentment.  Work with the words, tone, or silence lightly, directly and with an earnest interest in learning from your partner.

If the resentment or defensiveness is within you – try to discern what the original driver of the feeling was – could it be a longstanding feeling of unimportance or lack of power or a single incident that has injured you in some way.  Think of what you need to feel whole again – and then gently ask for that.  Try to encourage your partner to reconnect with you on this deeper more loving level.

Try to remember what brought you into partnership and see if you can rekindle the lightness and love.

If what you discover is that you have lost that sense of lightness than try to move to a neutral place so that you can leave the relationship without further injuring the other or yourself.

Power is one of the core issues of development.  All injuries go to power and all successes are related to power.  How you relate to power and how you create a balance of power in relationship is directly connected to the level of joy contentment and strength of that relationship.  Begin with your personal relationship with power within yourself.

Review the power differential in your relationship and how power is distributed – consider how this situation has evolved.  If you discover that you want a different power differential but you want to maintain your connection to your partner then gently discuss the changes you seek to create increased balance.

Balance is the key; clarify for yourself first and then with your partner what you desire and what you want to discard this opens the door to balancing the power differential in relationship.

See you tomorrow.

Beth

I’ve been thinking about how to shift the energy of a negative situation so that it will help and not hurt.  I have noticed that many of the internal beliefs that are inaccurate come from an interpretation that leads to hurt, or to an involution, so that energy is directed inward to cover over the hurt.

This inward direction is like a misdirection and can create a distortion to the overall development of that person’s personality.  The result is a person who develops as if they are missing something; there is a truncation to the person’s personality.  Reconnecting to ones joy through re-evaluation of the etiology, or roots,  of the belief can help to right the interpretation and bring joy.

Anthony Robbins says to ask the question, What’s great about that?, when faced with a difficult circumstance.  I think that can be used to re-interpret misbeliefs.

Find a place inside where there is joy and the joy will burn out the pain – Joseph Campbell.  The best way to do that is to look with a compassionate heart.

Together these ideas can be used to shift negative situations.  Sometimes the process can be applied in the present to a present moment situation so that a misbelief can be avoided.  Other times it can be applied to an old situation for transformation, like getting rid of the ghosts from the past.

One of the most difficult things I have a had to deal with in my life was a longstanding injury from high school.  In junior high school I was an outgoing and adventurous girl.  I had strong opinions that I was happy to share through monologue and debate, and didn’t seem to be negatively affected by conflicting opinions.  Often I would investigate and find out more information to strengthen my perspective.

My personality changed dramatically in high school not because of hormones but because of a longstanding irrepressible bullying experience I endured.  This had such a deep effect that I set aside my original focus in career from adventurous, outgoing, risk-taker to inward focus, observant, ever-helpful-to-others therapist.  My self-confidence waned and I became unsure of myself and tentative.   My joyous, outgoing, trusting nature turned to hyper-vigilance and timidity.

The way this happened was subtle and occurred over a period of time.  And I can see now the separate moments wherein I shifted my energy.  Because my tenaciousness and love of learning remained strong it was the focus of the study that shifted rather than a depression that left me unable to focus at all.

I seemed to instinctively shift the focus of that learning.

I turned my attention to existential and psycho-therapeutic models to assuage my pain.  In doing so I increased my understanding of how groups and people in groups worked.  I increased my understanding of mind and mindful processes.  This brought me first to center my focus on therapy and then to search out a way of being in the world that included a focus on compassion.  And in the many years that separate me from that time I have evolved again into the joyous person I once was.  But the circuit was a long road filled with many diversions, difficult transitions, and unhappy times.

I understand now that I was a target precisely because of my joie de vive; my alive and vibrant personality, my lovely good looks, and strong curvy figure which I lightly moved with ease.  These things, all attractive and good qualities, were precisely what this girl-collective was trying to destroy.

This was probably less personal than it felt to me as the girls in the clique barely knew me.  I think this targeting behavior is a natural process in social groups and description of how energy moves.  From a sociological perspective there is a natural order of things to be in line and homogeneous and my behavior was outside the norm.  Simply by existing in that alive form I had irritated their interior power issues and insecurities and so from this sociological perspective I had brought this upon myself.  I gave away my power to them through my fear and my deep desire to be liked.

The resultant shift within me occurred due to several factors.  There was no source near me to assist me through this process to help me realign or remain aligned to my true inner voice of truth and reason.

I wanted to be liked and accepted and to fit in – and I interpreted that being this alive, joie de vive character set me apart and made me a target.  In order to feel accepted or fit in I distorted my personality. My response was to negate these lovely characteristics.  They were pushed in and under and an unassuming, intellectual, girl developed into womanhood.  This gave me a way to be strong but not be threatening to the girl-group.  I took to covering my lovely figure with baggy clothes and keeping my voice quiet, listening and assisting others in their growth with little overt focus on myself.  I studied and developed my mind, and body in quiet unassuming ways.

I deflected that earlier strength and adventure to risk-taking on the behalf of others.

These actions on my part were a distortion of my personality in reaction to my internal fear.  I covered over my true self in exchange for feeling like I might be safe from attack.  Unfortunately, these kinds of exchanges leave marks on a person’s interior sense of self.   I made that joie de vive invisible.  I found a degree of peace, but lived afraid to be myself, in a truncated self, always feeling a bit outside the group.  The resolution to the conflict shifted the exterior but I felt the conflict on the interior plane.

This experience has made me a better therapist, a better writer, a better observer of human behavior and a wiser person.  It was a gift.

Applying mindfulness and compassion to the whole of my experience has opened the door to my earlier youthful joy.  It has freed me to feel the joy of my core joie de vive as well as the strength of how I turned my struggle into a place to thrive.  In linking these two together, I have rediscovered my true full self.  I am less afraid to feel beautiful, strong, lithe and powerful.  I once again allow my inner joy to be my guide.  Through this I have a better understanding of my pain and the pain of my tormentors.   It is quite freeing and enlivening.

Sometimes the aging faces of one of those ghosts from my high school years pops up on the pages of Facebook.  I can feel that my pain has been released because although I feel sadness at their image I feel it less for myself than for the pain I see marked on their faces.   I no longer freeze in fear and confusion.

As described by Joseph Campbell, my pain is burned away by the light of my truth and joy in my true being.  It feels like a miracle, a gift, and a happy lesson I pass on to my beloved children.

There is a saying that God gives you the face you are born with but the face of middle age is your creation.  I think this relates to the way that our choices play out in how we age.  Stress, fear, and struggle show lines on our face and shape our bodies into restricted, sinewy or puffy forms.  Joy, contentment and interior peace show up on our faces in soft and enlightened lines and soft, graceful or flexible, strong physical forms.

If you look at the paintings of Jesus and the Buddha these images of love and light show through.  It is an unconscious reckoning that the interior can show through in the exterior form.  There is a concept in Chinese medicine:  Through observation of the exterior you can know what is happening in the interior.

If you observe lines on your face that seem stern and unrelenting look for what may be unresolved within your psychological, and mindful process and apply compassion to shift the energy.

If you feel there is something missing in how you relate to the world go on an internal journey to see if you have left something of yourself in the past or are being troubled by ghosts from your childhood.  Remember to connect with joy and compassion as you review these.

If you notice a subtle but ongoing shift in your child’s personality from joyous and alive to more serious and introspective see if you can encourage him to share with you what may be going on with him.

The more that we apply compassion to how we view our and other’s actions the more we can be free to be our true selves.

See you tomorrow.

Beth