InstinctiveHealthParenting4U

Change your Attitude, Heal your Soul, Balance your Life. Uplevel YOUR consciousness. Find your way HOME through MAAPS.


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Shed your old skin, Create a New YOU

As you develop through your life you emphasize and de-emphasize different aspects of who you ARE – your multi-layer-self.

Your multi-layer-self is comprised of your spiritual, emotional/cognitive, physical self.

This is especially true as you move through the decades of your life and it follows a specific course. You get the opportunity to actually grow a new skin, and develop into a fuller more balanced personality or self every ten years or so…

Each decade offers you a new perspective and it gives you a chance to incorporate what you have learned in the past in a whole new way…I think of this as discarding your outgrown old skin and growing a new skin.

In the earliest aspect of your life 0-10 years you are developing the foundation of how you see yourself:  what matters to you and how you want to be connected to those around you.

This is the beginning of your lifelong relationship with how you get what you want and how you make a place for yourself with others… this requires balance.

At first your neediness may be the focus and boundaries are set from an outside source. As you move through this decade you develop internalized boundaries that assist you in managing your needs and the expectations or wants of your group.

If you had injuries, abandonment, deficiencies in how your early environment responded to your needs then you will develop an over-developed dependence on yourself (so rigid boundaries) <the I-style of relationship in MAAPS*> or an over-dependence on others (so enmeshed boundaries) <the me-style of relationship in MAAPS*> .

When this occurs your development in the decades that follow will have a skew toward rigidity, difficulty connecting at a deep level or enmeshment (what some call co-dependence) which also results in a difficulty to connect at a deep level in relationship.

These difficulties look different in relationship but skew out from the same place…inner insecurity and imbalance.

If you had a balanced set of love and discipline in the first ten years of life you will have a basic flexibility in how you manage getting what you want and pleasing those whom you call family and friends.

This grows in depth and breadth throughout the next decades and you will find yourself having the internal strength to focus your life toward goals while simultaneously creating loving relationships.

The decade of 10 – 20 years offers a new level of managing your internal focus and boundaries.  This is biologically a time when relationship outside your family of origin begins to have greater importance. You determine what aspects of your familial groups and group constructs are in alignment with your goals and perspectives of the world and yourself.

This is where you benefit from an early life that included a sense of freedom and boundaries in balance.  When you have this in balance you are flexible in how you negotiate care of yourself and care of others. Additionally, you have a more grounded sense of your assets and limitations which supports you creating goals that are within your reach and goals that promote a sense of positivity and empowerment within you and your community.

If you have somehow skewed off into a me-style or I-style of relationship, then you have to develop inner security, empathy and boundaries.  This is the work of the decades 20-30 and for those of you who are from the 90s and 2000 generation this may incorporate the decade of 30-40.

Here a sense of spirit is good to discuss.

A loss of faith has hit a lot of the millennium generation…loss of faith in elders, in the world at large, even in the purpose of living on the planet.  This has resulted in a sense of being out of balance with the world around them.

In order to reconnect with yourself, in relationship or/and with your community you must reconnect with your sense of spirit.

Try to avoid the trap of hearing religion or god-practice for right now…

Think about the concept of Lovingkindness, embrace the true reality that we are all connected — all human communities, all life beings on the planet…even the planet itself to each of us…and the planets in our universe to our planet and us…

You can find this in reconnecting to your internal sensory guidance system..your 5 + 1 senses …your senses of seeing, tasting, feeling, smelling, hearing and intuition..these are your perfect guides to what path to take.  These are your proof in this interconnectedness and your sense of spirit.

Once you allow your sensory guidance system to chart your course then your relationships become mutually empowering and your faith returns.  By listening and responding to your 5 + 1 senses you create goals that fill you with strength, resilience and joy.  You will naturally use empathy, inner security, and boundaries to map your life.

Here you will be emphasizing both your internal needs and goals and your external group requirements with a sense of unification and faith. in love and light, bg

 

Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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Sometimes, it’s all you can do to stay in the light

Sometimes, it’s all you can do to stay in the light.

There are a lot of challenges to staying positive and feeling grateful.

  • Unexpected shortfalls,
  • friends leaving or hurting you (even unintentionally),
  • delays, (mercury in retrograde),
  • accidents of all kinds…these things can pull you down, and leave you feeling dark, moody, alone, or even fearful.

The best way to deal with this is to make a choice to focus on the positive.

Focus, is attention and intention.  

Put your attention on that thing bringing you down and see if you can shift your perspective;

do a cognitive inversion, a reframe.  

Align your intention to your highest good, SEE HOW the universe is working for you… Looking for How this may be true is the fastest way to shift out of darkness to light.

Your empowerment is not in stopping bad things from happening to you…even the most cautious person must deal with unexpected turns in the road….

Empowerment requires a sense of inner security and an understanding of boundaries.

Your empowerment is HOW you RESPOND to what happens to you.  Remember to have your authentic self be your guide.  Release the need to give other’s power over your inner well-being.

It is though this process of response that you can find your way to joy, again and again.body heals

Life will have ups and downs…but if you are willing to shift your perspective ever to how whatever is going on is IN your BEST interests, that you are on your path to enlightenment…then, it will feel as if you ALWATS have a tailwind, and never a headwind in the journey of life…well except when a headwind is beneficial then you can embrace it.

And remember to find the joy, laughter, and play in all that you encounter..then you will experience ongoing healing and light.in love and light, bg


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How insecurity interferes with getting what you want.

to realizeOne of the coolest aspects of the MAAPS guiding principles of relationship is how easily you can discern what is driving how you behave in relationship.

This is beneficial when HOW you are behaving is interfering with you getting what you want.

MAAPS is an easy way to remember the five guiding security principles of relationship: Money, Achievement, Attachment (Connection), Power, and Structure.

One or more of these are engaged when YOU are driven or compelled to act inauthentically in relationship to create a sense of safety in one of these areas.  And when you are acting under the influence of one or more of these drivers you create immature, and unfulfilling relationships.

In order to shift away from this you have to face your insecurity: You have to tolerate feeling insecure while asking for what you truly need or want in the relationship.

For example: if you fear, or have an insecurity around attachment or feeling connected, you might create yourself as less important than the other person; putting his needs ahead of yours and attempting to get your needs met on the side.

This is a reasonable solution in the short-term, however after a while this will feel as if the other person is taking advantage of you or that your needs are not as important; this can lead to resentment within you and create a crevasse in the foundation of the relationship that may ultimately tear the relationship apart.

An alternative action is to speak about what you are feeling as soon as you identify it is happening.  You may want to do some undercover work with your self to discern what may be underlying the insecurity.  You can look into what decisions you may have made about how you HAD to act to be loved or cared for or to feel SAFE in your early childhood or early relationships.sigmund freud

More often these drivers act under the surface.  You actually are not aware of the influence the insecurity has over your actions.

So here are some clues that you are under the influence of insecurity:

  • you have difficulty co-mingling funds
  • you have difficulty sharing title for achievements
  • you have difficulty being alone or you feel abandoned when you cannot immediately contact your partner
  • you have difficulty receiving assistance from others or you have difficulty when others don’t do what you tell them to do
  • you have difficulty when there is disorganization

Insecurity can be hidden. I know many individuals who on the surface appear strong and confident, yet the insecurity is lurking just beneath the surface.  When left undetected and unresolved, this insecurity can interfere with you getting what you truly want in your personal and career life.

If you notice that you have trouble maintaining healthful and meaningful relationships, investigate whether you have ann insecurity in one of the five guiding security principles in relationship.  Use your compassion, lovingkindness, forgiveness, and mindfulness tools to assist you in releasing the insecurity belief so that you can build inner security and engage in more mutually beneficial relationships.

You can learn more about this in earlier blogs on this site or through the following books.

Remember you have a better chance of getting where you want to go if you have a map…in love and light, many blessings, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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The Art of Partnering with mindfulness: How to get there in 2 easy steps.

The most challenging aspect of relationship is connecting…not when you feel all gooey and lovey, but when you feel hurt, disconnected, or angry…of course that is one of the most important times to connect..

Try these two steps when you are faced with that situation..be kind to unkind people, they need it most

  • Do a cognitive head stand:
    Think of everything you like about that person, whether you feel angry because of something they did or didn’t do or say OR hurt by them in some way,
  • This focuses you on why you want to work out the disconnect and how much you care about him or her… once you do that, you free yourself up from the defensive, fight posture and open yourself up to the connection posture…
  • Hold an image of the person in your mind in that loving space when you begin to discuss the problem…every time you feel his or her negativity, reorient yourself internally – look at that image,
  • That will help you communicate from your heart, you will have to say what is bugging you, but HOW you say it will be what is communicated – the love and connection.

Do these two things and you have a far better chance for success.

It’s not about being right it’s about be with (connecting)…that’s the glue of relationship.

Relationships are dynamic and multi-level.  You come in and out of being in the same space.  Sometimes you are completely in sync and when that happens you flow.  When you feel the stickiness, the flow not flowing, but sticking, then you have to check your perspective and reorient yourself.

It helps to remember what brought you to the relationship in the first place.

This requires you shift out of a right/wrong, defensive perspective and into a clarity of connection.  It requires you disperse and shift defensiveness in to connection.

Defensiveness is a product of feeling attacked.  In most relationships defensiveness is the way in which the fight continues…so if you feel defensive, you can shift out of it through the above two step process.  Defensiveness and competition go hand in hand.

Competition is a wonderful thing.  It is a great way to discern who is the best athlete or competitor of the people who showed up to the event…but in relationship competition can be divisive, and create distance, and resentment.  In relationship individuals are looking to be seen, accepted, and co-create.  There can be a sharing of leadership, and knowledge and teaching.

Collaboration offers the best style of interaction in relationship.  You cannot collaborate when you are vying for proof of rightness.  Collaboration is a byproduct of mindful paradigm shifting.  It allows both parties to share personal perspectives while discovering a centered place where both perspectives meet.

Family and love relationships are the kind of relationships where this is most paramount.

Often it is a phrase, feeling, or style of interacting that creates the defensiveness.

Left over resentments, and injuries must be resolved.  Partners and family members must let go, forgive, reset, if they are going to continue in the relationship.  This is the only way to disperse the defensiveness.  If an injury or resentment is too big to release then you may have come to the end of the line with that relationship.  Release it with love and forgiveness. Discern what is your part and make a lesson of the loss to assist you in future relationships.  Don’t hold on.  Let go.

When you are bound to the injury and resentment and also unwilling to let go of the relationship, you can create a difficult and unpleasant relationship.reflection

Whenever you feel defensive, look to see what is underneath…is it connected to a historical relationship?  Is it connected to an unresolved injury or resentment?  Clarify what is underneath, unearth it and bring it to the surface.  Then use the above two step process to try to resolve the problem with your partner.  If it is unresolvable, allow yourself to release the unforgiveness.  Forgive your partner and yourself; this may result in the dissolution of the relationship but it will create a freeing within you to honestly connect in your future relationships without holding the next person accountable for an unresolved injury. Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014 offers special techniques for releasing unresolved injuries..  

You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through the bethgineris website. Beth’s groundbreaking book Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013), has some great tools about Temperament style and your personal style of partnering, as well as the insecurity Drivers MAAPS.front cover.me2we  Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure).

You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.

One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg


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the space between mindful-breathing and will…staying within the threshold of calm strength

Most of you recognize that the integration of spirit, mind, and body is a multi-level, multi-phase experience. It is dynamic, changing responsively to your inner and outer environment.

Recent events have further elucidated for me the subtleties of this dynamic process.

Participating in a fifty mile race after three weeks on the bike. To my surprise while participating in the long ride, I began to feel unable to continue…my friends encouraged me to use my yogic breath and my experience of inner peace to press on… Ultimately I noticed it was my will that gave me the strength to continue. 

Re-training myself for a distance swim for my first triathlon sprint. During the swim training, I discovered an underlying degree of anxiety that was exacerbated by loss of breath — it projected me right back to an earlier event of almost being choked when I was raped as a teenager.  It was shocking and almost uncontrollable to keep swimming – my body was fighting for life while I could clarify that it was not actually happening, my heartrate ramped up my breath became flat and labored…I couldn’t swim properly…Ultimately in the swim training it was my inner breath and my yogic training that assisted me in calming my fear and re-integrating myself into the now, to release the energy of the rape experience connected to ‘air-hunger’.

Having  endured significant sexual harassment throughout my life, I have made significant efforts, with success, to clear the vestiges of effect from this trauma, and to eradicate the insecurities that could have colored how I interacted in relationship and partnership. This information is further explained in the section on  MAAPS insecurity drivers in my book* Turning Me to We: the Art of Partnering with mindfulness.

These recent events focused how the trauma vestiges can effect your relationship with yourself.

As could be expected, the rape was the most problematic to clear.  It was held within my psychic, emotional, and cognitive memory as well as my physical body.  To this day I have a holding in my upper body that is still reminiscent of the position in which I was pinned down. This is not unusual for individuals who have survived a rape to have these various types of physical changes. I have had success in clearing this to a fairly deep level physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

I have had the great fortune of applying mindfulness, psychotherapy, and forgiveness toward my history of harassment and the rape…as such I have created warm loving non-abusive relationships with my partner and friends.  It is for this reason that I spend so much time training, teaching, and modeling mindfulness and forgiveness as part of a healthy lifestyle individually and in relationships/partnerships.

With this being stated, I was quite surprised by the deep level of fear and anxiety that exhibited in myself during the ride and swim training.   It speaks to the depth of effect in the spirit, body, mind web that is within human consciousness; and how deeply trauma plumbs to the center of one’s being.

Humans are dynamic, multi-dimensional beings.  

The process of clearing trauma can take years and releases in layers.

Trauma for one being may not be traumatic for another.  

Spiritual trauma is the most debilitating, as spirit connects humans to the greater universe of energy.  When spiritual trauma is directly bound with physical trauma, thinking can skew off into a place that could be described as ‘hell on earth’.

Over the years I have noted that individuals who have intense anxiety suffer far more than those around them…because they do not have the peace that comes with centeredness…the peace you experience with centered mindful meditation and breath.

The lesson of this recent athletic training is that each challenge requires an integrated spirt, body, mind response.  And, that balance is affected by the vestiges of previous traumas or incorrect correlations of power.

Human beings are spiritually and willlfully driven.

  • It is your ego*/ will that can pull you through a difficult challenging task– that is where hard work and discipline are kings and queens.
  • And, it is your spiritual inner faith and knowing that is required in other challenges….
  • (ego as defined as the balanced mediator of your personality, mediator between id and superego – see Gineris, Turning Me to WE, The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness, p 186, Rebalancing: Empathy, Ego and Spirit).

The space between mindful breathing and will is the ground where all battles are fought.  This is in a phrase then entirety of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War* * to know yourself, know your enemy, to know when to act and when to be quietly strong as you prepare to act….

  • Staying within the threshold of calm is an act of faith and will. Success requires both dynamically and rhythmically in play.
  • The practice of yoga can teach you this through your use of breath to move through challenges.
  • The practice of mindful meditation can teach you this as you breath yourself into neutrality, compassion and the now.
  • The practice of athletic training can teach you this if you understand the relationship between will and allowing, remaining centered in your integrated spirit, mind and body.

If you struggle with anxiety, use these practices to bring you into a more dynamic and flexible relationship with your will (discipline/Qi) and your faith (spirit/breath/Shen), you will find more peaceful and powerful successes in all you undertake to accomplish. Namaste, in love and light, bg

*http://thejanetloveshow.com/drbethgineris/

**http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_War

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg

 

 


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Change your life in 3 weeks with three easy steps that only take minutes a day

Here are three easy steps to change your life in three weeks — and they only take minutes a day.

  • First, wake up one hour earlier…in the hour do 10 sun salutations.  Leave 30 minutes earlier for your first appointment or check in time;  when you get to your office or place of business– write down the three things you want to accomplish that day.
  • Second, build into your day three ten minute quiet spaces.
  • Third, change all your passwords to phrases that are positively empowering, express gratitude or encouragement.  Every time you have to log into a site, open your computer or pay a bill and you write in your password…stop to breath and repeat the meaningful statement in your head with a sense of strength.

Do this for three weeks and you will have an increase in energy, money, and recognition.

I used this set of changes over the last five years and managed to write three books (almost finished with the fourth)… increase my income doing more of what I really love, healed my relationships in my family of origin and my chosen family…and most importantly increased my own self confidence, positive self perception, and clarified my daily interactions.

I am not the only one who came up with the meaningful password one, check this out for confirmation: http://medium.com/@manicho/7af5d5f28038

Namaste, in love and light, bg

You can find out more at http://www.bethgineris.com.  Even More outlined in Beth’s upcoming book, 6 steps to transcending conflict and elevating consciousness, due out in 2014.  You may participate in seminars to learn these techniques through her website.  This book is the HOW TO companion book to Turning Me to WE: The Art of Partnering with Mindfulness(2013).front cover.me2we Discover where you are in the Temperament and  the MAAPS section.  You can see how you see the world, and whether you have an attachment that is creating problems in your relationships.  MAAPS will help you to discern your insecurities and understand how and what underlies how you developed your insecurity driver (Money,  Achievement,  Attachment, Power,  Structure). You can find ways to simply connect to yourself in a loving forgiving way through theTurning No to ON: The Art of Parenting with Mindfulness Book (2011). beth's book No to ONIf you want to change your life, see how you can bring mindfulness to your parenting and relationships.  One being at a time you can elevate the way in which you treat one another and elevate the consciousness on the planet so that equality, balance, and freedom BEcome the norm for all.  in love and light, bg

 

 


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Energy, Breath, and Balance

instinctivehealthparenting4u:

Breath invites opportunities to reset your multilevel spirt-physical system so that you can act mindfully in the present moment… discover ways you can use your senses of sound, smell, and breath to shift yourself into balance. in love and light, bg

Originally posted on InstinctiveHealthParenting4U :

Ever enter a space and all of a sudden feel angry or sad?

Or have you noticed that when you are feeling depressed you start to feel physically sick?

In Chinese Medicine Qi (chi) follows Shen.   Qi is vital life force energy in Chinese Medicine.  Shen is the most insubstantial of energies and represents the energy of spirit. Shen is an energy that is more insubstantial than Qi.

If Shen – spirit goes out of balance it follows that Qi will go out of balance and this can then lead to physical disease.  Emotional instability can lead to an imbalance in the movement of Qi which may result in some physical disturbance.

As an example, what happens while in-utero can have effects on the development of a child in his early years.  Medically we know that early nutritional issues or the introduction of drugs in-utero can affect the…

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